Aug
25
25
Time to hang ‘em up, Richard…
Holy shit:
By Richard Cohen
Monday, August 25, 2008; Page A17I saw another man dance with Joe Biden’s wife, Jill. It was almost three years ago, on the terrace of the sublime Villa d’Este on the shore of Italy’s stunning Lake Como, and Biden watched, smiling broadly and sometimes laughing, as the man gracefully moved Jill around the dance floor. It was late, and the guests still there looked on keenly because Jill Biden’s dancing partner was very good-looking and very famous. He was John McCain.
Simple rule of thumb: if you’re a political reporter and you find yourself talking about any politician the way that I talk about Tom Brady, it’s time to retire.
Like. Seriously.
Sockpuppet #47 said,
August 25, 2008 at 15:37
Good looking? That man was a wrinkly bag of misogyny and cancer 30 years ago, let alone 3 years ago.
gbear said,
August 25, 2008 at 15:37
Jill Biden’s dancing partner was very good-looking and very famous. He was John McCain.
What a celebrity.
You know, he had 5.5 years to think about perfecting his dance moves, while IN PRISON.
Anonymous said,
August 25, 2008 at 15:38
He gets paid to go to dances “on the terrace of the sublime Villa d’Este
on the shore of Italy’s stunning Lake Como”? And to write that?
Damn. Must be nice. Would that I were as in touch with The Plain People of America.
Clem said,
August 25, 2008 at 15:39
Well, sure, as far as old, pink and balding guys who’ve had the left sides of their faces scooped-out go, McCain is very good-looking.
In an another time and place, Cohen would be obligated to disembowel himself.
Clem
Cangrejero said,
August 25, 2008 at 15:40
Everyone thought it was a live reenactment of the “thriller” video.
Jake in DK said,
August 25, 2008 at 15:46
Maybe not retire necessarily - sounds like he’s got a future in the bodice-ripper genre.
Dragon-King Wangchuck said,
August 25, 2008 at 15:52
via <a href=”http://yglesias.thinkprogress.org/archives/2008/08/im_a_brilliant_original_and_idiosyncratic_thinker_but_dont_ever_disagree_with_me.php”everyone’s favorite Yglesias:
Remember that before you dream of criticizing Dickie, because only communists do that.
Jon H said,
August 25, 2008 at 15:52
Ever dance with the devil in the pale moonlight?
Nimrod Gently said,
August 25, 2008 at 15:52
I read the first line and I thought he was protesting to a voice in his head which he called “Jill”. It made it 810 times better.
Dragon-King Wangchuck said,
August 25, 2008 at 15:53
FYWP - And I don’t mean nothing about fetching. I done did that that right. Well anyways, here it is again:
http://yglesias.thinkprogress.org/archives/2008/08/im_a_brilliant_original_and_idiosyncratic_thinker_but_dont_ever_disagree_with_me.php
seventwentyfour said,
August 25, 2008 at 15:58
This was a scene from a musical, right?
Summer in Italy on Lake Como. Cohen turns from the scene on the dance floor and sings a song of unrequited love, perhaps “The Winner Takes It All.” Ending with a pullback arial shot of Cohen at lake’s edge, wearing something billowy, broadcasting his heartbreak to the world.
Dragon-King Wangchuck said,
August 25, 2008 at 16:02
With apologies to out gracious hosts, Sadly, No! Incidentally Dickie, did you write that article before or after Joe’s talk about kitchen tables?
Dragon-King Wangchuck said,
August 25, 2008 at 16:03
FYWP! This time I do mean fetching - but the other meaning holds too.
Legalize said,
August 25, 2008 at 16:05
I bet Tom Brady can’t keep track of his houses either.
LittlePig said,
August 25, 2008 at 16:14
Whose felching John McCain?
LittlePig said,
August 25, 2008 at 16:15
Oh, fetching. I see.
With Dickie Cohen it’s often hard to differentiate between the two.
Doofus said,
August 25, 2008 at 16:17
Did McCane then take Biden’s tail over to his one-room POW hut, lay her down on a fresh bed of straw, and water-board her boobies?
Cuz I think that’s what Cohen is implying.
Dreamweasel said,
August 25, 2008 at 16:21
McCain danced with Biden’s wife. Did he drink Biden’s milkshake, too?
MzNicky said,
August 25, 2008 at 16:22
Note to Mr. Cohen: Please compare and contrast.
This is what we call a “very good-looking” man.
This? Not so much.
MzNIcky said,
August 25, 2008 at 16:32
“Biden’s tail”? Are you implying our future Vice President has vestigial coccygeal vertebrae?
El Cid said,
August 25, 2008 at 16:35
I dreamed I saw wife Jill last night, dance with McCain, not me… Says I “But Jill, I want that dance,”"You’re a total douche,” says she… “You’re a total douche,” says she…
pedestrian said,
August 25, 2008 at 16:36
Cindy would have been happy to dance with Joe, but she was exhausted from the Ducati rally earlier that day.
Ripley said,
August 25, 2008 at 16:47
That’s pretty much my criteria for voting, these last few years: ‘Has the candidate danced with Joe Biden’s wife?’
This election presents a rather awkward scenario for my electoral decision-making process, as you can well imagine.
owlbear1 said,
August 25, 2008 at 16:48
PHEW! Old White guy on the ticket. ok, Much better now, close one there.
gbear said,
August 25, 2008 at 16:48
So Jill, whom I could never stop, went on to dip and glide…went on to dip and glide.
Mr. Wonderful said,
August 25, 2008 at 16:49
El Cid–
You’ve accomplished the impossible. You’ve made Joan Baez compelling.
pedestrian said,
August 25, 2008 at 16:52
At one point in the evening it looked like McCain was asking Michelle Obama for a dance, but he was only trying to order a drink.
actor212 said,
August 25, 2008 at 16:55
I saw another man dance with Joe Biden’s wife, Jill.
Sheesh! Not even in the White House yet and already they’re dragging out the sex scandals????
Susan of Texas said,
August 25, 2008 at 16:57
By the shores of Gitche Gumee,
By the shining Big-Sea-Water,
Stood the villa of Dick Cohen
Son of the Villagers, Dick Cohen.
Dark behind him rose the forest,
And Dick Cohen warned them often,
Saying oft, and oft repeating,
“O, beware of Obama/BIden,
Of the Liberal Enclave, Democrat;
Listen not to what he tells you;
Lie not down upon the meadow,
Stoop not down among the lilies,
Lest the Obama come and harm you!”
Dragon-King Wangchuck said,
August 25, 2008 at 17:06
This is amusing, consider how left-wing Richard Cohen describes the three people his article focuses on (and one more):
John McCain - graceful dancer, very good-looking and very famous
Joe Biden - wrong on Iraq, but very little else. Only problem is he sometimes talks too long. Still a gentleman.
Barack Obama - Insecure, lacking foreign policy chops - despite getting this generation’s biggest foreign policy question right.
Clenis - the paragon of irresponsibility.
Such a liberal this Cohen is, Oy vey! Well, since John McCain was a POW and only communists criticize Richard Cohen I’ll refrain from criticizing. I’ll just fill out the Cohen left vs. right spectrum, using examples of Richard Cohen vintage:
Joseph McCarthy - truly a magnificent human being. Kind, Sensitive, and great in the sack.
Woodie Guthrie - Satan Incarnate.
SomeNYGuy said,
August 25, 2008 at 17:24
Don’t forget, It’s Okay If You’re A RepubliCohen.
Blue Buddha said,
August 25, 2008 at 17:27
Pete Seeger — Satan taking on a more charming form.
bayville said,
August 25, 2008 at 17:28
He’s handsome, famous, a great dancer and a POW. All of a sudden I got a chub!
actor212 said,
August 25, 2008 at 17:28
Isn’t Richard Cohen married to Meredith Viera?
What party was he at that she wasn’t, that he was ignoring her to watch Biden’s wife dancing with a troll?
Richard Cohen said,
August 25, 2008 at 17:35
I had been wrong about Bosnia, and I had, in a way that no swift-fingered blogger could ever understand, anguished over Srebrenica and a return to Europe of horrors long thought gone.
I had learned the wrong lesson from that war, and I also learned a wrong lesson from the first Gulf War, which I had supported.
I was miserably wrong in my judgment and somewhat emotional, and whenever my resolve weakened, as it did over time, I steadied myself by downing belts of inane criticism from the likes of Michael Moore or “realists” like Brent Scowcroft, who had presided over the slaughter of the Shiites.
But that John McCain sure is a good-lookin’ feller. He’ll be a great president!
Leon Trotsky, Exile-in-Mexico said,
August 25, 2008 at 17:38
As a communist, let me be the first to say Richard Cohen can suck a big bag of dicks. And indeed, his entire career as a journalist is dedicated to this practice. I may further say that while the communist ideology is one rife with mistakes, at least we’re despised by the right people, that is, craven assholes like Richard Cohen. By such loathing to we rise, because in a choice between us and Richard Cohen, we’re prettier.
Joe Max said,
August 25, 2008 at 17:39
Communist?
“You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.”
Athenawise said,
August 25, 2008 at 17:47
Two questions:
1. Did Biden dance with Cindy?
2. And, did McCain smile broadly and sometimes laugh, or scowl and get pissed off because another man was dancing with his wife?
Dragon-King Wangchuck said,
August 25, 2008 at 17:47
Isn’t Richard Cohen married to Meredith Viera?
Different Richard Cohen - you’re talking about the one with multiple sclerosis, we’re talking about the one with severe nerve damage. I think Richard Cohen might still be a bachelor, on the prowl for news anchor’s wives.
Arky - Chuthuhlusexual said,
August 25, 2008 at 17:52
Ooo! John and Jill sittin’ in a tree. K-I-S-S-I-N-G!
Seriously, what the hell is Dick on about? It appears he’s suggesting that Biden shouldn’t have let his woman dance with a co-worker but once he did it formed some sort of unbreakable bond that made them BFF.
As for graceful and handsome. Sure. If you put this bag over your head.
Please tell me there’s some wonderfully snarky punch line to this piece.
Richard Cohen said,
August 25, 2008 at 17:52
I think Richard Cohen might still be a bachelor, on the prowl for
news anchor’s wivesbadgers.They love the facial hair and they think his nose hairs look alike whiskers.
N__B said,
August 25, 2008 at 17:53
Had Cohen looked closely at the lake, he would have seen in the distance a splash and small wave that presaged the monster that would later eat a bunch of slackers while filmed in poorly-lit handheld glory.
Cloverfield 2: This Time It’s Political
Richard Cohen said,
August 25, 2008 at 17:53
The point is that Richard Cohen hangs out with beautiful people on Lake Como as they whirl gracefully around the room. And you don’t.
Arky - Chuthuhlusexual said,
August 25, 2008 at 17:59
I say once again, the day the Washington Post added the ability to post comments to its on-line version was a great day for snarkmeisters around the world.
J— said,
August 25, 2008 at 18:00
Cohen near the end of today’s piece:
His self-satisfaction aside, the column in which that totally inspired metaphor appeared (January 12, 2006) is worth a revisit. He says Biden’s blabber mouth is like corruption, alcoholism, a temper, “womanizing or some other character weakness that disqualifies a man for the presidency.” What a putz.
OB-GYN Kenobi said,
August 25, 2008 at 18:00
So ‘good-looking and a good dancer’ is 2008’s version of ‘a guy you could sit down and have a beer with.’
Do. Not. Want.
Arky - Chuthuhlusexual said,
August 25, 2008 at 18:00
OK, I have to give him marks for not mentioning McCranky’s POWerfulness.
At least I assume he didn’t. I skimmed.
javafascist said,
August 25, 2008 at 18:02
Only because John McCain isn’t presently available (and Michael Scherer has first dibs on McCain anyway.) Oh, how Richard dreams of those steamy nights in Hanoi, in a cramped cell with his one true love…
Ripley said,
August 25, 2008 at 18:06
I see Kevin Bacon playing the role of John McCain and Cindy Grey playing Jill Biden. No, wait… Patrick Swayze playing John McCain and Julia Stiles playing Jill Biden. No, wait! Damnit, how does this story go again?
Regardless, Richard Cohen starts a slow clap that’s picked up by the servants and the guests and even the parents until it becomes a thunderous applause that makes the elderly couple siting on their veranda on the other side of the lake smile warmly at each other.
Righteous Bubba said,
August 25, 2008 at 18:07
What are the odds that a guy who sends a menacing letter is already in jail for felony menacing?
Righteous Bubba said,
August 25, 2008 at 18:07
FYWP.
stryx said,
August 25, 2008 at 18:12
Lake Como? Are you serious?
The last time I was a Villa d’Este, the carpacciao was dry, the panzanella con formagio was sour, the Barolo was vinegary, and a disgusting rancid stench was coming from Richard Cohen, sitting at the next table.*
Bob Somersby talks about the harm that is inflicted upon our democracy by ‘journalists’ and ‘pundits’ trying to express their inner novelist while ostensibly reporting news. Cohen is a fine example.
*didn’t really happen. See how this works?
cowalker said,
August 25, 2008 at 18:14
“Good looking” ?
I try not to be influenced by a person’s looks, but claiming that someone is good-looking when they are clearly not is just dumb.
Wasn’t this picture of McCain with another lovely partner taken in 2004? But he seems to be getting a little fresh.
Aren’t you supposed to kiss him first?
J— said,
August 25, 2008 at 18:14
Not only is he a really good dancer, McCain plays guitar too.
Righteous Bubba said,
August 25, 2008 at 18:14
Richard Cohen starts a slow clap
And the fucker has already lined up the penicillin for himself.
Blue Buddha said,
August 25, 2008 at 18:15
I know… I stopped reading that paragraph halfway through because it smacked of such immaturity. WTF, is this guy writing for the Washington Post or for the student newspaper at Midland Junior High?
Dragon-King Wangchuck said,
August 25, 2008 at 18:17
No, wait! Damnit, how does this story go again?
Oh, I’ve had Peter Jenning’s wife,
But I’ve never felt this way before.
Yes I swear, it’s Teh Troof,
And you’re all a bunch of commies!
Gary Ruppert said,
August 25, 2008 at 18:18
The fact is, I LAUGH at O(s)ama-Bi(nla)den 08!!!!
Victory is assured for the good guys now.
Hoosier X said,
August 25, 2008 at 18:21
But, but, but …
Kanau Kambon!
John McCain Reelection Campaign said,
August 25, 2008 at 18:27
Gary, we want your money now. Give us money! Financing your own campaign is for suckers like “Mittens.”
Dragon-King Wangchuck said,
August 25, 2008 at 18:27
Not to get too shit-moaty here but I think this question really needs to be asked:
Who Places a Lower Value on White Lives? A bookstore owner who publicly calls for the total elimination of all white people, or those self same whiteys that keep putting fluoride in toothpaste? P.S. I am not a racist.
Righteous Bubba said,
August 25, 2008 at 18:28
The fact is, I LAUGH at O(s)ama-Bi(nla)den 08!!!!
That is actually pretty awesome. Boneheads will eat that shit up.
actor212 said,
August 25, 2008 at 18:28
Different Richard Cohen - you’re talking about the one with multiple sclerosis, we’re talking about the one with severe nerve damage. I think Richard Cohen might still be a bachelor, on the prowl for news anchor’s wives.
Ahhh, that clears that up, thanks.
When I heard the name “Richard Cohen” in regards to Viera, I was rather disappointed, but I thought it was big of her to marry an albino, if only to show her fake-n-bake booth tan in sharp contrast.
El Cid said,
August 25, 2008 at 18:33
The answer is Yes. They are one and the same. Just ask Fred Hiatt.
dave said,
August 25, 2008 at 18:33
Jesus…is Cohen trying to channel Nick Carraway?
David in NYC said,
August 25, 2008 at 18:39
So, John McCain danced with Joe Biden’s wife? Wait till Dick Cohen finds out what goes on in Chicago:
They have the time, the time of their life
I saw a man, he danced with his wife
In Chicago, my home town
Once he finds out Barack once danced with Michelle, I imagine his head will explode.
Dragon-King Wangchuck said,
August 25, 2008 at 18:42
Wait a minute - Richard Cohen is a “liberal” so it makes sense that he’d be swanking it up “on the terrace of the sublime Villa d’Este on the shore of Italy’s stunning Lake Como” but what in the world was John Sidney McCain the Third - the everyman - doing there? I assume he must have been engaged in some plot to help the middle class and the average working American out. After all, John McCain “cares little about material things” and is totally NOT an elitist (but was a POW).
Righteous Bubba said,
August 25, 2008 at 18:44
After all, John McCain “cares little about material things” and is totally NOT an elitist (but was a POW).
John McCain: five years less American than he should be.
Caveat said,
August 25, 2008 at 18:48
That is just plain hurtin’.
commie atheist said,
August 25, 2008 at 18:52
And clearly, it paid off:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8G9jA-FGGd8
commie atheist said,
August 25, 2008 at 18:54
FYWP?
J— said,
August 25, 2008 at 18:55
It looks like the Democrats feel they need to respond. From the Democratic National Convention’s schedule, details for Monday, August, 25, 2008:
Illinois’ comptroller, not dead!
Hillary Clinton said,
August 25, 2008 at 19:02
Hello Friends,
Just a quick note to let you know I’ve accepted a gracious invitation from Senator John McCain to speak (briefly) at the upcoming RNC. Tune in!!
I also ‘might’ (wink wink) have a little joint announcement to make with my honourable colleague and close friend from Arizona.
Must See TV!!!
Best,
Hillary
commie atheist said,
August 25, 2008 at 19:04
Hope he’s got secret service protection, what with Obama in the building, and all.
Joshua said,
August 25, 2008 at 19:06
The way these guys talk about Republican politicians is just creepy and disgusting. Remember those statements Rove made when he first saw George W. Bush and fell in love with him? “more charisma any man should have. Wow” and some such. And go back to all the talk about the codpiece in the flight suit, Fred Thompson’s manly odor, and so forth. It’s disgusting.
Ripley said,
August 25, 2008 at 19:06
Meanwhile, Cindy McCain was going through the many medicine cabinets in the Villa. Thank goodness for those Continuing Education Italian classes at the Learning Annex!
Johnny Coelacanth said,
August 25, 2008 at 19:14
“a wrinkly bag of misogyny and cancer”
McCain’s testicles?
Not Richard But Dick Cohen said,
August 25, 2008 at 19:25
I saw another man dance with John McCain’s testicles. He was very handsome and very famous. That man was George W. Bush.
Dr.BDH said,
August 25, 2008 at 19:30
Someone needs to sign up Robert Duvall to play McCain for the movie version of “Dancing at Lake Como.” Handsome? “Nasty, brutish and short” is more like it.
Righteous Bubba said,
August 25, 2008 at 19:37
I saw another man dance with John McCain’s testicles.
I saw Lon Chaney Jr. dancing with McCain’s testicles.
MzNicky said,
August 25, 2008 at 19:40
And his hair was perfect.
McCain's Other Even More Humble Jet said,
August 25, 2008 at 19:40
Doin’ the werewolf of Hanoi?
mikey
mikey said,
August 25, 2008 at 19:40
Ooppss. I’m not a jet today.
I’m the little engine that could…
mikey
ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said,
August 25, 2008 at 19:44
When you’re a Jet,
You’re a Jet all the way
From your first cigarette
To your last dyin’ day!
Seanly said,
August 25, 2008 at 19:46
Jill Biden’s dancing partner was very good-looking … He was John McCain.
So I guess this was before the Manitou starting growing in his left cheek (btw, Best. Movie. Evah!!!1!)
Jennifer said,
August 25, 2008 at 19:48
I wonder why Cohen didn’t fill in the “rest of the story”.
You know, the part about how when he went to cut in, both Jill Biden and John McCain misunderstood and thought he wanted to dance with Jill.
I still say the man looks like a demented, chinless beaver.
ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said,
August 25, 2008 at 19:51
I still say the man looks like a demented, chinless beaver.
He writes like one, too.
Demented, chinless beaver said,
August 25, 2008 at 20:00
You had to go there …
Erik Pontoppidan said,
August 25, 2008 at 20:03
http://elections.foxnews.com/2008/08/25/texas-gop-hits-obama-for-story-on-lost-half-brother/
Can’t say I didn’t warn you leftys.
Perfectly Normal Chinless Beaver said,
August 25, 2008 at 20:06
Y’know, we’re not ALL demented.
We get tired of the stereotype…
Ann Althouse Could Have Danced All Night said,
August 25, 2008 at 20:08
Coincidentally, at the very same time that McCain was dancing with Biden’s wife, I was making love to Richard Cohen’s girlfriend, repeatedly, vigorously, and in ways that Richard Cohen has never had the opportunity to enjoy. I left my underdrawers under their bed, and apparently they’re now Cohen’s favorite pair.
cowalker said,
August 25, 2008 at 20:13
At least we know that after he loses the election, McCain can appear on “Dancing with the Stars.” It’s not like he couldn’t find the time, since his priorities allow him to miss a lot of votes.
McCain’s missed votes
actor212 said,
August 25, 2008 at 20:17
Demented, chinless beaver said,
August 25, 2008 at 20:00
You had to go there …
Erik Pontoppidan said
Speaking of demented chinless beavers…
meatwad said,
August 25, 2008 at 20:17
I love “as the man gracefully moved Jill across the floor.” WTF? Is Jill some kind of mannequin, incapable of participating the, I dunno, dancing process? Creepy bullshit.
Susan of Texas said,
August 25, 2008 at 20:18
Did you know Richard Cohen knew Jimmie Stewart? Here is Stewart looking at a painting of the two friends.
Righteous Bubba said,
August 25, 2008 at 20:19
McCain’s missed votes
According to the Post - I dunno how they’re assembling things really - McCain’s missed 407 votes (63.8%) and Obama 290 votes (45.5%).
Susan of Texas said,
August 25, 2008 at 20:20
Fox news and the Texas GOP. It’s like a stupidnova.
Susan of Texas said,
August 25, 2008 at 20:23
The Texas GOP is so stupid that they ask boxes of hammers for advice.
actor212 said,
August 25, 2008 at 20:27
Fox news and the Texas GOP. It’s like a stupidnova.
That’s a keeper.
Erik Pontoppidan said,
August 25, 2008 at 20:28
I’m a clueless, dickless loser. Please have pity on me.
Righteous Bubba said,
August 25, 2008 at 20:32
Because I’m interested and nobody else is, Joseph Biden has missed 193 votes (30.3%) during the current Congress.
stringonastick said,
August 25, 2008 at 20:44
“meatwad said,
August 25, 2008 at 20:17
I love “as the man gracefully moved Jill across the floor.” WTF? Is Jill some kind of mannequin, incapable of participating the, I dunno, dancing process? Creepy bullshit.”
Really, they should pass this stuff on to the PUMA’s; “the man gracefully moved Jill across the floor” is barely above “barefoot and pregnant’ if you ask me.
Dragon-King Wangchuck said,
August 25, 2008 at 21:02
…as the man gracefully moved Jill across the floor.
Guys, as much as Dickie Cohen is a dick, that’s how partner dancing works. And I suspect that it wouldn’t rub PUMAs the wrong way, because they are probably also aware of the whole lead and follow structure. And also, John McCain was a POW - so, uhh… POW! POW! POW!
actor212 said,
August 25, 2008 at 21:11
Guys, as much as Dickie Cohen is a dick, that’s how partner dancing works.
Elitist.
Some of us don’t (airquotes) “partner dance”. Some of us barely do the horizontal mambo! You fancy pants liberals with your “partners”….
F. Scott Fitzcohen said,
August 25, 2008 at 21:11
And so I beat off, as McCain does the mambo, eyes borne ceaselessly to his ass.
Kathleen said,
August 25, 2008 at 21:14
this whole thread is comedy gold. Bravo fellow Sadlies.
Dragon-King Wangchuck said,
August 25, 2008 at 21:22
Elitist.
I may well be elitist, engaging in that rarified activity of “partner dance” such as the ultra-elitist bachata - but John McCain spent five long years where his only partners were vicious NVA interrogators, and the only dance was a deadly dangerous one. POW!
actor212 said,
August 25, 2008 at 21:54
John McCain spent five long years where his only partners were vicious NVA interrogators, and the only dance was a deadly dangerous one. POW!
He danced zee forbeeden dance…the Lambada!
JF Sebastian said,
August 25, 2008 at 21:55
I saw another man dance with Joe Biden’s wife, Jill. It was almost three years ago, on the terrace of the sublime Villa d’Este on the shore of Italy’s stunning Lake Como, and Biden watched, smiling broadly and sometimes laughing, as the man gracefully moved Jill around the dance floor. It was late, and the guests still there looked on keenly because Jill Biden’s dancing partner was very good-looking and very famous. He was John McCain.
When she laughed again, he lost his reserve. He crushed her to him and kissed her. Her lips parted on a gasp, and he rammed his tongue inside. She tasted of salt and weeds and rain.
He’d meant the kiss to punish her, but he was the one who suffered. It had started raining, but he paid little heed. He didn’t want to let her go. Not now. Not ever.
Arky - Chuthuhlusexual said,
August 25, 2008 at 21:56
Little Lieberman got mutilated late last night…
grandpajohn said,
August 25, 2008 at 22:01
I think this post aptly describes Cohens revelance to political world reality that is none
alanc1704 wrote:
“Given the present bitterness, given the angry irresponsible charges being hurled by both camps, the nation will be in dire need of a conciliator, a likable guy who will make things better and not worse. That man is not Al Gore. That man is George W. Bush.”
–Richard Cohen, Nov. 2000
All you need to know about Mr. Cohen
MzNicky said,
August 25, 2008 at 22:06
Mr. Wangchuck: Does the phrase “backward and in high heels” mean anything to you?
actor212 said,
August 25, 2008 at 22:07
Does the phrase “backward and in high heels” mean anything to you?
You promised that tape would never see the light of day!
Snowwy said,
August 25, 2008 at 22:08
Sebastian FTW!
Righteous Bubba said,
August 25, 2008 at 22:08
Mr. Wangchuck: Does the phrase “backward and in high heels” mean anything to you?
A spillbilly? A yoyokel? Reedneck?
Righteous Bubba said,
August 25, 2008 at 22:09
Bumpedkin?
OneMan said,
August 25, 2008 at 22:10
mznicky,
My first thought was, “If my dog was as ugly as John McCain…”
Then I realized you were quoting Ginger Rogers.
Heh.
Expect this message to appear in about 30 minutes (it’s now 10 past…)
Righteous Bubba said,
August 25, 2008 at 22:11
Mr. Wangchuck: Does the phrase “backward and in high heels” mean anything to you?
Ooh! Ooh! Nouveau riche.
MzNicky said,
August 25, 2008 at 22:13
Yah, I knew as soon as I typed that in all you S,Nosers would be lining up with yer smarty-pantsed rejoinders. I repeat: Mr. Wangchuck! Sir! The phrase, for the love of God! Have you or have you not ever heard it!
———–
(I also think we should each add a torrid paragraph or two to J.F.Sebastian’s stunning continuation of Cohen’s romantic novelette.)
Dan Someone said,
August 25, 2008 at 22:22
If you’re a little bit critical of Barack Obama, you get really a pie of vilification right in the face
I dibs “Pie of Vilification” as the name of my next blog.
Smut Clyde said,
August 25, 2008 at 22:28
Cohen’s little scenario cries out to be illustrated with a Jack Vettriano photoshop.
Mooser, Bummertown said,
August 25, 2008 at 22:51
Cindy would have been happy to dance with Joe, but she was exhausted from the Ducati rally earlier that day.
Sadly, no! Ducati riders are the warmest, most generous, bravest guys, and the best dancers, in the whole world.
W. Kiernan said,
August 25, 2008 at 22:52
Hey Cohen, take your great big huge pile of money and go buy a sublime villa on the shore of Italy’s stunning Lake Como and stay there. Get the Hell out of America. Go ruin somebody else’s country with your bullshit, you conscience-free rich bastard.
J— said,
August 25, 2008 at 23:06
Backward in High Heels:
This?
OneMan said,
August 25, 2008 at 23:19
“…keep the reader turning pages until the expected happy ending.”
That must be a hell of a good book. Usually a “happy ending” is extra.
Bitter Scribe said,
August 25, 2008 at 23:19
I dibs “Pie of Vilification” as the name of my next blog.
Well, can I have “Whipped Topping of Calumny,” then? Or how about “Fluted Crust of Slander”?
Argonaut said,
August 25, 2008 at 23:25
Per Mz Nicky’s request:
“He’d meant the kiss to punish her, but he was the one who suffered. It had started raining, but he paid little heed. He didn’t want to let her go. Not now. Not ever.”
“My friend,” he murmured into her shell-like ear, “Let’s get a room, a room with no room. A room without windows so our love cannot escape. A room with a guard instead of a Do Not Disturb sign. And in that room we’ll make the chimney smoke until you talk, and you’ll talk, you’ll tell me everything, you’ll tell me who was the MVP of the first Super Bowl, who were your wingmen, everything.”
“Oh John,” she replied huskily. “Thinking of you and me in bed really makes me want to talk, talk, talk all night. But you can have me, if only you would go across the room and smack the shit out of that hairy weirdo that’s been watching us and writing things down in his notepad.”
TBC
MzNIcky said,
August 25, 2008 at 23:32
[deep deep shudderingly exasperated sigh]
“Ginger Rogers did everything that Fred Astaire did. She just did it backwards and in high heels.”
— the late great Texas governor Ann Richards
(She also once scoffed at the notion that George W. Bush would ever be elected president by chortling “That stupid drunk! Who the hell would vote for him?”)
MzNIcky said,
August 25, 2008 at 23:48
Argonaut: My addition to the tome begun by Richard “I’m Writing As Bad As I Can” Cohen. I hereby title this serial novelette
“Love in the Time of Choleric”
… He’d meant the kiss to punish her, but he was the one who suffered. It had started raining, but he paid little heed. He didn’t want to let her go. Not now. Not ever.
Unpunished, Jill wrenched free and slapped John’s face, which (oddly, she would recall later) felt like gliding her hand through a vat of peanut butter. “Too little, and much too late, Johnnie,” she hissed sibilantly, her sudden, foolish tears joining the rivulets of rain from the now-torrential downpour that pelted the glistening surface of the Italianate-tiled terrace to form virtual rushing streams down her cheeks that carried in their wake streaks of black from her once-carefully applied, but now hopelessly ruined, mascara. Tearing herself from his lumpish grasp she again gasped, dashing past the rain-soaked coterie of tipsy hangers-on who, despite repeated and increasingly obvious hints from their host, simply would not call it a night and leave already. John muttered angrily under his breath, shook the rain from his head and shoulders like an abandoned yet somehow shaved sheepdog and stalked after her, elbowing and shoving drunken guests aside as he bellowed, “Come back here, you trollop! Hey, cunt! You forgot your high heels!”
pedestrian said,
August 25, 2008 at 23:56
Unpunished, Jill wrenched free and slapped John’s face, which (oddly, she would recall later) felt like gliding her hand through a vat of peanut butter.
If your face has the consistency of a vat of peaunut butter, you should probably see a doctor.
Argonaut said,
August 26, 2008 at 0:15
“Love in the Time of Choleric.” Excellent.
Serial writing can be fun. Back in college daze we made our pledges watch three days of As The World Turns, skipped a day, watched one more day, and then made them write the missing episode at 2:00 a.m. Sunday morning. Nobel prizes all ’round.
Smut Clyde said,
August 26, 2008 at 0:21
Jill wrenched free and slapped John’s face, which (oddly, she would recall later) felt like gliding her hand through a vat of peanut butter.
I believe that image to be plagiarised from the scene in Dream Demon where Jemma Redgrave punches Timothy Spall through the mouth.
Expect to hear shortly from a prestigious New York law firm.
ice weasel said,
August 26, 2008 at 0:23
I used to run fan clubs for big musical artists and the more I read the more I think there is almost no difference between the scuzziest starfucker on a national tour and these fucking hacks who calls themselves “reporters”. It’s clear they have no self-respect and the image they have of themself must be terrible.
No wonder they’ll do nothing to hurt their chances for another ride on the tire swing.
FlipYrWhig said,
August 26, 2008 at 0:32
I dibs “Pie of Vilification” as the name of my next blog.
“Pie of Vilification” is also a damn fine Pixies B-side.
Dragon-King Wangchuck said,
August 26, 2008 at 0:41
Mr. Wangchuck: Does the phrase “backward and in high heels” mean anything to you?
Sorry I took so long getting back to you MzNicky (was AFK) - of course the phrase has meaning to me. I immediately thought of the Ginger Rogers quote when I read it.
I’m not trying to say that the follow part is easy - far from it, especially with someone who is obviously as sensitive to others as John McCain must be.
Ah the golden age of musicals - Cyd Charisse, Lelie Caron, Carrie Fisher’s mom, those ladies could move - and I wager that they could still look absolutely graceful and stunning even with a two left-footed clod leading them.
But that’s the thing - in “partner dance” - (almost invariably) the man gets to lead. Additionally, no one looks at him - the key is about making the woman the center of attention - which is another reason why Dickie Cohen’s observation seems odd.
Is it sexist? Absolutely, horrendously so. Nonetheless (and I’m sure this phrase will cement my goodwill amongst the fairer gender) chicks dig it.
OneMan said,
August 26, 2008 at 0:57
In my defense, at least I knew it had something to do with the estimable Ms. Rogers.
And I always admired, at least once I became aware of ‘em, both Ann Richards and Molly Ivins. Two awesome and powerful women. Both capable of the finest brand of snark, the sort that cuts right to the bone.
Finally,
…”Hey, cunt! You forgot your high heels!”
Jill was about to slip through the french doors into the relative protection of the ballroom when a lanky, gray haired man in horn-rimmed glasses grabbed her arm and turned her around.
“Mrs. Biden!” he panted, “I just wanted to tell you how much I admire you.” He shifted his eyes briefly to the rain-soaked front of her ball gown and then, with a visible effort, back to her own. “I’m a columnist for the Washington Post and I’ve been following you, er, and your husband, for years. I hope Senator McCain hasn’t upset you.”
“Please, ” Jill moaned, “Just leave me alone.” She tried to pull her arm from his grasp but he held on, gazing in a way he hoped was meaningful, into her eyes.
“I know you’re upset. Perhaps it would make you feel better if I read you some of the romance novel I’ve been working on?” He smiled tentatively at her.
“Yeeargh!” Jill yelled as she gave him a left-handed throat punch. The columnist went down gurgling. Jill ran through the door, chased by echoes of McCain’s hollered “cunt!” and “trollop!” and Cohen’s retches.
MzNicky said,
August 26, 2008 at 0:59
I dibs “Pie of Vilification” as the name of my next blog.
Okay, but I got dibs on “Higher Pie of Vilification” if I ever do a blog.
MzNicky said,
August 26, 2008 at 1:10
O how I love fellow serial fictionalizers. No image is too graphic! No metaphor is too mixed! No extended misplaced modifier is too cringeworthy!
Back in the day when I was a magazine editor we carried on a porno novel amongst ourselves for the better part of a year. None of it made any sense and it was the funniest thing evar. I wish I still had a copy for its ability to crack me up even during the worst of times.
Dragon-King Wangchuck said,
August 26, 2008 at 1:11
Okay, but I got dibs on “Higher Pie of Vilification” if I ever do a blog.
What about Villi of Pie-ification?
MzNicky said,
August 26, 2008 at 1:14
Smut Clyde: Believe it or not, I never saw that movie. The “vat of p-nut butter” I know I lifted from somewhere though, and now I remember: Back when I attended aerobics classes (do the youngsters still do that sort of thing?) one of the biceps exercises was to hold your arms out at shoulder height and move them back and forth “as though they were gliding through a vat of peanut butter.” I join Joe Biden in the plagiarism hall of shame. Sorry, Tiffany.
Righteous Bubba said,
August 26, 2008 at 1:21
Quoth Henry Miller: She put a hand on me and, like a trained seal, my pecker rose jubilantly to her delicate caress.
I have never gotten over that sentence, but as I got older I found I could honk out the first six notes of the Star Spangled Banner in a fairly obscene way.
Smut Clyde said,
August 26, 2008 at 1:35
Now I am stuck with the surprisingly vivid mental image of RB rewarding his genitalia with a herring.
ceabaird said,
August 26, 2008 at 1:56
How do you think Cindy keeps walking into doorknobs? By the way, I LOVE her new color coordinated pink cast. I’m sure medicare picked that up for her.
MCCAIN’S a POW! BAM! BIFF!
(sorry, channeling batman there for a second…)
Mysticdog said,
August 26, 2008 at 4:06
“At one point in the evening it looked like McCain was asking Michelle Obama for a dance, but he was only trying to order a drink.”
Is it wrong that all I can think of now is “Money’s on the dresser, chocolate.”
Bonus points for naming the movie!
MzNIcky said,
August 26, 2008 at 4:21
“The Birdcage.” One of my favorites.
JanSchoenmakers said,
August 26, 2008 at 12:35
Mc Cain is “very good-looking”? Good old Richard is either developing a very serious case of wingnuttery or he is both gay and half-blind.
justme said,
August 26, 2008 at 14:38
Off topic, or maybe not…
———-
I’ll have an order of the tiramisu of traducement, please.
———-
Smut Clyde, that’s just not fair at this hour. I think I woke the neighbors. I’ll be lucky if they don’t call 911.