27
Does This Burqa Make Me Look Fat?
Over at America’s Shittiest Website™, K-Lo is incensed about the latest fad that is turning young girls into shameless, godless hussies: bikinis.
[F]or heaven’s sake. This Washington Post piece on three 16-year-old girls shopping for bikinis in Tyson’s Corner is begging for a dad to be on the scene. Mom’s no help — one of them provides financial assistance because a teenage girl just has to have a bikini, you know. “Bikinis are more popular because they’re sexier. They draw a guy’s attention.” Where’s dad to just say no?
Next thing you know these young girls will want to be dancing the “twist” and going out in public without male relatives as chaperones.
Note: I’m at the beach this weekend, so “New Wingnut of the Week” is on temporary hiatus and will return next Sunday.
ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said,
July 27, 2008 at 15:15
I’ve heard that Barack Hussein Obama went back in time and invented the Sock Hop to corrupt America’s wimmen.
ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said,
July 27, 2008 at 15:25
Speaking of shameless hussies:
Hot K-Lo on Caroline Glick action.
Shorter: Barack Obama isn’t enthusiastic enough about dropping bombs on the Ay-rabs.
Prudence Goodwife said,
July 27, 2008 at 15:30
This woman has been destroying America’s teen girls for over 40 years.
http://imagecache2.allposters.com/images/pic/MMPH/167598~Annette-Funicello-Frankie-Avalon-Posters.jpg
Woodrowfan said,
July 27, 2008 at 15:43
I didn’t read the article. Were these “bikinis” normal 2 piece suits or Brazilian-style dental floss?
DrDick said,
July 27, 2008 at 15:47
Hmmm. Let me see now. If memory serves me right, teenage American girls have been wearing bikinis since the 1960s (when I was a very delighted teenage boy). It would appear that the world has not ended in the ensuing 45 years and American civilization, if a bit worse for wear and Republican rule, still survives.
Perhaps Ms. K-lo is just jealous that these girls actually look hot in bikinis, while she would scare small children in a burqa?
J— said,
July 27, 2008 at 15:53
Okay, Kathryn Jean, you wanna get outraged? Look up tapa-sexo.
Woodrowfan said,
July 27, 2008 at 15:56
Ok, i read the article which apparently puts me one up on K-Lo. The quote about it being a Mom who says bikinis are sexier is actually from one of the girls. The three shoppers were all teenagers. No Mom there. And K-lo managed to miss one of the main points of the story, how guys have a distorted view of what girls’ bodies should look like (too skinny) and how that affects how teenage girls see themselves.
Here’s the end of the story…
GumbyAnne said,
July 27, 2008 at 15:59
I wonder what type of marriage and parenthood she expects people to have exactly. Does she imagine that in any relationship the man automatically gets veto power over all purchases and apparel choices of his wimminfolk?
When I was younger if my dad had tried forbidding me to wear something I would have gone out of my way to wear it every other day. And nowadays if I wanted to buy something small like a garment and my husband tried to “just say no” he would have little success in stopping me and his homelife would become distinctly unhappy.
Let’s leave the domestic model of “man as supreme dictator of his female property” to the Taliban, mmkay?
J— said,
July 27, 2008 at 16:05
Such subtleties are lost on Lopez, Woodrowfan, as her main objection is to teenage girls factoring into their decision making attraction to teenage boys. Her call for the presence of dads is a call for this budding sexuality to be stifled. And this reflects on her conception of what role a father should have in a daughter’s maturation. “You want the boys to look at you? I cannot allow that!”
kuvasz said,
July 27, 2008 at 16:08
Jesus H Christ what are you trying to do? “Kathryn Jean Lopez” and “bikini” should never, ever be mentioned in the same sentence.
Jesus H. Christ said,
July 27, 2008 at 16:32
I had nothing to do with it.
Mary Ruppert said,
July 27, 2008 at 16:34
The burqini
Woodrowfan said,
July 27, 2008 at 16:49
For those who don’t click on the link, that seems to be K-Lo’s ENTIRE piece posted above. It’s not a summary!
Snorghagen said,
July 27, 2008 at 16:56
Our society is being overwhelmed by a tidal wave of obscene behavior and smutty imagery. I have recently become aware of a new foreign musical group know as ‘The Beatles’, whose shamelessly lascivious songs are incessantly broadcast over radio stations and beamed into our very own living rooms.
Well, shake it up, baby, now,
Twist and shout.
Cmon cmon, cmon, cmon, baby, now,
Come on and work it on out.
This lewdness must end! After being continually bombarded by such filth, I find I have no choice but to blow my entire paycheck on Japanese reptile latex bondage porn DVDs.
Our Dead Selves said,
July 27, 2008 at 16:58
I’m glad to see that we’ve solved all of America’s woes and have time to focus on the evils of beachwear.
alec said,
July 27, 2008 at 16:59
No, no, no. Don’t get clever with this: K-Lo is nothing like the men who put woman in burqas (whether or not they actually have any men in their lives, let alone whether they’ve had it forced on them).
One is about subordinating women’s sexuality to male desire, explicitly turning skin-exposing women into unconditionally sexual objects; the other is about subordinating women’s sexuality to filthy Balak Hoseyn Osamas.
The difference couldn’t be more clear.
zuzu's petals said,
July 27, 2008 at 17:02
Because there’s nothing creepy at all about a middle-aged-man taking a bunch of 16-year-old girls shopping for bikinis. Nothing at all.
J— said,
July 27, 2008 at 17:06
Does This Burqa Make Me Look Fat?
Will it billow over my head when I jump off the diving board?
christian h. said,
July 27, 2008 at 17:10
The fact is, I’m outraged that Clif is going to the beach to ogle bikini-clad teenagers.
mikey said,
July 27, 2008 at 17:13
Another commentary on the vast ideological differences between good judeo christian white americans and the horrible muslim arab scum that want to force us to live according to their primitive rules…
mikey
Jennifer said,
July 27, 2008 at 17:22
Women who were never good-looking become even more bitter towards the young ones who are as they enter middle age and realize that, even though they weren’t good looking in youth, that was as good as it was ever going to get for them, and they wasted those best years hating on all the girls their age who were better-looking instead of making the most of their brief window of opportunity when they looked the best they were ever going to look.
K-Lo exhibits said behavoir on a predictably regular schedule. It’s quite sad.
Gary Ruppert said,
July 27, 2008 at 17:22
The fact is, girls are too promiscious and exhibihthionist these days. They should save this lavascisous display for their husbands, and if the muslims get their way and add USA to the Caliphate (as all liberals wish), they will have little choice in the matter. Do they really want that?
alec said,
July 27, 2008 at 17:24
Goddam it, always with the comment-eating.
This shit had better get back in order soon. :(
Gary Ruppert Number Two said,
July 27, 2008 at 17:29
The fact is, K-Lo is just jealous that no clothing apparel on her of any kind whatsoever will ever draw the kind of attention from guys that she would want. Just speculation on how exactly she maintains that ground-shaking heft.
You may now yell at me about “looksism” if you’re so inclined.
aimai said,
July 27, 2008 at 17:29
Jennifer nails it. This is really pathetic, aside from all the other ways the other’s have pointed out its craptastic nature, its nothing more than miserable self hate projected onto innocent young girls. K lo needs some loving–not in a sexual and sexist way but she really just needs to get right with herself and her life on some deep level.
aimai
atheist said,
July 27, 2008 at 17:42
Women who were never good-looking become even more bitter towards the young ones who are as they enter middle age and realize that, even though they weren’t good looking in youth, that was as good as it was ever going to get for them, and they wasted those best years hating on all the girls their age who were better-looking instead of making the most of their brief window of opportunity when they looked the best they were ever going to look.
Sure, there’s that, but- I have an aunt who looks pretty similar to K-Lo, and my aunt doesn’t talk or act like that.
SamFromUtah said,
July 27, 2008 at 17:44
Another commentary on the vast ideological differences between good judeo christian white americans and the horrible muslim arab scum that want to force us to live according to their primitive rules…
Hehindeed. Near as I can figure it, they see it like this: God is, say, Eisenhower and Allah is, oh, Wilhelm Keitel. Even if they’re ordering their soldiers to do the exact same shit, it’s all about who you serve.
kentandrade said,
July 27, 2008 at 17:44
Poor K-Lo - She’s turned the Updike’s “A & P” on its head and made Mr. Lengel the hero.
Wait! Maybe when she grows up she can be MRS. Lengel! She already has that “sad-Sunday-School-Superintendent stare”.
Do I hear wedding bells?!?! Oh wait, that’s my cellphone…
Rugosa said,
July 27, 2008 at 17:46
Wait a sec, Jennifer, that’s quite a generalization. I’ve never been good-looking but young girls’ prettiness doesn’t bother me - I know that I’ve been out of the competition for at least thirty years.
But can we stop mocking K-Lo for her looks already? It just feeds into the societal sickness of teaching women that unless you’re hot, you’re not a worthwhile human being. Her opinions are enough fodder for snark.
And if she reads this, I’d like to point out, from one mutt to another, that a pleasant expression and genuine concern for others go a long way to way to offset the negatives of looks.
lobbey said,
July 27, 2008 at 17:47
Hot K-Lo on Caroline Glick action.
Oh dear, this Glick charter actually thinks the present Israeli is left wing.
lobbey said,
July 27, 2008 at 17:51
wordpress is the strapless bikini of the internets !!
alec said,
July 27, 2008 at 17:51
Sure, there’s that, but- I have an aunt who looks pretty similar to K-Lo, and my aunt doesn’t talk or act like that.
Yeah; I’ve got an aunt even fatter, uglier, and crazier than she is, and yet she’s remarkably positive about things and wonderfully happy about children. She steals shit and she’s had 40 jobs in her life, but she’s been happily married for my entire lifetime, has four grandchildren by her horrible daughter, and is basically good to people.
I don’t get how someone like Lopez gets this kind of chip on her shoulder. My Aunt Terri has had a miserable life but she’s enjoyed it just fine, and never goes into some kind of apoplectic fit over darkies or whores. Jesus.
Jennifer said,
July 27, 2008 at 17:51
atheist - well, your aunt is clearly a much better person than K-Lo, one whose whole outlook on life wasn’t tied up in her looks and how she was the victim of the better-looking and it just wasn’t fair.
What I said in my previous comment was a gross overgeneralization. Of course not all women who were never good-looking are bitter like this. Likewise, there are both formerly and currently good-looking middle aged women who are bitter, though you don’t see the bitterness directed at the cute young things. But I well recall from my early career that the people I encountered or worked with who were the most difficult, hateful even, were uniformly middle-aged women who clearly had never been beautiful or even cute when young. My friends reported the same experience.
lobbey said,
July 27, 2008 at 17:53
wordpress…… the bikini of the internets
ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said,
July 27, 2008 at 18:01
BREAKING NEWS (Like the WInd)
Must credit Roger Ailes (via guest blogger Anthony Cartouche):
Jeff Godlstein has left Protein Wisdom.
P.S. Further credit to RonB and some appropriate pics.
HTML, is it time yet to cue up Part II?
Gary Ruppert Number Two said,
July 27, 2008 at 18:05
But can we stop mocking K-Lo for her looks already? It just feeds into the societal sickness of teaching women that unless you’re hot, you’re not a worthwhile human being. Her opinions are enough fodder for snark.
Oh please. We ruthlessly mock the looks of the male wingnuts all the time. These are the people after all who still mock the fact that Al Gore gained some wait in recent years. These are the people that mock Hillary Clinton’s completely natural facial wrinkles of a normal woman in her later-middle age and say in web-ads, “Do you want to look at this face for several years?”
I agree with the mockery of people’s looks being a negative and irrelevant practice. But you do have to fight fire with fire. I’m sure you’d be just as objecting to my saying that Tony Blankley looks like Jabba the Hut.
Gary Ruppert Number Two said,
July 27, 2008 at 18:10
OMG, “wait” should have been “weight”. I guess I need my coffee..
Scott said,
July 27, 2008 at 18:17
Is Jeff Goldstein the one whose grill got turned over? Or am I thinking of the Minnesota guy with the obsession about Target?
ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said,
July 27, 2008 at 18:17
I think both spellings have some merit, Number Two.
tb said,
July 27, 2008 at 18:18
…as will talent, a sense of humor, charm, a non-grating voice, absence of noxious body odor… and, ahm… OK, we’re just rubbing it in at this point.
Gundamhead said,
July 27, 2008 at 18:19
“But can we stop mocking K-Lo for her looks already? It just feeds into the societal sickness of teaching women that unless you’re hot, you’re not a worthwhile human being. Her opinions are enough fodder for snark.”
I for one would not like K-lo anymore if she were attractive. In fact, I’d probably like her less since I kinda feel sorry for her as it is.
“This lewdness must end! After being continually bombarded by such filth, I find I have no choice but to blow my entire paycheck on Japanese reptile latex bondage porn DVDs.”
Me to! When will we finally be freed from the cruel madness of Liberal Fascism?!
woody, tokin librul said,
July 27, 2008 at 18:21
The mere thought of K-Lo’s billows of dead-white, flaccid flesh tightly tied, like a roasting sheep for the spit, ought to be enough to drive any man of taste and distinction to a monastery…
woody, tokin librul said,
July 27, 2008 at 18:22
“But can we stop mocking K-Lo for her looks already? It just feeds into the societal sickness of teaching women that unless you’re hot, you’re not a worthwhile human being. Her opinions are enough fodder for snark.”
if she’d shut her piggy snout, I’d never mention her again, ever.
ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said,
July 27, 2008 at 18:25
Scott, you need wikiwingnutopedia.
Ace o’ Spades got his grill turned over in a hurry cane, Jeff Godlstein is the formerly?? unemployed parasite/cock-slapper.
Snorghagen said,
July 27, 2008 at 18:26
The advice is well-meant, but K-Lo is a professional right-wing commentator - pretty much by definition her livelihood depends on her not having concern for others.
MaryC said,
July 27, 2008 at 18:26
Ok, i read the article which apparently puts me one up on K-Lo.
No kidding — the mom she refers to not only doesn’t provide financial help, she actually stops her kid from paying $78 for a swimsuit. But somehow K-Lo had to drag that weird reference to dads in there. Totally agree with zuzu’s petals — how creepy is it to imagine your dad coming along on a bikini-shopping trip with you and your 16-year-old friends?
ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said,
July 27, 2008 at 18:27
Oh FUCK!
I need wikiwingnutopedia, meself.
It was cornfederate Yanqui who got his grill turned over.
Hershele Ostropoler said,
July 27, 2008 at 18:27
I think one-piece bathing suits are more appealing anyway.
Besides, the more covered-up K-Lo is, the better (I know, cheap shot).
Righteous Bubba said,
July 27, 2008 at 18:27
Ace o’ Spades got his grill turned over in a hurry cane
I am soooooooo disappointed.
Gundamhead said,
July 27, 2008 at 18:29
“Ace o’ Spades got his grill turned over in a hurry cane, Jeff Godlstein is the formerly?? unemployed parasite/cock-slapper.”
No, no it was Treason in Defense of Slavery Yankee who was begging people to pay for a new grill because his got knocked over (not even dented!)
J— said,
July 27, 2008 at 18:30
Ace o’ Spades got his grill turned over in a hurry cane
ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© for the win!
(Did I do that right?)
Gary Ruppert said,
July 27, 2008 at 18:32
The fact is, fathers should be doing more to protect their daughters virtue, maybe we wouldn’t be in such a mess with them using so many sex and drugs. A daughters purity is worth fighting for to preserve. Purity should be pledged until wedding day. This is what sepereates us from animals like Muslims who kill their daughters.
Righteous Bubba said,
July 27, 2008 at 18:33
(Did I do that right?)
Everybody for the win but thunder!!!
ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said,
July 27, 2008 at 18:36
Righteous Bubba said,
July 27, 2008 at 18:33
(Did I do that right?)
Everybody for the win but thunder!!!
D00d i fixed it before you even got outta bed.
somedude said,
July 27, 2008 at 18:38
if the well being of the nation is dependent on my willingness to go clothes shopping with anyone, including my daughter and her giggly friends, then we are doomed.
Smiling Mortician said,
July 27, 2008 at 18:40
Yeesh. Godlstein’s whining over in the “so long, farewell, auf wiedersehen, adieu” thread makes David Frum look like he’s got a stiff upper lip.
Just a taste: When he runs a free site for 7 years and gets to feeling overwhelmed by the responsibility of having to put up daily posts or else constantly feel indebted to the guest bloggers for keeping things alive while he can’t seem to muster the will, he can lecture me on ego. Personally, I think it’s more guilt. But then, I’m just a dick and a quitter. I mean, I OWE YOU!
Rugosa said,
July 27, 2008 at 18:40
Yeah, Snorg, Woody, et al., you’re right as far as that goes. I still get a bit defensive about criticizing people for things they don’t have much control over - looks, height, skin color, etc. This is the wrong forum for discussing it, though. I should have posted: “Hey, K-Lo, lighten up already! (oops, bad choice of words) “
Righteous Bubba said,
July 27, 2008 at 18:44
D00d i fixed it before you even got outta bed.
I don’t get get outta bed, I ascend to graceful verticality.
Righteous Bubba said,
July 27, 2008 at 18:45
Fuckin’ Wordpress!
Silver Owl said,
July 27, 2008 at 18:45
K-Lo’s pissy because she can’t pull off wearing a bikini and knows it. She’s petty about it.
K-Lo is quite insulting to fathers as well as the mother. She regulates dads to being vagina guardians defending against the icky penis. As if men have no clue how to raise their kids to be confident and responsible when it comes to normal human interactions.
The whole meme of hide the females so the icky males with penises will miraculously learn to have sex and flirtations with trees is quite the mind warp. It is difficult to determine which K-Lo despises more men or women.
Jennifer said,
July 27, 2008 at 18:47
Rugosa - I wasn’t criticizing K-Lo for her looks. I was criticizing her for her attitudes. I did reference the fact that she’s not a particularly attractive woman, but that was just stating a fact - one which, in her case, I believe is a large part of the basis for her attitudes.
mikey said,
July 27, 2008 at 18:47
Damn right. It oughta be like youth soccer.
Everybody who shows up gets a trophy…
mikey
tb said,
July 27, 2008 at 18:51
No, no, no, Confederate Yankee got his char-coal grill blown slightly asunder, leading to one of my favorite SN posts of all time. I loved how he never even checked to see if the thing still worked before pleading hardship. I’m guessing that Jeff Goldstain (I’m disappointed that never caught on) is still a leech on the ass of society and his wife, as he is drugged out of his mind on antidepressants to the point that his posts don’t even have words any more- they’re just ellipses seperated by multiple line breaks.
wagonjak said,
July 27, 2008 at 18:57
If K-Lo dared to appear on a beach in a bikini, most of the beachgoers there would run into the surf to take their chances with sharks or jam sand into their eyes to stop the pain…
K-Lo comes off as just a whiny old frump who was the chubby little girl that all the popular girls in high school made fun of! She’s never grown out of those childhood rejections…
The stupid really hurts some time!
ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said,
July 27, 2008 at 19:05
You’ve not heard the news today, tb?
Comment by Dan Collins on 7/26 @ 4:19 pm #
Aw, shit.
I hope that find a way to use your great talents to best effect, Jeff. And thank you. Also, damn it. And blessings on you and your family.
*SNIFF*
woody, tokin librul said,
July 27, 2008 at 19:06
#Gary Ruppert said,
July 27, 2008 at 18:32
The fact is, fathers should be doing more to protect their daughters virtue, maybe we wouldn’t be in such a mess with them using so many sex and drugs. A daughters purity is worth fighting for to preserve. Purity should be pledged until wedding day. This is what sepereates us from animals like Muslims who kill their daughters.
This fellow speaks with surprising authority for someone with cheetoh-stains on his tighty-whiteys and a bunk-bed in his mom’s basement laundry room, doesn’t he?
mikey said,
July 27, 2008 at 19:17
Man, between the Quran - mandated right of passage killings of young muslims and the muslim fathers killing their daughters, it’s kind of hard to understand how these awful muslims can be such a threat. Hell, in a generation there’ll only be about eleven of ‘em, each barricaded in his personal bunker while all the others, for various ritual reasons, try to kill them…
mikey
Our Dead Selves said,
July 27, 2008 at 19:20
maybe we wouldn’t be in such a mess with them using so many sex and drugs.
How exactly does one use sex? I think I’ve been doing it wrong!
Our Dead Selves said,
July 27, 2008 at 19:22
And I like italics.
Mr. Wonderful said,
July 27, 2008 at 19:27
“The fact is, I’m outraged that Clif is going to the beach to ogle bikini-clad teenagers without inviting the rest of us.”
Fixed.
SamFromUtah said,
July 27, 2008 at 19:29
How exactly does one use sex?
As a weapon, of course.
Southern Beale said,
July 27, 2008 at 19:37
[F]or heaven’s sake. This Washington Post piece on three 16-year-old girls shopping for bikinis in Tyson’s Corner is begging for a dad to be on the scene …
With purity rings! And oaths! To “cover my daughter as her authority and protection in the area of purity.” By God!
Oh, and OFFA MY LAWN!
ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said,
July 27, 2008 at 19:43
War Criminal News.
Chet Guinn, a retired Methodist Minister, was among those led away.
“To be silent when major crimes are being committed against all humanity makes us accomplices,” Guinn told reporters just before his prearranged arrest, which took place when protesters stepped past a gate.
Chet Guinn is correct.
atheist said,
July 27, 2008 at 19:54
No, I know what you meant Jennifer. And you’re basically right. I don’t know why I get so pedantic sometimes. Maybe when I comment while in a bad mood. Sorry.
MzNicky said,
July 27, 2008 at 19:56
This Washington Post piece on three 16-year-old girls shopping for bikinis in Tyson’s Corner is begging for a dad to be on the scene.
Why would a Washington Post article need a dad on the scene? The writer must be female and thus need male supervision?
Rugosa said,
July 27, 2008 at 20:01
Jennifer - I wasn’t criticizing your criticism of her attitudes, but your attribution of them to a generalization about unattractive middle-aged women. Of whom I am one, so there! We agree she’s a douche.
Another TechGuy, But Not One That Will Do Anything For Just ANY Old Sillicon said,
July 27, 2008 at 20:03
Actually I agree with Jennifer… But let’s phrase it another way to make clear why; I’ve often noticed that those who blame blacks and immigrants for taking their jobs, and carry that sense of bitterness and grievance around constantly, are often the most useless at their chosen profession, and will never be half as talented or hard working as said immigrants.
But just because racists ARE racist doesn’t make it the right attitude to have; but it also doesn’t change the fact they hold that attitude due to a driving sense of insecurity.
So too with body image; It doesn’t make it right that girls should judge themselves by attractiveness, nor that men should either, but it is a fact of life that people do, and that they carry their bitterness of not measuring up with them too. In Miss Lopez’ case it’s also probably driven by a sense that to be a true Catholic, she couldn’t even have the fun everyone around her was having even if she were good looking for that matter… Life has handed her one giant lemon, but hidden the aid.
sophronia said,
July 27, 2008 at 20:04
Can’t trust anyone with a vagina to go clothes shopping without male supervision, apparently. I wonder who supervises K-Lo when she has to go pick up the latest ugly conservative businesswear?
I feel kind of sorry for K-Lo. Her writing always tries to spout the wingnut line, but she’s so tone-deaf she always messes it up somehow. Thus we get the lovely image of Dad going bikini shopping with a bunch of teenage girls, etc. She can’t even manage to blend in with this crowd of losers.
tb said,
July 27, 2008 at 20:05
Come on. “A choice” is a thing you face when you have two or more things going on in your life that take time to do. For most people, typical Goldsteinian “creative questions” like deciding whether to go to the bathroom or piss where you sit don’t need to take all day. And God knows it doesn’t take any time or thought to write a Goldstein post. Look:
There. That took all of three seconds. So this “choice” business is pure bullshit. Like, if you’re going to give up and just watch crappily-recorded Passions videotapes all day just say so. Don’t lie.
MzNicky said,
July 27, 2008 at 20:10
But can we stop mocking K-Lo for her looks already? It just feeds into the societal sickness of teaching women that unless you’re hot, you’re not a worthwhile human being. Her opinions are enough fodder for snark.
Oh please. We ruthlessly mock the looks of the male wingnuts all the time, blah blah blah.
Oh no, not again. How many times do we have to have this conversation?
Mocking males’ looks IS NOT THE SAME THING as mocking females’ looks. Lather, rinse, repeat, repeat, repeat.
MzNicky said,
July 27, 2008 at 20:11
And that goes at least twice for you, woody token librul guy.
MzNicky said,
July 27, 2008 at 20:16
she’s not a particularly attractive woman, but that was just stating a fact - one which, in her case, I believe is a large part of the basis for her attitudes.
Jennifer’s got it right. The woman is abominable; her looks are irrelevant, although central to her pointed head.
J— said,
July 27, 2008 at 20:22
For those who don’t click on the link, that seems to be K-Lo’s ENTIRE piece posted above. It’s not a summary!
The one thing left off from Lopez’s original post is the link to her June 2008 interview with Kathleen Parker entitled “Hail to the Male.” In that exchange Lopez asks:
Her priggishness is daunting.
tigrismus said,
July 27, 2008 at 20:26
The modern bikini as swimsuit is from 1946, and bikini-like garment depiction in art go back far longer. Maybe K Lo can bemoan the evils of National Geographic’s photos of topless women next, or perhaps libertine Greek urns, Egyptian papyri, and Paleolithic art.
mikey's Official Spokesperson said,
July 27, 2008 at 20:31
*AHEM*
Good afternoon, ladies, gentlemen and otherwise - gendered fellow human beings. I have a brief statement. mikey will not be weighing in on this particular discussion. He has learned from bitter experience that either there is no right position to take, of if there is, he is blindly unaware of what it is. While he does maintain certain opinions regarding the relative attractiveness of Katherine Jean, and, for that matter, her body mass index, he is completely unwilling to offer them in a public forum. And most importantly, should someone photoshop a sammich of gargantuan proportions into her possession, mikey will immediately issue a statement condemning such pointless and childish mockery. Uh, immediately after saving it to local storage that is.
Due to his position as a “liberal dude”, and a white one at that, mikey knows that his opinions on these matters may be considered inherently evil by those who oppose the patriarchy. And he believes that to be regrettable, even if it is beyond his control.
We believe that we can reach a near-universal consensus that KJ Lopez is a massive dickwad, a racist and a proponent of many positions antithetical to any modern view of how a democratic society should function, and we believe this consensus is enough to bind us together, no matter our minor differences on matters such as eyebrows, swimsuits or sammiches.
A reminder. Tomorrow we will be announcing our official position on Bon Jovi.
That concludes our statement. We will not be taking questions. Thank you all for coming…
mikey’s spokesperson
ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said,
July 27, 2008 at 20:37
A reminder. Tomorrow we will be announcing our official position on Bon Jovi.
There’s plenty of room left to weigh in on Jeff Godlstein’s
retirementgetting a real job.Tim (The Other One) said,
July 27, 2008 at 20:38
Is Tyson’s Corner a real place ? Like Mayberry ?
MzNicky said,
July 27, 2008 at 20:49
Totally O/T, but some dickwad just shot up a Universalist church here in K-town Tenn. I was away for the weekend and drove by the scene on my way home. Police cars, people milling about, but some of the churches down here in God’s country are usually so packed the police have to direct traffic when services let out, so I figured that’s what it was. Got home and heard about it on CNN. At least one dead, 7 at the hospital. Happened as children were presenting a play. Scuttlebutt is the shooter chose the Universalist church cuz they make it a point to welcome gays and immigrants, legal or not. Sounds like at least one of my university colleagues may have been there. No word on him yet.
Righteous Bubba said,
July 27, 2008 at 20:54
Sounds like at least one of my university colleagues may have been there. No word on him yet.
Good luck there. Hope all turns out as well as it can under the circumstances. Beware of scuttlebutt.
Woodrowfan said,
July 27, 2008 at 21:02
Tim (TOO) “real” is relative. It’s a very crowded part of Fairfax county (west of DC, inside the beltway) full of stores, restaurants and lots and lots of offices (govt and beltway bandits alike). Most hours of the day it’s traffic hell. There are two malls, both large and multi-leveled. Tysons II is where you go if your first car is a Jag and your kid drives a Mercedes. Tysons I (where the story takes place) keeps getting bigger and bigger. It’s a three or four level mall designed with the middle and upper-middle class customer in mind. It’s Bloomingdales not JC Pennys. I go there only for the movie theater (which is new and kind of nice) Saw Hellboy II there yesterday (not bad, 3 stars out of 5)
Mr. Wonderful said,
July 27, 2008 at 21:03
sophronia says:
I feel kind of sorry for K-Lo. Her writing always tries to spout the wingnut line, but she’s so tone-deaf she always messes it up somehow. Thus we get the lovely image of Dad going bikini shopping with a bunch of teenage girls, etc. She can’t even manage to blend in with this crowd of losers.
Nicely put. She’s like a high school girl aspiring to join the drama clique and hoping being stage manager will get her in.
I’d love to hide backstage and hear what Pantload, Ponnoru, and the rest of usual gang of idiots say about her. Or do they think she’s doing a fine job?
mikey said,
July 27, 2008 at 21:03
Ultimately, most of humanity’s most pressing issues can be traced directly back to greed or hate. Seems like we should be dealing with less of that at this point, not more.
Stay strong, MzN. If you break, you can’t help the tribe…
mikey
bernard quatermass said,
July 27, 2008 at 21:10
“maybe we wouldn’t be in such a mess with them using so many sex and drugs.”
Shouldn’t “sex” be plural? Sexim? Sexes? Or is “sex” plural for “sek”?
Once again Gary Ruppert’s awesome rhetorical powers have slain me.
Tim (The Other One) said,
July 27, 2008 at 21:14
shouldn’t that be “slowned” you ?
Hoosier X said,
July 27, 2008 at 21:25
Lay off, K-Lo.
The poor thing.
Let’s get back to some of the slightly less pathetic wingnut commentators and their red herrings, false dichotomies, straw man arguments and other sophistries.
Making fun of K-Lo reminds me of the awful feeling I used to get back in elementary school when the other kids would make fun of the retarded girl who allgedly had sex with a St. Bernard.
Righteous Bubba said,
July 27, 2008 at 21:36
The poor thing.
Also the poor creature.
Lesley said,
July 27, 2008 at 21:59
dad accompanying daughters on bathing suit shopping missions=total perv.
bodes ill for daughters’ male choices in future. oh look, suzie picked a control freak who won’t let her out of the house, see her friends…what are those bruises on suzie’s arms?
Rugged in Montana said,
July 27, 2008 at 22:19
Young ladies should have the modesty that our foremothers had, wearing black ankle-length, all-wool bathing costumes. As a nod to contemprary culture, however, I would suggest that these outfits be designed as crotchless, assless and having cut out circles on the chesticle area to allow the female breasts to “breathe” naturally.
Righteous Bubba said,
July 27, 2008 at 22:28
In Washington did K-J-L
A strict non-pleasure dome decree
Where Bush, the sacred leader, fell
From heaven down to loser’s hell
And yet she did not see.
Joe Max said,
July 27, 2008 at 22:50
My 13 year-old daughter is a straight-A student, a Black Belt in Tae Kwon Do, and wears a bikini with Jolly Rogers printed on it. Yes, she picked it out, and I was NOT there with her.
She’s also been to Burning Man three times before she was 10, played the Maiden in a neo-pagan revival of the Rites of Brigid, draws female super-hero forms in a style reminiscent of Boris Vallejo and Frank Frazetta, and when she finds alien tentacle hantai-porn on the Internet, she calls me over to laugh at it with her.
And for all this, she has no desire for teenage sex, “hooker” fashions or even dating. She thinks her “boy crazy” schoolmates are stupid, saying she has plenty of time for boys after she gets accepted to UC Berkeley or Stanford.
My advice to parents of teenage girls: take them to Burning Man. That gets them over the “forbidden fruit” fascination with drugs, nudity and sex real quickly.
Thers said,
July 27, 2008 at 23:59
Jeff Godlstein has left Protein Wisdom.
Actually, and predictably, he hasn’t. Someone left a comment insulting him & his kid in his Goodbye thread, and now he and his gang are posting the names, phone numbers, and street addresses of suspects. The not-departed is saying he wants to fight this person.
It’s pretty psychotic.
St. Benard said,
July 28, 2008 at 0:05
“Making fun of K-Lo reminds me of the awful feeling I used to get back in elementary school when the other kids would make fun of the retarded girl who allegedly had sex with a St. Bernard.”
Yeah, “allegedly.” ;)
kindness said,
July 28, 2008 at 0:52
OK, but here’s what’s wrong with this article…You get K-Lo within 100 yards of any body of water and you are going to see grizzled old salts wearing maniacal grins furiously sharpening their harpoons because they see the great white whale a-comin’. They want the one Captn Ahab could not get.
kobie said,
July 28, 2008 at 1:31
K-Lo? Bikini?
fap fap fap
Doctor Missus Marita said,
July 28, 2008 at 1:38
Ewwww… kobie just ruined the thread.
Matt T. said,
July 28, 2008 at 1:45
Joe Max,
My bosses daughter’s like that. Every year, the bossman throws a bacchanal at Christmas, and this girl’s seen the cream of Athens townie get shit-hammered, give each other dildos as presents, and gobble mushrooms in the coke room. She’s the most level-headed, mature teenager/young adult/hell, human being I’ve met.
A co-worker of ours grew up in a very strict, fundy household, and is getting ready to move out of her folks’ place and, I quote, “go buck wild”. Whatever that entails, and I’m sorta interested, personally.
Lesley said,
July 28, 2008 at 1:50
The K from ‘Lopanema
Short and squat and covered and stupid
The K from ‘Lopanema goes walking
And when she passes, each one she passes goes - aaaargh…
When she walks, she thunders like Mac Truck
swings and sways and stomps and yollers
and when she passes, each one she passes goes - splat!
(ooh) but I watch her No Sadly
How can I tell her I
love hercough sputter ahem no…I would excise my heart gladly
when each day she rolls to the sea
in her head-to-toe burqa for me
Short and squat and covered and loathesome
The K from ‘Lopanema goes romping
And when she passes, I blargh - but she doesn’t see (doesn’t see)
(she just doesnt see, she never sees me,…)
Argonaut said,
July 28, 2008 at 2:05
MzNicky sed, “Mocking males’ looks IS NOT THE SAME THING as mocking females’ looks. Lather, rinse, repeat, repeat, repeat.”
I don’t get it. Mocking stupidity is gender-free. Mocking ideology is gender-free. Why is there a difference between mocking K-Lo and the Doughboy’s mutual oversupply of adipose tissue?
Matt T. said,
July 28, 2008 at 2:43
Why is there a difference between mocking K-Lo and the Doughboy’s mutual oversupply of adipose tissue?
Because we men, collectively, just here recently, relatively speaking, were worth a shit beyond fuckability and/or/but not always making sure dinner’s on the goddamn table when we get home for work, ferchrissakes. Plus, and you gotta admit, we still live in a culture that values a woman’s gozongas over any actual ability. Doesn’t work that way with dudes, even fat dudes. You know Orsen Wells got all the nookie he could handle. I don’t understand why this is so goddamn difficult.
Matt T. said,
July 28, 2008 at 2:44
Rather, we men just here recently decided women were worth a shit here recently.
neal peart said,
July 28, 2008 at 2:44
In the midst of his GBCW post, Jeff Godlstein outs a commenter for saying truly mean things about his son.
Lesley said,
July 28, 2008 at 2:46
I hope no one is offended by the K from ‘Lopamena…
Brandi said,
July 28, 2008 at 2:59
I agree with the mockery of people’s looks being a negative and irrelevant practice. But you do have to fight fire with fire.
Better, we should fight this particular fire with Zappa.
“What’s the ugliest
Part of your body?
What’s the ugliest
Part of your body?
Some say your nose
Some say your toes
But I think it’s YOUR MIND….”
MzNicky said,
July 28, 2008 at 3:12
Thanks Matt T. Well done. Plus I’m fresh out of Feminism 101 primers.
Jeff Goldstein said,
July 28, 2008 at 3:15
Fuck all of you liberal fucking pickle sucking fucking douche bags who hate America and my son. I’ve got all your IP#s and I’m sooing you!
neal peart said,
July 28, 2008 at 3:31
That’s objectively funny, Jeff.
mikey said,
July 28, 2008 at 3:38
Yawn….
mikey
jim said,
July 28, 2008 at 3:50
kobie @ 1:31 - oh well, at least you didn’t call for “Rule 34″
OH SHI-
Woodrowfan said,
July 28, 2008 at 4:01
Matt T.: Athens townies? Athens GA or Athens OH??
Simba B said,
July 28, 2008 at 4:03
Matt T.: Athens townies? Athens GA or Athens OH??
I’m pretty sure Matt T. lives in GA.
Woodrowfan said,
July 28, 2008 at 4:05
Oh well, wrong Athens then.
Luna said,
July 28, 2008 at 4:13
shouldn’t that be “slowned” you ?
Slpwnd, even. :)
mikey said,
July 28, 2008 at 4:13
Since nothing else is happening around these parts tonight.
Thought I might share the email I sent to the Obama campaign today.
If any of y’all wanna borrow from it, please feel free…
Obama email 7/27
Senator Obama, I have so much respect for your willingness to speak honestly with your constituency. Why have you chosen to pander so venally on Iran?
You KNOW Iran is not a threat to America, nor is she a threat to Israel. You KNOW that all the evidence is Iran is not developing nuclear weapons. You must know that under the NPT, which unlike Israel and India, Iran is a signatory, Iran is perfectly entitled to develop the nuclear fuel cycle,enrich uranium and research and use nuclear technology for peaceful purposes. In fact, under the NPT, the IAEA and other nuclear nations are actually obligated to ASSIST Iran in the research and development of peaceful nuclear power. If anyone is in breach of the NPT, it is the US, Russia, England and France for not living up to their obligations to reduce nuclear stockpiles.
Indeed, a man of your knowledge and grasp of the issues must understand that to demand a negotiating partner essentially “lose” the negotiation merely to be allowed to participate in a negotiation is unfair and frankly, ridiculous. It is a negotiating position calculated to lead to confrontation, a position I’d expect from Dick Cheney, but one I am deeply disappointed to see from you.
I’d really like to know why you feel you cannot be honest with the American people in matters of Iran’s nuclear development program. Do you really think that the Americans that advocate killing Muslims for no other reason than they ARE Muslims are ever going to vote for you?
I was disgusted by your pandering capitulation on FISA, and your dishonesty around Iran is not helping. It is time you went back to being the candidate who could clearly be seen as the one providing a path back to sustainable democracy. Whoever is advising you is failing you badly. You can do better. We can do better.
Yes we can…
mikey
skippy said,
July 28, 2008 at 4:25
stop making fun of jeff goldstein! he quit blogging today! and now who’s going to slap our faces with his cock?
Jeff Godlstein said,
July 28, 2008 at 4:32
My cat’s breath smells like cat food!
Rightwingsnarkle said,
July 28, 2008 at 4:39
The modern bikini as swimsuit is from 1946…
And is named after a Pacific atoll that was the site of a very large U.S. nuclear weapons test.
The modern bikini is easier to remove.
Jeff Godlstein said,
July 28, 2008 at 4:43
This is where I met the leprechaun. He told me to burn things.
Principal Blackman said,
July 28, 2008 at 4:46
Our society is being overwhelmed by a tidal wave of obscene behavior and smutty imagery. I have recently become aware of a new foreign musical group know as ‘The Beatles’, whose shamelessly lascivious songs are incessantly broadcast over radio stations and beamed into our very own living rooms.
Hehindizzle. Our good buddy Mark Noonan is all over “permanent teenagers living a rock n’ roll deathstyle” (his hilarious turn of phrase, not mine).
Lesley said,
July 28, 2008 at 4:49
Forget bikinis. You want offensive? Try a Speedo!
(especially on men over 50)
ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said,
July 28, 2008 at 4:57
Lesley said,
July 28, 2008 at 4:49
Forget bikinis. You want offensive? Try a Speedo!
(especially on men over 50)
Banana Hammock, bay-bee!
ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said,
July 28, 2008 at 4:58
I wonder if Novak has one.
Righteous Bubba said,
July 28, 2008 at 4:59
(especially on men over 50)
Whew.
Anyway, Andy Rooney is still alive. Maybe somebody could read the list of ingredients on 60 Minutes and figure out just what the heck that Andy Rooney is doing in there, but I don’t think anybody reads that ingredients list anyway.
Jeff Godlstein said,
July 28, 2008 at 4:59
Hi, Super Nintendo Thunder!
ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said,
July 28, 2008 at 5:04
Jeff Godlstein said,
July 28, 2008 at 4:59
Hi, Super Nintendo Thunder!
I’ve heard that if you chant “Godlstein, Godlstein, Godlstein”, he shows up in your comments.
Jeff Godlstein said,
July 28, 2008 at 5:08
Me fail
Englishgrad school? That’s unpossible!Matt T. said,
July 28, 2008 at 5:25
Oh well, wrong Athens then.
Well, depends. Right now, it’s goddamn hot in Athens, Georgia.
Rightwingsnarkle said,
July 28, 2008 at 5:26
Banana Hammock, bay-bee!
Up here, we call ‘em ‘Grape Smugglers.’
ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said,
July 28, 2008 at 5:33
In Novak’s case, “Rasins in the Sun”.
ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said,
July 28, 2008 at 5:33
Raisins, damnit.
Stuart Eugene Thiel said,
July 28, 2008 at 5:51
Rightwingsnarkle: In fact, Bikini was the site of one of the first H-bomb tests. It’s not clear to me that liberals should approve of bikinis until they change the name.
More to the point, one-piece suits cut generously on the flanks are far sexier, IMHO, than bikinis anyway. They’re also, shall we say, more (small-d) democratic.
henry lewis said,
July 28, 2008 at 5:57
You want offensive? Try a Speedo!
Try naked Italians on Kuta beach during a Hindu ceremony honoring Bali bomb victims.
Okay, not offensive. How about awkward?
Anne Laurie said,
July 28, 2008 at 6:23
Women who were never good-looking become even more bitter towards the young ones who are as they enter middle age and realize that, even though they weren’t good looking in youth, that was as good as it was ever going to get for them, and they wasted those best years hating on all the girls their age who were better-looking instead of making the most of their brief window of opportunity when they looked the best they were ever going to look…
On the other hand, sometimes being “good looking” can warp a woman’s mind as badly as being “ugly” (read: not close enough to the prevailing cultural standards) can. For instance, I could make a good argument that the difference between Maureen Dowd and Molly Ivins is that Maureen was/is, by her own frequent self-assessment, “a pretty young thing”, “cute”, and “sexy”. The late great Ms. Ivins, on the other hand, said that once she realized “no six-foot-tall teenage girl was ever going to be elected homecoming queen at my Texas high school”, she could say, do, write whatever impermissable things she felt. Young women (still) have a saleability factor for the Power Elite, who tend (still) to be older men; being of an age to, in anthropologist-speak, visibly advertise peak fertility is a real advantage, but it’s an advantage with a shelf-life, and it takes upkeep. Batting one’s eyes and flashing one’s pert, shapely bosoms can get you that all-important first big break, but the hell of it is, once you take that advantage you’re never sure if you could have done it without your bosoms, which will require greater efforts & stronger corsetry to keep pert & shapely every year. (Hell, just allocating calories for cosmopolitinis on the stringent diet Dowd maintains would sour a warmer personality than she ever demonstrated.) But those of us who’ve had to rely, not necessarily by choice, on our wits and dedication for both career and social advancement can at least be sure that we’ve saved a lot of time and probably quite a few thousand dollars *not* having to live up to the prevailing top-of-the-media standards.
Incidentally, before any of you Young Things out there open a vein, I should point out that quite a few women are more attractive at 35 or 45 than they were at 15 or 25. And I don’t mean just Bea Arthur; Jacqueline Bouvier Kennedy Onassis, for instance, was a nondescript young thing as a debutante, and Meryl Streep was no Marilyn Monroe. And whatever Helen Mirren looks like in a bikini now, that wasn’t what got her to the place in her career where she could earn an Oscar. Quite a few women who’ve worked hard to be or stay Pretty Enough come into a whole new level of personal attractiveness when they eventually decide to devote all that energy to pursuits with a longer shelf life.
(And eventually those of us who’ve cherished our sense of humor and enjoyment of all life’s pleasures reach Nanny Ogg status, where people find us adorable for behaving the same way that got us in so much trouble back in high school.)
P.S. Am I really the only person who wondered if some part of K-Lo’s problems with other women’s looks began when she was 16 and her father went swimsuit-shopping with her? Especially if daddy’s veto was expressed along the lines of “Thank God I’ll never have to worry about ‘my little girl’ showing up in slut-wear like that”?
Snorghagen said,
July 28, 2008 at 6:50
Great link. Shorter Mark Noonan: ‘Stop all that fucking or millions more will die!!!’
The man does come up with some great lines…
“The sexual catastrophe we see around us…would have been averted had people just paid heed to Paul VI.”
“…the indiscriminate pile of depraved popular culture”
“sex is only responsible when it is contained within the bounds of marriage”
There’s also this intriguing glimpse of Noonan’s career as a horndog: “don’t think for a moment that I am standing on high as some pure man - heck no! I jumped into the sexual revolution feet first as soon as I got the opportunity.“
Snorghagen said,
July 28, 2008 at 6:54
Shorter Mark Noonan: ‘Stop all that fucking or millions more will die!!!’
The man does come up with some great lines…
The sexual catastrophe we see around us…would have been averted had people just paid heed to Paul VI.
the indiscriminate pile of depraved popular culture
sex is only responsible when it is contained within the bounds of marriage
There’s also this intriguing glimpse of Noonan’s career as a horndog: “don’t think for a moment that I am standing on high as some pure man - heck no! I jumped into the sexual revolution feet first as soon as I got the opportunity.”
(@#&%!!**%! wordpress!!!)
paul said,
July 28, 2008 at 7:00
Beauty is only skin deep but ugly goes to the bone . . . Ms (Miss?) Lopez’s attitudes are ugly and her physical appearance — indicative of poor self-control and responsibility — is fair game. If these blockheads want to claim moral superiority while stuffing themselves with Cheetos and Mountain Dew, they should expect to be called on it.
Lesley said,
July 28, 2008 at 7:11
I cheer all women who feel comfortable in bikinis. I wouldn’t be caught dead in one because I’m vain and care what people think. People do judge and make fun of those less fortunate and well…I don’t happen to have a thick skin and there’s no point in sitting on the beach feeling like shit because you’re hyper aware of your own flaws. Personally, I would love it if those top to bottom Victorian suits were all the rage. It would be a God send for those whose vanity and sensitivity prevent us from leaping about the beach enjoying ourselves like everybody else.
K-Lo’s prudishness may emanate from some deep self-hatred, who knows? But there are plenty of women who look like K-Lo and wear bikinis, spandex, and other revealing garb and don’t care what anyone thinks.
GSD said,
July 28, 2008 at 7:48
Is wrong to wonder if LucyAnn ever took young Jonah shopping for a Speedo?
-GSD
Argonaut said,
July 28, 2008 at 8:19
“Thanks Matt T. Well done. Plus I’m fresh out of Feminism 101 primers.”
No, I’m not buying it. That isn’t Feminism 101, it’s Princess 101. You want equality, let’s see some balance. Tell me what is off-limits for snarking a male, but not for a female.
PS, “Humor isn’t pretty.” (Steve Martin)
Red said,
July 28, 2008 at 8:24
GSD:
It’s not wrong to wonder it, but it’s a mortal sin to post it.
I’m going to go scrub my brain with a Brillo pad now.
Smut Clyde said,
July 28, 2008 at 8:32
Completely OT — but I’m in Seattle for a couple of days, and intend to spend some time tomorrow evening sampling brew-pub bevvies. Probably at Elysium, unless I can be bothered with catching the bus down to Pyramid. But I am open to suggestions and recommendations. Proximity to the Moore Hotel is a factor.
I promise not to wear a bikini.
Hoosier X said,
July 28, 2008 at 8:54
Was one of those Jeff Goldsteins the real one?
Is there such a thing?
islmfaoscist said,
July 28, 2008 at 9:39
And if she reads this, I’d like to point out, from one mutt to another, that a twinkle in the eye and willingness to swallow go a long way to way to offset the negatives of looks.
Just Alison, without Qetesh said,
July 28, 2008 at 10:06
Note: I’m at the beach this weekend
And are you wearing a bikini?
Just Alison, without Qetesh said,
July 28, 2008 at 10:44
Anne Laurie said,
July 28, 2008 at 6:23
Hats off to Anne Laurie, who said it far clearer than I ever could.
Plus, I’ve always felt kinda weird in a bikini (not that I’ve worn one in centuries), because even though I had a pretty fine bod in my yoof, I got that bod through swimming training. And swimming training required Speedos (they were invented here, dammit, and I’m proud of ‘em!). Every time I tried to go in the water wearing something other than Speedos, I felt like the damn things would just wash off.
This feeling was reinforced by the occasions on which the damn things did wash off, or nearly so. I have cringeworthy memories of leaping out of the ocean to find that my bikini top hadn’t. There’s no feeling quite like the one you get when you’ve realised you’ve just shown your boosies to several thousand strangers.
I’ll stick with the Speedos, if it’s all the same to you.
Beywatch said,
July 28, 2008 at 11:03
Gals should be respectably sexy when a gentleman caller is in attendance. A sort of Ann Coulter restraint and Michelle Malkin wholesomeness. Those are gals who know how titillate a young swain at an abstinence support meeting.
When the Rubberbands of Righteousness are twisted around the young healthy scrotums by the Handmaidens of Discipline. Then when the Hot Sealing Wax of Absolution is applied it will not be some barely dressed strumpet in the mind of young Biff or Brad but a frilly young filly saving herself who is not a sibling.
MzNicky said,
July 28, 2008 at 13:18
Anne Laurie, as usual, nails it with skill and grace.
Argonaut: As I said, I’m fresh out of Introductory Feminism tracts. If you’re seriously that clueless about cultural sexism — and your observations, unfortunately, indicate that you are — you need much more information that I can provide in the context of a comment at a blog. (Clue No. 1: Drop the “Princess” business.) Plus it would probably set off yet another tiresome flame war, which can be excruciatingly boring.
However, I’d be happy to recommend some reading materials.
ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said,
July 28, 2008 at 13:27
Hoosier X said,
July 28, 2008 at 8:54
Was one of those Jeff Goldsteins the real one?
No.
You can tell the real thing: the shorter version is still several paragraphs too long.
P.S. More pasty.
pedestrian said,
July 28, 2008 at 13:39
No, I’m not buying it. That isn’t Feminism 101, it’s Princess 101. You want equality, let’s see some balance. Tell me what is off-limits for snarking a male, but not for a female
Also, black people are the real racists because they are the only ones talking about race. Plus, they say n*gger, but won’t let white people say it. Discrimination!
Positively Contrary said,
July 28, 2008 at 13:48
I believe you’ll find that the converse, however, does not necessarily hold.
jenniebee said,
July 28, 2008 at 14:20
If this is what happens when she reads an article about bikinis, I shudder to think of what her reaction would be if she ever got hold of a Liz Phair album.
(Lex) Ivo Shandor (Azagthoth) said,
July 28, 2008 at 14:39
That’s it, this means war. How dare she knock the bikini! ARGHHH!! My favorite article of clothing.
Thunder, perfect 1st comment…..LOL!
Mary, how is it that some of those “burkini” models end up looking like Oompa Loompas in those suits? How odd.
Jennie–or PJ Harvey; I think 50 Foot Queenie would give her a heart attack as she sputters her last words, “Obey the menfolk”!
daenku32 said,
July 28, 2008 at 14:47
Well, maybe the women will luck out and we’ll all turn gay.
ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said,
July 28, 2008 at 14:49
Lex, here’s even more disturbing Obama news.
D.N. Nation, back from a weekend vacation said,
July 28, 2008 at 15:26
I see we had yet another debate about the awful awfulness of lookism.
I am so sorry I missed this.
Dragon-King Wangchuck said,
July 28, 2008 at 15:29
Having forsworn fat-jokes and lookism well over a week ago, I feel perfectly morally justified in the following statement:
You can tell K-Lo is ugly even with your eyes closed.
OR, if that doesn’t piss you off enough
Woodrowfan said,
July 28, 2008 at 15:43
Rule 34 ALERT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Woodrowfan said,
July 28, 2008 at 15:45
Otherwise known as his little raisin muffins of love.
Argonaut said,
July 28, 2008 at 16:31
Just to be clear, as a general principle I would not call either a woman or a man fat (or ugly or stupid) because it is hurtful. However, I fail to see why it is *worse* to use it on a woman, just because the woman allegedly would be more insulted than a man. Even if that’s true, pain is pain. Elevating a woman’s right to remain unharmed by fat jokes to ‘feminism’ is ridiculous. Feminism is advocacy of the rights of women *based on the theory of equality of the sexes*.
Plus, this is a blog dedicated to snark. Fat jokes are coin of the realm. I shall now retire until someone comes up with the insult that hurts men more than women, at which point I, a man, will manfully assault an altar-person.
Dreamweasel said,
July 28, 2008 at 16:42
Argonaut, women are judged by their appearance to a significantly greater degree than men in this society. You don’t hear people screaming “Fat! Fat! FAT!!!” at a guy who’s 5 pounds overweight. Since men really aren’t subjected to that level of scrutiny, it just makes us look like smug, bullying assholes when we do it.
Yeah, it’s a double standard. You may not like it, but that doesn’t make it any less true.
Nim, ham hock of liberty said,
July 28, 2008 at 16:51
“I jumped into the sexual revolution feet first as soon as I got the opportunity.”
i.e., “The day I found that bottle of Jergens, whole new worlds opened up to me.”
Now you have thought about Mark Noonan gratifying himself. My work here is done.
Righteous Bubba said,
July 28, 2008 at 16:55
Site notes: I followed up Simba’s Ettish comment and it didn’t make it into the RSS feed although it did make it to the page.
Matt T. said,
July 28, 2008 at 16:56
PS, “Humor isn’t pretty.” (Steve Martin)
Well, for one, you’re not Steve Martin. For two, if you make a joke that is sexist, you don’t get a free pass from being sexist just because it’s a joke, okay? For three, it’s got nothing to do with who’s “more insulted” or “more sensitive”, it’s got to do with a culture that’s sexist and anti-woman almost to the core and, as I said, we just got around to agreeing that, for example, that a woman might could actually be the fucking president of the country and not bust a gut laughing, or didn’t you notice. Hell, “she was asking for it” is still considered a legitimate defense against rape by a lot of dudes. There’s still a wage gap between men and women. For fuck’s sake, viagra’s covered by many health care plans while there’s a movement to allow pharmacists to refuse giving birth control if their skewered, dumbass take on religion forbids it. I really don’t understand what’s so complicated about this.
Personally, I say go ahead and make all the fat jokes you want. Just do me one favor and quit all the whining when someone calls you out if those jokes are sexist. You don’t get special dispensation just because this is a humor site, so be a man and quit your bellyaching. And maybe if you keep getting called out for sexist jokes, maybe you need to think about just where your head’s at. But for Elvis’ sake, quit asking for special favors.
Argonaut said,
July 28, 2008 at 17:41
“Just do me one favor and quit all the whining when someone calls you out if those jokes are sexist… etc etc etc”
I didn’t make any sexist jokes (I *asked* about allegedly sexist insults), so obviously I’m not whining about it. What I am seeing is a lot of pearl-clutching, and still no answer to my question.
J— said,
July 28, 2008 at 17:51
An update on the shooting MzNicky mentioned: Surprise, surprise.
annejumps said,
July 28, 2008 at 17:52
What I am seeing is a lot of pearl-clutching, and still no answer to my question.
Then you’re not looking, because it’s been answered several times. If you don’t like the answer you’re getting, then, say that, not that no one’s answered you.
Matt T., I think I have a new e-crush.
Righteous Bubba said,
July 28, 2008 at 18:02
What I am seeing is a lot of pearl-clutching, and still no answer to my question.
You received an answer almost immediately to the fat jokes question.
In any case I’ll give a different, more functional answer for the site: you have to be really really funny to get away with a fat joke because most of them are completely lame. I myself reserve the right to make them - I’ll never forget the overall girth of politicians on Egyptian political posters as opposed to the skinny fuckers walking down the street and I think even in tubby Western countries there’s a point there - but in general I leave ‘em alone, um, except for that “creature” crack above which I insist is about moral monstrosity only!!!
The very very funny Lawnguylander once made the excellent point that many folks who are entertaining and funny and share our interests get somewhat choked at such jokes and sometimes never come back: it’s not worth the loss of those folks to hold on to she-sits-around-the-house as some kind of golden principle of comedy.
Matt T. said,
July 28, 2008 at 18:03
Argonaut,
For what it’s worth, I was using the “royal you” and speaking to all whiny, thin-skinned dudes - particularly ones who break their arms slapping themselves on the back for being so liberal all the time - who bellyache about how unfair they can’t make sexist (or racist or homophobic or whatever) jokes when the poor white male is so oppressed that he can be made fun of. You just took shrapnel, is all. You got the only answer there is, and if you don’t like it, that’s not my problem.
annejumps,
Nah. I’m a horrible person. Ugly, too.
Matt T. said,
July 28, 2008 at 18:04
And Righteous Bubba is smarter than me, anyway, even if he does have questionable opinions about music and movies.
D.N. Nation said,
July 28, 2008 at 18:08
Hey, anyone here checked out the new Hold Steady album? Solid, if not exactly groundbreaking, stuff once again. And if there’s ever been a band that knew how to bring it on the album-closer, it’s those guys.
I’m usually too into list-making for my own good (already got a Best Of The Bush Administration mix in the ol’