Jul
8
8
Dolchstoss! Dolchstoss!
Jesus’s General has stabbed the blogosphere in the back with Tiny Tim doing ‘Do Ya Think I’m Sexy.’
And now for the doomsday weapon:
True, we’re sitting on a pile of rubble and ashes and human bones, covered in boils, fighting each other for rat carcasses and looted antibiotics. But General, did you mean ‘doomsday weapon?’ I thought you said ‘doomsday weapon,’ but there must be some mistake somewhere.
mikey said,
July 8, 2006 at 23:05
OK, I give up. I confess. I don’t GET it. It doesn’t make any sense. Maybe it’s just my age, but you guys have lost me. *AHEM* Lemme point something out to all you loonies. This shit is PAINFUL to watch. That means it is NOT FUN to watch. It causes dizzyness, nausea, vommiting, headaches and fever. Now that can be tolerated in a prostate medication, but in a music video? It’s the end of the movie and I’m standing over the bodies and screaming: WWWWHHHHHYYYYYY?????!!!!!!!
I’ll czech back for wingnuts in party hats…
mikey
justin said,
July 8, 2006 at 23:05
Holy shit crap.. WTF??
That is worse than Atlas Pammy.
Brad R. said,
July 8, 2006 at 23:10
I don’t GET it. It doesn’t make any sense. Maybe it’s just my age, but you guys have lost me. *AHEM* Lemme point something out to all you loonies. This shit is PAINFUL to watch.
It’s a generational thing. Those of us born from the mid-70’s to mid-80’s can’t get enough of this shit.
kenlac said,
July 8, 2006 at 23:18
Guys, the war is over, mutually assured distruction has occured and you’re just wandering around the post-apocalypse landscape like spaced-off Kevin Costner/Don Johnson characters now.
Brad R. said,
July 8, 2006 at 23:20
Guys, the war is over, mutually assured distruction has occured and you’re just wandering around the post-apocalypse landscape like spaced-off Kevin Costner/Don Johnson characters now.
We have one special surprise lined up for tomorrow.
Otto Man said,
July 8, 2006 at 23:32
It’s a generational thing. Those of us born from the mid-70’s to mid-80’s can’t get enough of this shit.
I’ve seen the future, and I fear it.
Jillian said,
July 8, 2006 at 23:43
I think I may have found a new logo for you guys.
JL said,
July 8, 2006 at 23:48
So is there a prize for the fools among us who actually tried to listen to all the songs?? Ear plugs might be nice.
Mark said,
July 8, 2006 at 23:56
Game, Set, Match.
oudemia said,
July 9, 2006 at 0:00
I knew Foot Foot would usher in the apocalypse.
(Oh, hey, and it’s about a kitten!)
blogenfreude said,
July 9, 2006 at 0:01
Brad R. – don’t you think just any dilletante could beat you with a 90s Cher music video? That’d stun you to the point where we could finish you off with a Billy Joel or two … just askin’.
Matt Browner-Hamlin said,
July 9, 2006 at 0:05
I think France just surrendered.
oudemia said,
July 9, 2006 at 0:07
I’ll bet Jonah spends all of next week posting these.
HelenWheels said,
July 9, 2006 at 0:13
Speaking as a sputtering and near-death casualty, I certainly hope nobody will stoop low enough to steal my gold fillings or baubles off my person. Man that was painful. I love animals but I found myself wanting to kill Foot Foot AND the weird chubby-kneed band.
patriotboy said,
July 9, 2006 at 0:24
OK, I surrendered.
Robin Grant said,
July 9, 2006 at 0:30
Gary Newman
Cars
It was incredible at the time because the effects were done in video post, which was insanelt expensive. And at the time it was all state-of-the-art.
I saw that video when it came out, back when MTV had NO commercials at all, ever and only ever played music videos. ONLY music videos and nothing else!
mdhatter said,
July 9, 2006 at 0:46
ow. ow. ow. ow. ow. ow. ow .
K. Ron Silkwood said,
July 9, 2006 at 0:51
*sob* Once we rebuild the Internets they’ll just use them for evil again.
Morse said,
July 9, 2006 at 0:52
Here’s one last cannister of depleted sarin gas for your arsenal.
Bistroist said,
July 9, 2006 at 0:53
That Pat Boone/Metallica cover reminded me of Mike Flowers Pops, and not in a good way.
Bistroist said,
July 9, 2006 at 0:57
Good find, Morse. That’s the most effeminate Norse god I’ve seen in a while, Mjollnir looked like it was made out of tinfoil and cardboard.
Elmer Tiberius Fudd said,
July 9, 2006 at 0:59
How about: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aVWhVSPngBw&search=yes%20music
jcricket said,
July 9, 2006 at 1:11
…France surrendered? So, big deal. France is always surrendering.
Brad R. said,
July 9, 2006 at 1:16
Here’s one last cannister of depleted sarin gas for your arsenal.
Our arsenal is nowhere near finished. No. Where. Near. It. Just. You. Wait.
By tomorrow, this place known popularly as “The Internets” will cease to exist.
jrm78 said,
July 9, 2006 at 1:17
If this is the post-apocalypse, then we’ll need to re-plant the world.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fiMNwYAgq3o
(terrible rip, I know)
Night of the Lepus said,
July 9, 2006 at 1:20
This has been super fuckin’ awesome, the best battle of the suck I’ve ever seen. I’m just surprised nobody broke out any Yoko Ono, or Chunky A.
Morse said,
July 9, 2006 at 1:32
The scary part, Bistroist, is that I remember seeing on the Merv Griffin show. But I survived it once, I can survive it again.
citizen k said,
July 9, 2006 at 1:43
You kids are so dependent on video that you underestimate the power of the written word. Let’s see some pathetic video more revolting, mind destroying, and destructive to all that is human than these words from the mind of a master – curses to Michael Berube for publicizing it first.
Gary Ruppert said,
July 9, 2006 at 2:06
The fact is that you losers at Sadly, No! are unclear on the concept of this “horrible video” war.
The Shaggs kick ass, as did that Tiny Tim video.
What you need to be seeking out are songs and/or videos representing “popular entertainment” so mindbendingly awful that they open up for the listener/viewer a vision of the abyss. That Billy Squier/Stryper/Superbowl Shuffle, etc., stuff is definitely the way to go.
If you were to post a video by the Electric Eels performing “Agitated,” the Keggs performing “Girl,” Iggy smearing peanut butter on himself, or the Troggs performing, well, a lot of their songs, that would not be the way to go.
No need to thank me, I’m just here to help.
Gentlewoman said,
July 9, 2006 at 2:14
Well. Thanks to all concerned for a perfectly beastly afternoon. If I wanted to relive my sordid past, I would dig up some targets and do it up right. BTW, I hope that this:
We have one special surprise lined up for tomorrow.
is a joke, Bradrocket. Because I don’t think my remaining neurons can handle another day like today.
Gary Ruppert said,
July 9, 2006 at 2:23
I notice that Taco looks quite a bit like Markos.
Coincidence, moonbats?
Todd said,
July 9, 2006 at 2:32
Jandek, Jandek, Jandek
Oh, I’m sorry. I thought this was the request line.
Lancelot Link said,
July 9, 2006 at 2:33
if you listen to the Shaggs enough, they become good!
I’m surprised nobody deployed the Heino;
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PgLrf0wrogM
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1Q0-rh7F-64
Jim said,
July 9, 2006 at 2:57
No one is using entries from the Eurovision Song Contest yet…the fighting has only just begun…
Lancelot Link said,
July 9, 2006 at 2:58
Here’s some more GOOD bad music
BJ Snowden (a wonderful human being, by the way) for your listening pleasure;
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HDVDqJ7o8LE
and the multitalented Herve Villachaize
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qknoN-mZAFE
and a shout out to the wingnuts!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AwVatoUfty8
Mal de mer said,
July 9, 2006 at 3:42
*gehn*…Also. Was passiert hier eigentlich?
Bas-O-Matic said,
July 9, 2006 at 3:44
BOOOOOOOOOOOOM!\
WHAAAAAAAAAAAAM!
WHOOOOOOMP!
Bllllaaaaaaam
KBLOOOOOOOOOOOW!
BAAAAAAAAAAM
BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAM (How this wasn’t deployed is beyond me.)
KAblOOOOOOOOOOOey!
I think I sunk your battleship.
Central Texas Curmugeon said,
July 9, 2006 at 3:46
So, speaking as a guy who has installed phlash on only one computer that is never turned on, (Why? see above), when do you think you folks will get back to writing? English would be nice, but Spanish, French, or almost any other means to elucidate a thought would do.
cheers,
Jon H said,
July 9, 2006 at 3:51
Just in case you need some more ammunition, I give you:
A music video by Brigitte Nielsen and Falco
Planet B said,
July 9, 2006 at 3:59
Who else would you want to hang out with in a post-apocalyptic world than William Shatner?
“Singing” Rocket Man, no less…
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jx6VgkeMZVw
Bas-O-Matic said,
July 9, 2006 at 3:59
Kablow was ’sposed to be to a samantha fox video. Oh well.
(Also, is that Dweezil Zappa in that Don Johnson video?)
J Johnson said,
July 9, 2006 at 4:03
Sure, sure, you rock the bad 80’s tunes, but YOU FORGOT POLAND!!!
Identical twin monsters are overtaking Poland while you trade gut-sickening music: http://news.monstersandcritics.com/europe/article_1179132.php/Kaczynski_twins_take_power_in_Poland__Roundup_
J— said,
July 9, 2006 at 4:11
Yes, it is Dweezil.
Planet B said,
July 9, 2006 at 4:14
I leapt before I looked…
Leonard Nimoy’s Ballad of Bilbo Baggins
mikey said,
July 9, 2006 at 4:21
Who else would you want to hang out with in a post-apocalyptic world than William Shatner?
“Singing� Rocket Man, no less…
I am willing to confess I have William Shatner’s cover of Pulp’s “Common People” on my iPod, along with the original. I actually like it. And Dio? Sorry, I’m a genuine Dio fan. Great lyrics, and “Rainbow in the Dark” was the soundtrack to Katrina….
mikey
Bas-O-Matic said,
July 9, 2006 at 4:25
Even worse Richard Marx. God that man is wanker for filling my head with his crap.
Samantha Fox
The Editors favorite hair metal group sings the praises of statutory rape
This song ruined an enitire summer because some dork who lived in my apartment complex literally filled both sides of a tape with this song and played it over and over and over again at the pool.
Meanwhile the rest of a rudderless post Peter Gabriel Genesis gets in on the action
Oompapamowmow, bitches
Eli Rabett said,
July 9, 2006 at 5:00
Wurzels in space
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yfePYukBfYU&search=combine%20harvester
or
http://tinyurl.com/hmok6
g said,
July 9, 2006 at 5:20
Please make it stop.
g said,
July 9, 2006 at 5:22
I spent an entire summer in 1982 collecting unemployment, sweating in a rental house with 6 other people, drinking generic beer and playing Mah-jhong (the real kind, not the computer kind) with MTV on 24 hours a day.
This brings back horrible horrible memories.
Sean said,
July 9, 2006 at 5:23
Y’all are just wasting your time screwing with those pop guns
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GQdp68zsK4I
Doodle Bean said,
July 9, 2006 at 5:26
The Thor guy is choking his hammer!
Lancelot Link said,
July 9, 2006 at 6:03
Thor vs Satan
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eEyjQzogIkc
Thor today
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=imrMMXnsqVY
Dan Someone said,
July 9, 2006 at 6:27
I can’t tell you guys how fucking glad I am I foresaw all this devastation and launched myself into space in my new transhuman cyborg body.
Bas-O-Matic said,
July 9, 2006 at 7:08
I can’t tell you guys how fucking glad I am I foresaw all this devastation and launched myself into space in my new transhuman cyborg body.
You know, I’m sad to say that I’d rather live in a world in which the Astley has been unleashed than to spend eternity with a cybernetic Glenn Reynolds hehing and indeeding to the ends of the cosmos.
Retsesivi said,
July 9, 2006 at 7:13
I know the war is won and all and I know this is from the nineties, but it does straddle the horrible / brilliant thing quite nicely.
Oasis Wonderwall as done by The Mike Flowers Pops
Oh, btw, where’s Retardo? Did pasty’s flying monkey brigades finally get to him?
chris p said,
July 9, 2006 at 7:16
the shaggs have a music video? what?!?!? nooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!11111111111!!!!!!!1111111oneoneone.
i still think the carl lewis video wins.
Retsesivi said,
July 9, 2006 at 7:23
shit, bitroist beat me to it. that’s what i get for skimming the comments.
chimpy mcflightsuit said,
July 9, 2006 at 8:24
hello people – have i just missed it, or is this whole war missing onen of the all time great annoying bands of all time! Before he was “wanting your sex” before he was busted “getting that sex” in a park bathroom, he was the lead man for my all time most annoying band, and song, the one that will not leave your head, no matter how much you drink, the one the only
WAHM – WAKE ME UP, BEFORE YOU GO GO
don’t leave me hanging on like a yoyo..wake me up, before you go go, and we’ll go dancin tonight……. aaaaagggggg, make it stop, make it STOP
GuinnessGuy said,
July 9, 2006 at 8:41
Wham! is hardly in the big leagues when it comes to annoyingness, I’m afraid. Camp is camp, whatever value you assign to it, but we deal in a shittiness far purer than camp, dear lad.
jrm78 said,
July 9, 2006 at 8:47
Left for a while, so to make up for it…
For you, chimpy mcflightsuit: Wham! the jitterbug *snap snap* [rinse, repeat]
no snarky comment I can think of 99 luftballoons
I tried droppin this on the editors, but they wouldn’t have it: PopoZao
who says we need to strip mine the 80s for bad music? We’ve all had a bad day.
Retardo Montalban said,
July 9, 2006 at 9:17
I tried to contribute. Some of you may have seen the post for the ten minutes it was up — it was the one that referenced music videos THAT WOULDNT FUCKING SHOW UP.
Word Press obviously hates me. I cant preview posts. Whenever I copy code from youtube and paste it in a draft, it disappears. Every. Fucking. Time.
celticgirl said,
July 9, 2006 at 10:06
All I can say is Thank the Gods that there wasn’t a video of the original “Muskrat Love” floating around…that would have to break every convention of war known to man (ditto for “Midnight at the Oasis”).
celticgirl said,
July 9, 2006 at 10:09
…and another thing *shakes finger* – You kids today don’t know from BAD music…some of us had to live through “Wildfire” and “Afternoon Delight” fer crissakes!
STH said,
July 9, 2006 at 10:20
Now how’s this for trivia? Didn’t Thor do some of the “music” for the movie “Zombie Nightmare” that they did on MST3K? I have that one on tape, and I can remember Tom saying something like, “I think Thor is fabulouth!”
And the best part: it is 100% guaranteed that somebody here will know exactly what I’m talking about. Come on, geeks, admit it.
kevin said,
July 9, 2006 at 13:04
Posted same at Poor Man, but wanted to pass this along again:
For those who haven’t yet discovered Wesley Willis, here is one of his countless classics, “Alanis Morisette”, in full music video form.
For good measure, a few of his greatest hits:
“Rock and Roll McDonalds”- with music video-like montage goodness, and the song/video montage to end all battles:
“Cut the mullet”
- with extra special GWB references within.
Behold the greatest who has ever been, or will ever be. R.I.P., Wesley- we hardly knew ye… NO ONE can touch you.
eck said,
July 9, 2006 at 13:08
Eat flaming death, fascist insects:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KwSBQDoT0NY
AAbshier said,
July 9, 2006 at 15:03
I can’t believe this song was not used.
Then again, the collateral damage from the use of it would have been completely unacceptable.
Amanda Marcotte said,
July 9, 2006 at 15:07
Dude, that’s below the belt
J— said,
July 9, 2006 at 19:05
Retardo: Check to see if the close embed tag is still at the end of You Tube’s code after you paste it into a post. For reasons beyond my HTML knowledge, sometimes it drops off in transfer.
celticgirl said,
July 9, 2006 at 19:28
I’m telling you, if someone finds an original video version of “Muskrat Love”, we’re talking the Ultimate Weapon (in other words, Game Over…)
Though, to be fair, the video of “Afternoon Delight” is TRULY awful. Whoever preserved that is a war criminal.
Retired Catholic said,
July 9, 2006 at 19:51
Do you guys know how many of is innocents in the crossfire are collateral damage? It is a gross vioilation of the Geneva Conventions to unnecessarily harm civilians, even in time of war.
Marq said,
July 9, 2006 at 21:35
Ugh! That was like irritable bowel syndrome in video form. Truly wretched.
Padraig said,
July 9, 2006 at 22:40
AAbshier –
Afternoon delight is not a good song. But after it’s use in both Anchorman and Arrested Development (favorite episode, btw), there are simply too many good feelings attached to it to make it a WMD.
tb said,
July 10, 2006 at 18:30
The Shaggs are the absolute shit.
My girlfriend says “the drums blow my mind every time.”