Aug
5
5
Shorter William McGurn
- John McCain should take note of the gale force wind that is blowing directly into his face before pulling down his pants and proudly pissing into it.
‘Shorter’ concept created by Daniel Davies and perfected by Elton Beard. We are aware of all Internet traditions.™
UPDATE: Never one to miss a ride on the crazy train, K-Lo expresses similar sentiments:
“The Next Cheney” [Kathryn Jean Lopez]
That’s the name of the DNC’s website devoted to McCain veep possibilities. They’ve unintentionally rallied me, as I get enthused by the prospect of a Cheney in the White House for another four years.
No snarky rejoinder is necessary –or even possible — in situations like this.
Clay D. Buchholz said,
August 5, 2008 at 19:42
Is Mr. McGurn leaning on his invisible roll top desk?
Interrobang said,
August 5, 2008 at 19:42
Nuh. Guh. Ha. Pen. If he took note of the strong wind that was blowing directly into his face, he’d have to take his nose out from between Bush’s ass-cheeks.
D.N. Nation said,
August 5, 2008 at 19:44
Oops. Saw the guy’s face and nutso POV and automatically thought “Renew America.” I should have taken into account that this guy is wearing a suit in lieu of flannel and a shotgun.
DAS said,
August 5, 2008 at 19:47
This is a man running as someone who stood up to his captors in Hanoi, who stood up to his own party, and who, as president, would be willing to stand up to America’s enemies. For such a man to fear photo ops with the president broadcasts an insecurity that will only feed into the Obama campaign. And the press smells it.
Actually there is something key here. People (not just McGurn) partially judge a presidential candidate’s ability to stand up to enemies abroad by how fearless they are. When Democratic candidates seem like they won’t back down from GOP attacks, they’ll seem like they won’t back down abroad.
And the picture of the press as a bunch of sharklike bullies is on the mark too, I think.
Righteous Bubba said,
August 5, 2008 at 19:49
In other words, if by convention time Mr. McCain cannot look comfortable standing with his own president, he’s going to find himself on defense through November.
I first recommend that McCain feel the president up, then feel him down, and then – and ONLY THEN – go all the way.
Dragon-King Wangchuck said,
August 5, 2008 at 19:55
WTF?! This is a WSJ op-ed? I thought they were physically incapable of recognizing that anybody (other than the DFH’s) might have any problems with endless war. What happened to George W Bush is the one who will save us all?
Oh, there it is.
bughunter said,
August 5, 2008 at 20:00
Mr. McGurn looks just like my grandfather, right down to his hair, clothing, and facial expression. And my grandfather was a Grade A prick, a southern “gentleman” farmer, unabashed Strom Thurmond supporter from day one, and had no qualms about being racist, sexist, hypocritically judgmental, and corrupt to the core when it came to business, horses, and politics — which were all one and the same to him.
In other words, a model rethug.
Legalize said,
August 5, 2008 at 20:04
I agree. W should be prominently displayed at the Nuremberg rally – er, GOP Convention. Moreover, McBBQ should take as many pictures as possible of him embracing the Commander Guy.
Dragon-King Wangchuck said,
August 5, 2008 at 20:17
Speaking of Trollopy McCunt, all class that guy.
gbear said,
August 5, 2008 at 20:17
I get enthused
So that’s what they’re calling it these days.
Righteous Bubba said,
August 5, 2008 at 20:21
George W. Bush: the gift that keeps on grabbing.
gbear said,
August 5, 2008 at 20:22
They’ve unintentionally rallied me
I hate to think of the accessories involved in that….
sigyn said,
August 5, 2008 at 20:22
No no no, Interrobang. Nuzzling Bush’s asscheeks is the perfect place to learn to be wary of strong winds.
David Aquarius said,
August 5, 2008 at 20:24
I wonder if K-Lo gets angry at those Geico ads like the other cavemen?
Leon Trotsky, Exile-in-Mexico said,
August 5, 2008 at 20:28
Come now, David, those cavemen are leagues away from K-Lo.
You think K-lo ever learned dance steps while back-packing through Prague? I think the fuck not.
Cangrejero said,
August 5, 2008 at 20:30
Mr. McCain’s reticence will also hurt him with his own party. While the president’s general approval ratings may be down in the 30s, among the GOP faithful the numbers are up in the 60s. These numbers, moreover, do not track intensity: The people who have stayed with Mr. Bush this far have been through the fire with him. They are not likely to be excited by a nominee who makes a habit of dissing fellow Republicans like Phil Gramm, whose crime was trying to support their nominee.
Jesus Christ, this reads like something that would be grilled on Fire Joe Morgan. Voter “intensity” doesn’t mean shit, it still counts for one vote. And what the hell is WSJ doing using the phrase “dissing fellow Republicans”?
Mallard Fillmore said,
August 5, 2008 at 20:34
And what the hell is WSJ doing using the phrase “dissing fellow Republicans”?
Oh, Dis and Dat.
Leon Trotsky, Exile-in-Mexico said,
August 5, 2008 at 20:34
And I thought his crime was saying what the true Republican elite actually think of the lower classes they trick into supporting them, in public. And then people realizing that McCain and Gramm are pricks.
pedestrian said,
August 5, 2008 at 20:35
I don’t every want to hear about anyone being “rallied” by Dick Cheney again. My twisted, masochistic brain just went through a rapid chain of association that ended with Lynne Cheney… no, it is just too horrible.
LA Confidential Pantload said,
August 5, 2008 at 20:42
I think K-Lo meant “they’ve unintentionally rogered me.” But I could be wrong.
fauxmaxbaer said,
August 5, 2008 at 20:48
I agree 100% with the WSJ piece. McCain should have no qualms about giving the president handjobs in public. It’s the Republican way.
D.N. Nation said,
August 5, 2008 at 20:50
Shorter William McGurn’s gut:
Legalize said,
August 5, 2008 at 20:50
“They’ve unintentionally rallied me, as I get enthused by the prospect of a Cheney in the White House for another four years.”
I just threw up a little.
Righteous Bubba said,
August 5, 2008 at 20:50
McCain should have no qualms about giving the president handjobs in public.
He forgets what he’s doing and it gets painful.
Jake H. said,
August 5, 2008 at 20:51
I think K-Lo meant “they’ve unintentionally rogered me.” But I could be wrong.
I also think she meant “moist” rather than “enthused.” But come on, she got through two sentences without any catastrophic grammatical errors! She needs some positive reinforcement.
Jacob Singer said,
August 5, 2008 at 20:52
“as I get enthused by the prospect of a Cheney in the White House for another four years.”
Really?
REALLY?
Jesus wept.
Dragon-King Wangchuck said,
August 5, 2008 at 20:54
Ewwww. K-Lo getting rogered or rallied, McCain with his pants down and feeling up W, and if that weren’t enough – Cheney. This thread is a morass of distrubing and ewwwww. It’s perverse and perverted and not in good ways either.
J— said,
August 5, 2008 at 20:55
He’s the Original Maverick! He fixed Wall Street! We’re worse off than we were four years ago! Vote Republican!
J— said,
August 5, 2008 at 20:56
Learn, spam filter, learn.
Rosali said,
August 5, 2008 at 21:03
File under Don’t Hold Your Breath, Charlie
TALLAHASSEE – Gov. Charlie Crist entered the fray Monday over a plan to eliminate school property taxes in exchange for a higher sales tax, endorsing the tax swap and hinting he might barnstorm the state in support of it if he’s not chosen as Republican presidential candidate John McCain’s running mate.
woody, tokin librul said,
August 5, 2008 at 21:04
to business, horses, and politics — which were all one and the same to him.
well, and to every other member of his class. Decidedly white aristocrats and aspirants. my grandparents on both sides were ever-so-genteel racists, classists, sexists, and homophobes–at least as pertained to homosexuals outside their class. They were ‘creative,’ and so were okay…
woody, tokin librul said,
August 5, 2008 at 21:07
Cheney’s the logical choice for VP.
For “humane” reasons:
If he were ever forced to leave the Naval Observatory and live as a civilian, it would be incredibly difficult to conceal the daily deliveries of collie and golden retriever puppies whose blood he drinks to lubricate the creaqky, protesting machineries of his “heart.” Expelling Cheney from the Federal Dog-blood tit would be a death sentence…Unless he could ‘borrow’ from Cruella McStain…
Dragon-King Wangchuck said,
August 5, 2008 at 21:08
re: Voter “intensity”
While it’s true that there are still die hard Bush supporters, the sentiment against him goes to 11.
Consider the numbers that strongly approve/disapprove:
That’s pretty intense. Also note what he’s cheering about:
Whooo! As many as two in three of Bush’s own party think he’s doing a good job!
Dragon-King Wangchuck said,
August 5, 2008 at 21:11
Just to be clear – McGurn is saying Bush is great because his approval ratings amongst Republicans is about the same as Clinton’s was amongst the general public.
mikey said,
August 5, 2008 at 21:17
So if McCain doesn’t hang with bush he loses the 28%ers vote.
And if he DOES he loses the indenpendent vote.
Hey. I like this kind of math. Pick one and fail.
Your move, skippy…
mikey
Rightwingsnarkle said,
August 5, 2008 at 21:24
Shorter William McGurn: “Well, hello sailor!”
Jersey Tomato said,
August 5, 2008 at 21:28
I’m pretty sure that man is wearing a corset.
Gary Ruppert said,
August 5, 2008 at 21:30
The fact is, the diamond that was stolen held the code that melted water into letters spelling where it had been taken to. In fact, I had a vision of the numbers corresponding with the letters T-H-E-D-I-A-M-O-N-D.
They’re suspended like a prism splitting floodlight to poles of primary colours clawing the veil of the vacuum. There’s a picture of this given to authorities, the
sentence,”I’m an architect and here’s my prison” written on it.
With schematics so meticulous the measurements of superimpositions of a room within the window make a dream that ends up being such an entity in your reflection, you are the dream to it, you are the prism.
The mirrors in the corner throwing images against the other mirrors made counting corners impossible the breaking news had counted one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten, eleven corners of the mirrored corners.
Why have you done what you have done something is so sinister when staring at the diamond something you have done sinister why have you done this am I in the
mirror am I what you have been staring at am I a diamond?
Just like a reflection of a friend of mine, I am a reflection of an enemy, am I a reflection of an enemy, just like a reflection of a friend of mine?
Ernest Tee said,
August 5, 2008 at 21:30
This is a man running as someone who stood up to his captors in Hanoi,
Not really. He sang like a bird. Cracked under pressure, and that’s not me saying this. It’s his good buddy Bush who said it. Guess he has a black baby too. Just what I heard from Rove.
Legalize said,
August 5, 2008 at 21:56
McCain has an ad out slamming the Bush Administration: http://tpmelectioncentral.talkingpointsmemo.com/2008/08/new_mccain_ad_hes_the_original.php
Looks like he’s chosen his lot because it’s simply easier: distance himself from Bush in order to cut down Obama’s chance of linking him TO Bush. McBBQ figures that the knuckle-draggers will be forced to vote for him over the fear that the black fella will be coming for their women, Bibles, and guns. He is also counting on the fact that the media will not permit Obama to link McCrazy to Buch, which of course, is true. If he goes right for the “independent” morons, he can count on getting just enough of the functional retards in the GOP base to hook up too. He’s racing to the bottom of 2 barrels.
Ripley said,
August 5, 2008 at 22:04
“They’ve unintentionally rallied me, as I get enthused by the prospect of a Cheney in the White House for another four years.”
I just threw up a little.,
My penis just threw up a little.
No… a lot.
zeppo said,
August 5, 2008 at 22:08
Gary, you need to stop chewing so many cocao leaves….
Five of Diamonds said,
August 5, 2008 at 22:09
I’d just like everyone to know that I’m reading S,N! and eating Cheetos.
What were we talking about?
zeppo said,
August 5, 2008 at 22:09
Did WordPress just eat my post? All I said was, Gary, you need to stop chewing so many cocao leaves….
Righteous Bubba said,
August 5, 2008 at 22:14
What were we talking about?
Cold dispassionate sex.
Legalize said,
August 5, 2008 at 22:21
“Cold dispassionate sex.”
“What happended to that wonderful bear?” – St. McSame
rkrider said,
August 5, 2008 at 22:39
I’ll bet she’d like a ‘Cheney’ in her ‘Whitehouse’…eeewwww
Doctorb said,
August 5, 2008 at 22:43
Okay, look at McGurn’s pic again and imagine he’s saying “rowr”.
alone in the dark said,
August 5, 2008 at 22:44
The image of an “enthused” K-Lo who has been “rallied” just caused my testicles to withdraw into my abdomen.
commie atheist said,
August 5, 2008 at 22:53
Is Mr. McGurn leaning on his invisible roll top desk?
No, he’s pretending to be a white-faced lawn jockey.
sagra said,
August 5, 2008 at 22:54
Is there such a thing as hurling with glee?
sagra said,
August 5, 2008 at 23:01
It works better if you imagine him uttering the words “general public” with a lip-curl and a shudder of disdain.
Doctorb said,
August 5, 2008 at 23:22
I’m excited, but not “enthused”, about the prospect of a Cheney in The Hague as soon as possible.
MzNicky said,
August 6, 2008 at 0:20
Oh poor Gary. Looks like he’s finally gone bye-bye. Oh well.
WereBear said,
August 6, 2008 at 2:41
I’m not enthused about Cheney having four more years anywhere on this mortal plane.
I think that somewhere there are demons with hot pokers who have been waiting long enough.
Brian said,
August 6, 2008 at 3:15
Have you seen where McCain offered up his wife as a topless beauty contestant?
http://rudepundit.blogspot.com/2008/08/hey-mccain-campaign-heres-what-actually.html
Jrod said,
August 6, 2008 at 4:01
A McCain/Cheney ticket would be just perfect. It’d be kinda like The Bucket List, only the actors aren’t quite as good. They make up for it by being much, much closer to death.
It’d be kinda like a race. Whoever croaks last gets to be President! Now there’s motivation. Sure, you’d find more bodies of comely young virgins in the D.C. area with their blood mysteriously drained, but it’s not like you can prove that the GOP is kidnapping them off the streets so that their leadership can feed, and that’s all that really matters. It’s all about the horse race, you see.
Lesley said,
August 6, 2008 at 4:15
K-Lo is like a Real DollTM of the right wing. Mouth always open, smiling and available for PR parties. (Only K-Lo could be robotic enough to blow Cheney…)
Jrod said,
August 6, 2008 at 4:20
Actual blow-up dolls spontaneously deflate in the presence of Cheney’s shriveled, diseased member, in much the same way that everything good and noble withers away where he passes.
MzNicky said,
August 6, 2008 at 4:58
Brian: Yes, I saw that too. Apparently McProfane has sunk to cravenly courting the slathering mouth-breathing sexist drunken slob vote. You know, the base. Not to mention his continuing penchant for demeaning his wife, the putative future “First Lady.”
Jrod said,
August 6, 2008 at 5:18
I don’t think McCain was trying to court anybody, MzN. He’s just incapable of thinking before emitting random noises from his food hole.
That’s what they call being a straight shooter. Outside of a gay-porn context, anyway.
MzNicky said,
August 6, 2008 at 5:58
He’s just incapable of thinking before emitting random noises from his food hole.
Which is one of the reasons I fear the man may actually be our next president.
Good God whatever will become of us?
Karma, she is truly unavoidable. Teh bitch.
lobbey said,
August 6, 2008 at 16:41
“Cold dispassionate sex.”
The sex is never cold or dispassionate when K-Lo is around. As ai told you before, she is a warm, adventurous lover, with a penchant for a little S&M.
eh, so I’m told
jim said,
August 6, 2008 at 19:43
McCain’s superdupersecret weapons – Cheney & Bush?
: )
Well & Begorrah, they’re just phoning it in then, aren’t they?
jim said,
August 7, 2008 at 4:17
PS: offering up one’s creepy pill-hoovering heiress spouse at a fucking BIKER RALLY won’t exactly get the evangelical vote pumped up, Mr. McWet-Start.
Vanna, show our dear friend what he gets for coming down to be with us on the show tonight!