Oct
4

Shorter Rich Lowry




Posted at 9:12 by HTML Mencken


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Projecting through the Screen

  • Huhuhuh black dress.. BOIOIOIOINNNNNNNNNNG!… she’s so hot [fapfapfap]… hey, Sarah baby.. come to Richie… huhuhuh… nice smile, purty mouth [fapfap] omg she just winked at me [fapfapfapFAPFAAAAP].. AAAAAAAHhhhhuhuhuh.. I see, like, starbursts and stuff… huhuhuh.. did I just do it?

‘Shorter’ concept created by Daniel Davies and perfected by Elton Beard. We are aware of all Internet traditions.™

Lowry, here, has even managed to outjizz Mark Steyn in posting the Cornhole’s most flagrantly masturbatory Palin-worshipping entry, EVAR — something I had not thought possible (and try not to think about at all). But then, neither did I think it was possible for Rich Lowry to be aroused by anything less than nuclear annihilation of Islamic cities, much less by anything so ordinary as a mere woman. I learn something new every day. Even when I don’t want to.

XXXtra: It’s difficult to go again so soon after splooging, but Lowry’s a determined guy, and moves his wank-a-thon over to the New York Post.

46 Comments »

  1. Smut Clyde said,

    October 4, 2008 at 9:22

    I would not eat them on weet-bix,
    I would not eat them spiked on sticks.
    I would not eat them turning tricks,
    I DO NOT LIKE big bags of dicks.

  2. GOPnot4me said,

    October 4, 2008 at 9:24

    Republican porn, eewww!

    SadlyNo has been on my blogroll since day one, you rock!

  3. Smut Clyde said,

    October 4, 2008 at 9:35

    Did you not get enough two threads ago?

    There are some moments when members of a political movement come together as one, sharing the same thoughts, feeling the same emotions, breathing the same shallow breaths.

    Republican bukkake porn!

  4. Lesley said,

    October 4, 2008 at 9:39

    One of Rich’s friends should do him a favour and take him to the Chicken Ranch for a couple of hours. Maybe one of the girls can dress up like Sarah Palin. For an extra thousand a minute maybe.

    If anyone is watching Real Time, how is it that Christiane Amanpour has a paid job as a foreign correspondent? She is dumber than a box of rocks.

    Right now she’s defending Palin because she’s a girl. Good grief.

  5. a different brad said,

    October 4, 2008 at 9:53

    Y’know what would be a good pic to go with this?
    Bush’s face on Palin’s head.
    Mess with some right wing minds. Maybe push a few out of the closet.

  6. Lesley said,

    October 4, 2008 at 10:39

    somebody posted a photo of Palin’s face on Cheney’s head. One for Fright Night to be sure.

  7. Nimrod Gently said,

    October 4, 2008 at 14:20

    GOD DAMN I AM EATING HERE

  8. MaineMan said,

    October 4, 2008 at 14:58

    CNN has posted a piece with an “expert’s” analysis of the language used by the VP candidates in the debate. Based primarily on sentence structure and vocabulary, Biden spoke at just short of an 8th grade reading level and Palin spoke (on average) between a grade-9 and grade-10 reading level. Her closing statement was sufficiently convoluted as to attain a “grade-18.6″ reading level. IOW, even someone like me, with seven years of undergrad work so far, would have difficulty comprehending Palin. Indeed, political rhetoric hasn’t been this hard to understand since the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor.

    The piece also notes that newspaper articles are typically written to a 6th grade reading level and that Lincoln, in his debates with Douglas, spoke at an 11th-grade reading level.

  9. WereBear said,

    October 4, 2008 at 15:04

    Her closing statement was sufficiently convoluted as to attain a “grade-18.6? reading level.

    But, parsed for sense, it plummets back down to a badly written Turing test.

  10. PeeJ said,

    October 4, 2008 at 15:05

    Heh. Keith Olbermann called out Lowry for that. “I don’t care if you masturbate to …” Classic moment.

  11. PeeJ said,

    October 4, 2008 at 15:08

    I think I can clear up the confusion over Palin’s speech. That’s not an en dash or hyphen but a minus sign. She was speaking at grade minus 18.

  12. Dr.BDH said,

    October 4, 2008 at 15:08

    Lowry projected through his TV screen and now he needs a plastic surgeon and a urologist. Sad.

  13. WereBear said,

    October 4, 2008 at 15:10

    Lawsy me, another web gaffe for McCain. A recent web ad based on the debate:

    The end of the ad contains a rather ironic and distracting spelling mistake. The ad asserts that Biden is ready to “exagerrate,” but not ready to lead. Wired

    That’s how the ad ends, for maximum impact.

    But maybe it doesn’t matter. Can Republicans spell?

  14. Larry Craig said,

    October 4, 2008 at 15:19

    Smut Clyde said,
    October 4, 2008 at 9:22

    Would you? Could you?
    In a stall?
    Eat them! Eat them!
    Eat them all!

    You may like them.
    You will see.
    You may like them
    While you pee!

  15. Lawnguylander said,

    October 4, 2008 at 15:27

    I feel for all those unfortunate cleaning ladies who on Friday were busy wiping off what many wingnuts projected onto their TV screens on Thursday night.

  16. mmm...lemonheads said,

    October 4, 2008 at 15:36

    If Cindy McCain and Palin are ever close onstage together, methinks Mr. Lowry’s prostate might explode.

  17. Snorghagen said,

    October 4, 2008 at 16:05

    …it was so sparkling it was almost mesmerizing. It sent little starbursts through the screen and ricocheting around the living rooms of America.

    Damn…

  18. Tommykey said,

    October 4, 2008 at 16:08

    Makes me think of the movie Clerks, when Randall tells Dante about the responsibilities of a jizz mopper.

  19. ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said,

    October 4, 2008 at 17:19

    Forget Drudge.

    Beavis and Butthead rule my world.

  20. Joe's Throbbing-Sixpack said,

    October 4, 2008 at 17:53

    My hands could barely contain my excitement as I watcher her tattooed lips dance across the screen, seducing me with words carefully chosen to unleash a fury of emotions that I haven’t felt since that autumn of 1978 in the back of my Chevy SS. Alone, as I was back then, watching her forcefully pounding her messege…aaaaah ooooh, yes Sarah, more….4 more years. I can take it.Do me baby, one more time.

  21. gbear said,

    October 4, 2008 at 17:57

    Someone over at Balloon Juice is posting comments under the name of ‘Starburst Pantload’. I am filled with envy.

  22. SamFromUtah said,

    October 4, 2008 at 18:02

    It’s times like these when I really miss the Kippies. Their “Fluffy” category was meant to be for Bush-worshippers, but this Lowry ejaculate would be a shoo-in for a similar prize.

  23. ManOnBlog - aka"Guzzle Red Palin" said,

    October 4, 2008 at 18:29

    Looks like Rich has his own personal Palin “bump”.

  24. Joe Max said,

    October 4, 2008 at 20:18

    I, for one, just don’t get it.

    I usually go for the MILF librarian look! But my very first glimpse of that Palin woman turned me off, before I even heard a word come out of her mouth.

    I. Don’t. Get. It.

    But she’s ruined that look for me forever now. Thanks, Sarah, you stupid asswipe.

  25. Sarah Palin's Severed Head on a Plate said,

    October 4, 2008 at 20:20

    Did you see my sparkly flag pin? I’m perky! I sent little starbursts through the screen that ricocheted around all the god-blessed living rooms in America! I was mesmerizing! So let’s just get the goshdarn government out of the way so the magical free-market ponies can fly out of my buttbuttbutt grorbt-flogez-thoglqpud…blinkblinkblink… *plop*

  26. Lesley said,

    October 4, 2008 at 22:30

    On Real Time last night Alec Baldwin did a nice sendup of Palin’s performance, winking and mincing at the camera. Gary Shandling said Biden prepared by watching old clips of Johnny Carson handling Charo.

  27. Legalize said,

    October 4, 2008 at 22:53

    Shorter Lowry: “Put the lotion in the basket.”

  28. ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said,

    October 4, 2008 at 23:17

    Shorter Broder: Nixon’s ass still tastes good.

    ifthethunderdontgetya wrote:
    Broder you sick f*cker.

    You never got your tongue out of Dick Nixon’s @ss, did you.

    Retire, @sswipe.
    ~
    10/4/2008 5:03:10 PM

    .

  29. Smut Clyde said,

    October 4, 2008 at 23:45

    It sent little starbursts through the screen and ricocheting around the living rooms of America
    I intend to use that as an excuse, the next time the Frau Doktorin asks me about the source of all the little burnt spots in the carpet.

  30. jim said,

    October 5, 2008 at 4:34

    Lowry’s Vaseline sponsorship is in the bag.

    It sent little starbursts through the screen and ricocheting around the living rooms of America

    Funny, that’s exactly what I see everywhere I look … right before I vomit. Thus, the decription of Palin’s performance is precisely correct.

    The slut-status of the pundits has rarely been so obvious – it’s as if they & the average viewers actually watched two different “debates” … the term belongs in quotes: use of “notes” (cue-cards), questions agreed to & known beforehand, & no extended interchange does not equal a real debate. Perhaps “Popularity Contest” would be a more apt term for what these spectacles have become.

  31. Bina said,

    October 5, 2008 at 5:42

    I’m just grateful that WonkaVision doesn’t really exist. I don’t think I’d WANT a miniature Sarah Palin in my living room; her voice is already screechy enough at full size.

  32. Rich2506 said,

    October 5, 2008 at 6:02

    Back when I was in college, my roommate Mike was watching TV and Debbie Harry of Blondie came on. Mike remembered “Hey, Rich likes this chick!” and watched her sing. He later told me “She is SUCH a babe! And when she was finished, she looked right into the camera and I was like, wow!”
    Now note: Mike was much younger than Lowry, Mike had a few beers in him and it was late at night when he saw Blondie sing. I understood then and understand now that Mike appreciated her artistry. He was fully aware that she appeared to be looking at him only because she was an experienced singer and she made it appear that way.
    Mike was capable of distinguishing between a performance and someone who was looking at him, personally.

  33. Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

    October 5, 2008 at 6:30

    I was pounding soju during the debate, Lowry was just pounding!

  34. Not Sarah Palin said,

    October 5, 2008 at 7:32

    It’s difficult to go again so soon after splooging
    In what respect, Charley?

  35. palau said,

    October 5, 2008 at 8:49

    It sent little starbursts through the screen and ricocheting around the living rooms of America

    A thousand points of light….

  36. palau said,

    October 5, 2008 at 8:55

    Ooops, forgot – wonder if Lowry has this outfit in his closet?

  37. bago said,

    October 5, 2008 at 13:07

    The visual is fine, but as soon as she opens her mouth (usually a good sign) bad things start to happen. Great. Thanks for ruining the glasses with a blowjob fantasy.

    It’s going to take ten crates of mind bleach and a larger than healthy number of “Secretary” being shown to restore my precious mind.

  38. Bill S said,

    October 5, 2008 at 15:28

    palau, he not only has it, he probably wears it to feel closer to her.

  39. Bill S said,

    October 5, 2008 at 17:53

    Hey, where’d my comment go? I could swear I submitted one here a while back. oh well..

  40. Rich Lowry Gets Erect For Sarah Palin | Prose Before Hos said,

    October 5, 2008 at 18:29

    [...] Olberdouche Just Being Himself, Palin’s Appeal, The Gift That Keeps On Giving, Shorter Rich Lowry, Great Moments With Mrs. Palin, and Regular People Heart Palin and [...]

  41. Alyssa said,

    October 6, 2008 at 3:06

    I mean it isn’t the only time that Mr. Lowry has gotten overexcited about something. People are giving him too much crap for it: http://www.236.com/blog/w/chez_pazienza/rich_lowry_the_william_f_buckl_9339.php
    He’s just a very passionate, visceral, creepy schmuck. That’s all.

  42. All Your Rat Fucks Are Belong to Us « The Poor Man Institute said,

    October 6, 2008 at 23:41

    [...] October 6, 2008 All Your Rat Fucks Are Belong to Us Posted by curv3ball under Uncategorized   You know, we can play around with the notion of engaging in a little rat play (I tried it, but I was just experimenting), but we’ll never mack rat bitchez like them GOP pimps.  Speaking of which, the McCain camp is so desperate to pop a rat nut that they’re bypassing surrogates altogether and letting Sarah Palin play DC Madam.  She’s not even feigning coquettishness: replacing fluttering eyelashes with salacious winks.  Poor Rich Lowry’s couch must be covered in starburst. [...]

  43. The Great Cornerholio said,

    October 8, 2008 at 2:02

    I need Teepee for my Starbursts! Are you threatening me?

  44. Blue Herald » Roundup 10/7/08 said,

    October 8, 2008 at 2:34

    [...] by Hilzoy at Obsidian Wings , Jill at Brilliant at Breakfast, Marlene H. Phillips, Kathy G, Sadly, No, LG&M, Fighting Liberals and Steve Audio. Plus, Blue Gal expresses her undying luv for that [...]

  45. Dear Mr. Fantasy said,

    October 22, 2008 at 14:33

    [...] Lowry of sparkles and starbursts infamy is aghast at “CNN taking something of his out of context.” Dude be glad they did [...]

  46. Sadly, No! » True Forced Fapiness said,

    January 28, 2013 at 13:15

    [...] women!) but also swing elections for the Kenyan Antichrist. The most they can hope for apart from starbursting on the couch to the Moose Queen* is that wingnut welfare will provide an occasional convention [...]

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