Jul
30

The Bodies Are Piling Up




Posted at 1:25 by D. Aristophanes

The McCain-Obama Death List

The following is a partial list of deaths of persons connected to both John NMA McCain and Barack HUSSEIN Obama during their time as presidential hopefuls in the United States. This list does not include numerous suspicious deaths of persons connected to McCain and Obama separately. Read the list and judge for yourself…

SOJOURNER ‘FATIMAH’ SHABAZZ – Bangladeshi mother of Arab baby “adopted” by Cyndi McCain from 1984-2003. Grew to regret Muslim indoctrination, converting to Christianity and attempted to reclaim illegitimate black baby from McCains in years approx. 1972 timeframe. Executed 1999 in Darfur under orders of Hova tribesmen related by blood and marriage to Obama, head transported to Bohemian Grove in Northern California as trophy. It was rumored he was going to bring evidence of Wright’s complicity in his father’s death.

ANTONIN BLAIR – Former Chicago city comptroller killed in 1997 cocaine bludgeoning overdose choking stab plunge gunshot from tall building beheaded shotgun blast. After he died the files were mysteriously removed from his house. Just weeks earlier had served multiple subpoenas on illegitimate nephews of Obama, including John McCain.

DESHAUN ‘BLACK JUJU’ HAYNESWORTH – Small-time Washington D.C. drug dealer found murdered in 2008 with sharpened crack cocaine outside Arlington, Va. home of McCain and Obama.

ST. JOHN REINHOLD – Austro-Cornish adventurer and mountaineer known for scaling 17 of world’s 19 40,000+-foot peaks without breathing oxygen. Buried in 2002 avalanche of mousepads at computer distribution warehouse owned by Obama high school associate Dennis O’Halloran. Had been investigating Sherpa MySpace suicide pact allegedly engineered by former McCain technology advisor Phil McCracken, who himself disappeared in 2006 only to reappear hours later. Strongly implied that the ‘baby daddy’ was Barack ‘John McCain’ Obama.

PANCHO CORDOZA – Died from a gunshot wound. Mexican telemundo actor who portrayed stunt double for popular Sr. Bee character on Channel 12. Still living and employed as former Chicago city comptroller.

OLDSMOBILE JOHNSON – Transvestite homosexual prepared to testify about Obama connection to Hormel meat processing scandal. Confided to friends before 1893 death that McCain did it. Found shot and stabbed in fall from tall building, death ruled ‘murder’. It was rumored he was going to bring evidence of Wright’s complicity in his father’s death.

JOHN-JOHN ‘THE TOTAL FAG’ DIETZ – Author of tell-all book on McCain, ‘One Of These Days, Cyndi, One Of These Days’, also one of Michelle Obama’s many white, female conquests while at Harvard. Filed murder complaint against Michelle Obama with federal Patent and Trademark Office in 2003. Died from a gunshot wound. Because ‘trademarks’ were not considered a crime like it is today, she ended up dropping the charges. Fifteen years later, found murdered to death by Obama, Michelle Obama and John McCain of an apparent murder.

HARACK OUSSEIN BOBAMA – Still-born white Christian heterosexual twin brother of Obama. After he died the files were mysteriously removed from his house. Injured 1961 while still in womb when McCain punched white mother of Obama in stomach. Obama finished job on potential presidential rival by sawing off twin’s head with makeshift ritual Muslim scimitar constructed from placenta, partially digested former Chicago city comptroller.

PETER NOONE – Popular lead singer of Herman’s Hermits. Found dead of apparent suicide in 1979 following ‘row’ with Obama, McCain in latter’s bathtub. After he died the files were mysteriously removed from his house.

QUINTLOCK P. MUNROE – After he died the files were mysteriously removed from his house. Former Chicago city comptroller with licensing contract to McCain, Obama, killed by way of death in recent years.

MILES BANDERCOOT & JAKE LARUE – Clones of Obama and McCain respectively. Developed self-awareness in 1987 chemical vat incident before being gunned down by onlookers.

SPORT GOODMAN – Beloved Utica, N.Y.-based newscaster and former Chicago city comptroller rolled up into little ball and made to go ‘POOF’ in a cloud of smoke as if he had never existed.

DABNEY ‘GAB’ SADDLEMAN – Former Chicago city comptroller stomped to death in riot of former city comptrollers instigated by McCain crony Obama at behest of Obama crony McCain. Died from a gunshot wound.

PAUL ROTHCHILD – Democrat National Committee Political Director found dead in a hotel room in Washington DC in 2003. After he died the files were mysteriously removed from his house. It was rumored he was going to bring evidence of Wright’s complicity in his father’s death. A ‘friend and trusted advisor’ to senatorial candidate Barack Obama. Dead of an apparent suicide. Was found dead of an apparent heroin overdose May 18, 1997. Former Chicago city comptroller died from a gunshot wound. After he died the files were mysteriously removed from his house. It was rumored he was going to bring evidence of Wright’s complicity in his father’s death. Died from a gunshot wound. After he died the files were mysteriously removed from his house.

122 Comments »

  1. SamFromUtah said,

    July 30, 2008 at 1:29

    …JanusNode? Is that you?

  2. Joey said,

    July 30, 2008 at 1:31

    Chicago City Comptroller is a job even more dangerous than Alaskan crab fishing.

  3. Our Dead Selves said,

    July 30, 2008 at 1:31

    Uh oh, all of my files are mysteriously missing from my house!

    It was nice knowing you, Sadlies. Until we meet in the afterlife…

  4. SamFromUtah said,

    July 30, 2008 at 1:34

    Former Chicago city comptroller killed in 1997 cocaine bludgeoning overdose choking stab plunge gunshot from tall building beheaded shotgun blast.

    …K-Lo? Is that you?

  5. Vic said,

    July 30, 2008 at 1:34

    Every time I read that, I want it to say “flies” instead of “files”, as if the flies gathering around the corpse contained vital forensic evidence.

  6. SamFromUtah said,

    July 30, 2008 at 1:35

    Chicago City Comptroller is a job even more dangerous than Alaskan crab fishing.

    Yeah! I was just about to apply for the job, but I think I’ll skip it now that I’ve read this. All that comptrolling night school wasted!

    But what other jobs are there? Wait… I hear Spinal Tap needs a drummer.

  7. Jennifer said,

    July 30, 2008 at 1:40

    Chicago City Comptroller is a job even more dangerous than Alaskan crab fishing.

    More dangerous, even, than being al Quaeda’s #3 man.

  8. Future former Chicago city comptroller said,

    July 30, 2008 at 1:42

    Sam, don’t let that education go to waste — remember, if you don’t comptrol your fear, your fear will comptrol you. I’m sure that federal prosecutors will be able to find their way through this compvoluted web of lies and ultimately compvict McCain and Obama. In the meantime write to your Compgressperson and request that the compvene a special compvocation to compnect the dots.

  9. Doctorb said,

    July 30, 2008 at 1:43

    I compcur.

  10. Marco (as a conservative) said,

    July 30, 2008 at 1:48

    Hey, Oldsmobile Johnson is MY drag name.

  11. SamFromUtah said,

    July 30, 2008 at 1:50

    Thank you, Future Former Chicago city comptroller and Doctorb. I feel better now.

    In the meantime, I hope Compgress conlies with my request to conile a list of these conlicated lies so I can view it on my conuter.

  12. BrianM said,

    July 30, 2008 at 1:51

    Wouldn’t it be more mysterious if the files were placed inside the house?

  13. Inconstant Reader said,

    July 30, 2008 at 1:54

    Someone, somewhere’s got a warehouse absolutely packed with files. Or flies.

    D., I salute you for your courage. And await news of your death from “natural” “causes.”

  14. Rufus said,

    July 30, 2008 at 1:54

    You forgot a few:

    NATALIE WOOD – Famous actress died in 1981 of an apparent alcohol-induced “drowning”. Both Barack Obama and John McCain have viewed movies she has appeared in.

    L. RON HUBBARD – Famous author and Scientology founder died in 1986 of an “apparent stroke.” Both Barack Obama and John McCain have seen the dustcovers of several of his books.

    WARREN G. HARDING – Famous President of the United States died in 1923 of an “apparent heart attack.” Both Barack Obama and John McCain wish to be President, just like Harding was.

  15. Jennifer said,

    July 30, 2008 at 1:56

    D. – you forgot Mangrove Throatwarbler, Reno card shark and former Chicago city comptroller, killed in fall from 16th floor of Nugget Hotel. Later, files were mysteriously removed from his room. Dead from gunshot by John Barack McCain Obama, who, naturally, shot him just to watch him die.

  16. Steve Lux of Chicago said,

    July 30, 2008 at 1:56

    Oh shit!

  17. J— said,

    July 30, 2008 at 1:56

    I’m telling you, Obama is Keyser Söze. Dismiss at your own risk.

  18. SamFromUtah said,

    July 30, 2008 at 1:58

    So – how many acquaintances’ and relatives’ inboxes have you stuffed this list into?

  19. Principal Blackman said,

    July 30, 2008 at 1:59

    Motherfucker shot Kima Greggs, too.

  20. Jeff Fecke said,

    July 30, 2008 at 2:00

    Yes, yes, but what happened to the files?

  21. christian h. said,

    July 30, 2008 at 2:04

    Steve Lux, you are in deep trouble. If you look up the “timeline of city comptrollers” at the City of Chicago website (sorry ,link is too long for WordPress to handle) you’ll see you are not even on it!!! Instead, someone named “Tariq” something-or-other is listed as the current comptroller.

  22. a different brad said,

    July 30, 2008 at 2:04

    Obama shot Laura Palmer.
    And J.R.

  23. Gary Ruppert said,

    July 30, 2008 at 2:05

    The fact is, the attempts to smear McCain with liberal lies will fail. Bias of the left and the hate will not win out. That guy who shot up a liberal church was set up by the left to be an excuse to persecute mainline Chrisitans and Republicans, as well as talk radio hosts who love USA.

  24. a different brad said,

    July 30, 2008 at 2:07

    Pardon me, not shot.
    Obama killed Laura Palmer by possessing John McCain’s body and using it to rape and kill her.

  25. mikey said,

    July 30, 2008 at 2:09

    I’m pretty sure that post was actually written by a Malfunctioning Obama/McCain Death List Robot. Shortly after his death in 1999, and before his appointment as Chicago City Comptroller….

    mikey

  26. tigrismus said,

    July 30, 2008 at 2:09

    That guy who shot up a liberal church blah blah blah

    I bet they took all his files. Also, comptroller.

  27. Gary Ruppert Number Two said,

    July 30, 2008 at 2:10

    That guy who shot up a liberal church was set up by the left to be an excuse to persecute mainline Chrisitans and Republicans, as well as talk radio hosts who love USA.

    The fact is, I tried to mainline some Christians one time. It nearly killed me, until my friends stabbed me in the heart with the syringe filled with something PZ Myers cooked up in his lab.

  28. a different brad said,

    July 30, 2008 at 2:11

    Oh, and McCain shot down Amelia Earhart.

  29. Ripley said,

    July 30, 2008 at 2:23

    Paul Rothchild…. is my FATHER!!

    Finally, the healing can begin.

  30. g said,

    July 30, 2008 at 2:25

    John “Stumpy” Pepys. Musical performer at the Obama senatorial election night party, he later died in a bizarre gardening accident.

  31. Jrod said,

    July 30, 2008 at 2:28

    More names for the McObama death list:

    DELIA JEFFERSON – First time he shot her, shot her in the side. Hard to watch her suffer, but with the second shot she died.

    FRANK “FILES” REMOVED – student, majoring in comptrolling; found dead in his home of an apparent gunshot stabbing, later the body mysteriously disappeared.

    JIMMINY FLIBBERTYGIBBET – aide to the ObaCain campaign; discovered in his home with a gunshot wound to the head, a gun in his right hand, with a suicide note in his lap. Ruled a murder by overdose.

    HAREGRAVE SMITHSON – Dairy Queen drive-thru employee of the month; told his friends and family that he was collecting a dossier on the shady dealings of the McCabama triad, died in a brutal fryer “accident.” Ironically, his files were still in his home, but they consisted only of his pay stubs and DKP records for his WoW guild.

    MISTER LEONARD PIERCE – humorist; was known to poke fun at Barack “John” McCain, later dropped off the side of the earth. Last known words were “I’m going to go say hi to Jillian, need anything from the bodega?”

  32. a different brad said,

    July 30, 2008 at 2:29

    Ok, this may sound like a weird question, but can anyone see this comment?
    My internet is being poopy so i loaded this page on the iphone, and none of my comments appeared.

  33. His Grace said,

    July 30, 2008 at 2:36

    GARY “THE FACT IS” RUPPERT – Has been killed multiple times, yet there has never been enough evidence that he exists, let alone to convict. Despite the uncanny ability to have multiple personae, has been deported, mocked, stabbed, regurgitated and run into the ground by Barrack John Sidney Hussein Obama. Possible comptrolled as a youthful indiscretion.

  34. Jennifer said,

    July 30, 2008 at 2:37

    John “Stumpy” Pepys. Musical performer at the Obama senatorial election night party, he later died in a bizarre gardening accident.

    Cultivated to a uniform 3″ depth with a Garden Weasel?

  35. Snorghagen said,

    July 30, 2008 at 2:42

    PAUL ROTHCHILD – Democrat National Committee Political Director Secretary President Janitor found dead in three hotel rooms in Washington DC in 2003 and in 1997, in a Tastee-Freeze in Stockton, CA in 2004, and under a bridge in Temesvar, Romania in 1886. He died twice from gunshot wounds, once from repeated blows from a blunt object, once from having a banana forcefully jabbed into his right ear, twice from drowning in vats of Jello (one lime, one strawberry), and once from being ejected from a Gemini capsule into deep space. After one of his deaths files relating to Obama’s crime syndicate mysteriously disappeared from his house. After another death flies mysteriously disappeared from his house.* After two of his other deaths his entire house mysteriously disappeared.

    *Thanks, Vic.

  36. Our Dead Selves said,

    July 30, 2008 at 2:53

    Ok, this may sound like a weird question, but can anyone see this comment?

    I see ya.

  37. After H. E. Dyde said,

    July 30, 2008 at 2:59

    This is the funniest thing I have ever read on this site. :)

  38. christian h. said,

    July 30, 2008 at 3:00

    I can see it.

  39. a different brad said,

    July 30, 2008 at 3:02

    Yay, Gavin saved me from invisibility.
    Barack Obama hired John McCain, a Chicago city comptroller, to invent pelicans, who raped a computer and produced wordpress.
    Then the files….

  40. Doctorb said,

    July 30, 2008 at 3:15

    BARUCH McMACCABEE — Judean revolutionary and former Chicago city comptroller found mysteriously dead of apparent martyrdom days after demonstration of super-efficient carburetor (allowing eightfold decrease in oil consumption). Files were mysteriously removed from his house.

  41. Goseph Gerbils said,

    July 30, 2008 at 3:18

    Oh, and McCain shot down Amelia Earhart.

    Now that one’s preposterous! The suggestion that John “Reverse Ace” McCain stayed in the air long enough to hit a moving target beggars belief.

  42. Goseph Gerbils said,

    July 30, 2008 at 3:20

    Though I must confess it is suspicious that no files were found at her house!!!eins!

  43. Doctorb said,

    July 30, 2008 at 3:22

    ZAN AND JAYNA MCCAIN — Illigetimate Luo aliens from Exor adopted by John McCain. Last seen alive making suspicious terror-related gang fist-bump gesture, later found by Chicago city comptroller Richard “Gleek” Bucketmonkey as a dead giant sloth impaled on an ice-stalagmite (or possibly a fallen ice stalactite). It was rumored they were going to bring evidence of Wright’s complicity in a scheme to melt all the world’s gold.

  44. The guy in the Cubs hat who was shy said,

    July 30, 2008 at 3:32

    Gentle people, we are forgetting the crux of the biscuit.

    ROOSEVELT FRANKLIN: Beloved “Sesame Street” character, rumored to have developed “brain disorder” secondary to doing “projectile cartwheel” maneuvers pioneered by Hero-Codpiece John McCain, but without the aid of an aircraft. Files purged by Governor of Massachusetts Deval Patrick in daring Entebbe-style raid of WGBH-TV studios following annual Negritudinous Consciousness of Breastisses Conference hosted by Cindy McCain, as foretold by the subsequent foreign takeover of Budweiser. Barack heard to mutter, when Berlin speech played backwards at 33rpm, “back, and to the left…” although McCain still claims he was quoting MLK getting a massage from Tolson….

  45. WereBear said,

    July 30, 2008 at 3:35

    I’m now on Seamonkey, since I’ve had waaay too many comments vanish into the ether lately, so I’m seeing if a different browser will impact me in a positive manner. /geek

    IGNATZ RASPUTIN — younger brother of famed healing evangelist, known radical who advocated freeing the credit card debt serfs, survived being poisoned, shot, bludgeoned, and drowned. So it’s very mysterious that he died after enjoying his favorite lead coated toy & tomato sandwich.

  46. WereBear said,

    July 30, 2008 at 3:38

    Oh, and in breaking news, John McCain’s campaign manager announced that John McCain does not speak for the campaign.

    http://www.amptoons.com/blog/archives/2008/07/27/john-mccain-does-not-speak-for-john-mccain/

    And irony dies a mysterious death.

  47. Hoosier X said,

    July 30, 2008 at 3:49

    More dangerous, even, than being al Quaeda’s #3 man.

    I say nuts to this. Sean Hannity is doing quite well.

  48. henry lewis said,

    July 30, 2008 at 3:52

    Obama shot Laura Palmer.

    And J.R.

    Obama is the one-armed man!

  49. Innocent Bystander said,

    July 30, 2008 at 4:00

    I had evidence connecting both Barack Obama and John McCain to Kevin Bacon by +/- 2 degrees. Mysteriously, the files have disappeared!

  50. WereBear said,

    July 30, 2008 at 4:02

    Obama is the one-armed man!

    Oh, god. I’m glad I was drinking water at the time.

  51. Snorghagen said,

    July 30, 2008 at 4:12

    KICKING BEAR – Oglala Sioux medicine man, al Qaeda operative, Navy Seal, and former Chicago city comptroller. Obama’s liaison to the shadowy High Plains meth lab syndicate. Captured by Apaches hired by McCain, staked down to the ground, and licked to death by homosexual prairie dogs, who were some of Bill Clinton’s many small mammal conquests.

    VLAD WARTZ – Double triple agent for the KGB, the CIA, the ISI, and the Apaches. Obama’s liaison to shadowy East European hunchback Neo-Nazi Islamic biker gangs. Wartz reportedly survived 23 assassination attempts, including one that involved a squad of dwarves with flamethrowers and chain saws. In 2004, he was abducted by Ernst Stavro Blofeld on Michelle Obama’s orders and dropped into a vat of sharks.

    DRANO ALKASELTZER – Indonesian classmate of Obama’s, cousin of Darsano Rahardjo, distant relative of Ferdinand Marcos and of Robert E. Lee. Obama’s liaison to the shadowy southeast Asian born-again Christian porn mafia, he later branched out into heroin smuggling, kidnapping, extortion, rioting, and creating disturbances in residential neighborhoods late at night. In 2006, he was overcome by four of McCain’s sumo wrestler flatulence assassins.

  52. Edmund Schluessel said,

    July 30, 2008 at 4:16

    COMPTROLLER!!!!!!

  53. Tara the antisocial social worker said,

    July 30, 2008 at 4:18

    IRONY – abstract concept killed from overwork while comptrolling (or as GWB would have it, comptrollerizating) the city of Chicago. Last gasp was heard when John SIDNEY “Whiplash” McCain promised to run a respectful campaign. Ironically, the files were removed from its house before its death.

  54. s9 said,

    July 30, 2008 at 4:22

    Markoff Chaney, I love you!

  55. henry lewis said,

    July 30, 2008 at 4:39

    JESUS HIERBAS CAMINAR ARBUSTO IV — Pretender by Divine Right to the Unitary Executive Throne of Chief Deciderer-in-Chief. Known associate of Jack Ruby, formerly married to Dolly Parton’s pedicurist. Allegedly involved in scheme to divert the waters of the Pecos River into T. Boone Pickens swimming pool. Suspected of smuggling boxcars of mysterious files across the Mexican border. Found garrotted wearing nothing but a flight harness in the office of Jose Contador de Frejoles, Nuevo Laredo’s Town Comptroller. Contador is being investigated for siphoning massive amounts of Venuzuelan oil revenues into the McCain-Obama joint presidential campaign fund.

  56. a different brad said,

    July 30, 2008 at 4:44

    Doods
    Obama killed Jebus.

  57. Blurm said,

    July 30, 2008 at 4:45

    I grew up in Utica, NY and when SPORT GOODMAN went poof, I cried.

  58. El Cid said,

    July 30, 2008 at 4:51

    BILL “WILLIAM” “BEHOLD A PALE HORSE” COOPER – Repeatedly tried to inform the American people of what was going on through clearly and patiently crafted impulsive and undocumented purposeless rants on shortwave radio, particularly about the UFOs which were going to make Revelation finally happen in some way involving the New World Order. However, Cooper didn’t count on Barack Hussein Obama X coming to power in completely unrelated local politics in Chicago — and soon after, Cooper died of so-called “natural causes” after a shoot-out with local sheriff’s deputies trying to serve him a warrant. Later the files were removed from his house. They were then returned, so that they could be removed more mysteriously, which they were.

  59. WereBear said,

    July 30, 2008 at 4:55

    I just wish Obama would get on with overthrowing our present system of government, because we could sure use one.

  60. SamFromUtah said,

    July 30, 2008 at 4:56

    …when SPORT GOODMAN went poof, I cried.

    It wouldn’t have been so bad if they hadn’t televised it. I found a BitTorrent download of the news segment about it. It’s terrible paleo-VHS quality, but it’s SPORT, just as clear as day (at least until they roll him up into a little ball).

  61. Dorothy said,

    July 30, 2008 at 5:00

    Every time I read that, I want it to say “flies” instead of “files”, as if the flies gathering around the corpse contained vital forensic evidence.

    Mysteriously, that’s not so weird. I once attended a lecture by a forensic entomologist: a guy who actually studies the bugs eating on the corpse for evidence. His most common task was determining the time of death by the number and development stages of different maggots.

    It was a fascinating lecture, but they shouldn’t have scheduled it before lunch…

  62. erlking said,

    July 30, 2008 at 5:02

    Fuck! I just realized that Obama killed ME! years ago.

    I am such a dupe.

    Will no one tell the people?

  63. Gil Grissom said,

    July 30, 2008 at 5:03

    a guy who actually studies the bugs eating on the corpse for evidence

    Hey! That’s my schtick.

  64. Mark D said,

    July 30, 2008 at 5:07

    Every time I read that, I want it to say “flies” instead of “files”, as if the flies gathering around the corpse contained vital forensic evidence.
    –Vic

    Oh, thank god it’s not just me.

    And thanks, Aristophanes. I really, really needed this today …

    MILES BANDERCOOT & JAKE LARUE – Clones of Obama and McCain respectively. Developed self-awareness in 1987 chemical vat incident before being gunned down by onlookers.

    SPORT GOODMAN – Beloved Utica, N.Y.-based newscaster and former Chicago city comptroller rolled up into little ball and made to go ‘POOF’ in a cloud of smoke as if he had never existed.

    … although those two back-to-back nearly caused hemorrhaging.

  65. jurassicpork said,

    July 30, 2008 at 5:14

    What the hell is this?

  66. Gavin M. said,

    July 30, 2008 at 5:29

    BTW, if anyone has encountered a moderation queue lately, it’s a bug in the system that ought to be fixed soon.

  67. Englebert Humperdinck Jr. said,

    July 30, 2008 at 5:32

    If this keeps up, by 2011 nobody will be able to come up with silly names anymore.
    STOP THE MADNESS!

  68. Richard M. Nixon said,

    July 30, 2008 at 5:33

    The sneaky little bastards got me, too!

  69. Mr. Wonderful said,

    July 30, 2008 at 5:37

    “New World Order”?

    I thought you said New World Hors D’ouevres.

    Anybody hungry?

  70. Doc Washboard said,

    July 30, 2008 at 5:38

    Obama is Keyser Söze

    If somebody will make this t-shirt, I’ll buy it. On the front: Obama in half-shadow, maybe with long, flowing hair like Söze had in the flashback sequence of the movie. (As an aside, I always laughed my ass off picturing Kevin Spacey barechested, with long, flowing hair.) On the back: the comprehensive list–in something like 4-point type–of every Obama victim mentioned in this thread.

  71. The Files said,

    July 30, 2008 at 5:41

    Warmer … warmer … now colder … still colder … colder … colder … ice cold … warmer … colder … colder … warmer … warmer … warmer … RED HOT!

    Okay, smarty-pants, you found us.
    But if you’re so smart, you’ll take my advice.
    Whatever you do – DON’T open that old filing cabinet!

    Or else you might find out exactly WHY we were “removed” – & trust us, it’ll play hell with your insurance premiums!

  72. robert green said,

    July 30, 2008 at 5:41

    JOHN MCCAIN–killed by Barack Obama when he mysteriously removed the files from the house of…
    BARACK HUSSEIN IT OBAMA YOU SAYIN IT OBAMA–killed by John McCain when he mysteriously removed the files from the house of…

    A PUMA.

  73. HAREGRAVE SMITHSON said,

    July 30, 2008 at 5:51

    Why, this is just plain silly! Besides still being alive & well, I’m quite positive that so far, the Obamacain triad still knows nothing of my dossier on their nefarious deeds, a horrific saga of corruption, mind-control & extraterrestrial colonization – which will be coming out as a 12-part special in The New York Times just as soon as I can get an agent to make me a good hhhhhhhhhhhhhggggggggggggggggggggggkkkkkkkkk —–

  74. jim said,

    July 30, 2008 at 6:02

    Hey now!

    Damn, I want me one of these Chicago City Comptroller gigs.
    Looks like pretty well all you need is a pulse.
    I’ll even change my name to Serrated Sawblade or Insert Tab-Here if that’ll help … looks like it couldn’t hurt.
    That’s just gotta be some mighty tasty take-home right there.
    But, uh, you know – minus the hideous unexplained death part.

    Won’t even keep ANY files … honest … not even a nail-file.

  75. Lesley said,

    July 30, 2008 at 6:05

    Chicago City Comptroller is a job even more dangerous than Alaskan crab fishing.

    You know what they’re going to call Obama when all the evidence is in?
    Deadliest Catch.

  76. commie atheist said,

    July 30, 2008 at 6:49

    BTW, if anyone has encountered a moderation queue lately, it’s a bug in the system that ought to be fixed soon.

    Goddamn moderate queues, taking all the passion out of politics. What’s wrong with taking a stand?!?

    Oh, and…

    ROBERT STACY MCCAIN – Award-winning columnist, reporter, editor, author, bon vivant and raconteur, bastard Indonesian half-brother of John McCain and former gay lover of Barack Hussein Obama, died of “natural” causes while yelling “nigger, nigger, nigger” and “gimme some iced tea, motherfucker” in a crowded Harlem restaurant in 2007, and was later found strangled, burned, shot and poisoned behind the Automat on 52nd st. while performing fellatio on an unnamed Republican Senator from Alabama.

  77. Orange Tom said,

    July 30, 2008 at 7:11

    TOMMY JOHNSON: Boyhood acquaitance of Obama’s. Tortured to death in a common Muslim ritual used against white Christians. Records were changed to record his death being from asthma. His body was reportedly made into sausage and sold in a little bodega in New Rochelle, New York, Rob Petrie’s mythical hometown. Records of this were moved repeatedly, last seen in the Chicago offices of an Obama associate.

  78. skippy said,

    July 30, 2008 at 7:52

    hey, you forgot heath ledger!

  79. Snorghagen said,

    July 30, 2008 at 7:59

    CORKY SCHLOCKWURSTER – Leather fetishist, sadist, sociopath, stamp collector. McCain’s liaison to the shadowy world of underground Beach Boy cover band Bolshevik cells. Compiled a dossier on Obama’s and Bill Ayres’ plot to spray the southern Idaho potato crop with hallucinogens. Assassinated by Obama operative Hugh Beaumont.

    OLGA GREX – Dominatrix librarian. Commanded Fred Thompson’s special ops unit in its bloody seven-hour shoot-out with Mike Huckabee’s Gamma Force, near Guntersville, Alabama on February 15, 2008. Successfully infiltrated McCain’s headquarters with counter-brainwashed spittle-flinging Ron Paul supporters. Shortly after making overtures to Obama’s Legion of Death military arm, Grex was abducted by pro-McCain space mummies and beamed onto the surface of Neptune.

  80. Johnny Pez said,

    July 30, 2008 at 8:03

    and dropped into a vat of sharks.

    With frickin’ laser beams.

    ROGER THOROUGHLY – Air traffic comptroller at Madalyn Murray O’Hare Airport. Found impaled on Nash Kato’s tuning fork in 1994. Death ruled suicide by perfect pitch. After he died files were mysteriously removed from time capsule under Wrigley Field.

  81. Andre said,

    July 30, 2008 at 8:15

    HENRY DENT- High-flying public prosecuter in Chicago, devoted father of four. Killed in 1997 in a mysterious car accident just years after questioning whether Obama had the right to attend his exclusive golf club. No evidence of Obama’s involvement has ever been dismissed.

  82. amused said,

    July 30, 2008 at 8:17

    Whoa. Major craziness at protein jism. Someone should document it. Pasty’s farewell is turning into an extended hunt for bloggers to attack. So far he’s sent his flying monkeys after roger ailes’ blog, tbogg, someone named Michelle, Scott at World o’ Crap, and now he’s on the hunt for Steve M of No More Mr. Nice Blog. And that’s just in the last 48 hours!

    HTML, please, please do another vivisection of all this.

  83. lobbey said,

    July 30, 2008 at 8:19

    Fuck! I just realized that Obama killed ME! years ago.

    are you sure it was Obama, do you still have the files?

  84. Johnny Coelacanth said,

    July 30, 2008 at 8:41

    JEFF “PASTY” GLODSTEIN – Basement dwelling pseudo intellectual “humorist” killed in mysterious auto-erotic asphyxiation stabbing after threatening to slap Obama with John McCain’s comptroller’s cock. Died when humor-powered bicycle broke down in front of an onrushing freight train which was, incidentally, transporting several thousand tons of missing files.

  85. Lesley said,

    July 30, 2008 at 8:59

    ooooooh, dan collins aka Godlstein Jr. Ye olde TBogg has a doozy of a thread devoted to Jeff’s nephew or other.

  86. Lesley said,

    July 30, 2008 at 9:07

    I should add “a thread devoted to ripping Dan a whole new asshole”, as if he doesn’t have eleventy billion already.

  87. owlbear1 said,

    July 30, 2008 at 9:26

    Bob – Some poor bastard who chose the wrong porta-pottie at the 2003 Illinois State Fair.

  88. slag said,

    July 30, 2008 at 9:38

    Did you steal these names from John Hodgman’s hobo list?

  89. Doctorb said,

    July 30, 2008 at 9:44

    Üter Zörker — Marzipan enthusiast and German exchange student. “Inadvertently” left behind on a Civil War field trip, later made into “Üterbraten” and served in the cafeteria. Mysteriously, no files were discovered in his haus, and all evidence linking him to McCain and Obama had evidently been purged.

  90. The Estate of Doctorb (dec'd) said,

    July 30, 2008 at 9:48

    I thought I was missing nearly 100MB of files but I hit Comptrol-Alt-Delete and was able to recover them … or was I?

  91. WereBear said,

    July 30, 2008 at 13:54

    I should add “a thread devoted to ripping Dan a whole new asshole”, as if he doesn’t have eleventy billion already.

    I only got halfway through, and didn’t know WHAT emotion to settle on. Probably German is the only language with a word for “so appalled by the masochistic depths exhibited that pity is scorned as an enabling emotion.”

  92. ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said,

    July 30, 2008 at 14:30

    Proof that Dick Cheney has sex with pigs.

    (h/t 1Watt, Hermit, over a Watertiger’s)

  93. ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said,

    July 30, 2008 at 14:52

    Darn that spam-you-later. It grabbed my proof that Cheney has sex with pigs. No doubt it will get posted long after everyone has moved on.

  94. TheOtherOne said,

    July 30, 2008 at 14:52

    Is this the same list that includes the guy who has “haunted” these lists since 1994?

  95. Tom65 said,

    July 30, 2008 at 15:21

    GOP internet efforts, still bringing Teh Lame:

    http://www.barackbook.com/

  96. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    July 30, 2008 at 15:27

    OMG! Posting here since the TBOGG Dan Collins Epic Thread has closed out so nicely – posting in a thread linking an Epic Thread!

    ROGER ACKROYD – English Chicago gentleman. Found shot, strangled, stabbed, poisoned with sparkling cyanide, and with an exquistely well groomed moustache. Was engaged to Rielle Hunter and thought to be in possession several incriminating files, which were never recovered.

    CONRAD BLACK – Tycoon and Baron of Crossharbour. Was videotaped removing boxes of files. Nagged to death by Barbara Amiel, a well-known supporter of Obama.

    HONEST McNOTMADEUP – Contact of former CIA superspy Larry Johnson and the man who filmed the “Kill Whitey” tape. Mysteriously disappeared, taking his tape and all his files with him.

  97. Jrod said,

    July 30, 2008 at 15:59

    MUSTAFA AL-IBN VON SCHTUPPMEISTER – file clerk; worked for the Clinton/Brownback campaign, found dead of “death.” The files were recovered, but were then mysteriously unrecovered.

    TUPAC SHAKUR – rapper; Obama’s cousin’s hairdresser’s son’s penpal’s uncle’s best friend’s dog-groomer’s mother-in-law’s rabbi’s poker-buddy’s favorite 7-11 clerk’s brother was Biggie Smalls’ bodyguard. The files were recovered; they became 2Pac’s posthumous albums after McCain scrubbed out the references to Obama’s extraterrestrial contacts.

    COSMOPOLIS COLLEANDER – gypsy wench; gave Obama a tarot reading about McCain that he didn’t like, ten days later she was found hung by her left leg from a tree. The cards mysteriously vanished from her nomad’s tent.

    BLACKY “MUSLIM” BLACK – Black black black blackity muslim black Obama black white woman blackity Islamo black baby black black blackblackblackmuslim. The files were never recovered.

  98. Bigby said,

    July 30, 2008 at 16:49

    I know this is fake because Sr Bee worked for Channel Ocho!

  99. Bigby said,

    July 30, 2008 at 16:51

    Not Doce!

  100. Confederate Wankee, singin' the Rolling Stones said,

    July 30, 2008 at 16:59

    And I shouted out
    Who killed the church-goers
    When after all
    It was you and meeeee

    Actually, it wasn’t me. It was pretty much liberals. And Obama, who supports terror. Welp, that’s a wrap, I win infinity times a million!

    UPDATE: Linked via the Ole Perfessor, who also can’t be faulted for ever saying that liberals are “on the other side.” Even though they are. But he didn’t say it. But if he said it, he’d be right. Because they are. But I’m not saying they are. But they are.

  101. Clem said,

    July 30, 2008 at 17:18

    “Sharpened crack cocaine” made me do a spit-take.

  102. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    July 30, 2008 at 17:23

    COMP-TROLLER BOT – Read the whole thing! Where’s my recession! Heh, Indeed! Here’s a creepy picture of some co-eds half my age…hey where’d my files go?

    LADY LYNN FORESTER de ROTHSCHILD BANANA FO-FANA LOUISA FRANCESCA BANANA FANNA BO BESCA the THIRD – Aristocrat and philanthropist with a heart of gold (actually made of 24 karat gold – replaced the fleshy meat organ she was born with). Accused Obama of being out-of-touch with common man. Found buried under a heap of money, caviar, fabergé eggs and Stradvarius violins, bludgeoned to death with a bottle of 1787 Château Lafite. After discovery of her mysterious shooting with a silver plated 1824 Beretta .54 caliber percussion pistol (signed by Bartelomeo) the files were removed from the estate. It was rumored that she was Obama’s secret lover and baby mama. Stabbed to death with a jeweled Damascus steel sword forged by Domingo Montoya. After her death, the mysterious was filed away in the vaults, which then mysteriously disappeared.

    893 Members of the US Naval Academy Class of ’58 – Top of his class baby, top of his class.

  103. Tom65 said,

    July 30, 2008 at 17:24

    VINCE FOSTER – killed by HRC in a jealous lesbian rage, with a candlestick in the Drawing Room. Exhumed and murdered again by Obama and McCain to make HRC look bad. Files mysteriously returned to the FBI.

  104. Dragon-King Wangchuck, pre-millenial dispensationalist said,

    July 30, 2008 at 17:30

    “Sharpened crack cocaine” made me do a spit-take.

    Are these jeans too low? Can you see my sharpened crack cocaine?

  105. His Grace said,

    July 30, 2008 at 17:46

    BARACK OBAMA – killed by himself in a bizarre Muslim initiation ceremony involved two geese and a vat of liquid water. Death ruled a suicide. Files mysteriously disappeared in mysterious circumstances after being found then lost then transfered to laser disc. It is rumoured that Barack put himself through law school by comptrolling part time.

  106. Hoosier X said,

    July 30, 2008 at 17:48

    Killed by John McCain:

    Unknown and uncounted North Vietnamese civilians whose big mistake was being under the bombs he bravely dropped from on high.

    Oh. Wait. This doesn’t belong on the list. Because it’s true.

  107. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    July 30, 2008 at 17:59

    CHICAGO – Obama’s center of corruption. Died in a fire set by McCain in 1871. Also full of Fosse-loving Ghey. Killed by casting of Catherine Zeta-Jones and Renee Zellweger in major roles. Tap-philes removed themselves from the moviehouse.

  108. sagra said,

    July 30, 2008 at 18:34

    Hoosier, I usually don’t speak up in McCain’s defense, but he only had 20 hours of combat before he got shot down. It’s probably not that many civilians.

  109. Lori Klausutis said,

    July 30, 2008 at 18:41

    ::sniffle:: What about me?

  110. Righteous Bubba said,

    July 30, 2008 at 18:42

    but he only had 20 hours of combat

    When the chips are down you’re gonna need those 20 valuable hours of experience.

  111. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    July 30, 2008 at 18:59

    azcentral’s McCain bio says it was his twenty third bombing mission, so maybe the uncounted North Vietnamese may be fairly numerous. Reading about McCain getting shot down reminds me of Mai Van On.

  112. ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said,

    July 30, 2008 at 19:00

    Righteous Bubba said,

    July 30, 2008 at 18:42

    but he only had 20 hours of combat

    When the chips are down you’re gonna need those 20 valuable hours of experience.

    It seems like an entire lifetime to me!
    /McSame

  113. Bummer said,

    July 30, 2008 at 19:05

    Don’t you people know that this is just the beginning? We’re all at risk!

    I demand an immediate investigation! and please find this guy:

    “former McCain technology advisor Phil McCracken, who himself disappeared in 2006 only to reappear hours later. ”

    He has to know something, having barely escaped being murdered, we must keep him save!

  114. J— said,

    July 30, 2008 at 19:20

    JEFF GOLDSTEIN: Hoisted self up on cross. Refused to come down. Still there. Obama had nothing to do with this one.

  115. Hensley Family Beer Gangsters said,

    July 30, 2008 at 19:50

    You fucka – you have me here weeping tears of laughter in the office over my chicken sammich!

  116. Hoosier X said,

    July 30, 2008 at 20:11

    It’s probably not that many civilians.

    Dude …

    That’s …

    Dude …

    (McCain got off easy when he wasn’t ripped to pieces by the Vietnamese.)

  117. Cain said,

    July 30, 2008 at 22:18

    THE FILES – paper like white objects with writing on. After a successful career as Chicago comptroller, they became the pivotal element of the McBamba campaign, detailing the candidate’s links to the Neo-Nazi atheist, Leprechaun Morris-dancing, Hindu, Anglo-Saxon Australian mutant underground. They died in mysterious circumstances, while being removed from a house.

  118. e_five said,

    July 30, 2008 at 23:11

    IRONY – Shot with his own gun.

    SATIRE – Mocked to death.

  119. Seatech1 said,

    July 31, 2008 at 17:29

    Hey! I just found a whole pile of files in my garage! They’re all about how Obama and McCain killed 6 million jews during WWII. On top of them were a pile of dead flies who had apparently been killed from overdosing on cocaine while falling from an 18th floor window after they stabbed themselves with a sharpened file.

  120. George Prager said,

    July 31, 2008 at 19:03

    You missed a couple:

    MOZILLA FIREFOX: One-time Obama mentor and Harvard ombudsman. Electrocuted, beaten stabbed at New Jersey’s Great Adventure theme park in during rare summer syzygy which occurred during the encore of a Mister Mister concert crack house museum break-in involving members of the Newark Police force crackdown human sacrifice.

    EDULFUS “FRUIT BRUTE” TOWNSEND: Former member of Philadelphia’s “Move” cult and childhood friend, neighbor appliance salesman. bailiff. Found dead in a vat of root beer slurpee in the back of a 7/11 with multiple stab wounds with a cross craved into his forehead back torso.

    KATHERINE PLANT: Former Resident assistant and classmate of Obama’s at Columbia University county day school summer camp and author of “The Senator and the Diving Bell Butterfly” mysteriously published in 2003, found drugged beaten and stabbed in Chicago comptrollers office during midnight basketball game.

  121. troy said,

    July 31, 2008 at 23:30

    JOHN HODGMAN: Found listed on a thread on secretly pro-shadowy world website SadlyNo! about Filegate. Once word got out about his Hobo List, he lost his job as Chicago comptroller and “apparently” died of “apparent” “natural suicide murder causes”. Files (the Hobo List) were removed from his files and filed under ObamaHoboList.com. Then, all hobos on ObamaHoboList.com had their files mysteriously removed from their bodies and were murdered by secret Muslim stabbing gunshot rituals, then were reconstituted in acid vats designed to turn files into hobos — secret Muslim hobo list hobos. Most of the hobos were once Chicago comptrollers, until they had their files stolen (the first time).

  122. Sadly, No! » MOAR Joe Teh Plumber said,

    October 16, 2008 at 8:42

    [...] C. Thompson Jr. is lucky he lives in New York. He’d be so fucking dead in [...]

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