Sep
23

Buy a progressive!




Posted at 0:27 by Jillian

Dear conservatives, neoconservatives, Sensible Liberals, and other assorted self-interested bastards who are currently running this country into the ground to satisfy your bottomless avarice:

Aren’t you tired of liberals like Brad standing in your way, pissing and moaning every time you try to find a new way to gouge every last farthing out of the last pocket of the last starving orphan in this country? Wouldn’t your life be easier if all these people with their so-called “consciences”, whatever they are, would just stop raining on your parade? Just think – without guys like Brad around, assholes like you could build a monorail in every town in America, and no one would stop you! Why, you could reduce every single American over the age of ten to a permanent state of debt peonage, and turn the whole country into your own personal plantation! You wouldn’t have to bother with any of this annoying “voting” nonsense anymore; nothing would stand in your way of total financial domination of the country.

Here’s a really easy solution I’ve found for you guys to make your financial destruction of the charming little people in this country who think they have “rights” just a bit quicker for y’all. No need to thank me – and I won’t even claim the idea as intellectual property. Use it as you see fit.

Just buy us out! It’s as simple as that. When you think about the money you’re about to make on the bailout package that Comrade Paulson has arranged for you guys, I’m sure you’ll see that even after you’ve paid off each and every one of us, you’ll still be coming out way ahead.

Here’s the deal: Offer each of us four to five times our annual salary in a lump-sum, nontaxable payment. In exchange, we agree to move to Canada and never again set foot in your own private little preserve that the rest of the world used to call “America”. I can’t speak for anyone else, but I know I’d take the offer in a heartbeat.

Once all of us have left the country, there will be nothing left to stop you, and you can roll over the “free market” in this country like the corpulent beached whales you are.

Who’s with me?

Above: Comrade Paulson imagines the joys awaiting him in an America with no Brads.

153 Comments »

  1. Milo Johnson said,

    September 23, 2008 at 0:29

    I’ve always loved Montreal…

  2. CS Lewis Jr. said,

    September 23, 2008 at 0:32

    New Zealand for me.

  3. Mr. Wonderful said,

    September 23, 2008 at 0:33

    Yes…but does it have to be Canada? And can I have that in Euros?

  4. Buskertype said,

    September 23, 2008 at 0:34

    I’m going to mexico, not canada. but yeah, sure.

  5. PS said,

    September 23, 2008 at 0:37

    I’ll take Australia … they got surfin’ too

  6. comsympinko said,

    September 23, 2008 at 0:38

    Holland.

    It’s a shame that a nation with such large people doesn’t have a successful national rugby program.

  7. Viktor Yushenko said,

    September 23, 2008 at 0:45

    Can I move to Ireland or Bulgaria instead? How about some kind of Flexible Relocation Account?

  8. itwasntme said,

    September 23, 2008 at 0:49

    Ah, Denmark, Sweden! I nixed Spain, because McPalin might invade there next. Oh, yeah, definitely Euros.

  9. t4toby said,

    September 23, 2008 at 0:49

    I’m in.

  10. Leon Trotsky, Exile-in-Mexico said,

    September 23, 2008 at 0:50

    You know they’ll just gyp us, forcibly move us all to Sierra Leone, then claim that our checks were deemed invalid since we changed our forwarding addresses.

    I say we just convince them all their free-market economy works in the afterlife, and they’ll be on suicide watch before you can say “crystal raisins”.

  11. Red said,

    September 23, 2008 at 0:52

    I love British Columbia, and I would love to give one of those “love it or leave it” types a chance to really put their money where their mouth is.

  12. theblaz said,

    September 23, 2008 at 0:52

    I’m unemployed.

    Can I name my salary lumpage?

  13. Scott said,

    September 23, 2008 at 0:54

    I’ll take the money, but then I’m staying where I am and stocking up on boulders to throw at Republicans.

    “Hey, we gave you all that money! Now get out!”
    “Here, catch!”
    THOOOM!

  14. Jrod said,

    September 23, 2008 at 0:57

    It’s Jillian! Hurray!

    No deal, though. I wouldn’t give those fuckers the satisfaction. Besides, once hyper-inflation hits, five times my annual salery won’t be enough to get a McChicken Pseudo-food Sandwich. Even if I had a job!

  15. Rugosa said,

    September 23, 2008 at 1:00

    Yes, in our choice of dollars or Euros. I just read someplace that Poland’s economy is on the upswing. Do widzenia!

  16. Mo's Bike Shop said,

    September 23, 2008 at 1:00

    But we already have them renting Dixie from us. I see no need to give up the cool places.

  17. bulbul said,

    September 23, 2008 at 1:01

    Shit, I’m in. We (Europeans) will take Brad and everybody else and in exchange we’ll initiate the same program in reverse for our conservatives, neoconservatives, sensible liberals and other selfish motherfuckers. Add to that our fundies who will definitely feel at home in the Bible Belt. Or Kansas. Let the Great Randian Utopia begin!

  18. Anonymous said,

    September 23, 2008 at 1:03

    Sad to say, four or five times my annual salary still isn’t that much. Now if you’re talking 4-5x what the CEO of Whatever’s annual salary, you got a deal.

  19. pch1013 said,

    September 23, 2008 at 1:05

    Holland? Not. Been there, done that. Too cold, too rainy, too crowded, and too fucking flat. And, hello? A country whose economy depends on banks and insurance companies? Eff that noise.

    I think George Soros should buy Maui and declare it independent, then we can all move there.

  20. PeeJ said,

    September 23, 2008 at 1:05

    I think ‘twould be easier to line them all up against a wall. Not that I would ever *advocate* that, I merely make the comparison.

  21. ron said,

    September 23, 2008 at 1:08

    another vote for NZ but id settle for switzerland or one of the nordic countries if i had to.

  22. pch1013 said,

    September 23, 2008 at 1:09

    Actually, bulbul, I’ve always thought there should be a way of trading nationalities. There are squillions of deluded Euros who believe the U.S. is heaven on earth; enough, I’m sure, to cover all of us sensible folk who find the idea of living in Europe (but not the Netherlands) appealing. As long as Persons A and B have roughly equivalent ages, backgrounds, earning potentials, etc., why the hell shouldn’t we be allowed to do it?

  23. tatere said,

    September 23, 2008 at 1:10

    i do like this idea. but then, it occurred to me – won’t that leave only crazy people in charge of the nukes? maybe we can take them with us.

  24. Harry Cheddar said,

    September 23, 2008 at 1:11

    Well, I was inspired to go get a me a rifle. Just in case I have to put food on my family dontcha know. Mikey here suggested a Mini Ranch 14 a few months back, but I bought a Saiga .223 with a 20″ barrel. It’ll take .233 or 5.56 mm ammo, but its basically an AK47 so you can dump a handful of dirt in the receiver and it will still fire. You can pick up one new on the internets for like $280.00. Its pretty accurate too. I hung a Sightron scope on it for $70.00 and I’m ready for action. Well, see ya’ll at the barracades.

  25. tigrismus said,

    September 23, 2008 at 1:13

    My annual salary is goose egg, but I would be willing to be bought out for a portion of my husband’s salary(including bonus); maybe an additional 50%? Buy one, get one half price!

  26. justme said,

    September 23, 2008 at 1:13

    Fuck that. I actually like this place. Well, other than the somewhere-just-shy-of-half of the populace that seem to be congenital idiots. The land, the country, the Nation, I like.

    I’m much more for the whole torches, pitchforks and heads-on-pikes-lining-Pennsylvania-Avenue-from-one-end-to-the-other thing.

    Fuck them. Turn them into soylent green and feed them to salmon farms.

    Sigh. A guy can dream, can’t he?

  27. Snowwy said,

    September 23, 2008 at 1:14

    Um, there’s this tiny little wrinkle in your plan, Jillian. Please don’t hit me! But I have to point out that we’d be violating one of my cardinal rules. Never leave a live enemy behind you. We’d be leaving this one armed with the world’s most formidable nuclear arsenal, and no urge away from insanity or restraint against using it.

    Now, if we’re talking about crippling the place on our way out, sure I can consider that.

    OMG am I glad to see you back. I worry when any of the regulars drop off the map for a while. ‘Cept for Seb, because he’s completely unpredictable.

  28. MzNicky said,

    September 23, 2008 at 1:18

    I think George Soros should buy Maui and declare it independent, then we can all move there.

    Oh hell yes.

    I went to Burmuda once. It was pretty cool.

  29. MzNicky said,

    September 23, 2008 at 1:19

    And then there was this other time when I went to Bermuda.

  30. MzNicky said,

    September 23, 2008 at 1:20

    My annual salary is goose egg, but I would be willing to be bought out for a portion of my husband’s salary(including bonus); maybe an additional 50%? Buy one, get one half price!

    Moi aussi.

    Good to see you back Jillian.

  31. Buskertype said,

    September 23, 2008 at 1:20

    actually, after a couple beers I’ve decided I’m staying. They’ll have to pry me out with their cold dead hands.

  32. MzNicky said,

    September 23, 2008 at 1:21

    I think ‘twould be easier to line them all up against a wall.

    And more fun.

  33. Snowwy said,

    September 23, 2008 at 1:21

    Oh, BC for me. Been up there, loved the land. It’s just about the only place in the world (and I’ve seen more than the average American) I’d consider living other than the SF Bay Area.

  34. ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said,

    September 23, 2008 at 1:23

    Hi Jillian, long time no see!

    And it’d be Belize for me, kthxbai!

  35. Jillian said,

    September 23, 2008 at 1:28

    I have TOTALLY missed all of you something fierce.

    It’s just been one of those summers. And springs, too. Illness, relocation, children being run over by cars, stuff like that. I had to go recharge my batteries for a while, because all the lousy shit in this world was sucking me under worse than a riptide.

    If I’m not homeless within the next couple of weeks (keep your fingers crossed!), you’ll see a lot more of me.

    Much love, guys ‘n gals.

  36. mikey said,

    September 23, 2008 at 1:28

    Nope. Not goin. Thanks for the offer, darlin, but what you’re actually leaving behind is what’s known in the vernacular as a “target rich environment”.

    A highwayman’s dream. A bunch of doughy, pasty white cowards with more money than sense.

    STAND AND DELIVER!!!

    Biggest concern is all the urine I’ll get on me from their pee-stained wallets and purses.

    Oh my yes. There can be real upsides to life in the hills with the guerrilla army.

    mikey

  37. Batocchio said,

    September 23, 2008 at 1:28

    New Zealand, I think, for me. Toronto might work. Or hell, there’s Paris!

  38. ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said,

    September 23, 2008 at 1:32

    Be extra careful with Doughbob Loadpants’ wallet, mikey.

  39. mextremist said,

    September 23, 2008 at 1:33

    it’s not gonna be that easy. the border wall works both ways, ya know!

  40. Leon Trotsky, Exile-in-Mexico said,

    September 23, 2008 at 1:36

    I went to Burmuda once. It was pretty cool.

    Yeah, but then there was that coup and they renamed it Myanmurda, and all the cool parts went out the window.

  41. DocAmazing said,

    September 23, 2008 at 1:40

    I never lived in the US; I’m from the SF Bay Area. They’d have to annex us first.

  42. New Zealand said,

    September 23, 2008 at 1:41

    Sorry, we don’t have room for you all. We’re planning to introduce a restrictive system of ‘green cards’ for prospective immigrants from the US.
    Even casual visitors from the US will be welcomed at the airport by a group of petty-minded power-mad bureaucrats, who will demand proof that you have somewhere to stay while you’re here, and money to support yourselves. They will question you closely about your plans, take your fingerprints and retinal photographs, present you with poorly-designed forms to fill in, and make it your task to disprove their insulting default assumption that you intend to destroy your documentation and become illegal immigrants.
    Pay-back time!

  43. SAP said,

    September 23, 2008 at 1:42

    Cabo San Lucas is beautiful this time of year.

  44. noen said,

    September 23, 2008 at 1:42

    You can’t leave, not with your money. Didn’t you know? There was a law passed right before, I believe the Bear Stearns bailout. You can leave the US, but your money stays here.

    Not kidding.

    I believe that if you try to move your estate you suffer heavy fines. Enough to make it not worth your while to leave. Most dictatorships simply close the border but these fucks knew that would spook people so they closed the boarder to just your money. It’s what they wanted anyway.

    This was all planned.

  45. atheist said,

    September 23, 2008 at 1:44

    You can’t leave, not with your money. Didn’t you know? There was a law passed right before, I believe the Bear Stearns bailout. You can leave the US, but your money stays here.

    Not kidding.

    Are you serious? If so, please cite

  46. Mo's Bike Shop said,

    September 23, 2008 at 1:45

    There can be real upsides to life in the hills with the guerrilla army.

    Your faithful monkey butlers waiting for you back at camp…

    Look at that, I’ve cached the bowl.

  47. Smut Clyde said,

    September 23, 2008 at 1:46

    It would rob Cayman Is. off-shore bank accounts of their glamour and mystique, if just anyone were allowed to open one.

  48. goober said,

    September 23, 2008 at 1:50

    KERNELL(s) ARE GO!!

    http://www.computerworld.com/action/article.do?command=viewArticleBasic&taxonomyId=17&articleId=9115289&intsrc=hm_topic

  49. tigrismus said,

    September 23, 2008 at 1:50

    I don’t know if you can’t take your money, but I do know the US can insist you continue paying taxes for years even after you become a citizen of another country if the US gov’t decides you emigrated to avoid US taxes.

  50. noen said,

    September 23, 2008 at 1:52

    Are you serious? If so, please cite

    It was something that I read, I’m sorry all I have is hearsay and my memory for the moment. I may have the details wrong, I’m pretty sure about the overall gist though.

    I’ll look.

  51. Righteous Bubba said,

    September 23, 2008 at 1:54

    KERNELL(s) ARE GO!!

    Ramuglia said Sunday that the IP address he found in the proxy service logs didn’t “look consistent” with reports identifying Kernell. By today, however, he had changed his mind.

    “It became clear that the ISP, in addition to serving Illinois, also serves Tennessee, which means that the IP address could actually be consistent with the news reports,” Ramuglia said today.

    Well, that could be a slam-dunk unless he changes his mind.

  52. PeeJ said,

    September 23, 2008 at 1:55

    I went to Burmuda once. It was pretty cool.

    Having seen your correction to “Bermuda,” I have to ask: what time of year were you there? Ive been in January; it was about 67F.

  53. alli said,

    September 23, 2008 at 1:55

    How about we let New Orleans secede, and then we’ll bring all that big-city-liberal money down here and rebuild the place?

    If at first you don’t secede… try, try again. US out of Louisiana!

  54. Tehanu said,

    September 23, 2008 at 1:56

    I’m not leaving either. This is my country, goddammit. Better idea: give them Texas and the rest of the ex-traitor-states, then slice the whole thing off and let it float out to sea after anybody from there who wants to emigrate to the real America has gotten out.

  55. goober said,

    September 23, 2008 at 1:57

    The clear gravity of the situation pushed the legislation forward. Some might say the current mess couldn’t be foreseen, yet in 2005 Alan Greenspan told Congress how urgent it was for it to act in the clearest possible terms: If Fannie and Freddie “continue to grow, continue to have the low capital that they have, continue to engage in the dynamic hedging of their portfolios, which they need to do for interest rate risk aversion, they potentially create ever-growing potential systemic risk down the road,” he said. “We are placing the total financial system of the future at a substantial risk.”

    What happened next was extraordinary. For the first time in history, a serious Fannie and Freddie reform bill was passed by the Senate Banking Committee. The bill gave a regulator power to crack down, and would have required the companies to eliminate their investments in risky assets.

    If that bill had become law, then the world today would be different. In 2005, 2006 and 2007, a blizzard of terrible mortgage paper fluttered out of the Fannie and Freddie clouds, burying many of our oldest and most venerable institutions. Without their checkbooks keeping the market liquid and buying up excess supply, the market would likely have not existed.

    But the bill didn’t become law, for a simple reason: Democrats opposed it on a party-line vote in the committee, signaling that this would be a partisan issue. Republicans, tied in knots by the tight Democratic opposition, couldn’t even get the Senate to vote on the matter.

    That such a reckless political stand could have been taken by the Democrats was obscene even then. Wallison wrote at the time: “It is a classic case of socializing the risk while privatizing the profit. The Democrats and the few Republicans who oppose portfolio limitations could not possibly do so if their constituents understood what they were doing.”

    http://www.bloomberg.com/apps/news?pid=newsarchive&sid=aSKSoiNbnQY0

  56. goober said,

    September 23, 2008 at 1:58

    In other words, YOU OWN IT, PROGGIES

  57. ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said,

    September 23, 2008 at 1:59

    goober said,

    September 23, 2008 at 1:50

    KERNELL(s) ARE GO!!

    That’s very important, booger, and you are a very special young man!

    Yes You Are!

  58. Brandi said,

    September 23, 2008 at 2:01

    Shorter Jillian: We don’t have to call it “white flight” since a lot of the people we’re fleeing from are white already!

  59. Snowwy said,

    September 23, 2008 at 2:02

    Much as that macho idiot side of me wants to swear to link up with Mikey and join the Resistance, I realise in my saner moments that I have been a desk jockey for 15 solid years. There is no way in hell I’m in any kind of shape to fight a war.

    ‘course, I guess that could change if I have a year to work with. See ya!

  60. Righteous Bubba said,

    September 23, 2008 at 2:05

    In other words, YOU OWN IT, PROGGIES

    Let’s imagine you’re right. So what? Therefore McCain will win? I snicker freely.

  61. PeeJ said,

    September 23, 2008 at 2:07

    found a goober, found a goober found a goober, just now
    just now I found a goober, found a goober just now.
    It was rotten, it was rotten, it was rotten, just now
    Just now it was rotten, it was rotten just now

    [the intro of a kiddy song I once knew...]

  62. PeeJ said,

    September 23, 2008 at 2:09

    In other words, YOU OWN IT, PROGGIES

    If WE owned it, we wouldn’t have broken it, silly goobernut.

  63. henry lewis said,

    September 23, 2008 at 2:10

    (crackle…spppt)

    …Hello!!…

    (sppttt…crackle)

    …Hello, American progressives!!…

    (…static…) I am sending this from the dial-em-up thing we just got (…spppttt…) Hello?… we just got set up here at the fur-trading post (…trading post…trading post…CRACKLE…)

    Don’t come to Canada (…crack, crack, crackle…) I repeat (…sppptt..) STAY AWAY!…You won’t like it…Snowmobile fuel costs are through the roof and climate change has played hell with the matte finish on my igloo (…static…)…nobody’s even seen a musk ox in weeks (…sppttt,CRACKLE…)…bark soup and lichen salad…(…salad…salad…salad…)

    (…spurrACK!!…) Besides we have our own religious whackjob neocon party up here and they’re about to win a majority on Oct. 14 (…CRACK…static…crackle…) Trust me, you’ll hate it…(…spizzzitt…) Try to skim a little of that fatcat loot for me(…Splot…Snerk…)see you in Mexico (..xico..xico…)

    (INTERMINABLE PAUSE)

    …over…(slerf…skix…CRACK!…)

  64. Aaron said,

    September 23, 2008 at 2:10

    Gosh, goober, that would be really compelling stuff if the current crisis had much of anything to do with Fannie Mae or Freddie Mac making bad loans. It’s much more about badly-regulated private for-profit businesses making bad deals for a long time, and disguising the bad bets as mortgage-backed securities. If anyone owns the debacle (other than, eventually, Uncle Sucker’s taxpayers), it’s Wall Street, not the Democrats in Congress.

  65. PeeJ said,

    September 23, 2008 at 2:11

    Of course, goober doesn’t tell the whole story. I refer specifically to the version passed by the house which the administration (who, shockingly enough, had actually proposed such legislation in the first placet!) threatened to veto. It was radically different from the Senate version.

  66. Righteous Bubba said,

    September 23, 2008 at 2:16

    I’ve always been surprised that nobody approached the Palestinian situation – or the Israeli one for that matter – with a give-’em-cash-if-they-move solution. Out of my awful memory I think the US spends six billion a year bribing Egypt and Israel not to shoot rockets at each other. No Palestinian or Israeli citizens, no problem.

  67. wagonjak said,

    September 23, 2008 at 2:17

    I would sell out, but would also demand my own island off the canadian coast…

    I don’t sell EASY!

  68. Smut Clyde said,

    September 23, 2008 at 2:23

    I think the US spends six billion a year bribing Egypt and Israel not to shoot rockets at each other to buy weapons systems from US manufacturers.
    Bug, meet feature.

  69. ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said,

    September 23, 2008 at 2:24

    PeeJ said,

    September 23, 2008 at 2:11

    Of course, goober doesn’t tell the whole story.

    The goobers haven’t been told the whole story, so they are unable to repeat same.

    But you’re exactly right. If you are not ready to discuss mortgage-backed securities and credit swaps, you don’t deserve to be taken seriously. This monster came from Wall St.

  70. JGabriel said,

    September 23, 2008 at 2:26

    Jillian:

    Here’s the deal: Offer each of us four to five times our annual salary in a lump-sum, nontaxable payment. In exchange, we agree to move to Canada…

    The rich will never take that deal.

    You make the mistake of thinking it’s just about the money. It is about the money, but it’s also about the power.

    The money’s no good unless you have serfs to order around, starve, belittle, punish, torture, and sexually use without remonstrance in exchange for minor pittances of your hourly income and accumulating interest.

    .

  71. Lesley said,

    September 23, 2008 at 2:26

    Canada’s going to shit so I wouldn’t move here:

    Tories holding position to form government: poll: Latest poll shows much of the anti-Tory vote in battleground ridings split among Bloc, NDP and Greens

    Most libs would rather split the vote than keep the Cons out. ASSHOLES. Liberal Canadians, that is. I’m furious that people are this dumb. Apparently bearing witness to the American nightmare hasn’t put the fear of neocons into Canadians yet. Except this one. I will be holding my nose and voting Liberal. I don’t even care who my candidate is; it doesn’t matter. Anything to keep these horrible horrible people from running the country.

  72. Bermuda said,

    September 23, 2008 at 2:26

    And then there was this other time when I went to Bermuda.
    We are still vexed about that.

  73. wagonjak said,

    September 23, 2008 at 2:26

    I realized I was selling myself short in my last post, and would now add a demand for a $200,000 offshore deposit in my name in an untraceable account….

    I may add more demands later….

  74. Righteous Bubba said,

    September 23, 2008 at 2:27

    Bug, meet feature.

    Oh right. Wasn’t I yammering on about that in some other thread? Let me adjust the onion on my belt.

  75. Lesley said,

    September 23, 2008 at 2:27

    Christian Dance Party -seriously you have to see this.
    http://www.theway.org/Current/Mar07/Mar07Flash4.htm

  76. ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said,

    September 23, 2008 at 2:28

    In other nooze, McSame is en fuego!

  77. ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said,

    September 23, 2008 at 2:34

    Lesley is right.

    And don’t stop it early, you’ll miss The Man’s Mad Dance Mooves!

  78. Arky The Islahomobamaist said,

    September 23, 2008 at 2:36

    And Jillian returns with a vengeance.

  79. WereBear said,

    September 23, 2008 at 2:39

    CN broke the rape kit story on Palin.

    I had three people, today, send it to me.

    This and the wolf ad is a real one-two punch.

    Why should women like the Republican party? They should come of their own log cabins, and give up the masochism.

  80. Lesley said,

    September 23, 2008 at 2:40

    “dance mooves” inspired by Jesus

    bet he’s hella fun in the sack!

  81. WereBear said,

    September 23, 2008 at 2:40

    Errr, “out of their own log cabins.”

    Though it has a certain swing…

  82. Lesley said,

    September 23, 2008 at 2:41

    this one’s funny too. (probably satanic)
    http://swissmiss.typepad.com/weblog/2008/09/laugh-your-abs.html

  83. noen said,

    September 23, 2008 at 2:42

    There’s A Law That Takes Away Money If You Leave U.S. Citizenship?

    A lot of people probably can’t understand why someone would voluntarily give up American citizenship — but if someone wanted to do that, they’d now incur financial penalties for it.

    Congress just passed a new law that will stop your capital — or at least a good portion of it — at the border, should you decide not to be a U.S. citizen anymore. Is it, perhaps, in preparation for the possibility that Americans might rebel at the debt and taxes incurred by their government by leaving for lower-tax locales?

    You probably didn’t notice this little provision inserted into the Heroes Act of 2008, passed by Congress on June 17. The headlines in the press release about the law were about the increased benefits for veterans and families of deceased military.

    But Richard Kohan of Price WaterhouseCoopers drew my attention to one section of the act, which states that anyone voluntarily giving up his or her citizenship will be taxed on all of his assets as if he or she had sold them — paying capital gains on assets that have increased in value, even though they have not been sold.

    That’s right. While everyone in the media is focused on keeping aliens out of America, Congress has voted to lock its citizens – or at least a good portion of their assets — into America! Maybe they’re thinking that patriotism won’t be enough to keep the smart money from recognizing the coming increases in the tax burden.

  84. Righteous Bubba said,

    September 23, 2008 at 2:49

    Harper’s had a pretty entertaining article about how difficult it is to actually give up citizenship. It is really really really difficult. So the thing to do is just not give up citizenship and move anyway.

  85. PeeJ said,

    September 23, 2008 at 2:53

    Makes me wonder whether the real purpose of that wall on the Rio Grande wasn’t quite what we were told. Which begs the question, they thought it would get bad enough they’d hafta keep us from fleeing to Mexico!?!?!

    [not that Cabo isn't a decent destination but, c'mon - Juarez?]

  86. PeeJ said,

    September 23, 2008 at 2:54

    Die bold, DIE!

  87. Lesley said,

    September 23, 2008 at 2:55

    that Buy My Shitpile site is the best. Hmmm…looking around and wondering what I can add. How about this?
    http://www.buymyshitpile.com/node/354

  88. Loneoak said,

    September 23, 2008 at 2:58

    Fuck, I’d move to Montreal for a punch card worth 10 free beers at Unibroue.

  89. Jennifer said,

    September 23, 2008 at 3:02

    I’m headed for Italy, myself. I won’t make jackshit for money, but pretty much everyone there lives on a lot less anyway, and the quality of life beats this country all to be damned.

    Re: the Christian dance party: exactly what is it about Christian fanaticism that’s incompatible with production values and tasteful decor?

  90. a different brad said,

    September 23, 2008 at 3:03

    Yay, Jillian.

    What about all the unemployed hippies, tho?

  91. mdb said,

    September 23, 2008 at 3:04

    There’s all sorts of fun going on in the good ole USA these days!

    Beginning Oct. 1 for 12 months, the 1st BCT will be under the day-to-day control of U.S. Army North, the Army service component of Northern Command, as an on-call federal response force for natural or manmade emergencies and disasters, including terrorist attacks.

    It is not the first time an active-duty unit has been tapped to help at home. In August 2005, for example, when Hurricane Katrina unleashed hell in Mississippi and Louisiana, several active-duty units were pulled from various posts and mobilized to those areas.

    But this new mission marks the first time an active unit has been given a dedicated assignment to NorthCom, a joint command established in 2002 to provide command and control for federal homeland defense efforts and coordinate defense support of civil authorities.

    Link

  92. W. Kiernan said,

    September 23, 2008 at 3:05

    France.

  93. The future Prince said,

    September 23, 2008 at 3:07

    I’d settle for a Sealand type arrangement… Seems like “drill, drill, drill” will provide plenty of platforms that could easily be converted into mini-kingdoms…

    The history of Sealand

    All hail Prince Roy!

  94. ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said,

    September 23, 2008 at 3:10

    It’s not a series of t00bz, iz black hole instead?

    Sarah Palin Exclusive Interview with Charles Gibson on ABC

    Let’s all become stupider together, people.

    ~

  95. Loneoak said,

    September 23, 2008 at 3:12

    “Renewed Mind” Dance Party = Joel Osteen + The Secret + Rick Astley

    A monster that we deserve.

  96. Lesley said,

    September 23, 2008 at 3:16

    If Henry Paulson was three and could laugh.
    http://www.flickr.com/photos/sundry/2868875773/in/photostream/
    No offense to the uber cute innocent children.

  97. Oregon Guy said,

    September 23, 2008 at 3:38

    I think I posted something along these lines a few days ago… I like America (mostly)… can we just revive the Confederacy and pack them all off down there?

  98. El Cid said,

    September 23, 2008 at 3:39

    I would gladly sell you myself tomorrow for a hamburger today.

  99. ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said,

    September 23, 2008 at 3:48

    Loneoak said,

    September 23, 2008 at 3:12

    “Renewed Mind” Dance Party = Joel Osteen + The Secret + Rick Astley

    A monster that we deserve.

    Dances With Mooves

  100. Anonymous said,

    September 23, 2008 at 4:08

    Can’t we just go up to <A HREF=”http://www.mtbakerlodging.com/index.php?page=about_the_area”
    Glacier, WA, blow up the bridges, and dec;are ourselves soverign?

  101. t4toby said,

    September 23, 2008 at 4:09

    That was weird.

    Glacier, WA

  102. MzNicky said,

    September 23, 2008 at 4:13

    PeeJ: When I visited Bermuda it was summertime. Beautiful place, but the drivers and the mopeds are crazy man.

  103. Hank Paulson said,

    September 23, 2008 at 4:14

    Dear American:

    I need to ask you to support an urgent secret business relationship with a transfer of funds of great magnitude.

    I am Ministry of the Treasury of the Republic of America. My country has had crisis that has caused the need for large transfer of funds of 800 billion dollars US. If you would assist me in this transfer, it would be most profitable to you.

    I am working with Mr. Phil Gram, lobbyist for UBS, who will be my replacement as Ministry of the Treasury in January. As a Senator, you may know him as the leader of the American banking deregulation movement in the 1990s. This transactin is 100% safe.

    This is a matter of great urgency. We need a blank check. We need the funds as quickly as possible. We cannot directly transfer these funds in the names of our close friends because we are constantly under surveillance. My family lawyer advised me that I should look for a reliable and trustworthy person who will act as a next of kin so the funds can be transferred.

    Please reply with all of your bank account, IRA and college fund account numbers and those of your children and grandchildren to wallstreetbailout@treasury.gov so that we may transfer your commission for this transaction. After I receive that information, I will respond with detailed information about safeguards that will be used to protect the funds.

    Yours Faithfully
    Minister of Treasury Paulson

  104. MaineMan said,

    September 23, 2008 at 4:15

    I’m with mikey.

    Since I lost my computer consulting gig 18 moths ago, I’ve been working landscaping. And I’m not talking about lawn-mowing. Rock wall-building, hundreds of yards of gravel, top soil, manure hand shoveled, hand digging hundreds of square feet of planting beds in solid clay and gravel.

    You need battlements installed? I’m your guy.

  105. MzNicky said,

    September 23, 2008 at 4:15

    ate it anyway
    ate it anyway
    ate it any-way, just now
    just now I ate it anyway
    ate it anyway just now

  106. t4toby said,

    September 23, 2008 at 4:16

    That clip was awesome, thunder! 100x worse than the rickroll!

    I can haz baddlemintz?

  107. dadanarchist said,

    September 23, 2008 at 4:23

    I don’t mind the rain, I’ll take Scotland.

  108. Interrobang said,

    September 23, 2008 at 4:35

    Lesley, I would say that giving up hope for us yet is a bit premature… If I were religious, I’d be praying, “OH PLEASE GOD, JUST THIS ONCE, MAKE IT HAPPEN…” Guess it depends whether Jackie-boy is smart enough to learn from his asshole mistakes or not.

  109. Lesley said,

    September 23, 2008 at 4:36

    Daily Coyote has petz pic to die for.
    http://www.dailycoyote.net/

  110. J— said,

    September 23, 2008 at 4:38

    He’s Our Promised Seed” rocks!

  111. ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said,

    September 23, 2008 at 4:40

    t4toby, Lesley posted it just a couple threads before me.

    I was working on rebranding.

  112. Righteous Bubba said,

    September 23, 2008 at 4:42

    This made me cackle in that evil and satanic way that us communists do.

    http://tpmelectioncentral.talkingpointsmemo.com/2008/09/home_ownership_rick_davis_and.php

  113. Me said,

    September 23, 2008 at 4:44

    Conservatives have absolutely no interest in participating in a “free market”, and never have. Duh. Like everyone else, they want a safety net. It only differs from other social safety nets in its particulars (Hint: think who gets saved).

  114. Yes! said,

    September 23, 2008 at 4:44

    In all seriousness, can anyone recommend a place/method for gathering information about countries that will take in educated, employable folks from the U.S.? And I would rather not go to Canada, which has the unfortunate feature that it is still close enough for visits by family.

    Tahnks for your hepl!

  115. Loneoak said,

    September 23, 2008 at 4:45

    Holy shit, did Paul Krugman just use l33tspeak on Countdown?!

    Rough transcription: “Well, you know, my hair is kinda on fire [makes sense in response to KO's question]. This is a scary financial crisis. It’s not clear to me that extending the debate a couple of days is going to make or break, and we really want to do it right. The amazing thing to me was the arrogance of Paulson. He comes along and says ‘okay we have this terrible crisis,’ and without consultation, without any discussion, he comes up with this plan that is basically ‘all your decisions are belong to me‘.”

    Paul Krugman is aware of all internet traditions! I love this man.

  116. Righteous Bubba said,

    September 23, 2008 at 4:47

    In all seriousness, can anyone recommend a place/method for gathering information about countries that will take in educated, employable folks from the U.S.?

    In all seriousness, yes for Europhiles: http://www.enic-naric.net/

  117. El Cid said,

    September 23, 2008 at 4:48

    Loneoak: I caught that too. It was cute to see ol’ Krug-man use “all ur base”.

  118. justme said,

    September 23, 2008 at 4:50

    goober,
    Nice try, but you do realize that the author of that shitpile is the same tool who, shortly before the dot-com bust, predicted that the Dow was on the verge of going to 36,000? Even wrote a book called, coincidentally, “Dow 36,000“. Very few people have been as horribly wrong about the financial sector as that guy. Ever. His wingnut welfare gig at AEI is the only thing keeping him from living on cans of cat food. God knows, if he had to live on his own investment advice, he would have long since had to take the gray dive.

    So, no. One asshat with negative credibility and an obvious partisan axe to grind, trying to deflect blame from his employers, does not equal “teh libs owun it”.

  119. Loneoak said,

    September 23, 2008 at 4:51

    Hey, Yes!, there’s a book called Getting Out: Your Guide to Leaving America.

    My friends have it and it is pretty informative.

  120. Yes! said,

    September 23, 2008 at 4:52

    You’se peoples are the best!

  121. Lesley said,

    September 23, 2008 at 4:53

    Interrobang, a coalition government would be AWESOME and a nice change from previous governments. If the Libs and the NDP care about the country they will put aside their differences and make this happen. I pray the majority of Ontarians and Quebecers vote Liberal. One poll I saw had the Libs and Cons neck and neck in these provinces. The Cons continue to be popular in western provinces though I’m not sure of BC right now. BC voters, particularly rural voters, are hating on the Liberals because of the carbon tax. Unfortunately many people equate the provincial Liberals with the federal party – a mistake, since the provincial party is farther to the right than the old Socreds.

    This may interest you if you haven’t seen it.

  122. justme said,

    September 23, 2008 at 4:55

    I don’t know why nobody else has mentioned it, but am I the only one who noticed who was playing keys in that awesome video? I wondered why we hadn’t seen him in a while. Must be on tour.

  123. eidos said,

    September 23, 2008 at 5:00

    The latest theory from Digby, Josh Marshall et al is that McCain will stick to his guns in opposing the bailout, feigning great moral outrage. Then McCain and incumbent Republicans will brand it the Democrat/Bush bailout, vote against it and use it to run against the Democrats.

  124. Lesley said,

    September 23, 2008 at 5:02

    J – riotous laughter here. He’s trying to sound like the lead singer of REM.

    As for “rebranding, how about Hunk of Burning Christian

  125. skylark said,

    September 23, 2008 at 5:10

    OT, but Confederate Yankee is up to his sleazy tricks again.

    He first made this incredibly stupid post:

    At the same time, current Police Chief Long’s statement of, “A review of files and case reports within the Wasilla Police Department has found no record of sexual assault victims being billed for forensic exams” would seem to stand on it’s own, would it not?

    If current Police Chief Long’s information is correct, then Mayor Palin didn’t know that rape victims were charged for rape kits, because none were.

    Conf. Yank 1

    HIs entire premise was that people were claiming that the police dept directly billed rape victims, and since the police dept couldn’t find any actual bills … hey, nobody got billed!

    I responded in the comments section with a few easily-Googled quotes from the Wasilla paper and the Wasilla police chief actually stating that victims WERE billed, and when possible their insurance companies were billed.

    I also included an excerpt from a committee hearing on the bill that made the practice illegal, showing that just because the police didn’t show records of victims being billed it didn’t mean the hospitals weren’t forwarding the bills along. In other words, it’s usually the hospitals, not the police depts, sending the bills…the police dept just refused to pick up the tag. I also included a link to the committee hearing transcript.

    Just after that Mr. Yank-ee bans me. Open discussion, yay!

    Et voila! Mr. Bob has a brand new post up, with his very own exclusive research !!!! You guessed it…it’s the committee hearing transcript I provided him.

    Conf Yank 2

    Bob now sez:

    News flash!!! It’s the hospitals billing people, not the police dept!!!

    But of course he gets this part wrong:

    “Trisha Gentle, Executive Director, Council on Domestic Violence & Sexual Assault noted that police departments were willing to pay for the exams, but that it was an internal decision on the part of the hospital as to who pays the hospital bill.”

    No. Many police departments were willing to pay the bill, no matter where the hospital sent it. Wasilla police department was NOT willing to pay the bill, no matter where the hospital sent it.

    Bob sez:

    News flash!!!! The insurance companies get the bill!!!

    No mention of the fact that often the victim got it first, the victim pays the deductible, or what happens when the victim is uninsured.

    No mention of the fact that the committee specifically wanted the victim spared getting the bill at all regardless of whether the insurance company paid.

    And, I should add, regardless of whether the Violent Crime Compensation Board reimbursed the victim. (By the way, the board does NOT reimburse for costs covered by insurance.)

    So here’s to one of the cheesiest bloggers out there. Bans a commenter who did his homework for him, then uses that commenter’s own research to try to support his own bogus claims.

    Without even a “h/t skylark.”

    You stay classy, Bob.

    ——————————–

    Feel free to copy and paste at CY if you’re not one of the banned ones too.

  126. Lesley said,

    September 23, 2008 at 5:25

    Could I get into trouble if I put Conf Yankee on Buy My Shitpile?

  127. Lesley said,

    September 23, 2008 at 5:33

    Ok I did it anyway. Hopefully he’ll be flattered.
    http://www.buymyshitpile.com/node/536

  128. jim said,

    September 23, 2008 at 5:34

    Canada?

    Come on up – & the sooner you can get full citizenship & get registered to vote, the better. Our Dominion Of Placid Mall-Monkeys is all set to give Stephen “Dozens Dead From Food-Poisoning, LOL” Harper a majority … because that worked out SO well with Brian Mulroney … even a venal troglodyte like Mulroney looks downright tame compared to Harper, who’s been seen repeatedly chumming it up with none other than Karl Rove.

    He puts incompetent cronies into positions of power & supports a US-style War On Drugs. So when you get up here, it’ll almost be like you’re still back home!

    Lesley, I would say that giving up hope for us yet is a bit premature

    Bogosity Alert: Smilin’ Jack Layton is probably blowing smoke – the NDP has made coalition noises before, but they always seem to jam out when it’s action-time. Canada hasn’t had a coalition (Liberal-Conservative) government since the 1930′s IIRC.

  129. eidos said,

    September 23, 2008 at 5:37

    Mr. Paulson, suh, wha’ can I git fer this slightly damaged grill?

  130. justme said,

    September 23, 2008 at 5:42

    teh toof,

    Shouldn’t you be getting back to the tour bus?

  131. Some Guy said,

    September 23, 2008 at 5:43

    But whoever will pay for all those government subsidies and handouts you red states lap up like spilled cream, Truth? And for all those abortions and divorce court costs that run rampant in red states?

  132. Lesley said,

    September 23, 2008 at 5:44

    Jim, maybe it’s time to exert a little pressure on both parties. Having single parties running countries isn’t working so well anymore anyway.

  133. Emperor Nero said,

    September 23, 2008 at 6:05

    Hunk of Burning Christian
    I expect credit for that concept.

  134. Lesley said,

    September 23, 2008 at 6:25

    Dion and Layton, if you’re reading, DO IT! Put the country first. Everything Canada used to stand for, from public health care to fair and equitable social policy to our reputation for peacekeeping, is at stake. Having single parties running the country isn’t working so well anymore anyway. It’s time we saw some co-operation between parties that share Canadian values, and I don’t mean the ones shared by soul mates Karl Rove and Steven Harper. I want the old Canada back, not this one that’s been hijacked by Bushites.

  135. Lesley said,

    September 23, 2008 at 6:25

    uh, wrong thread! :)

  136. Sadly, No! » To Boldly Go Where No Stupid Has Gone Before said,

    September 23, 2008 at 6:35

    [...] Hmmm. I see that while I was writing this post, commenter Skylark was on Owens’s case about this in the comments to Jillian’s great post. Great minds, you know, and all [...]

  137. California said,

    September 23, 2008 at 6:38

    I can haz secession?

  138. Mandos said,

    September 23, 2008 at 7:22

    The Liberal Party would never go along with a coalition, so it’s an empty (and very clever) ploy by Layton. A coalition with the NDP would destroy the Liberal brand, and prove that it has moved once and for all into the Valley of Death. They can work with the NDP on the balance of power, though.

    So, I’ve become fatalistic about Canada. It happens that the money that backs Harper has been beating at the door for a long time. It’s amazing that Canada has managed to hold out so long against the 20-year attack of the neocon battering ram. Maybe, like the USA, we have to get at least a taste of the results before we run screaming in horror.

    I also blame Paul Martin. Oh, how I blame that loser. And more than that, his loserish backers. Immediately upon ascent to power, they couldn’t help but settle old scores and trash the Liberal Party completely.

    But I’m an NDP supporter, so.

  139. jim said,

    September 23, 2008 at 7:56

    I think we’ll get by without you.

    I think more than a few Americans WILL be emigrating soon, even with the penalties – & taking their energy, expertise & innovation with them – at which point the idiocy of this statement will be made manifest, even to a chronic dimbulb such as yourself. Debt rising exponentially + smaller fiscal output = major pain. You think poverty in the US is bad now? You ain’t seen NOTHING yet – & never forget: you’ll have the GOP to thank for dragging your economy down to the level of Albania. Go ahead & kid yourself some more, but it won’t alter reality: you got in bed with an elephant & now it’s rolling over, right on top of you.

    Having single parties running countries isn’t working so well anymore anyway.

    You mean there was a time when it worked?

    The idea that one party runs the show after having a nation-wide popularity contest is both psychotic & obsolete – in a co-operative (i.e. functional) government ALL parties who’ve won seats should run the state, as represented by their proportion of the mandate. Having a functional government means stronger checks & balances – & more stringent laws to prevent blatant mega-pork like the “Quick, Give Us All Your Fucking Money NOW, No Questions Asked, Or ELSE” plan BushCo has just unveiled. No penalties for opposing your own party when it’s doing something stupid, & lifetime bans from public office for crooks & liars. You’ll only get honest pols when you make honesty mandatory.

    Elections in their current form are themselves toxic diversions from matters of very real importance, unpleasant realities threatening to put an end to civilization for good. Every camapign is another huge waste of time & energy to pick a new Valedictorian to spoon-feed us comforting BS for another term – it begins to stink of suicide.

    The “Kentucky Derby” model of governance has proven its epic fail over & over again – at this late hour, humanity simply can’t afford this weak shit any more.

  140. JGabriel said,

    September 23, 2008 at 8:07

    Loneoak:

    Holy shit, did Paul Krugman just use l33tspeak on Countdown?!

    Krugman has always been a geek.

    Watch any interview where they ask him why he became an economist. Krugman always responds that, when he was a kid, he was fascinated by Asimov’s “psychohistory” in the Foundation series. So, he became an economist because that was the closest real-world subject he could find to psychohistory.

    It’s so nerdy, it’s kind of endearing.

    .

  141. Smut Clyde said,

    September 23, 2008 at 9:12

    you got in bed with an elephant
    I stopped reading at that point.

  142. Lesley said,

    September 23, 2008 at 10:41

    Maybe, like the USA, we have to get at least a taste of the results before we run screaming in horror.

    I’m way ahead of you on this score. Maybe? Not. Listen, if zombies ever strike the US, just trust that they won’t be good for Canada either.

    You mean there was a time when it worked?

    1968 was a good year.

  143. "Oh Stewardess, I Speak 'Nut" said,

    September 23, 2008 at 12:38

    From the 16th and next-to-last paragraph in an AP piece on “wrangling” over the bailout. “Lawmakers in both parties appeared to be coalescing around the idea that executive compensation limits should be part of the bailout, although Paulson says he is concerned that such curbs would discourage companies from participating.

    Dude sort of gave the game away there. So what you’re saying, Hank (can I call you Hank?) is that these companies don’t really need the bailout, or else that their CEO’s would “manage” their companies into oblivion before they’d surrender a dime of their personal compensation.

    What a joke. I guess the money-wing of the GOP realized they weren’t going to get social security privatization, and this is the next-best scheme they could come up with to line their pockets before Bush-Cheney leave next January.

  144. (Lex) Palianated said,

    September 23, 2008 at 13:50

    Ireland’s economy is finally (FINALLY) kicking along. I’ll take mine in Euros too, BTW….LOL. If that thing (the moose killer) gets anywhere near the Oval Office I’ll consider this one quite seriously. And pray daily for McCain’s health for once.

  145. MzNicky said,

    September 23, 2008 at 14:10

    Ireland, huh? My grandfather is rolling over in his grave.

  146. T.K. Whitaker said,

    September 23, 2008 at 17:34

    Alas, the Irish economic miracle was a by-product of the Clinton boom. . . Irish exports stalled in 2000, and the boom was kept going by a construction bubble. Which has now burst.

  147. J Neo Marvin said,

    September 23, 2008 at 20:40

    Nothing like a thread full of mock-defeatist snark to bring the Toothless one a-running over to gloat. Fuck emigration, I’m down for the Interesting Times myself.

  148. mdh said,

    September 23, 2008 at 20:49

    I haeve nu ideya what ‘yer talkin aboot.

    Count me in. Ontario or BC, here I come!

  149. mdh said,

    September 23, 2008 at 20:51

    I’d move to ireland! At least then the policy arguments would be deeply personal scathing affairs.

  150. Marco said,

    September 23, 2008 at 23:31

    Of course Troof doesn’t live in a Red State. Like Limbaugh, Coulter and everyone at Fox, they whine about how horrible Blue States are while praising “the heartland” – their just elitist asses wouldn’t be caught dead in Red.

  151. stryx said,

    September 23, 2008 at 23:33

    I miss Phil Hartman.

  152. Phoenician in a time of Romans said,

    September 25, 2008 at 2:51

    New Zealand Department of Immigration No Residency List

    Felons.
    War Criminals.
    Investment bankers.
    Anyone who ever voted in American Idol. Ever.
    We’re serious – no investment bankers.

  153. jim said,

    September 25, 2008 at 5:28

    Jim the Canadian predicts massive emigration from the US, reversing a two centuries old megatrend. Now there is a statement breathtaking in its ignorance.

    From you, that’s high praise. Thank you.
    Sounds like someone’s been doing those “Build Your Word-Power” quizzes in their Reader’s Digest.

    Oooh, MEGATREND … well, the latest “megatrend” is growing numbers of Canucks coming BACK to Canada as the US economy goes tits-up & they realize that not only are American jobs getting ever scarcer, but the prices aren’t much better there than here … oh, & there’s this little free health-care thingy they sorta miss as they age, too.

    Your feeble attempts at snark bely your stupidity. Again, I thank you. Keep it coming.

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