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Yeah, Nina, That’s The Ticket
If you’re trying to solve a financial meltdown, who better to go to than Nina May, a law school dropout, kitschy artist and Clown Hall columnist? Nina is, by the way, also responsible for the best portrait ever done of Ronald Reagan, which, of course, is another reason why you might want her thoughts on the current financial crisis.
Nina has her own plan to save the economy which is way better than any of the current plans. For starters, we can save Wall Street if Obama gives back his Senate salary
Obama’s Salary Should be Applied to Bailout $$$
If you had an employee who was getting $160,000 a year, plus a full time staff, travel expenses, and a huge budget to work with, but never showed up for work, what would you do? … What has he done though to earn $320,000 the past two years while he has been paid for being a Senator?
Of course, McCain, who has missed 60 percent of Senate votes this session (versus Obama’s 40%), earns every penny of his salary just by staying alive.
Nina probably realizes that $320,000 isn’t quite enough money to do any good. So May’s bailout plan gets more money from baby-killers, truly a wingnut win-win situation:
Here is an easy solution to this economic crisis, and I give Planned Parenthood the credit for making it so crystal clear. They announced that because of the economic crisis they are going to give out free abortions for a while. … [W]hy not defund Planned Parenthood and apply that money to the crisis?
Now don’t go running off and consulting Google to find any evidence of free abortions, or even a Blue Light special on abortions, offered by Planned Parenthood, because Planned Parenthood is too smart to announce publicly such nefarious plans, although they did secretly communicate them to Nina May, hoping that she needed a free abortion.
Okay, so defunding Planned Parenthood adds $300 million to the bailout fund. We’ve got $699,699,680,000 to go. Woohoo!
What is HUD’s budget? And what does HUD do besides make sure that the government can dictate to a property owner who they can and can’t rent to.
True enough, let’s take that $39 billion that HUD spends forcing folks to rent apartments to Negros and add that to our bailout fund. $660,699,680,000 to go!
The Department of Energy? What does it accomplish other than preventing us from drilling for oil in our own country to achieve oil independence?
Your right, Nina, that’s all it does. Let’s add $24 billion to your fund. Only $636,699,680,000 to go.
At last Nina gets to a big ticket agency, HHS, which does have a $700 billion budget, but, instead of throwing it into her super duper bailout fund, Nina proposes something completely and totally incomprehensible:
If you took the entire budget of HHS, which is larger than many countries in the world, divide it by the number of families it claims to help with its plantation handouts, and provide an advisor for each one, it would not only save the taxpayers millions, but it would bring an end to a totally failed system that has institutionalized dependency and served to rob people of their dignity and freedom.
I think this means something like hiring 35 million people to be advisers to 35 million Medicare recipients and paying each advisor $20,000 a year to explain to them that having the government pay part of the cost of their Zocor prescription robs them of their dignity and freedom. Frankly, if most grandparents are like mine, it would take more than a $20,000 payment to get me to tell them that. And mine don’t even own guns.
I think Nina should stick to painting puppy dogs, rainbows and unicorns.
tata said,
October 1, 2008 at 14:33
If only someone would steal more of my dignity and freedom with a better prescription plan.
Sporkey said,
October 1, 2008 at 14:37
Oh, you left out the best part before that Planned Parenthood paragraph:
WTF? I’m not quite sure how to translate this. And the “trash Bush and Republican policy” is the fault of Democrats? It sounds like she’s saying that.
I don’t know how you do it. Really, I don’t. My brain’s leaking out my ears.
Rightwingsnarkle said,
October 1, 2008 at 14:38
Wow! They had one of those paintings in my hotel room.
TLAD said,
October 1, 2008 at 14:48
Man, do I love being showered with ranting e-spittle early in the morning! Her righteous indignation is more refreshing than a cup of fine coffee.
Jennifer said,
October 1, 2008 at 14:49
Hey Clif, maybe you could “Wain-ize” that Reagan portrait by May to more clearly illustrate her mental state.
El Cid said,
October 1, 2008 at 14:50
You know what would pay for this mess? You know all the times that somebody said, “If I had a nickel for every time etc etc,” and then they had to pay each and every one of those nickels. That’d do it.
Also, all these shadow people ought to pay taxes too. I don’t work and pay taxes just so some extradimensional being seen only out of the corners of our eyes in the dark can ride scot-free.
MaineMan said,
October 1, 2008 at 14:50
Alternatively, we could simply cancel the $625bn in Social Security disbursements because those old geezers and disabled people should have planned better in the first place. We’ll keep the Social Security tax, though, of course.
folderol said,
October 1, 2008 at 14:52
Nina *so* does not know how to draw a saddle. I’ve lost all respect for her . . . .
Mickey Rooney and Judy Garland said,
October 1, 2008 at 14:59
Only $636,699,680,000 to go.
I know! We’ll put on a show and everyone in the neighbourhood will come!
LD said,
October 1, 2008 at 15:00
You know, the moeny spent in Iraq and Afghanistan would be pretty hadny in financing the bailout.
But that is just crazy talk.
Everyone knows that the best way to finance this is to borrow moeny from the chinese. It’s not like that plan can ever backfire.
But in all seriousness, I fully support these “golden parachutes” to the CEO:s of said companies.
60 kg Golden parachute, and kick then out of the plane at 3000 feet with it.
Legalize said,
October 1, 2008 at 15:13
Now that’s a proper wingnut.
mat said,
October 1, 2008 at 15:14
Ah, the utter bliss of being crazy, delusional, and stupid! It would be such a blissful existence for these wingnuts except for the fact reality keeps slamming into their windshields like giant bugs from hell.
Thank goodness their hate guides them so adroitly through the swarms of reality that obscure their way.
Dr. BDH said,
October 1, 2008 at 15:20
I think that’s Regis Philbin, not St. Ronald.
ice weasel said,
October 1, 2008 at 15:25
That crap doesn’t even qualify as bad bank art. She’s terrible. No, she’s worse than terrible. “Kitschy” doesn’t even come close. I’ve seen better art in bathroom stalls. Hell, I’ve left better art in bathroom stalls.
Mike D. said,
October 1, 2008 at 15:25
At least she dropped out of law school. She may have shit for brains, but her skull isn’t entirely empty. How to put it? Nouns aren’t capitalized, unless they’re proper nouns, for instance “Chinese.” Adjectives aren’t capitalized at all. Colons and apostrophes aren’t the same thing. Apart from that, I’m convinced. Excuse me while I forward this thread to every literate person I know.
(Lex) Palianated said,
October 1, 2008 at 15:37
But does she have Palin “merchandise”? There appears to be a Vote Bitter Movement growing on the web. But yet again SN! has introduced me to a new very interesting blog artist of the far-right.
Ripley said,
October 1, 2008 at 15:37
Hm… is it just me, or does that look like an English saddle?
You walked into the party
Like you were walking onto a yacht
Your saddle draped across one arm
Your scarf, it was apricot
Fancy lad!
Candy said,
October 1, 2008 at 15:37
I’ve asked this before, but does anyone know what is up with wingnuts and inappropriate capitalization? It seems to be sort of a trend with right-wing “writers”. The style reminds me of old-fashioned (as in several centuries ago) writing, for example:
I, Witch-Finder General of Plymouth Colony, do Hereby decree that any Person caught Reading a Newspaper or Desecrating a Painting of our King Ronald Reagan shall be brought before Me and thrown into a Pond to see if she Floats.
El Cid said,
October 1, 2008 at 15:39
I think they ought to use all the damn money the stupid hippies use on their stiny patchouli. That ought to add up to a lot.
javafascist said,
October 1, 2008 at 15:49
A poor understanding of economics?
Susan of Texas said,
October 1, 2008 at 15:51
Ye Olde Homeskool Education?
Susan of Texas said,
October 1, 2008 at 15:58
It’s the same impulse that makes them say forsooth and fortnight, a combination of angophilia and confused respect for tradition. In other words, they’re aping Buckley, who aped British gentlemen. All noblesse and no oblige, like certain other poseurs.
tigrismus said,
October 1, 2008 at 16:04
Holy crap that picture is bad. Worse even than her moronic bail-out “plan”, which is saying something. Why do these people always think social programs are a major portion of spending? Prosecute war profiteering and you’d be fiscally better off than cutting every single social program. And I bet you a cookie there’s more fat in DHS alone than HHS, HUD, Planned Parenthood, etc, taken together.
Candy said,
October 1, 2008 at 16:04
Ye Olde Homeskool Education?
That’s probably it, Susan. Or maybe they pick it up from Teh Bibble. I don’t know where my copy of the bible is or I’d look, but IIRC it was pretty heavy-handed with the caps.
A poor understanding of economics?
Sure, we mock, but Jonah’s “writing” is heavily capitalized via the wingnut welfare system.
I shouldn’t mock. I’m kind of a kettle today, I’m afraid. I have to write a measly five-minute speech and I am having writer’s block. Perhaps if I closed the Sadly window and applied myself . . .
Candy said,
October 1, 2008 at 16:06
I’ll be stealing that for future use, if you don’t mind.
Scott said,
October 1, 2008 at 16:08
Hell, I’ve left better art in bathroom stalls.
I’ve left better art in bathroom toilets…
Pope George Ringo I said,
October 1, 2008 at 16:21
Need a new link on the portrait… when I clicked on it, I got a painting of Jim Lehrer with a cowboy hat.
g said,
October 1, 2008 at 16:43
[W]hy not defund Planned Parenthood and apply that money to the crisis?
I guess I missed the part where Planned Parenthood was funded by the federal government.
Or does she have a bold new plan that we steal the bank accounts of random private non-profit organizations to finance the bailot?
Mr. Wonderful said,
October 1, 2008 at 16:53
“It’s the same impulse that makes them say forsooth and fortnight, a combination of angophilia and confused respect for tradition.”
I think you give them too much credit. It’s the language (to them) of Shakespeare, as spoken by Olivier and Clair Bloom and Anthony Quayle and *that* lot–the language of noble, effective, dashing, and heroic people who stir thousands and conquer foes *just by talking.* Which is all they do.
(Apart from the garden-variety pretentiousness, of course.)
Riiiiiiiight said,
October 1, 2008 at 16:53
Not to mention that the lion’s share of HHS budget is medicare and medicaid. Good luck with Florida’s electoral votes when those older voters find out they’re on their own.
Susan of Texas said,
October 1, 2008 at 17:00
Perhaps it’s from watching “Upstairs, Downstars” and taking notes, passing time until the plantation economy Uncle Newt promised them makes its glorious return.
folderol said,
October 1, 2008 at 17:20
Ripley, way up yonder:
Sir, I use English saddles. I know English saddles. English saddles are a friend of mine. That, sir, is no English saddle.
Don’t really know what it is. Apparently, neither does the artist.
The Dark Avenger said,
October 1, 2008 at 18:11
It could be that her first language is German, capitalization of nouns is mandatory from Der Affenmensch to Meine ZImmer.
StringonaStick said,
October 1, 2008 at 18:12
I don’t know, but the stirrup in that painting is definitely your faggy english saddle stirrup and not your manly western saddle stirrup. How dare she desecrate St. Ronnie’s memory like that!
cowalker said,
October 1, 2008 at 18:12
I’d never seen a portrait done on purple velvet before. I wonder if she takes commissions. I could get a picture of a unicorn on purple velvet. Maybe on the beach, emerging from pale lavender waves. Mmmm.
t4toby said,
October 1, 2008 at 18:22
Oh, man.
Epic Fail.
Snorghagen said,
October 1, 2008 at 18:48
I was worried about all this economic turbulalence that I’ve been hearing about, but Nina May’s carefully thought-out solutions have convinced me that the situation is well in hand. I’m gonna go flip me a few houses so I can afford to buy a great big mess of fine art.
Saddle? I thought that was a giant paramecium.
(Lex) Palianated said,
October 1, 2008 at 18:53
Susan….Homeskool…love it…ROFL
The Goddamn Batman said,
October 1, 2008 at 18:54
I understand that she does a very special “limited edition–for serious collectors only” version of that Reagan painting where you know exactly where’s the rest of him, if you catch my drift. Peggy Noonan owns three copies–bedroom ceiling, shower stall, and laundry room, opposite the slightly-unbalanced washing machine–and Ann Coulter has it tattooed on–OK, gotta stop. I’m squicking myself out, here.
Jim said,
October 1, 2008 at 20:10
Wow- her paintings stink.
jim said,
October 1, 2008 at 20:54
I’d suggest killing the “Black Budget” for all the exotic wartoys & dirty-tricks the Pentagon loves so much – there’s a good 1/4 of your financing right there … then you could trim a good $200 billion of fiscal suet out of the rest of the Pentagon, & nobody without a Halliburton/SAIC/Boeing-based portfolio would even notice … ohh yeah, the top-heavy DHS has fat, tons of it, & so does the DOE.
Make the damn pols fly Coach & you’ve saved at least a few tens of millions more, per annum – not to mention the fringe-benefit that they can’t get away when some pissed-off prole wants a straight fucking answer to a real question for a change. The YouTube infotainment possibilities are downright exhilirating.
Social-spending is like a whopping 6% of the USG budget (if that) & it’s been cut to the bone long ago. Someone send this nice lady some Haldol, & for Ah Pook’s sweet sake, pay her NOT to paint. That Reagan thing is just flat-out gackworthy.
Daphne Chyprious said,
October 2, 2008 at 1:09
Man, that’s the best example of inside out, upside down, backwards thinking I’ve come across in, well, forever.(Dictate that you don’t get to discriminate anymore, huh.) But they really do view the world from that perspective, don’t they? Like the opposite side of the kaleidoscope…the myopic side.
Gentlewoman said,
October 2, 2008 at 5:28
Alternatively, we could simply cancel the $625bn in Social Security disbursements because those old geezers and disabled people should have planned better in the first place.
I shall pay you a visit WITH my collection of walking sticks so that I may um persuade you of the wrongness of this notion.
I planned. I saved. I invested. And then the LTD insurance company, about 3 years after I became obviously too disabled to work, allowed as how they might pay me a portion of the agreed benefits an all I had to do was hire a lawyer and sue them. Since, by the time they made this generous offer, I had blown through all of my retirement savings, the lawyer-hiring portion of the program had to be done without. To the surprise of no one, no portion of any benefits were ever paid.
Count your blessings–the cognitive vagaries of my MS have caused me to be unable to recall the safe place in which I put the key to the CLOSET FULLA SHOTGUNS.
I could be, like, superhero persuasive with a closet fulla shotguns.
But, hey, the $20K intern would be really handy because it’s harder for me to do laundry and wash floors now. And I can’t drive, so maybe the intern can make the likker runs and such.
I have holes in my brain and take heavy doses of various neurological drugs and I still cannot reach the depth of fuckitude of Teh Mind of Nina May. Just. Can’t. Get. There.
Too bad, seems like a Happy Place! Happy! Happy!
hamletta said,
October 2, 2008 at 6:46
Really? You’re lucky you weren’t eated by bedbugs!
Yes, and…I didn’t miss the part where the forced-birthers have been squawking about the skajillion-dollar abortion industry for decades. Head ’splody now…must sleep.
Smut Clyde said,
October 2, 2008 at 13:10
I shall pay you a visit WITH my collection of walking sticks so that I may um persuade you of the wrongness of this notion.
I for one am eager to contribute financially to the Avenging Gentlewoman Walkingstick-of-Doom travel fund, in order to bring this scenario about.
Woody said,
October 2, 2008 at 16:40
The one decently composed painting (the battle in front of a castle) appears to be a copy of a Delacroix. Mon Dieu, a Frenchman, and one suspiciously interested in Muslim subjects.
marc said,
October 2, 2008 at 18:11
I’m glad you guys pointed out that it was supposed to be a saddle. I thought it was a health class pamphlet-esque rendering of a vagina.