Jul
13
13
Putting Down an Insurgency
Two minor players in the VideoWars, Roxanne and Tim F., are trying to weaken our resolve by firing some quick hit-and-run attacks. Needless to say, we are prepared to put down this pathetic rebellion with swift and ruthless brutality:
I’m sorry I had to do that, guys. But you left me with no options.
Gavin adds: I saw something moving in that rubble. Hit ‘em again.
UPDATE: Evil terror criminal Marita launches weapon of “mass” destruction by Fr. Stan Fortuna, the rapping Franciscan (aieee)!!
Shygetz said,
July 13, 2006 at 18:25
Now I must hurt you.
Fo’ shizzle.
J— said,
July 13, 2006 at 18:31
From Robert Greene’s The 48 Laws of Power:
Law 48a. Do not emulate Smitty.
tg said,
July 13, 2006 at 18:36
We’re here to praise god in Orange County
Whether you’re a hillbilly or Canadian Mountie …
Holy mackeral.
We’re here to praise god in downtown Boise
Whether you’re a Russkie or a homey from Joisey …
Roxanne said,
July 13, 2006 at 18:38
Minor? Would Nimitz have deafeated the Japanese in the Battle of Saipan if not for the heroic bravery of one 1PFC Guy “Gabby” Gabaldon? I think not.
Gavin M. said,
July 13, 2006 at 18:44
Rox, you launched a Jefferson Starship bomb, then didn’t even collect the dead and wounded afterwards. Honestly, The 5,000 Fingers of Dr. T is a fearsome weapon indeed, but civilized states must regard you as a lawless entity unprotected by international treaty.
Mark said,
July 13, 2006 at 18:50
Oh why won’t you lay down your weapons?
I fire at you Robin Williams singing…
Ya know, if enough of us “minor” attackers group up…
tigrismus said,
July 13, 2006 at 18:59
I wonder what spirit he’s filled with. And what proof it is.
heydave said,
July 13, 2006 at 19:02
Oh, great. And meanwhile, the rest of us become our very own pile of collateral damage.
Marita said,
July 13, 2006 at 19:07
I’m with Mark… we should group up and form an Axis of… Really Annoying.
To that end, I see your Smitty, Brad, and raise you Fr. Stan Fortuna.
Anyone else care to join us?
Rox Populi said,
July 13, 2006 at 19:24
When They Launch Their Impotent Sortis…
…we respond with shock and awe….
J— said,
July 13, 2006 at 19:31
To the Sadly, No! Command: This serves to inform you we have detonated the Charo bomb in hopes of opening a new, bilingual front.
Mark S. said,
July 13, 2006 at 19:55
I’ll join the Axis. How about a little duet between Mae West and Alice Cooper?
Mark said,
July 13, 2006 at 19:55
Yes, lets start the Axis of the Really Annoying!
Can I be the North Korea of it?
haze4horses said,
July 13, 2006 at 20:02
“droppin my bootie like the walls of Jehrico” that’s one dope ryhme.
OutOfContext said,
July 13, 2006 at 20:06
All right you all. Now I’ve Got A Man in the fight
Marita said,
July 13, 2006 at 20:27
Can I be the North Korea of it?
Sure thing, Mark! (And nice one on the Mae/Alice, Mark S.!)
But if we’re going to do this axis thing right, we really should coordinate our weapons. I’d hate for two of us to launch the same Philip Michael Thomas song at once. That would just be embarrassing.
Tell you what. If you want to join up, go here, and shoot me an e-mail. It’s safe – the faint of heart will never make it past the insane yodeling dutchman. Once we’re all in, we can plan an attack that Sadly, No! will never forget…
(Bwa ha ha ha!)
TC said,
July 13, 2006 at 20:29
See.
Once you’ve commenced with the military attacks, you spend all your time trying to quell insurgencies and protect your flanks.
Meanwhile, Mari’e”” Jon’ and Swank go unridiculed.
Really, wouldn’t it have been better to negotiate?
BenA said,
July 13, 2006 at 20:30
Good Lord! Couldn’t the Franciscans just make beer or jam like the Trappists…or at least adopt a vow of silence?
Some Guy said,
July 13, 2006 at 20:50
…Did he just turn an Apollo rocket into a SUNDAE?! That’s effed up, man.
Mark S. said,
July 13, 2006 at 20:56
OT, but since TC brought him up, here’s the title to one of Swank’s more recent columns:
Congregational Church Refuses To Honor God’s Period
What denomination is Swank again?
Socraticsilence said,
July 13, 2006 at 21:07
C’mon where’s the sphincter tightening majesty of Baby Got Book: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d5Zvq8EBwZI&search=Baby%20got%20book
Some Guy said,
July 13, 2006 at 21:14
I smell Inquisitions, Mark S.! Hooray!
Patkin said,
July 13, 2006 at 21:26
Once again, I must unleash the superiority of the commentariat!
Rejoice in your destruction, bitches!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ltfPyxWPqpQ : Pizzicato 5 – Twiggy Twiggy
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AQ_z6fsZfpo : Dynamite Hack – Boyz In The Hood (oh yes, I went there.)
Answer to that, fools.
Mark said,
July 13, 2006 at 21:28
OH- Nr., ist es singendes Falco “schaukelt mich Amadeus”… auf Deutsch! Oder ich denke auf Deutsch.
OutOfContext said,
July 13, 2006 at 21:36
Mark S.
Swank claims to be pastor of an “independent, evangelical church”, but there seems to be considerable doubt that the church itself exists. Witness this classic exchange on a discussion board a year ago. “item” as Swank refers to himself, loses it on page two in an all caps frenzy. “”Atheists don’t deserve replies for they believe in nothing so why supply them with something,” is my favorite quote.
BenA said,
July 13, 2006 at 21:44
I think I have discovered the true Nigerien yellowcake of the VideoWars, an artist whose as yet undiscovered video, if actually found, would blow the lid off this whole clamebake. I give you…Der Falsche Heino!
According to my German sources, this guy is believe it or not, some sort of a Heino parodist. Apparently, der echte Heino (whose performance of “Blau Blueht der Enzian” was fired off in some minor skirmish early in this war) has little sense of humor and has sued poor FH. So far as I can tell, there are no Falsche Heino videos available on line. But if we were to ever find one…
OutOfContext said,
July 13, 2006 at 21:44
I have contacted the French Resistance and passed the codeword ‘gondry’. Le Mia.
Huntly said,
July 13, 2006 at 22:28
Watch out you might lose your shirt.
Bas-O-Matic said,
July 13, 2006 at 23:03
I’m sorry. But I think Roxanne killed us all by posting a video of the Osmands. Trying to rock.
The horror……The Horror……..
That said, prepare for incoming Welk, infidels.
Prepare to kiss your ass Bye Bye
Welket Underground
Close Encounters of the Welk Kind
The sound of your doom goesOompahpah Ooompahpah Oompah oompah Oompahpah
Chicken Dance Bitches
(Not strictly a video and not really annoying so much as what the fuck)
Socraticsilence said,
July 13, 2006 at 23:04
Hey-
The dynamite hack video doesn’t count its intentionally like that, and actually pretty cool.
Gentlewoman said,
July 13, 2006 at 23:16
This is never going to end, is it?
OutOfContext said,
July 13, 2006 at 23:45
It ends for me Gentlewoman as I salt the earth behind me by answering the question “Who’s Yehoodi?“
Spencer said,
July 13, 2006 at 23:51
I must reiterate, that I find Smitty kind of hot. Especially in the bathtub. Damn those OC white boys and their dropping booty!
JackGoff said,
July 14, 2006 at 1:06
Found this on Wikipedia:
- Smitty has two younger brothers and sisters. He is currently paying for one of his sisters college education.
He’s a bad rapper, but he’s a good guy it seems.
JackGoff said,
July 14, 2006 at 1:10
OutofContext, consider the ground burned, pillaged, raped, and salted. That video fucking sucks.
Doodle Bean said,
July 14, 2006 at 2:43
Nein. The false Heine is Dutch, I think. Although it could be Danish. I don’t read either, but do read German and he is not that.
jrm78 said,
July 14, 2006 at 2:48
Prepare for your imminent annihilation:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iKL_1XXxzbM – dropping pamphlets warning the civilians
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3Hf47J_UO1c – the air raid sirens sound
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cxOlKvvLXP8 – the flash from the initial blast sends the remaining populace into a mania
Their mania is short lived as they are vaporized because…
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RzXKySxPFCI – The Bea-Bomb has been dropped, I repeat, the Bea-Bomb has been dropped!
Doodle Bean said,
July 14, 2006 at 3:04
Ja. It’s Dutch.
tigrismus said,
July 14, 2006 at 3:07
I think jrm78 wins the internets. The smoldering burned out hulk which is all that’s left of it, anyway.
jrm78 said,
July 14, 2006 at 3:45
tigrismus said,
I think jrm78 wins the internets. The smoldering burned out hulk which is all that’s left of it, anyway.
Well, they always say that after the bomb drops we’ll see Shangri-La or Xanadu.
The Xanadu is a slightly different version than the ONJ version.
hocus pocus alamagokus.
Ben in VA said,
July 14, 2006 at 4:20
Uh…does this count?
jeff said,
July 14, 2006 at 6:46
good lord please! stop! it!
My skin hurts even….so bad
BenA said,
July 14, 2006 at 7:25
Nein. The false Heine is Dutch, I think. Although it could be Danish. I don’t read either, but do read German and he is not that.
The website is certainly Dutch, but I believe that Der falsche Heino himself is German. At any rate, my personal source of information darüber ist deutsch.
Jefe said,
July 14, 2006 at 20:35
If Sadly, No! needs a counter attack, feel free to use Baby Got Book.
No Stomach For the Fight | Actors Blog Part Of Skylith.com said,
August 6, 2007 at 12:44
[...] cover my strategic retreat in the Sadly, No video wars by answering the question, Who’s [...]