Sep
24

“We need God taking over our education system.”




Posted at 15:47 by Brad

The estimable Max Blumenthal does the leg work on Crazy Sarah Palin and her crazy-assed church:

On September 20 and 21, I attended services at the church Sarah Palin belonged to since she was an adolescent, the Wasilla Assembly of God. Though Palin officially left the church in 2002, she is listed on its website as “a friend,” and spoke there as recently as June 8 of this year.

I went specifically to see a pastor visiting from Kiambu, Kenya named Thomas Muthee. Muthee gained fame within Pentecostal circles by claiming that he defeated a local witch, Mama Jane, in a great spiritual battle, thus liberating his town from sin and opening its people to the spirit of Jesus.

Muthee’s mounting stardom took him to Wasilla Assembly of God in May, 2005, where he prayed over Palin and called upon Jesus to propel her into the governor’s mansion — and beyond. Muthee also implored Jesus to protect Palin from “the spirit of witchcraft.” The video archive of that startling sermon was scrubbed from Wasilla Assembly of God’s website, but now it has reappeared.

And here it is:

For those unwilling to sit through the whole thing, I will provide highlights:

5:00: “We need God taking over our education system. If we have God in our schools, we will not have our kids being taught how to worship Buddha, how to worship Muhammad. We will not have in the curriculum witchcraft and sorcery.”

5:35: “The other area is the media. We need believers in the media. We need God taking over the media in our lives.”

7:00: Holy crap is this getting weird. Palin is now on stage and being fully blessed by Crazy Witchfighter Guy to be God’s instrument in government. He’s praying that she be used as a tool to combat witchcraft.

Oh lordy is this weird-ass shit. God, if you truly do love us, you will not let this woman anywhere near the levers of power in this country.

157 Comments »

  1. Ugly In Pink said,

    September 24, 2008 at 15:55

    I call new Witchfinder General position.

  2. N__B said,

    September 24, 2008 at 15:59

    “…we will not have our kids being taught how to worship Buddha, how to worship Muhammad. We will not have in the curriculum witchcraft and sorcery.”

    I freely admit dozing during large parts of my education, but I must have been unconscious to miss all of those lessons. All I remember is the multiplication table, long division, and my third-grade teacher speaking of American exceptionism in tones of trembling sincerity that I did not hear again until my first encounter with oral sex.

  3. Scott said,

    September 24, 2008 at 16:04

    Maybe we can set her up on a closed TV set and make her think she’s won the election. It’d be educational to broadcast what her plans for the country were going to be. I figure she’d order someone to rev up some death camps before she even sat down at the desk…

  4. E. Evans-Pritchard said,

    September 24, 2008 at 16:05

    I’m perturbed most of all at the presence of the Kenyan witchfinder gentleman. In other parts of Africa, evangelical christianity has been associated with some pretty nasty witch-hunting enterprises, which in many cases have targetted children for exclusion or sometimes even worse fates.

    I’m not saying this gentleman is up to no good in that sense; for all I know he may be perfectly OK in that department. It might be worth looking into what exactly his one- man crusade to save his town from witch-craft consisted of.

  5. Spokane Moderate said,

    September 24, 2008 at 16:06

    It’s amazing how thin the line is between funny and terrifying.

  6. henry lewis said,

    September 24, 2008 at 16:09

    in the curriculum witchcraft and sorcery.”

    You mean like science and math and stuff?

  7. E. Evans-Pritchard said,

    September 24, 2008 at 16:10

    Harry Potter books, no doubt.

    I don’t know about you guys, but I’m watching this from one of your empire’s far-flung outposts, and this Palin woman is actually beginning to scare me. . .

  8. g said,

    September 24, 2008 at 16:15

    It might be worth looking into what exactly his one- man crusade to save his town from witch-craft consisted of.

    I think he harassed and put out of business a woman he blamed for causing him to have a flat tire.

    No, really.

  9. Righteous Bubba said,

    September 24, 2008 at 16:16

    We will not have in the curriculum witchcraft and sorcery.

    Vinegar and baking soda totally makes you invisible and you can go into the girls’ locker room and stuff.

  10. bago said,

    September 24, 2008 at 16:23

    Having grown up in the Alaska fundamentalist community, I can say this is not too far out of whack for the regional norms. Get ripped during the week on speed and weed, and then mark your absolution by babbling in tongues on sunday. Kind of like DC, come to think of it.

  11. henry lewis said,

    September 24, 2008 at 16:23

    I think he harassed and put out of business a woman he blamed for causing him to have a flat tire.

    And the resultant rush of power propelled him all the way to…

    …the Wasilla Assembly of God??

  12. g said,

    September 24, 2008 at 16:23

    Here’s a link to a UK story about the witchhunt.

    Basically, it sounds like Muthee, trying to establish his congregation, picked out a local fortune-teller and accused her of being a witch because several car accidents happened near her place of business, then caused the police to harass her until she left town.

  13. The Goddamn Batman said,

    September 24, 2008 at 16:30

    You know what would really be funny? Tell the Right Reverend No One Expects The Kenyan Inquisition that Sarah Palin has a third nipple* and see how he reacts.

    *A sure sign of a witch in the good old days.

  14. MaineMan said,

    September 24, 2008 at 16:30

    What I’ve never understood is where these folks get the hubris to so blithely believe that “God” would give a flying fuck about humans generally, much less some self-proclaimed “God’s Chosen” subset of the species.

    And yet, they call secular folks “humanists”.

    “Drinking the Kool-Aid” doesn’t even begin to cover it anymore.

  15. g said,

    September 24, 2008 at 16:30

    Here’s another link that quotes a published account of the witchhunting – the account is favorable towards Muthee, which, in my opinion, makes it even more chilling.

    If you boil it down and take into consideration the local culture and politics, Muthee did in Kiamba, Kenya pretty much what Palin did in Alaska – come in, demonize an established rival in power, create a slanderous whispering campaign, and use the power of authority to harass your enemies.

    No wonder she likes him.

  16. GSD said,

    September 24, 2008 at 16:33

    I can’t wait until we start pressing suspected witches to death.

    Time to get back to the good old days.

    -GSD

  17. Susan of Texas said,

    September 24, 2008 at 16:40

    As a middle-aged woman who does not go to church, I vote “hell, no” for witchhunts. The last thing we need in this country is nother excuse to let the stupid run wild and free.

  18. Arky - Chuthuhlusexual said,

    September 24, 2008 at 16:40

    Wait. I’m confused. I thought that brown preachers were the devil AND Flush Limpbags told me all Kenyans are Arabs.

    CHECK THE KERNING!

  19. Susan of Texas said,

    September 24, 2008 at 16:41

    No, no. The two situations are totally different. Wright blamed white men. This dude blames women.

  20. Matt said,

    September 24, 2008 at 16:45

    Quick! Summon the Witchsmeller Pursuivant!

  21. Simba B said,

    September 24, 2008 at 16:46

    I can’t wait until we start pressing suspected witches to death.

    Yeah, no shit.

  22. Legalize said,

    September 24, 2008 at 16:46

    You know what I blame this on the breakdown of? Society.

  23. javafascist said,

    September 24, 2008 at 16:47

    No, no. The two situations are totally different. Wright blamed the jew of liberal fascism. This dude blames women.

    Fixed.

  24. actor212 said,

    September 24, 2008 at 16:51

    Muthee gained fame within Pentecostal circles by claiming that he defeated a local witch, Mama Jane, in a great spiritual battle

    He was probably in rehab and misheard “Mary Jane”…

  25. Susan of Texas said,

    September 24, 2008 at 16:56

    He misheard and thought she was Mr. GreenJeans. He defeated her with ping-pong balls.

  26. Arky - Chuthuhlusexual said,

    September 24, 2008 at 17:00

    Quick! Summon the Witchsmeller Pursuivant!

    A gallon, a GALLON, A GALLON of stable boy’s blood!!

  27. White Male, Jew of Liberal Fascism said,

    September 24, 2008 at 17:03

    With our advanced waterboarding technology, our mighty nation can take the lead in the international war against witchcraft.

    USA! USA! USA!

  28. jim said,

    September 24, 2008 at 17:05

    Ah yes, witch-hunts: the original real-estate scam.

    Bet you dollars to demons there’s plenty of good God-Fearin’ Christians that’d just love to see a revival of that particular folk-tradition … especially if they get to scoop up the loot & land of the “witches” they’re slaughtering, for pennies on the dollar. Before long I’m sure the mere possession of good land or a schnazzy car would be enough to qualify you as one of Lucifer’s Little Helpers.

    I wonder if Muthee got some similar form of “reward” from the local townfolk to thank him / keep him from declaring THEM witches. Yeah, that’s one sweet scam, alright – works both as a property-flip & a not-so-subtle protection-racket.

    “Nice farm ya got here, miss – it’s be a real SHAME if someone were to find you casting hexes & summoning demons … but I’m sure a little “loan” (heh heh heh) to my church will make you right with God.”

  29. Evan said,

    September 24, 2008 at 17:06

    Too fucked up.

    Cannot process.

  30. norbizness said,

    September 24, 2008 at 17:11

    They cut out the Sorcery elective right before I started high school and now my dark magic skills are FOR SHIT.

  31. Badger3k said,

    September 24, 2008 at 17:12

    Heaven forbid that our kids learn of anything but his brand of Jeebus. Of course, what he calls witchcraft we normally refer to as “chemistry”, “physics”, “biology”, “mathematics” and the like. Maybe the good pastor would like to step out of the 12th century and into the 21st one day.

  32. OB-GYN Kenobi said,

    September 24, 2008 at 17:13

    I vote for throwing this guy into a volcano.

    That will appease the Angry Volcano Gods; plus, it should be good for some grins.

  33. Susan of Texas said,

    September 24, 2008 at 17:16

    Wait a second, these people are afraid of Harry Potter, male wizard, also.

    Carry on, then.

  34. Righteous Bubba said,

    September 24, 2008 at 17:21

    SARAH PALIN: FIGHTING WITCHCRAFT SINCE 2005

  35. Arky - Chuthuhlusexual said,

    September 24, 2008 at 17:22

    Bet you dollars to demons there’s plenty of good God-Fearin’ Christians that’d just love to see a revival of that particular folk-tradition …

    Dude, they don’t even need witches any more. There was a period in my life when I was forced to attend a relative’s Fundy church. Their little corner property backed onto (and had probably been purchased from) a convent that had a few acres of land.

    These freaks interpetated the Holy Jibber Jabber and Surprise! Understood that God wanted them to drive out the nuns and take the property. They talked about it and what they would do with the land and how they couldn’t wait for the “sign” that told them the time was right to move in on the evil nasty servants of Satan’s representative on Earth, a lot.

    Please don’t think Mugerbee or WAG is unsual. Every Sunday good little TalEvans all over the U.S. of A. go to church and listen to the Good News: Hooray! God Hates Everyone Except Them!

    And in case you’re wondering, this all took place in a tiny little nowhereville called Washington, DC.

  36. D. Sidhe said,

    September 24, 2008 at 17:30

    This rocks. I’m a polyamorous bisexual pro-choice Wiccan carrying on a long-term interracial relationship with a polyamorous bisexual pro-choice atheist. You know what this means, right? We’re destroying society even as we speak! Bow down before us! The line for minion applicants starts here.

  37. Mr. Wonderful said,

    September 24, 2008 at 17:31

    “OB-GYN Kenobi said,

    September 24, 2008 at 17:13

    I vote for throwing this guy into a volcano.

    That will appease the Angry Volcano Gods; plus, it should be good for some grins.”

    Oh great. And I suppose that means, for reasons that don’t quite make sense, it’s up to ME to shlep him to Mordor. Oh all RIGHT. Let’s get started.

  38. The American Public's Attention Span said,

    September 24, 2008 at 17:41

    Oh please. Demonizing a candidate for associating with a crazy black minister is so last summer. Borrring. New narrative please.

  39. JK47 said,

    September 24, 2008 at 17:43

    The sad thing is that this isn’t just some run-of-the-mill wingnut like Pastor Swank we’re talking about, it’s the actual candidate for the actual vice presidency. What’s next, Marie Jon’ as Secretary of State? Coach Dave as ambassador to the UN? Kaye Grogan as Secretary of, The! Interior?

  40. WereBear said,

    September 24, 2008 at 17:44

    I do wonder what Independent Voters will make of this.

    I got three indignant emails on Monday, about Palin making women pay for their rape kits.

    Now I can see them & raise them.

  41. Fats Durston said,

    September 24, 2008 at 17:47

    I can’t wait until we start pressing suspected witches to death.

    Time to get back to the good old days.

    You must mean the witch orgies, right?

    Sounds good except for the devil farting in your face and all.

  42. ice weasel said,

    September 24, 2008 at 17:48

    Maybe it’s just me but how is this weirder than most other christianist practices? I know it’s a black guy talking about witches. I guess that’s scary but seriously, I see things like this posted and it’s supposed to be example of the fringe of christianity. From where I sit, it’s not. It’s a lot of christianity. This is just one more example of way modern christianists view their place in society. Whether prosperity christians ranting about jeebus making you rich or some other whack-a-loon praying over school children to protect them from the worldly boogeyman. It’s all the same. Yes, *SOME* christians don’t buy into this but my point is a whole shitload of them do, or are at least affected by this kind of bullshit.

    I think part of what we have to do is not present as some crazy fringe but as what it is, christianity today. Face it. Whether catholics threatening hellfire and worldly retribution on biology professors or asshat pharmacists that won’t fill birth control scrips, it’s christianity flexing it muscles in wider social domain and saying, “we get to make the rules now” And all of that should disturb the fuck out of the rest of us that feel jeebus doesn’t get to make the rules for all us.

  43. Righteous Bubba said,

    September 24, 2008 at 17:48

    Oh please. Demonizing a candidate for associating with a crazy black minister is so last summer.

    The video of her being anointed with the task of combating witchcraft is WONDERFULLY off-putting. It’s not that the priest’s a kook, it’s that Palin is his instrument in the witchcraft wars. When I get home maybe I’ll excerpt that bit. There’s plenty of mileage there for the American Public’s Attention Span when filtered through the comedy writers of every late-night talk-show in America.

  44. Righteous Bubba said,

    September 24, 2008 at 17:51

    SARAH PALIN: FIGHTING WITCHCRAFT SINCE 2005

    Add to that:

    JOHN MCCAIN: UNNATURALLY OLD

  45. henry lewis said,

    September 24, 2008 at 17:54

    some run-of-the-mill wingnut like Pastor Swank

    Of Pastor Swank, I think thoughts, some amusing, always, no.

    …just practisin’ my Swankese…

  46. henry lewis said,

    September 24, 2008 at 17:56

    JOHN MCCAIN: UNNATURALLY OLD

    MCCAIN 2008!

    TRANSFER OF POWER 2010!

  47. Bigby said,

    September 24, 2008 at 17:57

    Y’know…this could be a good thing. Most Americans are actually pretty tolerant at the end of the day. There seems to be about 5% that scream about the most bug-eyed crazy shit, but it’s mostly behind doors or even when it’s in the open people respond “whatever, dude”.

    But when you push people too far, then go pretty quickly from “whatever, dude” to “ok, I’ve had enough of your shit, shut the fuck up and go away“. Palin’s entire philosophy of life puts her on that track. The more people hear, the more they get sick of her and the more the 5% double down. They’ll be in full screeching rant by Nov, but the rest of us will say “shut the fuck up and go away” so they can back to good old “whatever, dude”.

  48. glbrown said,

    September 24, 2008 at 17:57

    Do these folks have a tax exemption?

  49. Righteous Bubba said,

    September 24, 2008 at 17:59

    Maybe it’s just me but how is this weirder than most other christianist practices?

    It’s weirder – in practice – because you need to assert witches and witchcraft. Other weird practices just don’t have the instant kookiness value. Note also the not-positive phrase “witch trial”.

  50. henry lewis said,

    September 24, 2008 at 18:01

    Or how about…

    MCCAIN/PALIN: EVEN MORE FUCKED-UP THAN BUSH/CHENEY

  51. Sarah Palin being prayed over by her witch-hunting pastor from Kenya « break the terror said,

    September 24, 2008 at 18:08

    [...] you can’t sit through the whole thing (I couldn’t), Brad helpfully posted the highlights so you can skip around: 5:00: “We need God taking over our education system. If [...]

  52. LittlePig said,

    September 24, 2008 at 18:08

    You know what would really be funny? Tell the Right Reverend No One Expects The Kenyan Inquisition that Sarah Palin has a third nipple* and see how he reacts.

    *A sure sign of a witch in the good old days.

    I’m a sorcerer? Wow, I did not know that.

  53. MzNicky said,

    September 24, 2008 at 18:10

    So last night the Spouse and I were having dinner at a restaurant and in come two perfectly nice-looking middle-aged couples. They sit down in the booth next to ours and immediately the guy seated behind me starts telling Obama “jokes.”

    Here’s my question: How to deal? I thought of “accidentally” spilling my ice water over my shoulder, but Spouse hates it when I make public scenes. I instead had to settle for shooting him a smolderingly hateful look on the way out. I’m sure he was devastated and will no longer tell racist “jokes” in restaurantts.

    Suggestions? Cuz this stuff happens all the time. We’ve got more than our fair share of Bigby’s 5 percent down here.

  54. Susan of Texas said,

    September 24, 2008 at 18:17

    That’s tricky. Maybe a burst of coughing to drown them out?

  55. Righteous Bubba said,

    September 24, 2008 at 18:18

    Start telling Racist jokes.

    Q. Why did the racist tell the racist joke?
    A. He had to tell it before he forgot it because he didn’t know how to write it down.

  56. You Can't Put Lipstick On A Repig said,

    September 24, 2008 at 18:18

    > Suggestions? Cuz this stuff happens all the time. We’ve got more than our fair share of Bigby’s 5 percent down here.

    There are some threads at DU on this very theme.

  57. Mooser, Bummertown said,

    September 24, 2008 at 18:21

    This video is going to recieve national recognition in the US, right?

  58. Righteous Bubba said,

    September 24, 2008 at 18:21

    I’m a sorcerer? Wow, I did not know that.

    Please call down a lightning bolt on that yappy little dog. Thanks.

  59. Bigby said,

    September 24, 2008 at 18:22

    Mz Nicky; my ex-girlfriend totally teed off on a guy in a very nice restaurant once and it was beautiful.

    I was in the Houston Airport making a connection and the cranky, puckered woman in front of me started getting all shirty about the ‘spic’ behind the counter in the food court (because she didn’t fill her soup to the tippy top…the clerk said: “the fill line is below the top to avoid spillage, ma’am and you’re getting the full, whatever, 12oz amount”. She turned to me and said “these mexicans come up here illegally and take our jobs and now they think they can disrespect us!”. I said: “shove your racist bullshit up your ass; she treated your more respectfully than you deserve”. She looked like she was going to choke.
    BTW, I’m sure Houston Airport hires illegal aliens to work inside the terminal.

    Sooner or later you have to stand your ground. I’ve been at ball games with drunks shouting expletives and said “hey, buddy, cheer the team, fine, but cut out the f-bombs; there are little kids around here!”. 99% of the time they’ll apologize and 1% of the time they’ll want to fight (I’m Mr Statistics today…99.9% of the people around you will back you up against someone who’s Totally In The Wrong).

  60. PeeJ said,

    September 24, 2008 at 18:25

    Wow. Just yesterday I finished reading James Morrow’s The Last Witchfinder I recommend it without reservation.

    As I was drifting off to sleep (or maybe I was passing out, it’s hard to remember) last night, I was thinking about the fact that Revelation *still* rules over Reason for a frightenly large percentage of our population.

    McCain / Palin
    Because you can’t have the rapture without an apocalypse

    Also, WordPress is the fifth horseman of the apocalypse.

  61. Me said,

    September 24, 2008 at 18:26

    He’s praying that she be used as a tool to combat witchcraft.

    He turned her into a newt, but she got better.

  62. Heretic said,

    September 24, 2008 at 18:30

    Interviewer: Ms. Palin, what is your position on bibliomancy?

    Palin: Well, Charlie, I guess it… What exactly do you mean by bibliomancy?

    Interviewer: According to the dictionary, it means doing magic with books…

    Palin: Obviously, that’s evil, anti-American, and must be kept out of our schools…

    Interviewer: …such as the Bible…

    (Palin’s head explodes)

    The End

  63. Zandar1 said,

    September 24, 2008 at 18:31

    God in school to fight Witchcraft, eh. Won’t happen. Not enough in the school budget for God.

    Good luck getting those athletic department dollars away from Quiddich programs.

  64. Susan of Texas said,

    September 24, 2008 at 18:31

    What do you call a racist who’s fixing his roof?
    Shit on a shingle.

    What do you call a racist’s swimming pool?
    A shitmoat.

    Hmmm, it has possibilities.

  65. Me said,

    September 24, 2008 at 18:32

    MzNicky, when it comes to private conversations in public places, how much are they trying to be heard by the people around them? There are times when you “can’t help overhearing”, but you know that it’s none of your business, so you keep quiet. But if Obama-joke dude was blaring his jokes through a bullhorn, then he’s fair game, IMO.

  66. Gary Ruppert said,

    September 24, 2008 at 18:32

    The fact is, this is a liberal smear job.

  67. N__B said,

    September 24, 2008 at 18:37

    How about God on the internet to fight witches? On a large scale. Globally. We could call it “World of War-craft.”

  68. PeeJ said,

    September 24, 2008 at 18:48

    If I could just remember where I put my Paracelsus Trident, I’d offer up my services as Palin’s Pricker. Not to be confused with Palin’s prick.

    ABRACADABRA

  69. Ripley said,

    September 24, 2008 at 18:49

    I hate to be cynical (it just comes naturally) but I can’t help wondering if there was a “special offering” collection at this service and how much the Witch Buster took in.

    Then I have to wonder how many other churches this flake in a suit hits during the course of a year.

  70. God said,

    September 24, 2008 at 18:49

    You want Me to spend My time teaching your spoilt children?

    We think well of ourselves, don’t we?

  71. sagra said,

    September 24, 2008 at 18:50

    You know what’d be the best chain email evah?

    Accuse the McCain campaign of using Sister Palin to win the election, even though he’s planning to replace her with Joe Liebermann President immediately afterward. Put lots of complaints about how evengelicals get used every election and ignored the rest of the time, then suggest writing in Sarah Palin.

  72. Gary Ruppert said,

    September 24, 2008 at 18:51

    Where is my hand? It was here in my pants a minute ago, now it’s invisible.

  73. Reverend Batshit said,

    September 24, 2008 at 18:51

    He’s praying that she be used as a tool

    Mission Accomplished

  74. Susan of Texas said,

    September 24, 2008 at 18:54

    I hope the witchhunts won’t be the end of the Supernatural Justice League warfare. There’s demons and giants and angels and devils and all sorts of cool creatures in the Bible. I’m gonna get me a demon to exorcise, like “Bobby” Jindal. Why should he get all the bonus points in the great World of Witchcraft battle?

  75. OB-GYN Kenobi said,

    September 24, 2008 at 18:55

    “The fact is, this is a liberal smear job.”

    Oh, so you want the schools to turn our children into librul witchez and stuff.

  76. OB-GYN Kenobi said,

    September 24, 2008 at 18:56

    I hate when I don’t close my tags. Clearly I have offended the Flying Spaghetti Monster in some way. Maybe it was the plate of pasta carbonara I had for lunch.

  77. Endora said,

    September 24, 2008 at 18:56

    This nonsense shall cease immediately or I will turn you all into toads.

  78. roseyv said,

    September 24, 2008 at 18:58

    Actually, my opinion of her just went up a little. I mean, heck, fighting witchcraft? That would actually be kind of a cool thing for a president to do.

    I mean, the best Bush ever did was vow to protect us from the threat of human-animal hybrids.

    Will she also fight against killer robots? And sharks? What about sharks with lasers attached to their heads?

  79. N__B said,

    September 24, 2008 at 18:59

    I’ve already got the stool. A moat full of it.

  80. Me said,

    September 24, 2008 at 18:59

    I’m gonna get me a demon to exorcise

    Only 15 minutes a day will shed those unwanted pounds!

    Oh, exorcise

  81. roseyv said,

    September 24, 2008 at 19:01

    By the way, it’s all very easy for you people to make fun and mock. But just you wait until your village is overtaken by a witch. Or a cat demon. Or a jabberwock! Or one of those tricked out cat-demons with lasers attached to their heads.

    You think Barack Obama is gonna purify your well and preserve your cattle from possession by something like that? Dream on.

  82. Susan of Texas said,

    September 24, 2008 at 19:03

    Didn’t I tell you she into witchcraft? Huh? Didn’t I? She named her kids Willow and Piper, for crap’s sake. But no, it was all “Pooh, pooh, withcraft! Pooh, pooh, Wicca!”

    I stand (well, sit and slouch) vindicated.

  83. thomas said,

    September 24, 2008 at 19:05

    ribbit

  84. El Cid said,

    September 24, 2008 at 19:06

    You know, I might agree with these people that God should take over our educational system.

    The only problem is, God has not been returning anyone’s request for an interview to look over his CV, and see what his possible aims and goals are.

    All we got is these weird church people telling us how qualified God is as an education innovator, but if so, why can’t we actually deal with God himself? He’s not even signing off on any notes saying that these people are his designated spokespeople.

    I sense a scam.

  85. eidos said,

    September 24, 2008 at 19:07

    Again with the question of vetting. I can imagine the McCain campaign spin on this: “We think it is a good thing to be protected from witchcraft. Don’t you?”

    This video might gain traction in all those E! type tabloid TV news shows. They love crazy-ass stuff like this. That would hit a demographic that maybe haven’t been following Times/Post editorials..

  86. D. Sidhe said,

    September 24, 2008 at 19:09

    Sooner or later you have to stand your ground. I’ve been at ball games with drunks shouting expletives and said “hey, buddy, cheer the team, fine, but cut out the f-bombs; there are little kids around here!”.

    Briefly noting that I was once scolded in a hardware store by a nine year old kid who had overheard me say “heck”. I turned to his smirking mother and explicitly pointed out that his presence was why I hadn’t said ‘hell’ and would appreciate it if she taught the kid some manners. “Well, *he* knows he’s not allowed to use bad words in public!” she huffed.

    I’m still baffled. “Heck”? Really? Now I just say “hell” and fuck ‘em. If they’ve somehow been protected from bad words they won’t even know what it means and if they haven’t, they’ve heard far worse. Especially in a hardware store. I don’t say “fuck” in public much, and I don’t run into Chuck E Cheese and swear there, but a hardware store? There are *tools* with more explicit names than the word “heck”.

    And MzNicky, I like to start loudly discussing with my partner how sad it is that some people are still ignorant enough to tell racist jokes, and speculate pityingly on what kind of physical deficiencies make them overcompensate like this.

  87. Penis said,

    September 24, 2008 at 19:14

    Go ahead, blame us. We’re used to it. Just remember which one sends messages and which one get them.

  88. sagra said,

    September 24, 2008 at 19:24

    MzNicky,

    How about “Excuse me sir, would you mind not telling racist jokes while I’m trying to enjoy my dinner? Thanks so much.”

  89. Mysticdog said,

    September 24, 2008 at 19:25

    I had a friend who grew up a missionaries kid in africa. He told me it was a common thing for evanglists to come in and claim they had defeated a village witch with the power of christ. Usually they make it sould like something out of the exorcist, or a Harry Potter duel, with the witch summoning balls of fire and snakes and other crazy shit.

    These guys should hook up with the drug companies to put local traditional doctors out of business. Because what is traditional medicine but witchcraft?

    Which isn’t to say I’m real down with traditional medicine. It would actually be pretty cool to supply viagra to all the places assholes kill rhinos and tigers and bears and elephants for parts to make thier peckers stand up better.

  90. Ripley said,

    September 24, 2008 at 19:25

    Sooner or later you have to stand your ground. I’ve been at ball games with drunks shouting expletives and said “hey, buddy, cheer the team, fine, but cut out the f-bombs; there are little kids around here!”.

    A few years back, a Michigan resident was arrested for cursing in the presence of women & children, based on an archaic Michigan law. I’m not arguing your point, it just reminded me of that story.

    We’re an odd bunch of monkeys in pants, aren’t we?

  91. ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said,

    September 24, 2008 at 19:28

    STOP PICKING ON BIBLE SPICE!1!!

  92. sagra said,

    September 24, 2008 at 19:29

    I say that “heck” is acceptable for mixed company in a country that sells hummers on TV.

  93. N__B said,

    September 24, 2008 at 19:29

    Pants?

  94. Mysticdog said,

    September 24, 2008 at 19:30

    “This rocks. I’m a polyamorous bisexual pro-choice Wiccan carrying on a long-term interracial relationship with a polyamorous bisexual pro-choice atheist. You know what this means, right? We’re destroying society even as we speak! Bow down before us! The line for minion applicants starts here.”

    OK, but only if we can watch…

  95. kiki said,

    September 24, 2008 at 19:35

    MaineMan said,

    What I’ve never understood is where these folks get the hubris to so blithely believe that “God” would give a flying fuck about humans generally, much less some self-proclaimed “God’s Chosen” subset of the species.

    And yet, they call secular folks “humanists”.

    Hehindeedle; I once had a fairly reason-friendly God-botherer suggest that I consider the idea that I was ‘arrogant’ for not believing in God. The snappy reply that I didn’t think of until later was, “Well, according to my philosophy, I’m an animal – a hairless ape; an insignificant meat robot wandering around on a dirtball for absolutely no reason. According to your philiosophy, you’re a special chosen child of God; a member of the supreme species of all creation, sitting on a unique planet that’s located precisely in the centre of the Universe, fulfilling your part in some grand cosmic plan. So who’s arrogant?”

  96. J— said,

    September 24, 2008 at 19:46

    We need God taking over the Fed. We need God halting the dollar’s devaluation.

  97. thelogos said,

    September 24, 2008 at 19:52

    bah…nothing new. The GOP has been the party of religious nut bag since the 80′s. Just check out this:
    http://www.gorenfeld.net/book/

  98. Ripley said,

    September 24, 2008 at 19:53

    God may not be damning America, but he’s garnishing our checks something fierce.

  99. J— said,

    September 24, 2008 at 19:57

    Act now on this one-time offer! Buy My Shitpile is offering Freedom Pundit free of charge! No money down! No money ever! Don’t pass up the deal of a lifetime!

  100. thelogos said,

    September 24, 2008 at 20:02

    Nothing new here. The GOP has been the party of religious nutcases since the 80′s. Just look up “Bad Moon Rising” in Salon or Teh Gazoogle.

  101. Righteous Bubba said,

    September 24, 2008 at 20:02

    We need God taking over our education system.

    Too many pillars of salt really messes up the grass on the soccer field.

  102. prick said,

    September 24, 2008 at 20:03

    i just wanted to thank the folks at the Sadly for giving me so many wonderful laughs. your ablity to stomach this garbage and then put it into such fucking funny shit…..really you have my heartfelt thanks. keep up the great work. i look forward to each post. thanks.

  103. Alkali Bill said,

    September 24, 2008 at 20:06

    Yes, but has he turned anyone into a newt?

  104. MaineMan said,

    September 24, 2008 at 20:11

    kiki -

    Yeah, most Fundies I’ve met seem to have missed that Jesus “I am meek and humble of heart” thingie.

    I’ve long thought that Fundies are anti-Evolution because the theory implies that the process could have resulted in some other species becoming sentient and dominant instead of humans. And it still might, should we humans completely screw the pooch through destroying our environment or turning each other into smoldering, glow-in-the-dark bone fragments. I mean, between now and the day the sun blows up, there’s probably enough time to rerun the program another couple dozen times.

    So, in evolutionary terms, humans ain’t nuthin’ special – which more or less fubars their whole argument and basis of their political theory.

  105. Nimrod Gently said,

    September 24, 2008 at 20:11

    4.55: Did he just call me a cunt?

  106. actor212 said,

    September 24, 2008 at 20:12

    I’m a polyamorous bisexual pro-choice Wiccan carrying on a long-term interracial relationship with a polyamorous bisexual pro-choice atheist.

    I can haz video?

  107. actor212 said,

    September 24, 2008 at 20:14

    Actually, my opinion of her just went up a little. I mean, heck, fighting witchcraft? That would actually be kind of a cool thing for a president to do.

    OK, am I the first to call Palin, “Buffy”?

  108. D. Sidhe said,

    September 24, 2008 at 20:17

    I say that “heck” is acceptable for mixed company in a country that sells hummers on TV.

    Agreed. Overheard in a Toys R Us last November:

    “But we agreed *I’m* getting him the Hummer for Christmas. You can get him the dinosaur. I just think Hummers are cooler from your dad than your mom.”

    My partner had to physically remove me from the aisle because I was dying laughing.

  109. ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said,

    September 24, 2008 at 20:17

    “I nationalize strategic companies and get criticized,but when Bush does
    it, it’s OK,” Hugo Chavez said on weekly television program Sept. 21. “Bush is turning socialist. How are you, comrade Bush?”

  110. MaineMan said,

    September 24, 2008 at 20:18

    Yes, but has he turned anyone into a newt?

    A late friend of mine, back in the day, used to turn whole villages of Southeast Asians into smoking abrasions in the mud on a fairly regular basis. Don’t recall him ever mentioning that he used witchcraft, though. And he never thought of himself as God, as far as I know.

  111. MaineMan said,

    September 24, 2008 at 20:22

    Hugo Chavez has been watching too much Jon Stewart.

    Or maybe, not enough.

  112. D. Sidhe said,

    September 24, 2008 at 20:22

    I can haz video?

    Absolutely not. I’m not letting some camera steal my soul.

    OK, but only if we can watch…

    Did I mention the poly thing? Participate or get the hell out of the bedroom!

  113. Snowwy said,

    September 24, 2008 at 20:26

    I am SO shutting up now…

  114. Lesley said,

    September 24, 2008 at 20:26

    I can’t see these mofos winning this election. No way, no how. They will LOSE. God is not on their side.

  115. annejumps said,

    September 24, 2008 at 20:29

    That’s why they’re not trying to win, Lesley. They gotta steal.

  116. Rightwingsnarkle said,

    September 24, 2008 at 20:41

    So, it turns out Sarah Silverman was right – Jesus is magic.

  117. Rightwingsnarkle said,

    September 24, 2008 at 20:46

    Sarah Palin has a third nipple

    Sarah Palin is Krusty the Clown?!?

  118. Jennifer said,

    September 24, 2008 at 20:58

    I told you guys that Assembly of God was a bunch of snake-waving Jew haters.

    What, did you think I was just making shit up?

  119. Candy said,

    September 24, 2008 at 21:01

    He’s praying that she be used as a tool to combat witchcraft

    I’m thinking it’s Grampy McCain who’s the “tool” in this thing. Srsly, I wonder how it feels to know that a big chunk of your nuttier “supporters” are praying for you to win the election and then drop dead of a massive (but merciful) coronary on January 10th, 2009 so your batshit crazy fundy nut job running mate can take over?

  120. Bill Ayers said,

    September 24, 2008 at 21:06

    D Sidhe and I are old friends.

  121. Candy said,

    September 24, 2008 at 21:08

    Oh, count me among the “witch-marked” as well. Just one more reason to be scared for my fate if the scary folk win the election. I may end up a toasted marshmallow one day.

    Just had a “breaking news” item pop up from the Seattle Times. McCain seeks to delay debate to focus on economy

    Developing | Republican presidential nominee John McCain wants to delay tomorrow’s first presidential debate with Barack Obama, according to the Associated Press. Details to come.

    There’s no article up yet. It’s developing.

  122. Righteous Bubba said,

    September 24, 2008 at 21:10

    I may end up a toasted marshmallow one day.

    That would be terrible, he said while hiding the graham crackers and chocolate chips behind his back.

  123. Fozzetti said,

    September 24, 2008 at 21:10

    Years ago, sitting with my Dad one early morning sipping coffee, I said musingly “After God created the coffee bean and the cocoa bean, I think he brushed his hands of and said he was finished, time for a vacation. THEY are his most perfect creation, not humans.” Being slightly deaf my Dad nodded and smiled.

  124. Tim (The Other One) said,

    September 24, 2008 at 21:14

    The fact is; Alaska !

  125. dBa said,

    September 24, 2008 at 21:19

    I hear McCain wants to delay the debates in order to perform some witchcraft on the economy.

  126. Rightwingsnarkle said,

    September 24, 2008 at 21:19

    There’s no article up yet. It’s developing.

    It’s not a bad political stunt. He gets to play at being “bipartisan”, at a time his campaign is getting pummeled. And he has yet another excuse to keep Palin hidden away in Cheney’s undisclosed location.

    All hail, Dark Lord Kos

  127. Trilateral Chairman said,

    September 24, 2008 at 21:21

    Just had a “breaking news” item pop up from the Seattle Times. McCain seeks to delay debate to focus on economy

    CNN is reporting the same story. Bless me (er, probably a bad idea to use that phrase on this thread), but I think it’s a good idea. I hate debates anyway.

  128. actor212 said,

    September 24, 2008 at 21:29

    Did I mention the poly thing? Participate or get the hell out of the bedroom!

    I can haz address, please?

  129. J— said,

    September 24, 2008 at 21:30

    I guess someone convinced him that the crisis is real, that calling for the head of the SEC and the formation of a blue-ribbon committee are not enough, that action or the appearance of action by him and other Republicans is needed so that the Democrats don’t go into November as the sole party that saved U.S. capitalism from itself, and that repeating “Surge, surge, surge” and “Obama would meet with Ahmadinejad and Chávez, scary, scary men!” at the foreign policy debate would come across as a bit paltry when faced with a national economy on the verge of freezing and a currency on the verge of tanking.

  130. Candy said,

    September 24, 2008 at 21:33

    S’more Candy . . .

    As long as I don’t wind up in any peculiar recipes, RB.

  131. Trilateral Chairman said,

    September 24, 2008 at 21:33

    Oh, God. Now Bush is going to make an address. Time to hide the money under the mattress.

  132. Fozzetti said,

    September 24, 2008 at 21:34

    MzNicky: Too bad you didn’t have a little kid with you. they are weapons of Mess Destruction! Just put the toddler close to the joke-teller… let her drop jelly and cheerios and what-not down his shirt, while asking in a loud voice “Mommy what is that thing on the man’s head? Does it hurt?” “Daddy, that lady is fatter than grandma…she looks mean!”

  133. Fozzetti said,

    September 24, 2008 at 21:37

    …oh, and don’t forget to give the kid some straws, still wrapped. Kids love to blow things thru straws, oh yeah…

  134. Fozzetti said,

    September 24, 2008 at 21:37

    … and if no kid around to help you, blow stuff at ‘em thru a straw yourself. Works for me!

  135. Interrobang said,

    September 24, 2008 at 21:46

    For meritorious performance on this thread, including “BIBLE SPICE” and “Comrade Bush,” I hereby award ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© teh intarwebs.

  136. PeeJ said,

    September 24, 2008 at 21:49

    J – I don’t think so. What’s more likely is someone convinced him that the polling is turning very unfavorable. Look! A shiny thing!!!!!

  137. Hermoine Granger said,

    September 24, 2008 at 22:12

    Harry Potter said that if I point my wand at his trousers and cast Levitra Cialis I would get a nice surprise, but all it did was make his willy stiff.

  138. ShouldKnowBetter said,

    September 24, 2008 at 22:16

    A few days ago I was walking down the street downtown and a lady, utterly normal looking, stopped in her tracks and just started screaming about how we needed a president who understands democracy.

    I kept walking, so I didn’t hear her whole manifesto and don’t know if she was a regular crazy (I live in San Francisco) or was just temporarily unhinged by this election. But the latter seems just as likely, cause after the first second of surprise I was massively envious of her capacity to just let loose with all the maddening frustration and the rage that’s built up over the past eight years.

    Maybe I’ll go do some screaming down on Market Street on my lunch break today.

  139. Smut Clyde said,

    September 24, 2008 at 22:21

    Witchfinder Corporal Clyde reporting for duty, suh!

  140. Smut Clyde said,

    September 24, 2008 at 22:25

    We need God taking over our education system.
    Parents sometimes complain about the bear-based system for maintaining classroom discipline.

  141. Candy said,

    September 24, 2008 at 22:28

    Maybe I’ll go do some screaming down on Market Street on my lunch break today.

    Take a soap box; that will lend you gravitas.

    I’ve always wanted to do that. Maybe I’ll give it a go at the Farmer’s Market this weekend.

  142. Neon Ovenlight said,

    September 24, 2008 at 22:44

    Is there a big problem with witchcraft in Alaska? Ya know, most of the so called witches that were used as kindling were just clever and smart women, something that asshole patriarchs couldn’t stand. I guess that rules out Sarah Palin…

  143. Smut Clyde said,

    September 24, 2008 at 22:45

    Quick! Summon the Witchsmeller Pursuivant!
    No-one ever wants to be Witchtaster.

    If anyone starts collecting funds to buy Palin a copy of the Malleus Maleficarum, I’ll chip in a shiny new coin.

    It might be worth looking into what exactly his one- man crusade to save his town from witch-craft consisted of.
    See http://www.sadlyno.com/archives/1461.html.

  144. Smut Clyde said,

    September 24, 2008 at 22:49

    It might be worth looking into what exactly his one- man crusade to save his town from witch-craft consisted of.
    Is FYWP eating links again? OK, try this. He talked the local police into shooting the bad woman’s pet snake. Really.

  145. TomMil said,

    September 24, 2008 at 23:08

    D. Sidhe,

    Re: The Hardware Store

    You should have taken that opportunity to shout out, “Where’s the caulk? I’d like some caulk! Preferably black. Do you know where the black caulk is?”

    Credits to Crankyankers.

  146. MzNicky said,

    September 24, 2008 at 23:15

    Worthy suggestions all, dear SadlyNaughts! Next time I shall be prepared.

    Unfortunately I no longer possess toddlers to do my dirty work for me.

  147. Smut Clyde said,

    September 24, 2008 at 23:32

    Quick! Summon the Witchsmeller Pursuivant!
    i cn be witchtaster plz?

  148. Candy said,

    September 24, 2008 at 23:34

    Speaking of hardware and given the subject of this post, I guess Sarah P is more of a “hex” nut than a wingnut.

  149. Girl from UNCLE said,

    September 24, 2008 at 23:40

    “We will not have in the curriculum witchcraft and sorcery.”

    I didn’t study sorcery in school because I hate sorcerers, they have few skills, few feats, 2 crappy saving throws and d4 hit points. Sure you can cast “magic missile” a bunch of times a day, but that gets old real quick.

  150. Christopher said,

    September 25, 2008 at 4:04

    “We need God taking over our education system. If we have God in our schools, we will not have our kids being taught… how to worship Muhammad.

    Yeah, once we get God in the classroom, those kids are gonna totally stop worshiping God, and start worshiping God.

    Christians, Muslims and Jews are like little kids. They see somebody else coloring with the wrong crayon and can’t help but shout out “You’re doing it wrong!”

    And then they murder the other kid and steal his crayons.

    This guy is not a very good preacher; he has no passion in his voice. It’s like a lecture by a high school English teacher.

  151. Weirdest. Election. Ever. « Beware The Man said,

    September 25, 2008 at 4:37

    [...] Holy shit. [...]

  152. mantis said,

    September 25, 2008 at 5:05

    Here’s a bit on the lovely practice of witch hunting in Kenya:

    In Africa, witch hunting has become a deadly practice that is not rooted in disciplining spiritually immoral individuals, but simply as a measure to destroy traditional African religion.

    Neighbors that have shunned off traditional beliefs (in favor of Christianity and Islam) ban together and kill women, including the eldery. They point to the power of witches, a common and undisputed fact in Africa, as a reason for this mass and unwarranted killings. But they never provide solid proof of any equal action or immoral act taken by witches. When have African witches ever killed 10, 20, 30 people in a single day and burned down the homes of their families?

    An example.

  153. Doctorb said,

    September 25, 2008 at 5:19

    Lord, make my enemies ridiculous.

  154. Johnny Pez said,

    September 25, 2008 at 9:50

    The line for minion applicants starts here.

    Meeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

  155. meatwad said,

    September 25, 2008 at 16:40

    ShouldKnowBetter–Love your SF screaming woman story. Thank you!

  156. Sarah Palin's pastor blames Jews for economic meltdown then heals Sarah Palin : VIDEO - Gossip Rocks Forum said,

    September 25, 2008 at 19:47

    [...] here Sadly, No! ? “We need God taking over our education system.” __________________ [...]

  157. Rick Taylor said,

    September 25, 2008 at 22:32

    I’m afraid God is looking down at us and saying, “If you idgits have the least bit of sense, you will not let this woman anywhere near the levers of power in your country.”

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