9
More hot “Red Dawn” action
Some of Jonah’s fanboys are weighing in on the Red Dawn controversy:
[Jonah Goldberg]
Lots and lots came in overnight in response to my post. A smattering:
The Soviets in Red Dawn also executed many Americans for the purpose of drawing out the Wolverines. Does Plotz’s pathetic pandering imply that we are killing innocents in Iraq? Also, did the Soviets in Red Dawn shut down the American “rape-rooms” and capture the government officials who gassed the Nebraskans (obviously I could go on - what a pathetic attempt by Plotz to try to compare our invasion of Iraq with the Soviet aggression imagined in the movie or real in Afghanistan). Last, why doesn’t McCain bring up Saddam’s atrocities every time Obama says it was a mistake to invade. McCain should simply ask Obama if he would prefer if the torture and rape rooms were still open for business. Galling.
Keep up the good work.
And:
I could either write a lengthy, night owl rebuttal to Plotz’s piece, or grab a cold one and shout “WOLVERINES!” from my roofdeck. Ah, choices.
And:
I watch Red Dawn every once in a while. I don’t know if you recall the rage at the movie from the left at the time. It is no wonder they are back to have another shot at it. I was a bit disappointed in the ending because I thought they wimped out. Remember the narrator says “The war ended as wars always do.” Well, I’m a surgeon and we have a saying too. “Bleeding always stops.” The implications are the same. We assume that America won the war but it is never stated. I always felt that they shied away from being thought too patriotic and “jingoistic” at Hollywood cocktail parties. Still, it is pretty good and head and shoulders over anything since “Rules of Engagement.”
[Update: Lots of readers (rightly) object to the suggestion the Americans might not have won. From a reader: “The movie makers clearly implied we won by virtue of the existence of the resistance memorial.”
The conservative “movement” has now been reduced to sad nostalgia for second-rate wankfest action flicks from the ’80s. Look on your works, Bill Buckley, and despair.
owlbear1 said,
October 9, 2008 at 17:01
Republicans really have started their own cult…
Marco said,
October 9, 2008 at 17:01
I eagerly await the lengthy wingnut rage for the upcoming analysis of Angel - High school student by day; hooker by night- as a metaphor for Sarah Palin’s life.
MaineMan said,
October 9, 2008 at 17:04
“Bleeding always stops.”
Unfortunately, teh st00pid goes on forever.
SpotWeld said,
October 9, 2008 at 17:04
He.. he does know that Red Dawn was totally fictional.. right?
Mo's Bike Shop said,
October 9, 2008 at 17:05
He’s too lazy to paste a link in his own damned post?
g said,
October 9, 2008 at 17:06
don’t know if you recall the rage at the movie from the left at the time.
rage? at a Patrick Swayze movie? Sorry, I must’ve missed it. I was watching “Flashdance” next door at the multiplex.
Snerk.
Brad said,
October 9, 2008 at 17:06
He’s too lazy to paste a link in his own damned post?
No, I was too lazy to post a link when I cut-n-pasted it. I was much too busy finding awesome LARPer pictures to embed.
g said,
October 9, 2008 at 17:07
He’s too lazy to paste a link in his own damned post?
But actually, he was too lazy to paste a link in his own damned post.
Woodrowfan said,
October 9, 2008 at 17:07
Huh, I thought they left the story ending open because they hoped for a sequel…
Till said,
October 9, 2008 at 17:08
Hm. I have a headache, otherwise I’d try to come up with a good “Nobody puts Jonah in the Corner!” joke.
Jrod said,
October 9, 2008 at 17:10
Obviously, all of the hundreds of thousands killed were bad guys, because USA! USA! USA!!! HOOT HOOT HOOT HOOT USA USA USA!!!!
Righteous Bubba said,
October 9, 2008 at 17:13
It sucks that the guys who are going to invade America these days live in caves and mud huts.
noen said,
October 9, 2008 at 17:15
We can’t be killing good guys in Iraq. Sara Palin clearly said who was who, she even gave a wink and a “you betcha!” How could that be wrong?
Jrod said,
October 9, 2008 at 17:15
In any case, it’s silly to think there’s any sort of similarity between Iraqi insurgents and a movie about a ragtag resistance to an overwhelmingly powerful invading force. Next, you lieberals will be saying a black man is qualified to be president!
Never leave me, Ronald Wilson Reagon! *sobbing softly*
noen said,
October 9, 2008 at 17:16
Oh and I think the pantload should just go ahead and copyright “I’m not going to go point by point through the whole thing.”
Mo's Bike Shop said,
October 9, 2008 at 17:17
I recall ridicule. I suppose when you only comprehend the world as my tribe/not my tribe then disagreement is hate.
Davis said,
October 9, 2008 at 17:18
Does John Milius know that they think he wimped out?
Holden Waite said,
October 9, 2008 at 17:18
So, apparently there is a level of government mendacity that allows another nation just to attack and occupy that nation, and in that case it’s not an unprovoked aggressive war.
And apparently that level of government mendacity is defined, at least in one area, by a government that tortures it’s on citizens.
Jose Padilla justifies a canadian occupation of the US?
Yikes - be careful with your justifications there, pal…
tigrismus said,
October 9, 2008 at 17:19
The original article. Their whole response really is just knee-jerk American exceptionalism. Wolvereeeeeeens!
Jrod said,
October 9, 2008 at 17:20
That can be the title of his next book. Subtitle: “Heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh indeed.”
MaineMan said,
October 9, 2008 at 17:23
Huh, I thought they left the story ending open because they hoped for a sequel…
I thought that was Bush Dawn.
PeeJ said,
October 9, 2008 at 17:27
What’s next, Barbarella as analogue for the rising progressivism?
[/lame excuse to link to that scene]
Me said,
October 9, 2008 at 17:28
The 80’s were jam-packed with over the top, jingoistic films, but they choose that silly piece of shit “Red Dawn”? The one I laughed at when I was 18? Well, there’s your proof (unneeded, of course) that even when these fucksticks have the Hollywood of their dreams, they’re still incapable of discriminating between good and shit, so what’s the point?
Nimrod Gently said,
October 9, 2008 at 17:28
Potz’ pathetic pandering is perfectly predictable for the pusillanimous, pestilential, pointless pustule from the public pemphigus.
D.N. Nation said,
October 9, 2008 at 17:30
Bush was always a fan of mentioning this. Bush also has about a .0003% approval rating.
This is a joke, right? Red Dawn was a silly, violent B-grade action movie. Yeesh.
Rusty Shackleford (not that one) said,
October 9, 2008 at 17:30
“I don’t know if you recall the rage at the movie from the left at the time.”
I don’t recall it in the same way that I don’t recall other things that didn’t happen. Although I suppose that just because I didn’t see one thing that didn’t happen it doesn’t mean that there were other things that did happen that I didn’t see.
Gary Ruppert said,
October 9, 2008 at 17:35
The fact is, Red Dawn is the definitive classic of American cinema, an art form since lost in full to the socialist machinations of the hate-filled left, who despise the Heartland and the freedom that endures therein. Jonah and Glenn and others are the true Wolverines, fighting against the tin-eared left-wing oppressors led by the America-hating Obama. This is our fight, this is our time. WOLVERINES!!!!!!!
Jude said,
October 9, 2008 at 17:36
Isn’t it time for another update from William F. Buckley’s tombstone?
He’s been awfully quiet lately. Even for a dead guy.
Edo said,
October 9, 2008 at 17:36
The fact is, Red Dawn is the definitive classic of American cinema
I thought that was Birth of a Nation.
PogueMahone said,
October 9, 2008 at 17:39
The implications are the same. We assume that America won the war but it is never stated.
…
[Update: Lots of readers (rightly) object to the suggestion the Americans might not have won. From a reader: “The movie makers clearly implied we won by virtue of the existence of the resistance memorial.”
Heh… I saw the movie ONCE, 24 years ago, and I clearly remember the memorial that suggested that the U.S. won.
And this doctor couldn’t get that? I wanna know where this doctor practices so that I know never to go there.
I can just imagine the good doctor after having watched “Gone With the Wind” thinking… Uhh… So who won?
Nimrod Gently said,
October 9, 2008 at 17:41
But it was made by John Milius! He wrote Apocalypse Now! And!
Milius! He’s like Paul Schrader, only shit!
OneMadClown said,
October 9, 2008 at 17:42
I’m a Wolverine, and my hatred keeps me warm.
A Wolverine, so all you Russians best be warned…
Shootin’ Commies - Drinking deer blood - Peeing in the radiator
Look here comes a really angry looking Russian helicopter
AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!
It has truly been…a Red Dawn.
Buskertype said,
October 9, 2008 at 17:42
I think the “rage from the left” at Red Dawn must be coming from the same leftists among whom “Bill Ayers is a celebrity to the left” i.e. the same leftists who are presently running elaborate scams to suppress the movie “An American Carol” and who last year were engaged in an all out “War On Christmas.”
Amazingly this is only a small sample of the heinous culture-war crimes committed by imaginary leftists.
The Truth said,
October 9, 2008 at 17:43
I prefer Rocky IV for my little shot of jingoism. Not only does the Moscow crowd cheer for Rocky, they also magically learn English and can respond to his statements before the translation.
Plus Stallone is really short.
Buskertype said,
October 9, 2008 at 17:44
What else have imaginary leftists done lately?
OneMadClown said,
October 9, 2008 at 17:44
The fact is, Red Dawn is the definitive classic of American cinema…
I thought Smokey & the Bandit was the definitive classic of American cinema…
Walker said,
October 9, 2008 at 17:44
Conan the Barbarian was awesome. The problem with Red Dawn is that he thought that Conan was a role model for foreign policy.
Gary Ruppert said,
October 9, 2008 at 17:44
Um, The Truth…from one fake troll to another…the fact is, I don’t think you meant to use your alt.
actor212 said,
October 9, 2008 at 17:45
McCain should simply ask Obama if he would prefer if the torture and rape rooms were still open for business.
I WISH Senator “I was tortured for five and one half years” McCain would ask this question. In fact, I’d bet Obama already has the haymaker cocked, locked and ready to rock his wrinkled ass to the canvas:
“They were still open under American oversight, Senator, thanks to your capitulation.”
Lesly said,
October 9, 2008 at 17:49
Comments on Goldberg’s blog carry the narrative of a party/ideology that knows is going to lose in November and is dealing with the idea by taking shelter in the good old days. I could be wrong, though.
Righteous Bubba said,
October 9, 2008 at 17:49
Heh… I saw the movie ONCE, 24 years ago, and I clearly remember the memorial that suggested that the U.S. won.
And this doctor couldn’t get that?
Kerning my friends, always check the kerning.
D.N. Nation said,
October 9, 2008 at 17:52
It’s enlightening to hear wingnuts frame out the zingers they think their political heroes should use. Back when Palin flailed-n-failed in the Couric interview, they got to quick work banging out some statements that Palin should have made to catch Katie in a trap, as if Palin were some constitutional scholar/grizzled debate warrior. And now, yeah, they apparently think that McCain should party like it’s 2003 and tell us how Saddam cut out some tongues.
Rightwingsnarkle said,
October 9, 2008 at 17:54
“Smattering” describes it all pretty well, I think.
actor212 said,
October 9, 2008 at 17:57
It has truly been…a Red Dawn
We ought to invent a cocktail called the Red Dawn. Here’s my suggestion:
1 part Stoli vodka (must be Stoli)
6 parts Red Bull
2 parts OJ
1 part chartreuse
Pour the Red Bull into the bottom of a tall glass. Over the back of the spoon, pour the OJ, carefully layering it over the Red Bull. On top of that, carefully layer the chartreuse, then the vodka.
actor212 said,
October 9, 2008 at 17:58
Jonah and Glenn and others are the true Fat Latrines
Fixed yer post, Sport.
alec said,
October 9, 2008 at 17:59
The ‘rage from the left’ is a right-wing construction; Red Dawn was sheer cinematic pulp and while your average hard-leftie would object to it as strenuously as Rambo (which is to say, not as much as the right wing wants to think), the effort is to basically throw the dismal political and social failure of Amerika down the memory hole.
See, Amerika was a direct response by the far right (in some cases people still working today - Ben Stein was involved, for instance) to the fucking terrifying film about nuclear war that was stuck in the public’s craw. And for good goddamn reason - nuclear war was horrifying even to people who saw it as better than the alternative. However, that was not enough for these jackasses; they had to go and accuse the relatively apolitical (and heavily US-tilted at that) directorial team behind The Day After of perfidious leftist bias in their unhinged portrayal of thermonuclear war as bad for your health.
They constructed a ridiculous alternative in which, because of ‘disarmament’ evidently conducted by some kind of Goddamn genie (how else one can account for their shit is unimaginable), the US was invaded and occupied by Judeo-Bolshevist savages. Hilariously, unlike Red Dawn - whose acquaintance with the US right was largely from a common culture, western survivalism - Amerika went pretty much whole hog in cohering to The* Narrative™, even including a South African state which had fallen to Communism as a consequence of hippies ending Apartheid.
Red Dawn was, as I said, as politically interesting as a Rambo film; it had a sort of basic craftsmanship and filmerliness to it that prevented it from descending breathlessly into an endless series of partisan blowjobs. Not so for Amerika, which is why you hear righties conflating both the success and the popular reaction to the two.
* ‘The’ is the new ‘hte’.
See, this is the second interesting thing about this shit: Red Dawn was written in such a fashion that the strongest resistance in large parts of the country - before waves of paratroopers who would only have had any business being in the US if the US had already been pretty seriously crippled as a military power - were basically kids. The unavoidable conclusion from the moment the film begins - a conclusion a child could reach after five minutes - is that the Wolverines are doomed; their struggle against the Soviet invaders has more to do with dignity than the possibility of victory. That’s what the writing tells you; that’s what thinking it through even tangentially tells you; and that’s what the grim historical reality of partisan warfare (which doesn’t work out well for the invaders but usually winds up destroying most of the partisans in the process) tells you.
If you want to observe a single moment in which the American right began transmogrifying from an ideology into a social fetish - when a party which had at least involved principled and deviously bold opposition to the general welfare began slowly but surely to twist into a grand architecture to support the pampered fussiness of the Earth’s most fortunate human beings - if you want to see where the party of Nixon became the party of McCain, go back in time and sit in on the focus group that red-lighted the only reasonable ending to Red Dawn. They want a story about the unstoppable Soviet juggernaut invading West Bumfuck, but they can’t stand the idea of the West Bumfuck Boy’s Choir losing.
From there to history’s choosiest beggars is simply a matter of time.
SamFromUtah said,
October 9, 2008 at 17:59
We ought to invent a cocktail called the Red Dawn.
Excellent! And when you’ve had too many, it’ll look like you’re puking blood. That’s hardcore.
cleter said,
October 9, 2008 at 18:02
The torture rooms still open for business? You mean like Abu Ghraib? Hell, that place never closed. They just put up signs with Rumsfeld’s smiling face, saying “Now Under New Management!” That was a profoundly stupid mistake.
And my recollection of the left reception was lots of laughter at its over-the-top-ness. I mean, really. The basic premise is that the Greens (the Greens!) become so powerful that they topple NATO, allowing the Soviets and Nicaraguans to come sweeping down upon us.
If we’re discussing the whole “did the US win the fictional 80s movie war with the Soviets,” I’d be much more interested in the outcome from “Escape From New York.” Did the US win? How did the Battle of Leningrad really turn out? I always had the impression the US didn’t do so well. Snake Pliskin had that bitter-vet-of-a-losing-war kind of vibe.
Woodrowfan said,
October 9, 2008 at 18:05
Well, “Red Dawn” wasn’t quite up to the standards of “The Incredible Mister Limpet” ….
cleter said,
October 9, 2008 at 18:06
The torture rooms still open for business? You mean like Abu Ghraib? Hell, that place never closed. They just put up signs with Rumsfeld’s smiling face, saying “Now Under New Management!”
And my recollection of the left reception was lots of laughter at its over-the-top-ness. I mean, really. The basic premise is that the Greens (the Greens!) become so powerful that they topple NATO, allowing the Soviets and Nicaraguans to come sweeping down upon us.
If we’re discussing the whole “did the US win the fictional 80s movie war with the Soviets,” I’d be much more interested in the outcome from “Escape From New York.” Did the US win? How did the Battle of Leningrad really turn out? I always had the impression the US didn’t do so well. Snake Pliskin had that bitter-vet-of-a-losing-war kind of vibe.
His Grace said,
October 9, 2008 at 18:06
I just find it funny that they continue to argue about the significance of the war memorial. Personally, I found that to be one of the many unintentionally hilarious parts of the movie, designed more for the whole “USA! USA! USA!” sentiment rather than plausibility, especially given the fact that the Soviets had armour in Colorado and Alaska. But then, I’m interested in how the the US wins wars, not just an enthusiasm to declare “we won.”
alec said,
October 9, 2008 at 18:06
Oh, and in case anyone didn’t know already: in the 80s, Rambo fought with the Taliban.
I’m not even fucking joking.
Gotta love your wingnuts’ grasp of history. I mean, given how viciously they’ve been opposed to the very idea that America can exist without pissing all over the Muslim faithful and killing them by the millions, it is certainly possible they have been rooting for the other side for the last 10 years as well as the 10 before that, but I’ll leave that kind of speculation to the War Nerd.
actor212 said,
October 9, 2008 at 18:07
Excellent! And when you’ve had too many, it’ll look like you’re puking blood. That’s hardcore.
“And grab some toilet paper; I ain’t gonna use no leaves.”
Dragon-King Wangchuck said,
October 9, 2008 at 18:07
“The movie makers clearly implied we won by virtue of the existence of the resistance memorial.”
Correct me if I’m wrong but (spoiler warinig - as if Red Dawn could be spoiled any more than it already is):
1. The Wolverines were the only thing preventing total Ruskie World Domination.
2. Except for Lea Thompson and some other guy, they all die.
So the only way this makes any sense at all is if Lea Thompson is some sort of Leeloo Dallas Multipass.
actor212 said,
October 9, 2008 at 18:08
If we’re discussing the whole “did the US win the fictional 80s movie war with the Soviets,” I’d be much more interested in the outcome from “Escape From New York.” Did the US win?
Did Adrienne Barbeau jiggle?
Grand Moff Texan said,
October 9, 2008 at 18:09
We ought to invent a cocktail called the Red Dawn.
OK: I give you … THE RED DAWN
puking is guaranteed.
.
Rightwingsnarkle said,
October 9, 2008 at 18:09
We ought to invent a cocktail called the Red Dawn.
Nice.
But as a final step, slowly pour some Bailey’s Irish Cream (yech, I know) into the whole mess, to form a curdled snot.
It’s somehow appropriate.
Grand Moff Texan said,
October 9, 2008 at 18:09
… or maybe I should have called it the “Red Yawn”?
.
Dragon-King Wangchuck said,
October 9, 2008 at 18:09
Umm, wouldn’t a cocktail named Red Dawn be a wingnut favorite? If that’s the case, there’s already such a beverage.
actor212 said,
October 9, 2008 at 18:09
one part Cinzano
one part Sweet Vermouth
two parts bourbon
two parts vodka
Holy shit, I wouldn’t give that to the groom-to-be at a bachelor party! That’s lethal!
alec said,
October 9, 2008 at 18:10
Stephen Bond, one of my favorite essayists, goes over this classic film in some detail. His opinion is that, by playing it straight-up camp, Escape From New York allows glibbie dogma to coexist with reality in a way you almost never encounter elsewhere. The movie expresses what can only be expressed through camp. In its exuberance, in consciously going beyond what is tasteful, Escape hits on a certain artistic “truth” about the city of New York. Ask me to seriously accept New York as an out-of-control prison overrun by criminal gangs, and I’ll think you’re either a moron or a fascist. Ask me to entertain the same idea as a satire, a joke, or simply a piece of over-the-top camp, and I’ll think you’re on to something.
actor212 said,
October 9, 2008 at 18:10
Umm, wouldn’t a cocktail named Red Dawn be a wingnut favorite? If that’s the case, there’s already such a beverage.
That’s off the market, tho.
cleter said,
October 9, 2008 at 18:10
I’m not so sure the US “won” in Red Dawn. I just think Idaho or Wyoming or where-ever became like Waziristan, a tribal-area no-mans-land where the Soviet masters dared not go.
actor212 said,
October 9, 2008 at 18:12
Ask me to seriously accept New York as an out-of-control prison overrun by criminal gangs, and I’ll think you’re either a moron or a fascist. Ask me to entertain the same idea as a satire, a joke, or simply a piece of over-the-top camp, and I’ll think you’re on to something.
Apparently, he missed “The Warriors”.
PapaJijo said,
October 9, 2008 at 18:13
I saw Red Dawn when I was 10 years old. Thought it was pretty cool.
But I was 10 years old.
Ken Lowery said,
October 9, 2008 at 18:14
Last, why doesn’t McCain bring up Saddam’s atrocities every time Obama says it was a mistake to invade. McCain should simply ask Obama if he would prefer if the torture and rape rooms were still open for business.
Well, thank god we got the only leader in the world who does that, then.
cleter said,
October 9, 2008 at 18:15
Also, as a resident of the US South, I would like to point out that there are Confederate memorials all over the damned place, and I believe the Confederacy kind of lost. The Wolverine memorial proves nothing. Perhaps the Soviet win was so hugely decisive, like Grant’s, that the Soviets later turned a blind eye to the occasional statue in rural New Leninville.
alec said,
October 9, 2008 at 18:15
Incidentally, the first half of Red Alert 2 does a surprising amount of thieving from Red Dawn. It’s probably the campiest damn RTS ever made, which is saying a lot.
Sarcastro said,
October 9, 2008 at 18:15
Conan the Barbarian was awesome. The problem with Red Dawn is that he thought that Conan was a role model for foreign policy.
Millius does great if guns aren’t involved. Rome being another instance of his work kicking ass.
Legalize said,
October 9, 2008 at 18:16
Woverines? They have the stupidest helmets in college football.
alec said,
October 9, 2008 at 18:17
Yes, John. Make the campaign about invading Iraq. There’s a winning strategy.
Christ, has there ever been a more effective argument against nepotism and in favor of abortion than this fuckwad?
Susan of Texas said,
October 9, 2008 at 18:20
After the hurricane we saw what really happens when civilization shudders to a halt. Everyone ordered take-out from the one Chinese place that was open and spent the weekend drinking. You can bet your bottom
dollarBobba Fett Action Figure that the Wankosphere would spend the entire occupation hiding in their basements demanding that somebody resuce them.At least until they ran out of snacks; then they’d join the other side.
mmm...fadgey! said,
October 9, 2008 at 18:26
I liked Red Dawn. Maybe it was because I was 11 years old and living in the Midwest.
In retrospect, it was a little silly. But it seemed so prescient to my preadolescent brain.
alec said,
October 9, 2008 at 18:39
There’s something comforting about that, really; insurgents on the take tend to be comically ineffective and obvious, which the steady, crippling diet of Pournelle and Hanson will have only made worse. You can just imagine Jonah ratting his superior out to the occupiers, and then either (a) tripping over himself to display his patriotism and loyalty or (b) getting surly about the inevitably meager recompense and making what might just be the most overrated strategic error possible in a guerilla war - that is, attempting to play both sides off each other.
Both of those, in a historic sense, tend to end with a power drill to the kneecaps. Even that, mind, is assuming far too much about his ability to survive without Cheetos and Code Red.
Tommykey said,
October 9, 2008 at 18:43
Red Dawn is one of those dumb movies that I still feel compelled to watch every time it is on. Flash Gordon was another one.
A few things have always annoyed me about Red Dawn.
1. There is a scene where the Wolverines, along with Powers Boothe, attack the Soviets and free a bunch of the towns people. The Wolverines give the freed Americans guns and they all escape into the night. You would think that most of the freed Americans would have joined the Wolverines in the hills and swelled their numbers, but in the next scene its still the same six or seven people.
2. If Patrick Swayze’s character had just kept his mouth shut and pulled the trigger, he could have easily killed the mean Soviet general. Instead, he has to telegraph his intentions by saying “You lose” while the Soviet general still has his back to him. Incredibly dumb move that gets him mortally wounded.
Personally, I interpret the ending as meaning the United States won. It was not so much that the Wolverines “won” the war for the United States, but rather that they were able to tie down enough Soviet forces to give the American forces time to regroup in that sector of the conflict. Powers Boothe’s character mentions that China is fighting against the Soviets too, and therefore China could have cut off the Soviet supply line, making occupation of American territory untenable.
bayville said,
October 9, 2008 at 18:46
While Jonas is fiddlin’ with the DVD player, Richie Lowry is out there beating the bushes and breaking 5-year old stories.
Click here and search for Dohrn.
Here is the actual link of the 2003 story: http://www.kron4.com/Global/story.asp?S=1519460
histrogeek said,
October 9, 2008 at 18:46
I was amused slightly by Red Dawn when I was 15 or whatever, but even then I saw that high school kids had a rather large number of RPGs. And I wonder how many of these wanna-be Wolverines realize that quite a bit of the set was actually based on Soviet resistance to the Nazis (especially Partisan Rock from a similar memorial in Stalingrad) and the surrender-monkey, Commie French maquis (the short Radio America message of the “John has a long mustache.”).
And the Soviets were genuine weenies in Red Dawn. If they had been serious counter-insurgents, they would have annihilated West BFE and all surrounding farms, then let the Wolverines die or spend their time scraping in the mountains. Or they would have peppered the area in nerve gas to kill the irritating little monsters.
But the Right only knows history to the extent that it feeds their fantasies.
PeeJ said,
October 9, 2008 at 18:48
Added bonus: the layering method makes it a pousse cafe. How French!
Tommykey said,
October 9, 2008 at 18:50
Last, why doesn’t McCain bring up Saddam’s atrocities every time Obama says it was a mistake to invade. McCain should simply ask Obama if he would prefer if the torture and rape rooms were still open for business.
For chrissakes, the wingnuts make it sound like Uday Hussein was personally raping every woman in Iraq. How many Iraqi women have been raped in the last 5 and a half years? How many have been brutally murdered in honor killings like Rand Abdel Qader? How many Iraqi women are attacked in the streets by religious fanatics for not dressing “modestly” enough?
But my favorite thing I like to point out to the wingnuts is how many Christians are in Iraq now compared to how many were there before we invaded? These same people get all in a tizzy if a department store clerk says “Happy Holidays” instead of “Merry Christmas”, but they don’t seem to notice about how many Christian Iraqis have fled the country because they are no longer safe. That’s the difference between faux persecution and real persecution.
atheist said,
October 9, 2008 at 18:51
Basically, you can talk about all kinds of matters in the storyline of Red Dawn, but ultimately it’s just absurd that the USA could have been successfully invaded by the USSR and Cuba in the 1980s or 1990s.
The USSR was crumbling from internal rot. Cuba was and is tiny. That’s the goofiest part of that flick.
g said,
October 9, 2008 at 18:51
I’ve never seen the movie. But I don’t think I have to. From the linked article:
Milius pans from a “They can have my gun when they pry it from my cold dead fingers” bumper sticker to a Red Army soldier prying a gun from the cold, dead fingers of an American.
Now THAT, my friends, there’s some fine movie-makin’ there.
WereBear said,
October 9, 2008 at 18:52
The classic binary dilemma of wingnut struggle.
MajorKong said,
October 9, 2008 at 18:54
“Well, there are certain parts of New York, Major, that I wouldn’t advise you to try and invade” - Humphrey Bogart in Casablanca
PeeJ said,
October 9, 2008 at 18:54
Oh this is just fucking great. Feed our paranoia some more, wouldja?
bayville said,
October 9, 2008 at 18:57
Follow-up.
CASE OVER!!! LOWRY, NRO READER SOLVE SF MURDERS.
It didn’t take Richie Lowry long to solve that San Francisco murder case dating back to 1970. Here’s the UPDATE:
Here’s police link. http://www.sfgov.org/site/police_index.asp?id=53857
Mo's Bike Shop said,
October 9, 2008 at 19:04
Considering that Pantload wrote that and the Universe did not immediately implode, I have no further worries about the Hardon Collider.
Me said,
October 9, 2008 at 19:04
Sheesh. Here we are in the comments on a post mocking Goldberg’s serious analysis of a shitty 80’s action flick, and they’re filled with serious analysis of shitty 80’s action flicks.
the_millionaire_lebowski said,
October 9, 2008 at 19:08
Hey Brad, wasn’t there a piece here once about Red Dawn?
Could we get a link to that? Hte Google is failing me right now.
PeeJ said,
October 9, 2008 at 19:19
Google.
http://www.sadlyno.com/archives/6275.html
http://www.sadlyno.com/archives/2469.html
http://www.sadlyno.com/archives/date/2007/06/page/3
PogueMahone said,
October 9, 2008 at 19:20
Thinking more about the movie, I thought to myself - ‘Wasn’t there an American flag over the monument’.
And I thought all that drinking would have affected my memory.
From Wikipedia,
Although most of the high school partisans are killed, a voice-over appears at the end of the movie by Erica, one of the two survivors, showing a World War III memorial. The American flag flying above it implies the United States had - eventually — won the war.
WereBear said,
October 9, 2008 at 19:20
Had a marvy flashback to the scene in V where the spoiled punk betrayer is dragged off to the kitchen.
Now that’s some campy insurgency for ya!
libarbarian said,
October 9, 2008 at 19:25
Oh, and in case anyone didn’t know already: in the 80s, Rambo fought with the Taliban.
I’m not even fucking joking.
Yes, sorry, but you fucking are joking even if you don’t know it.
The Taliban DID NOT EXIST during the 80s.
The Afghan mujahideen of the 80s included some factions which later went on the join with the Taliban and others which went on the form the Northern Alliance.
Equating all of the 80s mujahideen with the Taliban is as fucking ignorant and sloppy as equating the entire 2nd century AD Christian community with the official Catholic church.
the_millionaire_lebowski said,
October 9, 2008 at 19:26
Thanks PeeJ, but I remember it was like a full-on faux review.
It may have been at Poorman, in which case I’m screwed, since The Editors impulsively wipes his site every time he loses a round of Madden ‘07.
libarbarian said,
October 9, 2008 at 19:28
Flash Gordon was another one.
FUCK YEAH!! The Queen Soundtrack. The Hawk-men. That movie is one of the best awful movies ever!!!!
The Goddamn Batman Would Have Beaten The Dirty Reds In Two Weeks, Including Coffee Breaks, Singlehandedly said,
October 9, 2008 at 19:29
“I don’t know if you recall the rage at the movie from the left at the time”? Let me quote my archnemesis: “HA HA HA HA HA HEE oo ho ho ho Ah ha hah!” Unless you are using “rage” as “smirks at the sheer improbabilityimpossibility of the premise”. Hell, Amerika seemed realistic next to this misbegotten miscarriage.
Dragon-King Wangchuck said,
October 9, 2008 at 19:34
Incidentally, here’s the original offending Plotz review.
IOW, as a pimply faced teenager in the 80s, Red Dawn was freaking awesome, but now that I’m no longer an adolescent turd - I recognize Red Dawn as a paranoid sociopathic fever dream. From awesome to awful just by virtue of no longer seeing things through a 14 year old’s eyes.
J— said,
October 9, 2008 at 19:35
the_millionaire_lebowski: Are you perhaps thinking of Scott C’s extended summary at the old World O’Crap site?
Good stuff, either for a first read or a reread.
Part 1
Part 2
Part 3
Part 4
Part 5
Gundamhead said,
October 9, 2008 at 19:36
I eagerly await the Cornhole’s brilliant analysis of the profound political insights and denouncements of the crazed leftist hatred of the new “American Ninja” movie. Should it ever actually exist, at least. And if Obama gets his way, it won’t!
The Malfunctioning Glenn Reynolds Robot said,
October 9, 2008 at 19:37
Heh. Indeed. We’re winning! Read the whole thing. Obama’s got an oozing sense of entitlement. Gaffe-o-matic! The media can’t hide their support for Obama. Heh. Indeed. We’re winning! Read the whole thing. Obama’s got an oozing sense of entitlement. Gaffe-o-matic! The media can’t hide their support for Obama. Heh. Indeed. We’re winning! Read the whole thing. Obama’s got an oozing sense of entitlement. Gaffe-o-matic! The media can’t hide their support for Obama. Heh. Indeed. We’re winning! Read the whole thing. Obama’s got an oozing sense of entitlement. Gaffe-o-matic! The media can’t hide their support for Obama. Heh. Indeed. We’re winning! Read the whole thing. Obama’s got an oozing sense of entitlement. Gaffe-o-matic! The media can’t hide their support for Obama. Heh. Indeed. We’re winning! Read the whole thing. Obama’s got an oozing sense of entitlement. Gaffe-o-matic! The media can’t hide their support for Obama. Heh. Indeed. We’re winning! Read the whole thing. Obama’s got an oozing sense of entitlement. Gaffe-o-matic! The media can’t hide their support for Obama. Heh. Indeed. We’re winning! Read the whole thing. Obama’s got an oozing sense of entitlement. Gaffe-o-matic! The media can’t hide their support for Obama. Heh. Indeed. We’re winning! Read the whole thing. Obama’s got an oozing sense of entitlement. Gaffe-o-matic! The media can’t hide their support for Obama. Heh. Indeed. We’re winning! Read the whole thing. Obama’s got an oozing sense of entitlement. Gaffe-o-matic! The media can’t hide their support for Obama. Heh. Indeed. We’re winning! Read the whole thing. Obama’s got an oozing sense of entitlement. Gaffe-o-matic! The media can’t hide their support for Obama. Heh. Indeed. We’re winning! Read the whole thing. Obama’s got an oozing sense of entitlement. Gaffe-o-matic! The media can’t hide their support for Obama. Heh. Indeed. We’re winning! Read the whole thing. Obama’s got an oozing sense of entitlement. Gaffe-o-matic! The media can’t hide their support for Obama. Heh. Indeed. We’re winning! Read the whole thing. Obama’s got an oozing sense of entitlement. Gaffe-o-matic! The media can’t hide their support for Obama. Heh. Indeed. We’re winning! Read the whole thing. Obama’s got an oozing sense of entitlement. Gaffe-o-matic! The media can’t hide their support for Obama. Heh. Indeed. We’re winning! Read the whole thing. Obama’s got an oozing sense of entitlement. Gaffe-o-matic! The media can’t hide their support for Obama. Heh. Indeed. We’re winning! Read the whole thing. Obama’s got an oozing sense of entitlement. Gaffe-o-matic! The media can’t hide their support for Obama. Heh. Indeed. We’re winning! Read the whole thing. Obama’s got an oozing sense of entitlement. Gaffe-o-matic! The media can’t hide their support for Obama. Heh. Indeed. We’re winning! Read the whole thing. Obama’s got an oozing sense of entitlement. Gaffe-o-matic! The media can’t hide their support for Obama. Heh. Indeed. We’re winning! Read the whole thing. Obama’s got an oozing sense of entitlement. Gaffe-o-matic! The media can’t hide their support for Obama. Heh. Indeed. We’re winning! Read the whole thing. Obama’s got an oozing sense of entitlement. Gaffe-o-matic! The media can’t hide their support for Obama. Heh. Indeed. We’re winning! Read the whole thing. Obama’s got an oozing sense of entitlement. Gaffe-o-matic! The media can’t hide their support for Obama. Heh. Indeed. We’re winning! Read the whole thing. Obama’s got an oozing sense of entitlement. Gaffe-o-matic! The media can’t hide their support for Obama. Heh. Indeed. We’re winning! Read the whole thing. Obama’s got an oozing sense of entitlement. Gaffe-o-matic! The media can’t hide their support for Obama.
ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said,
October 9, 2008 at 19:38
G HW Bush, and Ronald Wilson Reagan, for that matter, had no problem with their good business partner Saddam (or his atrocities) until Saddam messed with their even better business partner Kuwait.
RobW said,
October 9, 2008 at 19:39
Although I suppose that just because I didn’t see one thing that didn’t happen it doesn’t mean that there were other things that did happen that I didn’t see.
A lot of things happened in the ’80s that you didn’t see. Like that thing happening in the bathroom at the Friday night showing of the Rocky Horror Picture Show? You totally did not see that.
Dragon-King Wangchuck said,
October 9, 2008 at 19:39
Also, what happened to the right blogger tendency to be super-overly-ultra pedantic about military matters? Watch the clip in the Plotz review and tell me how any second amendment worshipping right-tard could let that smattering of “ping-ping-pew” stand as the output from a Hind gunship.
the_millionaire_lebowski said,
October 9, 2008 at 19:40
No, no. The review I was thinking of was told in the first-person, in flashback form. The author is a young kid, and stays up late at his friend’s place and they watch Red Dawn because it might be cool. In the end, the two kidsa conclude that the movie is, in their words, “gay.”
Loneoak said,
October 9, 2008 at 19:41
Give these sentences another look:
This is basically a right-wing koan, whose mysteries are unfathomable by a human brain that has not reached a state of perfect ecstasy, blinding it to a surface reality. Somehow, this person is able to say simultaneously that “we care so much about these poor citizens of the world that we liberated them from rape rooms” and “only fucking libtard pussies care about the 100,000 non-combatants killed as collateral damage in our glorious war.”
Is he a genius who has reached a state of internal bliss or a fool who has no ability to reflect on his own thoughts? Sadly, these are the kind of judgments that us mere liberals cannot make because we have not sufficiently meditated at the feet of the Pantload Buddha.
Principal Blackman said,
October 9, 2008 at 19:43
I saw Red Dawn when I was 10 years old. Thought it was pretty cool.
Me too–I dug it back then because it was all about guns and blowing shit up. AWESOME!
Then I saw it again later when I was more able to grasp the implications of the narrative, and I thought it was hilarious, bordering on satire. I guess I shouldn’t be surprised that wingnuts worship it to this very day–they also border on satire.
Anyway, as far as El DoPa’s fan club talking about “we should tie this into contemporary real-world events,” a comment at the original Slate article points out that SNL already made the definitive statement about that:
“Because there’s nothing Americans would rather see right now than a movie about a powerful, industrialized military force being blown to pieces by a band of guerilla freedom fighters.”
ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said,
October 9, 2008 at 19:44
Obatma!
Election changing news, my
friendsfellow prisoners of war.At a shocking press conference this morning, Democratic presidential candidate Barack Obama announced that he has a half-man half-bat half-brother.
~
Righteous Bubba said,
October 9, 2008 at 19:46
Barack Obama announced that he has a half-man half-bat half-brother.
Rich Lowry is working on a secondary verification of this.
SamFromUtah said,
October 9, 2008 at 19:46
The Editors impulsively wipes his site every time he loses a round of Madden ‘07.
It is a pity, too, since the last fit of pique destroyed the Kippies. I’ll have to look for some Google cache versions.
Loneoak said,
October 9, 2008 at 19:51
Woverines? They have the
stupidestmost intimidating, awesomest, kick ass helmets in college football.Fixed.
Appalachian State said,
October 9, 2008 at 19:52
O RLY?
jim said,
October 9, 2008 at 19:54
When it comes to Red Dawn I think I’ll just wait for the novel, thanks.
Acually, I’ve seen brief excerpts on YouTube - & that’s time I’ll never get back: from what little I’ve seen, it’s one of the stupidest fucking movies ever. Little wonder wingnuts love it - it’s like a feature-length aneurysm. One chopper dropping a few cans of Sarin on Teh Mighty Wolverines from 8,000 feet up would’ve made for a MUCH shorter movie, though, so …
Uh, I really don’t think McCain wants to touch the T-word with a barge-pole at this point, I mean with that whole waterboarding thing still on the table & all … & seeing as how he sort of signed off on it despite his own “Enhanced Interrogation” experience. Bad optics is putting it mildly.
Plus I’ve heard for years now that BOTH Iraq & Afghanistan have undergone a regular rape-renaissance since the US started using them as bombing-practice … which any dolt could’ve predicted once civil society fell apart. So McCain’s best move on the subject would be to keep his leering yap shut - but with mega-fuckups like “that one” & “my fellow prisoners” to his credit in just the last few days, hell, who knows? Flip a coin.
Dragon-King Wangchuck said,
October 9, 2008 at 19:58
Ahh, Jonah. Arguing about how incredibly crappy Red Dawn is as a movie - fun and all, but let’s look at Pantload’s objections to the review.
Ahh, hte surge. Everybody lurves da surge. Iraq is all flowers and candy now that we’ve gor such a Petraeusy surge installed:
Um. Fuck You Jonah.
owlbear1 said,
October 9, 2008 at 19:59
What? No loving for Red Sonja?
jim said,
October 9, 2008 at 20:00
Actually, I never use SpellCheck.
Grandjester said,
October 9, 2008 at 20:01
Ah Red Dawn!
Are there ANY of life’s lessons that cannot be learned thru Patrick Swaze movies?
PeeJ said,
October 9, 2008 at 20:03
Waiting for McThuselah to say he knows how to have won that war.
He knows how to win the war. He knows how to fix the economy. He knows how to…
When the fuck is he going to share this exotic knowledge with The Country? Because, y’know *wink* Country First!
Dragon-King Wangchuck said,
October 9, 2008 at 20:04
I’m actually hoping that the Red Dawn remake is going to be done by Simon Pegg and it’ll be called Red Shaun.
ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said,
October 9, 2008 at 20:04
Are there ANY of life’s lessons that cannot be learned thru Patrick Swaze movies?
Pain don’t hurt.
Mo's Bike Shop said,
October 9, 2008 at 20:09
Teh Editors on Red Dawn:
http://web.archive.org/web/20060612203915/www.thepoorman.net/2006/03/22/if-you-formed-a-team-of-the-finest-minds-in-the-world-and-forced-them-to-work-every-waking-moment-of-their-lives-and-they-all-lived-for-a-million-years-you-could-not-make-this-shit-up/
Susan of Texas said,
October 9, 2008 at 20:10
Are there ANY of life’s lessons that cannot be learned thru Patrick Swaze movies?
Philosophy: Road House
Religion: Ghost
Military/Political: Red Dawn
The Arts: Dirty Dancing
Nope, there are not.
PeeJ said,
October 9, 2008 at 20:16
Morality: To Wong Foo, Thanks for Everything! Julie Newmar
PeeJ said,
October 9, 2008 at 20:17
Law: Black Dog
PeeJ said,
October 9, 2008 at 20:18
I can’t go on with this. Looking at his filmography has got me chuckling uncontrollably.
Dragon-King Wangchuck said,
October 9, 2008 at 20:19
Chuckling Uncontrollably: Point Break
Snorghagen said,
October 9, 2008 at 20:20
What better way to spend your allotted span of time on this earth?
actor212 said,
October 9, 2008 at 20:25
Added bonus: the layering method makes it a pousse cafe. How French!
Well, I was going for the parallel to the tequila sunrise…get it? Sunrise? Dawn?…but I like your riff.
Loneoak said,
October 9, 2008 at 20:26
Appalachian State said,
October 9, 2008 at 19:52
Woverines? They have the stupidest most intimidating, awesomest, kick ass helmets in college football.
Fixed.
O RLY?
I didn’t say that they have the best football team, I said they have the best football helmets. It’s an off-year for the team, but it’s always a good year for the helmets. Next year will be a good one for both.
Sarcastro said,
October 9, 2008 at 20:27
Let’s not forget the lessons we all learned from Steel Dawn….
Mainly, don’t make shit ripoffs of Mad Max.
PeeJ said,
October 9, 2008 at 20:27
Intrade numbers for today: Obama ~75, McThuselah ~25. That’s 3:1, my friends. Oh, and O’s EC take is at 364. My fellow prisoners, that’s landslide territory.
actor212 said,
October 9, 2008 at 20:28
Foreign Relations: City of Joy
Sarcastro said,
October 9, 2008 at 20:28
I didn’t say that they have the best football team, I said they have the best football helmets.
Delaware’s are better.
Go Hens!
Nebraska football player said,
October 9, 2008 at 20:30
Hey! I just found out that the “N” on my helmet stands for nowlidge!
Snorghagen said,
October 9, 2008 at 20:33
How could he have known about that? All of us traitorous fellow-travelers were under strict instructions from Moscow to conceal our anger and to just go about our business of mapping out drop-zones for Spetsnaz parachutists.
Dragon-King Wangchuck said,
October 9, 2008 at 20:33
Meteorology: the video for She’s like the Wind.
mmm...fadgey! said,
October 9, 2008 at 20:40
What are you, new? That’s how we roll!
Jason Todd said,
October 9, 2008 at 20:42
At least they seem to have given up on the rant that The Dark Knight was about Bush and his battles against terrorism.
Bush- the Dark Knight
OneMan said,
October 9, 2008 at 20:46
D-KW, all those violent incidents you pointed out involve only those dirty brown people.
Smells like Victory!
Ken Lowery said,
October 9, 2008 at 20:47
Alabama Crimson Tide. Classic.
Monkay said,
October 9, 2008 at 20:49
That most dangerous of creatures . . .
Righteous Bubba said,
October 9, 2008 at 20:56
That most dangerous of creatures . . .
The comments are great:
alec said,
October 9, 2008 at 20:57
For the most part, this is a matter of tribal loyalty; what brought them all out onto the battlefield in the first place was a mixture of violent opposition to the secular government and what amounted to a blank check by the CIA to take over for whoever’s organization wound up on top. The name would probably have been different, but I can’t imagine an Afghan Civil War ending in Soviet defeat (which is any reasonable one) which produced a government meaningfully different from the Taliban in any way.
If it’s a simplification, it’s a simplification in the US policy establishment’s favor - the most malicious thing to come out of the Afghani insurgency wasn’t the Taliban per se but the emergent global network of Islamist recruiters and organizers the mujahideen represented. The ideal case was the US backing Pashtun insurgents who would turn around and, after triumphantly occupying Kabul, start forcing back the clock as far and as hard as they could. The worst-case scenario is what we have now: the people who the US was shilling for at the time turning around and becoming a global opponent of the US.
They’re the only significant ideological successor group, so sure - in terms of squabbling religious fundamentalists tends to be pretty close to tautological. And it was understood pretty well at the time that someone willing to take on the USSR over religion took religion pretty goddamn seriously, and considering what had just happened in Iran we didn’t exactly have any delusions about what taking religion seriously meant in that part of the world. With the sole exception of the specific actors and names involved, I’m not seeing the distinction.
alec said,
October 9, 2008 at 20:59
Sorry: ‘blank check’ remained in there as a grammatical fill long after ‘carte blanche’ should have come in.
Lawnguylander said,
October 9, 2008 at 20:59
Re InTrade, K-Lo at the Corner:
Larry Johnson? Egalia? Mandos?
Loneoak said,
October 9, 2008 at 21:04
Alabama Crimson Tide. Classic.
The mascot should be a tampon.
gocart mozart said,
October 9, 2008 at 21:05
My favorite 80’s wingnut movie is Rambo III . I found Rambo’s friendship with Bin Laden to be rather touching.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6a8_Hd4he_8
PeeJ said,
October 9, 2008 at 21:12
Dick Cheney? Antonin “Little Pipi” Scalia?
comsympinko said,
October 9, 2008 at 21:15
I’m an eye surgeon, and we have our own saying: “Our patients tend not to bleed much during surgery.”
So I’m not really up on the whole stopping bleeding thing.
But I do know this–when the patient’s dead, the bleeding definitely stops.
I’m thinking more of this guy’s surgeries end up in a drawer than in recovery…
Jed Eckert said,
October 9, 2008 at 21:22
YOU’RE ALL GONNA DIE!1!!!1 DIE STANDIN’ UP1!1!!!!!
Colonel Bella said,
October 9, 2008 at 21:25
Now I’m just like you. A policeman.
Snorghagen said,
October 9, 2008 at 21:27
I thought this was the film that portrayed Bush’s Global War on Terror.
The Aardvark said,
October 9, 2008 at 21:27
I’M COMING WITH YOU COLONEL AAAAAACK!!1!!1!
(Lex) Palianated said,
October 9, 2008 at 21:29
Oh I MUST get my husband to upload again that video of him ranting the Renfest. Those people sure are good for a bit of parody. Love the pics, keep em coming. They can even have new heads!
Lieutenant Colonel Tanner said,
October 9, 2008 at 21:30
It was five-to-one. I got four.
(Lex) Palianated said,
October 9, 2008 at 21:30
Oh yeah, back OT, “Red Dawn”? Is he fucking serious? Sorry, just caught on to this thread.
General Bratchenko said,
October 9, 2008 at 21:32
I am a hunter.
Perfectly Functioning Daryl Bates Robot said,
October 9, 2008 at 21:36
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tigrismus said,
October 9, 2008 at 21:41
The Crimson Tide mascot should be a deadly oyster. Elephants are rarely a vector of the neurotoxin.
mmm...fadgey! said,
October 9, 2008 at 21:43
O/T blogwhore moment:
Cindy McCain is actually the Cryptkeeper. Seriously.
mmm...fadgey! said,
October 9, 2008 at 21:44
And, as always, the “I’m just sayin’” is for you, PeeJ.
Righteous Bubba said,
October 9, 2008 at 21:45
Dow’s up to 8700! Celebration, yeah!
sagra said,
October 9, 2008 at 21:46
McCain should simply ask Obama if he would prefer if the torture and rape rooms were still open for business.
Yes! God, please let this happen.
SamFromUtah said,
October 9, 2008 at 21:47
Cindy McCain is actually the Cryptkeeper.
Not bad, but I’m still partial to the Serveta Skwigelf comparison.
The Spetznaz Commandos Who Were Ambushed And Killed By High School Kids said,
October 9, 2008 at 21:48
We’re obviously not very good.
Rugged in Montana said,
October 9, 2008 at 21:51
(Ahem).
I’ve been patrolling the perimiters my yard with a fully erect M1A1 Battle Rifle™ every since my first viewing of Red Dawn. At first, I was on the lookout for Russians, then, when that got kinda boring and pointless, I kept watch against black helicopters. Still no luck. Finally, I stuck paydirt. Now I defend my property against the scourge of mankind, Islamosexuals. This threat is real, as I should know, they frequently linger around the garbage cans on the other side of my garage. I’ve never gotten a good look at them as they’re wiley, shadowy types that always manage to escape when I leave my basement to confront them. I sure could use the Wolverines here to set a trap for them. I love Wolverines, but I hate badgers.
Snorghagen said,
October 9, 2008 at 21:56
Celebrate by buying this prescient book. Only 2 left in stock–order soon!
Righteous Bubba said,
October 9, 2008 at 21:56
Can you please shoot me some orbs?
Smut Clyde said,
October 9, 2008 at 21:57
(1) Air goes in and out. (2) Blood goes round and round. (3) Oxygen is good. (4) Bleeding always stops.
I hope I have not given away too many professional secrets.
it’ll look like you’re puking blood.
Speaking as a sample of n=1, puked blood comes up looking like instant coffee granules, on account of clotting from the stomach acid. But YPBMV.
And “Red Dawn”? Pah. I have watched “Army of the Shadows”. You, sir, are no Army of the Shadows.
Snorghagen said,
October 9, 2008 at 21:57
Fucking goddamned Wordpress.
Turdor said,
October 9, 2008 at 21:59