3
Shape of…Boobus americanus! Form of…a lickspittle!
Striking the bottom of the barrel and breaking straight through, we dig furiously downward, through crystal caverns inhabited by Morlocks, tunneling past the skeletal remains of a pith-helmeted 1887 National Geographic expedition, shoveling ever-deeper past vast hangars of saucer craft with swastikas painted on the sides — until finally, in dim, Abyssal silence with only 20-foot-tall luminescent fungi to guide our way, we happen across Cody and Chad Janicek. An exciting find!
Cody and Chad are wingnut Wonder Twins, a Mary-Kate and Ashley team of pretty much the lowest level before you bust through to that icy lacuna at the center of the earth where Satan broods, chewing eternally on Judas and the latest dead pope.
Cody and Chad run ‘America’s Conservative Corner,’ JanicekOnline.
While it’s interesting to speculate why low-grade, milk-chinned conservative pundits, like the Romper Room Kids over at NRO, seem so comfortable sitting in self-described ‘corners’; it’s also interesting to think back to one’s own early years as a Reagan-era hardcore punk kid, publishing via handmade Xeroxed samizdat and thinking it was the coolest, most liberating thing in the world.
No doubt Cody and not-Cody, or whatever the lesser of the brothers is called, feel something of that same thrill. And yet, a signal difference is that contemporary wingnut kids like Cody can have a website, a column in the high-school newspaper (Leander High School’s ‘The Roar’), can get cited on the local wingnut talk radio station, KJCE-AM, Austin — and can tap into Fox News, Limbaugh, Hannity, ad infinitim, all blaring across the country in a 24/7 hosanna of GOP yowser-wowserism — while still being all like, ‘Eep! We are but one tiny (yet fierce!) corner of truth and reason, peeping valiantly amidst the liberal wilderness.’ Which is, of course, a con. And back in my era, that kind of grade-grubbing, referee-working, suck-up manuevering would lead not to peer acclaim and opportunity, but to Friday-sloppy-joe-day slop meteors arcing across the lunchroom into dialectic unity with one’s short-sleeved white dress shirt and Dickies slacks. And having one’s gym clothes set on fire, and always having to take the long way around campus to avoid walking past the genuine ‘corner’ where kids hung out smoking between classes.
Such was the day. But apparently Austin is a liberal city, and you can be different there without intolerant, judgmental people trying to impose their beliefs on you. Pause, raise eyebrow, paragraph break and shift topic.
So let’s look at not-Cody…no, Clint. His name is Clint. His latest column.
No wait, it’s actually Cody. It’s Cody’s latest column, “The Fight to Erase God in America, Part II.” (Part I was basically daydreamy warm-up throws.)
[Update: Chris and Cosey Janicek have apparently, in the 20 minutes since this link was posted, cottoned to our nasty selves and redirected it. Please visit JanicekOnline for articles, a heapload of Cafepress merch, and even some promotional videos featuring the ambitious brothers. Here's Cody:]
The fight to erase God from the public arena in America is fully underway. At the beginning of movement’s activity, its actions were subtle and went unnoticed. Gradually, however, layers of its mask have eroded and the true face of liberalism is coming to light.
You know, some mornings, at the beginning of movement’s activity, I look in the mirror while waiting for the hot water to come on and notice how eroded this mask is getting. Entire layers! And it’s not like the old hairline is improving either.
Curse you, Janiceks. Curse you, and curse God!
Some days I drive down to the public arena to see how the boys are doing chasing God around the bleachers with the erasers. It’s definitely a fight: God slaps them up good when they get lazy and take too many beer breaks.
“How’s the mask, Tom?” I call across the field.
“Eroding!” he calls back with his giant blackboard eraser under his arm. While his back is turned, God sneakily throws a dirt clod at his head.
“Hey, look at this, God!” I yell waving my dick, as the boys pick up the chase. “Ha ha! I’m waving my dick at you in broad daylight!” Our actions were once subtle and went unnoticed.
God trips and falls on the field, and it seems like Tom is going to erase him, but he crab-walks out of range and magically moves the goalposts, confusing everyone. “Just like the Bush Administration with Iraq!” Tom says. Someone calls a time-out, and we help God dust Himself off, and everyone goes off together to get a hot dog and soda. “Good one!” Steve says to God while wiping his glasses.
Liberalism. One day these masks… But let’s return to Cody with due attention. He’s got a narrative building here.
Arriving with the 1960s (as briefly mentioned in Part I) was the motto, “If it feels good, do it.” The age of sexual freedom was taking center stage of American pop culture as morality was pushed aside as a thing of the past.
While our nation’s leaders continued to impress the young with good ethics…
Aah…aah… (nixon!) Sniff, excuse me.
[Update: We've been alerted that since sometime yesterday, Cody has 'edited the column for clarity,' adding this clause: "While our Presidents were hardly an example of morality..." Aah...aah... (agnew!) Sniff, excuse me. We think that if we guide this process adroitly enough, the column might eventually read, "While the US Government has long been a wretched hive of scum and villainy..."]
the new popular culture enticed many away from the conventional practices.
Although there were no blatant calls for God’s removal, the damage was taking place. The idea of morality was vanishing in the hearts of millions of America’s youth as pleasure and convenience settled in.
Well, there was that whole line of thought culminating in Nietzche, but that was before. Also the whole period between the World Wars and before the Great Depression, and much of the rest of the 20th Century. But as we know, everything before the postwar period in America was in black-and-white and sped up, with people running all over the place accompanied by ragtime tunes on upright piano — and therefore it’s all ‘old stuff’ that didn’t really happen.
Inter alia, it’s amazing how conservatives can look at postwar consumerism and see nothing but dancing hippies, totally spacing on the fact that the values of ‘pleasure’ and ‘convenience’ were trumpeted into America’s ears by advertising and free-enterprise, as a means to heat up the postwar economy — with sharp pushes from Eisenhower’s Executive Branch.
These “values” were reinforced on January 22, 1972 with the Roe V. Wade decision.
Ah, now we get to it.
[Update: Date corrected in JanicekOnline column to 'January 22, 1973,' heading off a pending, operatic 'Sadly, No!' of the beloved old-school variety.]
Tune in later for Part II of our analysis of Clint Janicek’s ‘The Fight to Erase God from America,’ or, ‘Atomic Wedgie in the Locker Room for Clint, Period 4 — Pass It On.’
Actually, Cody. Sorry.
Anon!!! said,
April 4, 2005 at 1:56
These ickle bastards creep the hell out of me… :shudders: But I’ve seen (dramatic pause) worse. A young lad in my hometown surpasses these punks in wingnuttery (perhaps it’s because he’s all alone?)… writing crazed letters to the editor of the local paper (since we’re so pathetically small, he prints them to take up some space) and generally being an asshole (needless to say, I’ve kicked his ass before after the little fella refered to liberals as “pansies”).
There are a few for every generation :sigh:
Btw- Quote about JPII- not cool, but forgivable (even if in jest. JPII was a genuinely good human being).
GreedyBastard said,
April 4, 2005 at 2:43
That one on top looks like the priest from MASH…
Clif said,
April 4, 2005 at 2:57
The two little right-wing tykies have redirected the links in this posts. They want to be in a dark corner where no one can see what they’re doing! But you can still find them by entering http://www.janicekonline.us into your browser
gavin m. said,
April 4, 2005 at 3:08
Good catch! Thanks!
I posted an update.
Akatabi said,
April 4, 2005 at 6:43
Here’s Chad on the God-given right not to hear Spanish:
So I just got rid of Comcast cable tv recently and am working on resetting my television sets. As I’m surfing through all the channels, deleting the snowy ones, I found about twice as many Spanish speaking channels as English.
This began to bother me, considering I live in America. Just a thought, but is there any reason why the Spanish speaking local channels outnumber English speaking almost 2 to 1? Are there really twice as many Mexicans in Texas than Americans? Not only that, but are there that many Mexicans in Texas that have refused to learn English? I know the family who lives below me falls in that group, but give me a break. This is ridiculous.
teh l4m3 said,
April 4, 2005 at 7:35
I’m convinced that Chad and NotChad decline to shower in the boy’s locker room.
Brad R. said,
April 4, 2005 at 13:24
Nice find, G. This video on their website is freaking hilarious, btw…
boilerman10 said,
April 4, 2005 at 16:24
I wonder who put these two up to this charade?
I doubt if these two thought this up on their own.
I’d really like to see these children after they grow up and after life kicks them from pillar to post.
It’s amazing how con you can be as a teen, being con provides so much shelter for you, you can cover up so many flaws and faults, fears and problems by playing the goofy talk radio wannabe.
I would normally be a bit concerned, but when I see these twerps trying to cover up the lies and incompetance of this administration by using hacked up cliches about the 1960’s when the father of these two probably wasn’t out of diapers yet is cause for outright belly laughing.
Have you noticed how when the cons are confronted with how the administration has played them false, and when cornered to present a case as to why the lies of the administration that have led to the “Chimpy War” in Iraq the subject gets changed and utterly implausible rubbish like “God is being chased out!!” get spewed out like a bad piece of pizza, the next day?
There is a bankruptcy in an attitude that has to spout improbable gibberish about God being hated in order to get attention.
spencer said,
April 4, 2005 at 16:33
I was pretty sure that Roe V Wade happened in 1973, not 1972, as Cody and whosits claim.
But then, historical accuracy has never been particularly valued by the con movement.
Vladi G said,
April 4, 2005 at 17:56
They’re like the ‘Nelson’ of conservatism. Except they suck more than Nelson did, to the extent that’s possible.
Landon said,
April 4, 2005 at 18:26
Gaylikers.
Hemlock Echo said,
April 4, 2005 at 19:30
Its amazing to me how many conservatives (especially the young ones) seem to have this campy, idealized, Ozzie-and-Hariett view of the pre-Vietnam era. As if no one ever had pre-marital sex or abortions or skipped church on Sunday.
My advice to Cody: find someone who was actually alive pre-Vietnam and ask them what life was like for them growing up.
scott said,
April 4, 2005 at 19:53
Oh come on Landon - everyone knows we all lived in Mayberry before the hippies burned it down. Just up the street from the Beaver.
Stacy said,
April 4, 2005 at 19:59
Hemlock - my mother assures me that when she was in high school in the mid to late 60s, nobody was having sex. Or drinking. Or partying with loud music. Well, ok, there was that one girl in her class who invited the other girls over for sleepovers, but my mom’s parents would let her go because they suspected the girl’s parents were alcoholics. But seriously, nobody was having sex. How could they? Back then, they didn’t even know about sex! It wasn’t on the TV, and you couldn’t get magazines with naked women in them.
Thorlac said,
April 4, 2005 at 20:20
Stacy, yes, there were too such magazines! I found my Dad’s stash way back when. Oddly though, all of the women had some sort of black-tape eye and nipple deformity. Oh, and each one seemed to be devoid of a vagina. Boy, women were different then!
Vestal Vespa said,
April 4, 2005 at 21:31
These kids crack me up. It seems that their kind always manage to get their writing out as soon as they are old enough to be Church Camp Counselors rather than campers. And it is so amusing how they really just regurgitate the most timeworn, threadbare arguments their parents have been ranting about ’round the dinner table forever as if they discovered these “fresh! new!” perspectives all on their own.
Wait till they get to college and find out that all the hot chicks are liberals.
jenna said,
April 4, 2005 at 21:52
I don’t know if people noticed, but on their website, the Janicek boys are looking for people to submit articles. I’m seriously thinking of writing one and seeing if I can slip something tounge-in-cheek past them. I’d love to be the next Amber Pawlik, or the next Mr. Smith.
Jim said,
April 4, 2005 at 22:30
Hemlock Echo’s correct, though to be fair, if you were a straight white WASP male, it was a pretty great time to be alive in the 50’s. For anyone else who didn’t fit those 4 criteria, not so much.
When I read kids their age ranting about the 60’s, I just can’t shake the feeling that they’re a little jealous. Despite all the turmoil and uncertainty, it was a time when things seemed *possible*, totally unlike the grim, puritanical, constricted time we live in now.
I’d like to know which wingnut foundation or think tank is funding these guys. The brief visit I paid to their site reeked of wingnut funding.
They’re both really cute though, especially the one on top heh heh heh heh he said top heh heh heh so I hope they’re a regular Sadly, No! feature.
Blast Off! said,
April 4, 2005 at 23:05
Milk-out-the-nose funny
Okay, I know I’m late to the party, but I’ve been meaning for some time to check out Sadly, No!, and just never got around to it. Until now. Why have I been wasting my time for so long?
Yesterday’s post about the wingnut kids in Austin, Texas, had…
Brad R. said,
April 4, 2005 at 23:17
Jenna- go for it. Totally. You have our support!
matthew said,
April 5, 2005 at 2:04
spooky kids, and underinformed.
i gave them a little post to get all wingnut on…
probably made their week.
how old do you think they are?
high school?
college freshmen?
spooooooky.
Rah said,
April 5, 2005 at 8:35
I love how the email newsletter ad is proudly headed:
“JO.US”
er, not so much.
elementropy said,
April 6, 2005 at 9:28
Ketchup
they lack the saving grace and comedic stylings of a blue monkey sidekick like Gleek. Shit, y’all. This is like B.J. without the Bear, Clint without Clyde (or without Sondra Locke, for that matter), Dick Cheney without Dubya.
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Dear Sir/Ma,
THIS IS ARE FULL DISCREPTION ABOUT THE ORDER ANE PRICE LIST OF THE CURRENT PRODUCT IN STORE
We are mobile phones wholesalers.We deals on all brands and models of mobile phones such as Nokia,Motorola,Samsung,Sony Ericsson,Sagem, Nextel,Sidekick II,Sprint,Ipods,television,W/xbox 360,dvd, Laptops, Mp3 players and many more at very cheap prices.We are using this medium to look for buyers of mobile phones.Do kindly reply back if you are interested and as you do you will be glad you do, you can reach us through our email address: newerasale@yahoo.COM
thank’s and God bless.
PRESIDENT:-COLLINS WEST
Here are thePrice list for different products;
Nokia Prices List.
Nokia 3650– US$185
Nokia 3660– US$195
Nokia 5100– US$65
Nokia 5140– US$110
Nokia 5510– US$105
Nokia 6020– US$130
Nokia 6670– US$105
Nokia 6630– US$175
Nokia 6100– US$80
Nokia 6108– US$90
Nokia 6220– US$105
Nokia 6230– US$110
Nokia 6260– US$135
Nokia 6310– US$69
Nokia 6310i– US$70
Nokia 6600– US$135
Nokia 6630– US$175
Nokia 6170– US$145
Nokia 6800– US$105
Nokia 6820– US$110
Nokia 7200– US$185
Nokia 7210 Turquoise– US$100
Nokia 7230– US$120
Nokia 7250– US$125
Nokia 7250i– US$120
Nokia 7260– US$135
Nokia 7280– US$155
Nokia 7600– US$165
Nokia 7610– US$195
Nokia 7650– US$160
Nokia 8250– US$65
Nokia 8310– US$90
Nokia 8910 Titanium– US$160
Nokia 8910 Black– US$165
Nokia 8910i– US$185
Nokia 8890– US$115
Nokia 8850 Special Edition– US$105
Nokia 8850 Gold Edition– US$110
Nokia 8800 ———— US$190
Nokia 6680……US $220
Nokia 6681……US $220
Nokia N90……US $170
Nokia N91……US $175
Nokia N92……us $180
Nokia N93……Us $210
Nokia N70……US $165
nokia n80…….$200
Nokia 6060……US $130
Nokia 6111……US $160
Nokia 8855– US$100
Nokia 9210 Communicator– US$195
Nokia N-Gage– US$110
Nokia 9500 (communicator)– US$180
Samsung Prices List
Samsung SGH E400– US$125
Samsung SGH E600– US$129
Samsung SGH E700– US$130
Samsung SGH E715– US$155
Samsung SGH-E810– US$140
Samsung SGH-E820– US$150
Samsung SGH-E800– US$155
Samsung SGH-E850– US$140
Samsung SGH D410– US$150
Samsung SGH D500– US$155
Samsung SGH P400– US$135
Samsung SGH P510– US$139
Samsung SGH N188– US$110
Samsung SGH P400– US$140
Samsung SGH P410– US$145
Samsung SGH P500– US$155
Samsung SGH S200– US$100
Samsung SGH S300– US$105
Samsung SGH S307– US$130
Samsung SGH S500– US$109
Samsung SGH T100– US$100
Samsung SGH T200– US$125
Samsung SGH V200– US$105
Samsung SGH VM680– US$100
Samsung SGH X400– US$105
Samsung SGH X410– US$130
Samsung SGH X426– US$129
Samsung SGH-C200– US$125
Samsung SGH-X460– US$140
Samsung SGH-X450– US$130
Samsung SGH X600– US$145
Samsung SGH-X610– US$140
Samsung SGH-Z105– US$120
samsung d500…….$210
saNokia N93……Us $210msung d600…….$230
samsung d800…….$245
Sony Ericssion Prices List
Sony Ericsson P800– US$155
Sony Ericsson P900– US$205
Sony Ericsson P910i– US$210
Sony Ericsson T610– US$130
Sony Ericsson T630– US$135
Sony Ericsson T68i– US$105
Sony Ericsson T68m– US$110
Sony Ericsson Z200– US$100
Sony Ericsson Z600– US$170
Sony Ericsson R520m– US$100
Sony Ericsson R380s– US$105
Sony Ericsson S700– US$175
Sony Ericsson K500i– US$180
Sony Ericsson K700i– US$189
Sony Ericsson K750i– US$200
Sony Ericsson P800– US$155
Sony Ericsson P900– US$205
Sony Ericsson P910i– US$210
Sony Ericsson T20e– US$35
Sony Ericsson T20s– US$39
Sony Ericsson T28s– US$39
Sony Ericsson T28 World– US$45
Sony Ericsson T29s– US$49
Sony Ericsson T100– US$30
Sony Ericsson T105– US$35
Sony Ericsson T200– US$45
Sony Ericsson T230– US$55
Sony Ericsson T300– US$55
Sony Ericsson T310– US$50
Sony Ericsson T600– US$69
Sony Ericsson T610– US$130
Sony Ericsson T630– US$135
Sony Ericsson T68i– US$105
Sony Ericsson T68m– US$110
Sony Ericsson Z200– US$100
Sony Ericsson Z600– US$170
Sony Ericsson R520m– US$100
Sony Ericsson R380 World– US$90
Sony Ericsson R380s– US$105
Sony Ericsson S700– US$175
Sony Ericsson K500i– US$180
Sony Ericsson K700i– US$189
Sony Ericsson K750i– US$200
Sony Ericsson w800……us$220
Sony Ericsson w800i…..Us$230
Sony Ericsson w900…….Us$240
Sony Ericsson W600i……..$210
Sony! Ericsson V600i…$200usd
O2 3G Datacard………$127usd
Orange Blackberry……$200usd
Orange 3G Datacard…..$165usd
Orange SPV C500……..$145usd
Orange SPV M2000…….$134usd
Motorola Prices List
Motorola razor V3……..$145
Motorola razor V3i…….$150
Motorola A008– US$50
Motorola A388– US$70
Motorola A388c– US$120
Motorola A820– US$65
Motorola C330– US$20
Motorola C331– US$25
Motorola C332– US$30
Motorola C333– US$35
Motorola C350– US$69
Motorola E360– US$60
Motorola E365– US$110
Motorola E380– US$95
Motorola E398– US$125
Motorola MPX200– US$180
Motorola V3Razor– US$145
Motorola V60i– US$75
Motorola V70– US$105
Motorola V80– US$115
Motorola V750– US$125
Motorola V525– US$139
Motorola V300– US$130
Motorola V400– US$125
Motorola V500– US$130
Motorola V600– US$140
Nextel Prices List
Nextel i55sr………US$65
Nextel i2000plus……. US$35
Nextel i58sr……….. US$30
Nextel i530……..US$35
Nextel i205……… US$20
Nextel i305……. US$25
Nextel i35s………US$29
Nextel i88………..US$30
Nextel i90….. US$59
Nextel i95cl………. US$70
Nextel i60c– US$40
Nextel 6510TM…… US$110
Nextel i730– US$85
Nextel i733– US$95
Nextel i736– US$105
Nextel i830– US$115
Nextel i860– US$125
Nextel i930– US$140
Eten m500——us$220
Eten m600——-Us$250
Sidekick Prices List
sidekick 111…………..$150
Sidekick II ………….$120
sidekick 1…………..$70
QTEK
Qtek s200 =$100
Qtek 9000 =$130
Qtek 8310 =$200
Qtek 8300 =$210
Qtek 9100 =$240
Qtek 8100 =$250
Qtek s110 =$210
Qtek s100 =$200
Qtek 9090 =$210
Qtek 8020 =$200
Qtek 8010 =$180
Qtek 2020i=$240
Qtek 2020 =$250
Qtek 8080 =$130
Qtek 8060 =$160
Qtek 1010 =$150
Qtek 7070 =$250
DVD
Panasonic DVD-LS5 DVD Player…$150USD
Mintek MDP-5860 DVD Player…..$90USD
Panasonic DMR-E50S DVD Recorder…$190USD
Samsung DVD-L200 DVD Player….. $150USD
and many more…………………….
GAME
W/xbox 360 hard drive,
Xbox 360 wireless controller,
Xbox 360 faceplate,
Xbox 360 headset,
Xbox 360 component hd-av cable,
Xbox live silver membership
(#xbox360pla) $260 per-unit buy 3 and take one free
play station 1… $120
play station 2 …$130
play station 3…$150
x_box 360….$200
GARMIN 396…$150
Game boy latext edition……$110
Digital camera
Acer cs-5530 digital camera………………..$150
Canon ixus 700 digital camera………………$200
Canon ixus 750 digital camera………………$160
Canon ixus i zoom digital camera (jet black)…$210
Canon ixus i zoom digital camera (Sahara)……$200
Canon power shot s80 digital camera…………$220
Casio exilim ex-s500 digital camera (orange, ).$230
Digital blue qx5 digital microscope…………$170
Fuji film finepix f10 digital camera………..$150
Nikon d2x digital camera (body only)………..$140
Olympus fe-100 digital camera………………$150
PDA
Palm Zire 72 PDA-$100usd
Sony PEG-SJ33 Color CLIÉ Handheld PDA-$120usd
Sony CLIÉ PEG-UX50 PDA-$150usd
HP iPAQ Pocket PC hx4705 PDA-$160usd
Palm Tungsten E PDA-$60usd
Palm Tungsten T5 PDA-$80usd
Palm LifeDrive Mobile Manager PDA-$100usd
HP iPAQ Pocket PC HX4700 PD-$200usd
Sharp Mobilon HC-4100 PDA-$100usd
o2 XDAII MINI integrated Pocket PC & GSM phone-$300usd
o2 XDAIIS integrated pocket PC & GSM Phone-$330usd
HP Ipaq HX4700 Pocket PC -$200usd
HP Ipaq HX2700 Pocket PC ……………………………….$300usd
APPLE IPOD
Apple iPod nano 4GB:$131.50us
Apple iPod nano 2GB:$112.00us
Apple 30 GB Video iPod:$202.50us
Apple 60 GB Video iPod:$217.00us
Apple 20 GB iPod : $126.00USD
Apple 4 GB iPod Mini:$105.00USD
Apple 6 GB iPod Mini:$114.00USD
Apple 40 GB iPod photo:$110.00USD
Apple 60 GB iPod photo:$130.00USD
Apple 30 GB iPod Photo:$116.00
Apple 512 MB iPod Shuffle MP3 Player:$94.00
Laptop
laptops Toshiba Satellite A75-S229 Laptop Computer—$200
Toshiba Satellite M45-S311 Laptop Computer—$390
Toshiba Satellite R15-S822 Laptop Computer—$600
Toshiba Qosmio G15-AV501 Laptop Computer—$1000
Toshiba Satellite A65-S126 Laptop Computer—$200
Toshiba Satellite P25-S526 Laptop Computer—$1000
Toshiba Satellite A45-S120 Laptop Computer—$300
Toshiba Satellite M35X-S149 Laptop Computer—$400
Toshiba Qosmio E15-AV101 Laptop Computer—$900
Toshiba Satellite P35-S609 Laptop Computer—$850
Toshiba Qosmio F15-AV201 Laptop Computer—-$650
Toshiba Portege M200 Laptop Computer——$500
Pentium 4—$450.etc
The best awards and adV specialties supplier on the Net auctioning-Sidekick and Ipod
N:B….. WE ARE OFFERING ALL OUR BUYERS THE PREVILEGE TO BUY TWO AND GET ONE FOR FREE.
Regards
president
MR Collins West
E_MAIL:newerasale@yahoo.COM
and many more available in store and legit buyer needed.