THE next president must do one thing, and one thing only, if he is to be judged a success: He must prevent Al Qaeda, or a Qaeda imitator, from gaining control of a nuclear device and detonating it in America.

Hey, ever notice how the PLO blows up something like this: [brief pantomime of someone strapping something on and hailing a bus while looking furtively from side to side] — but Al Qaeda blows up stuff like this: [slightly longer pantomime of someone planting explosives but stopping every few seconds to do little ritual ablutions and things]. Am I right? Am I right?

Hey now.

Buck up, Dorothy! For mindmelting, I recommend a frozen margarita sucked up through a giant straw. You could probably read freerepublic after that without ill effect! Well, except for the usual cold shudders and vomiting.

After much googling, all I could find was this:

A pro-life politician in Kansas bravely admitted during a debate on Wednesday that she had an abortion “long ago.”

State Representative Brenda Landwehr, a Republican from Wichita, was debating a bill on the house floor that would “crack down” on abortion clinics when she suddenly revealed her personal experience with the issue.

Rep. Landwehr argued that abortion “traumatizes women” and told her fellow representatives that, “I live with that pain every single day because I killed a baby.”

False rape charges cost the government billions of dollars every year, through the wasteful use of rape kits.

–and my brain melted.

I started to say “gee I don’t think all the rape charges in the US, false or otherwise, cost over a billion dollars” but you know, melted brain, and all.

BTW, has there ever been a politician who spoke openly about having had an abortion? It seems like Mona Charen assumes that it would be such a great benefit to any political career to have decided to abort, that Sarah Palin is thus extra-sooper mavericklicious to be so bold as to defy conventional wisdom and have the baby. Because everyone hates babies, it’s brave to have one, or something.

It’ll be “Yum! Brands Presents _______________ Palin!”

And here I thought it was an anagram for “dicle”…

So watch out for that guy. Better call Homeland Security and have him checked out.

I figure those were the signs the kids were conceived under.