Jun
21

Bride Of Yoshi: A Glennocidal Tendencies Celebration




Posted at 23:29 by HTML Mencken

Cheeto-crunching, onanistic, basement-dwelling, fascist asshelmet Adam Yoshida has surpassed his previous standards of batshit-insanity and so, no doubt because I am a hippie leftist, I want to help this poor creature before he hurts himself or (much more importantly) someone else. Adam’s been well past the point of going-too-far for a long while now. Well, lately, he’s gone past far too far. Adam is fucking crazy, but I might have a solution to his problem and ours.

YoshidaNuke2.jpg

First, his recent insanity:

He wants North Korea nuked ASAP:

An attack will have to hit missile sites, air bases, NBC installations, and artillery sites. And, in order to be effective (and to prevent the North Koreans from getting off a shot) the strikes will have to be simultaneous.

So, what is to be done? There is only one way to pull off the sort of strike I’ve outlined above: to use nuclear weapons.

Any conventional attack is likely to result in millions of friendly deaths when the North Koreans get off a few shots – or, in the case of the artillery pointed as Seoul, millions. Only nuclear weapons offer the power to truly take out all of the targets in a rapid fashion.

Sure, Adam, sure. A massive nuclear attack because the conventional kind would be too dangerous to the South Koreans, who have, while no one was looking, enshrouded their country in a lead Dyson sphere to shield themselves against all the fucking fallout your moronic scheme would cause.

But ahah, charade you are, leftists! Adam says. He has too thought this through!:

In any case, I note that it is regarded as desirable to use nuclear weapons against certain installations (deeply buried bunkers and nuclear-biological-chemical facilities) and that, as I’ve pointed out in the past, there is probably little to distinguish the domestic and international political consequences of using one nuclear bomb from those of using fifty.

Such an attack would also be useful in that it would send a very positive message to Iran.

By no means should this be taken as a statement that I desire nuclear war. Quite the contrary – I desire to prevent it. More specifically, I desire to prevent it from being waged against myself or my relatives in Japan.

I guess the nicest thing I can say about that spittle-splattered bit of craziness is that it sets in relief the depravity of Bush’s pre-emptive war doctrine by arguing its application in the most gruesome scenario.

Also, the relatives in Japan thing: here Adam joins a certain strain of wingnuttery (as represented by Likudniks, German-American Bund, IRA symps — I’m sure out there somewhere is a Spanish-American wingnut demanding that the United States declare war on the ETA) that has always had some funny ideas about what the United States should do for its favorite tribe/nationality elsewhere. But with Adam it’s even more screwy since he’s a Canadian, wanting the US to nuke NK for the sake of his favored tribe/nationality, Japan.

Anyway, tribalism is very much on Adam’s little mind. He recommends that either the T-17 — or, what the hell, maybe all Muslims in Canada; Adam’s not terribly clear about it — be interned. A creepy suggestion from a decendent of Japanese internees, no? Oh but that was different:

As the Grandson of Japanese internees, I am quite conscious of the problems associated with deeming one group of people a threat and considering measures against them. But, as well, I am aware of the differences between that situation and the one which we now face.

No Japanese had been convicted – or even reliably accused – of any crime. All Japanese, regardless of their status (meaning including women and children) were interned without any consideration of individual cases. Moreover, they were interned indefinitely without charge or cause – and they had their property stripped from them. That was wrong. But the fact that actions taken in that situation were wrong does not automatically mean that any action which considers an individual’s connection to our enemies to be a cause for suspicion is wrong.

[snip]

What we need is a law which will provide for indefinite detentions of those people – not in prison, but in a specialized prison camp, like Guantanamo Bay. Perhaps Hans Island would suit this purpose.

I’m serious. Think about it. We can’t possibly let these people out while the war’s still one without trailing them twenty-four hours a day – something which would unacceptably strain our resources. We need to lock them up and keep them locked up.

Such an act might be ruled unconstitutional but, unlike the United States, Canada has an escape hatch in the form of the Notwithstanding Clause: and we should use it if we have to. Such a move would, of course, cause the Liberals to flip – but the public would be on the government’s side.

Note the backhanded admission that Guantanamo is unconstitutional. Thanks, Adam. Now as for the rest of all that ..ugh. But still, it’s enlightened compared to what he’d really like to do to Muslims:

Being blunt: we can’t trust these people to our court system. Most of these people will be back out on the streets within a few years. The young offenders could get out even sooner – and have their identities protected. This is insane. All of these people need to be put to death. Even if that it’s feasible (which, admittedly it isn’t, as gratifying as it would be to see all of them shoved into a Macrowave* and their supporters forced to clean up the mess) they can’t possibly be let out anytime soon.

That asterisked word — could he mean ..? Yes, he could:

* Meaning a human-sized Microwave.

He really is quite mad, you know. Anyway, it’s established that Adam has a pathological hatred of Muslims. But he’s got it in for other tribes as well. Take a gander at this load of Glennocidal Tendencies:

The three greatest and most decisive wars fought by the United States – the Civil War, the Second World War, and the Indian Wars – were won by waging a total war against our enemies. It wasn’t just Grant’s Army of the Potomac that won the war – it was Sherman slicing across Georgia and then burning his way up through the Carolinas. In World War Two, it wasn’t just destruction of the Japanese Navy which compelled Japan’s surrender – it was Tokyo, it was Hiroshima, and it was Nagasaki. The wars to conquer this continent were not won simply through engagements in the field, but through the methodical displacement, slaughter, and subjugation of all who stood in the war.

[snip]

Yet, once again, we are waging half war against our enemies. Our constant refusal to use the necessary level of force – and our endless moral debates about minor incidents like Haditha and Abu Ghraib – give our enemy courage. The more that we hesitate, the more that we engage in Hamletesque soliloquies, the more we flagellate ourselves for our supposed sins – the most confidence our enemies gain that we lack the will to win this war.

If we want to turn back terror – if we want to save our civilization (and for many people those are very big ifs indeed) – then we need to stop waging this half war and start waging total war instead.

Now, some will correctly point out that this war can’t be fought as a “total war� in the sense that World War Two or the Civil War was fought. There’s no Richmond or Berlin to march onto in this war. No, for inspiration we have to look to America’s other total war: the war against the Indian tribes.

That will, I am very certain, be regarded as a terrible thing to say. After all, today the wars against the Indians are regarded as one of America’s great national sins – not something to be proud of or to emulate. But they are something to be proud of. During the Indian Wars the United States, with a relatively minimal expenditure, accomplished a feat which has never been enduringly accomplished anywhere else in the world – they conquered and held most of a continent.

The Indians that America fought back then were savages – primitive tribes which were basically unworthy (whatever nonsense has now sprung about them) of even being known as a “civilization.� They were wasting some of the greatest lands on this Earth and assaulting those innocents who attempted to spread the blessings of civilization. They deserved the defeat they suffered.Our strategy for defeating the Islamist challenge ought to resemble that which we used for the conquest of this continent. The Moslem world is latter-day Indian country. Bit by bit we ought to retake the lands owned by Moslems from savagery, gradually spreading civilization as we move forward.

This is the Glenn Reynolds-Stephen Green thesis carefully explicated and taken to its logical conclusion. Adam simply has less guile than Instayokel and Patrick Bateman; or, perhaps put in a better way, Adam has the courage of his own insanity, where Perfesser Corncob and Mr Ikea Catalog don’t even have the cowardice of their own convictions. Once again Gavin’s thesis holds true that it takes a C-list wingnut to clearly state what the A-listers only hint at. I started this essay with the desire to help Adam, but now that I think about it, maybe something else is called for. We’ll have to find a way to reward Adam for his candor which is the best of accidental gifts to we of the WingnutWatch brigade.

But blahblahblah anyway, Adam’s explosion of violent rhetoric is like a car wreck for me: I can’t ignore it. And so I made the questionable decision to listen to his latest podcast. Oh my.

After a long and tedious discourse on Apple technology, Adam finally gets down to brass tacks. He’s sick of these liberal freaks with all their demands for tolerance! His refrain thoughout the diatribe is that “normal” people (like, yes, like Adam Yoshida — his self-estimation is touchingly optimistic) should tell these multiculti liberal weirdos to “just shut up.” Which, actually, is remarkable restraint on his part, since he admits that “[his] first instinct in any situation is to shoot people or kick them.” Yoshi singles out for special scorn people who are into body-modificiation (he is particularly horrified by some “fellow” who has discs in his earlobes) and people of different sexual-orientation, which Adam had thought only meant bi- and homo-sexuals (who are bad enough in his book) but no: he’s learned that there is something called “two-spirit” people, a concept he denounces with alacrity.

Why, it’s just a bunch of Native American hocus-pocus! It’s crackpot! What a bunch of freaks!

Actually, what he doesn’t get is that two-spiritism’s not all that rare among non-western cultures. Though Adam was ignorant of the concept, what he’s talking about are third-gender types like the berdache, and he rants as if a) they are new and some reaction against his standard of western sexuality and b) that it’s contemptible on the grounds that it’s some exclusively Native American novelty.

Adam’s wrong about that, of course. Also, Yoshi has a nervous habit throughout his podcast to mention the various females in his life. He doesn’t live in his mom’s basement, hell no! He has roommates, one of whom is a girl! Also, he gets instant messages from girls!

Sure, Adam, whatever you say. But since you were good enough to describe in detail what “superior” wingnuts actually mean with their Glennocidal Tendencies bit, well, I think it’s time for me to play matchmaker.

Someone as bold as you, Adam, someone who’s such a monsterous reactionary, a walking talking creature of hatred and full of desire to kill kill kill, needs a mate worthy of your talents.

Adam, let me introduce you to Resa Laru Kirkland, Elsa Lanchester to your Boris Karloff. She’s quite a trophy; and while her preferences no doubt run to the Aryan, militia-compound type, I’m sure you can convince her that you’re just as genocidal as all that, that you’re a fascist on the inside, where it counts! Think about it, Adam! Think of the debates! You can argue over who is more subhuman, blacks or Muslims! You can have a Who Hates PC Most contest. I mean, think of the possibilities (really, do it Adam; because I don’t want to)!

Then, as you live happily ever after raising little Ann Coulter Yoshidas and Glenn Reynolds Yoshidas in some god-awful militia compound in the Mountains, BFE, maybe you’ll both calm down and stop being paranoid, genocide-advocating wackos; in short, maybe you’ll “just shut up”. Or, alas, maybe you both will combine to spawn Wingnutor, Lord of Batshit, the legend as foretold eons ago in the Book of Buckley. Either way, since I’m convinced we’re all doomed anyway because fundie nutjobs are a function of nature designed to end our overpopulated species here on petri dish Earth, I really don’t give a shit what you do.

52 Comments »

  1. tg said,

    June 21, 2006 at 23:40

    Jeebus, I forgot about Resa the War Chick. And it’s my good fortune to be driving through Pocatello on Sunday … I wonder if she’ll have a cappaccino with me.

  2. His Grace said,

    June 21, 2006 at 23:49

    The weirdest thing about the whole T-17 thing is that the wingnutts seem to think that somehow a successful Canadian operation, designed to root out extremists within our own borders, is indictment againt Canadian “tolerence” and damning evidence against the entire Muslim community. Perhaps it’s because the police excercised their powers within the law and did their jobs by infiltrating internet chat rooms rather than engaging in some massive convoluted spy operation that would violate the Canadian Charter of Rights and Freedoms and consequently get the terrorist’s case thrown out of court (thus proving the bias of liberal courts).

    I am also wondering if Yoshida hasn’t read in Defense of Internment, which in my understanding, argued that we had to move those dastardly Japs off our coasts ’cause some of ‘em were spies.

  3. King Spirula said,

    June 21, 2006 at 23:51

    “The Indians that America fought back then were savages – primitive tribes which were basically unworthy (whatever nonsense has now sprung about them) of even being known as a “civilization.â€? They were wasting some of the greatest lands on this Earth and assaulting those innocents who attempted to spread the blessings of civilization. They deserved the defeat they suffered.”

    I see that not only racism and genocide are advocated, but Manifest Destiny is still a viable argument in public discourse. Tell me, did someone hit the “wayback” button without telling us?

  4. mikey said,

    June 22, 2006 at 0:11

    Holy Shit. That is terrifying in it’s insanity. [Deep Breath]

    Ok, lets pretend we aren’t talking about offensive nuclear war and gennocide. Let’s pretend we’re talking about decorating and gardening. Ready? Ok.

    First, you’ll notice that these murderous loonies never discuss any negative consequences. Will China take issue with our detonating nukes across their border? The Russians? The UN? Would the world perhaps consider crippling sanctions against the out-of-control superpower with all the weapons? Perhaps selling off the American debt, destroying our economy? What will history say? Will there be any unintended consequences from this action? Why, let’s not think about that–let’s relish the unbridled joy of KILL KILL KILL KILL.

    Second, the thing that always leaps out at me when wingnuts attack is the fear. They are afraid of muslims, of freedom, of rights, of people doing things, having sex, worshiping, just about everything. These are supposed to be the tough guys, right? I mean, their solution to every problem is to kill it. Why are they so afraid? I want to hold them, coo softly in their ear, “it’s alright, don’t cry–sure, al Quaid attacked us five years ago, and it was BAD. And yes, there are people out there in the world who want to hurt us. But we’re the UNITED STATES OF AMERICA. They can’t win. They can’t break our will, or change our way of life. Only we can do that.”

    I hope the world takes notice to what you have to say, Adam…

    mikey

  5. tigrismus said,

    June 22, 2006 at 0:18

    Boy, nothing says “I’m an ignorant racist spouting bullshit about that which I know less than nothing” quite as effectively as that last quoted paragraph of Yoshida’s.

  6. Sexy Sadie said,

    June 22, 2006 at 0:23

    Poor Adam. It must hurt to be him.

  7. Kathleen said,

    June 22, 2006 at 0:41

    isn’t one of his underlying points that because something is so offensive to so many people, and/or that so many people think something is wrong, actually serves to prove that it is right?

    by the way, I am sure this has been pointed out several times of the course of SadlyNo!’s experiences with Adam Yoshida, but – “Yes! There really is a Mr. Yoshida.” http://www.mryoshidas.com/

    my roomates and I used to laugh about this sauce and its slogan all the time in college. Someone always go major points for working in “Yes! There really is a Mr. Yoshida.” into the conversation.

    I guess we were weird.

  8. islmfaoscist said,

    June 22, 2006 at 1:00

    Hang on a minute, there’s something funny going on here, and I mean that in a Da Vinci Code kind of way. Check out the last sentence of Yoshi’s chickenhawk squawk:

    If nuclear weapons are required to end that threat, then God wills it.

    If I am not mistaken, this is an exact word-for-word translation of a line from a recent speech by Kim Jong Il, certifiable madman fundamentalist warthirsty loonie brother-in-arms to Yoshi, who just happens to be President For Life of North Korea. Coincidence? You decide.

    Could this be evidence of secret collaboration, perhaps a nefarious subversive coocoo-bananas global cabal with mysterious aims of which Yoshi and Kimmie are high-ranking batshit-insaneTwelfth Degree members? Is it possible?!? !?!?!

    Or are they are just plagiarizing each other’s rants?

  9. Timmah420 said,

    June 22, 2006 at 1:05

    Man, everytime I forget how fucking crazy Adam Yoshida is, SN chimes in with a helpful reminder.

    Thanks for going to that site over there Retardo, so I don’t have to over here. It infuriates me to no end that the man is a Canadian.

  10. Mr. Mordant said,

    June 22, 2006 at 1:07

    sure, al Quaid attacked us five years ago,

    I hope it was Dennis, because I’ve always had a soft spot for Randy’s portrayal of Cousin Eddy in the National Lampoon’s Vacation movies. I’d hate to have to put him on my boycott list. ;-)

    And regarding Retardo’s desription of Yoshida as “onanistic”, I have to quibble: isn’t it accepted that Onan was in fact practicing coitus interruptus, not masturbation, when ordered by Gawd to service his brother’s widow? Either way, while reading Yoshida’s frothings, I did make motions with my hand simulating the yanking of an imaginary crank in his honor.

  11. In Vino Veritas said,

    June 22, 2006 at 1:21

    And now, a

    Haiku
    By Adam Yoshida

    Nuke the Pakis then
    Nuke the blackies for it is
    Civilization

  12. Mal de mer said,

    June 22, 2006 at 1:31

    He has such an odd accent….all of his “a’s” are pronounced “ay” and all his “the’s” are pronounced “thee.” I think he is a North Korean plant, who’s faking a Canadian English accent based on “Terrence and Philip” of South Park.

    Oh well…it’s all just so wacky, zany and…horrifically genocidal.

  13. Minute said,

    June 22, 2006 at 1:37

    That’s some worldclass wingnuttery right there. But dude’s gettin less than a hundred hits a day. I don’t think we need to worry until he gets to oh, say 101. What is truly amazing about these wingnuts is the common theme of anger that we are not fighting a total war coupled with undying love, lust, and loyalty for the guy failing to run a total war.

  14. Invigilator said,

    June 22, 2006 at 2:37

    Mr Mordant:

    You are correct about Onan; however the concept of “spilling his seed” came to apply chiefly to masturbation, hence “onanism.”

  15. mikey said,

    June 22, 2006 at 3:00

    Islamofacsist: I’m not buying into the Kim Jong Il as “warthirsty madman”. I’ve read some stuff about his life. Dood has it way too good to really want to end it in a war. I mean, there are autocratic dictators for life, and then there are the sociopathic hedonists who end up being autocratic dictators for life. He eats the most fabulous food, to the extent that a team of women (with him it’s always women, even his bodyguard) sorts his rice by the individual grain to make sure he only gets perfect ones. His inner circle select the best young girls for his enjoyment. He uses small doses of the cleanest china white. The best scotch, wines and champagne. Goodness, me, he has the LIFE!!

    Mr. Mordant: I’m glad my typos give you amusement (Funny? Funny how?), but I blame it on this un morceau de merde (is that even close to right?) Dell laptop keyboard that adds and drops characters at will. So Michael Dell is Funny Ha Ha, and I’m just misunderstood…

    mikey

  16. Demogenes Aristophanes said,

    June 22, 2006 at 3:02

    By no means should this be taken as a statement that I desire nuclear war.

    Unbelievable. To make this statement after calling for an all-out nuclear attack on another country is … I don’t know, like if somebody ate an entire banana in front of you, then said, “By no means should what you just witnessed be taken as me eating an entire banana.”

    But then, to Adam, it isn’t “nuclear war” if WE are launching the nukes. Only THEY (and THEY are legion) can ever do dastardly deeds.

  17. Kathleen said,

    June 22, 2006 at 3:49

    i think it is more like: “By no means should what you just witnessed be taken as me desiring to eat an entire banana”.

    sure he ate the entire banana. but did he really desire to? perhaps you don’t see the distinction – that the banana HAD IT COMING, since you are a banana-worshipping moonbat, you hate America, and you are destroying the world by your willful blindness to the threat posed by that banana.

  18. Brainless in Gaza said,

    June 22, 2006 at 4:24

    Dorothy Parker called her canary Onan, because it spilt its seed upon the ground.

  19. Brainless in Gaza said,

    June 22, 2006 at 4:33

    “…a concept he denounces with alacrity”

    Alacrity, sounds like a variety of seasoning. “And how would you like to denounce that concept, monsieur? With acerbity? With alacrity? Allow me to recommend the house special today, Celerity.”
    “Ah no, I’ll be boring, and stick to denouncing it with just a soupcon of alacrity. But no irony — you always put irony on everything.”

    I heard Bush on the news not long ago, from the meeting in Europe, where the concepts he was denouncing were those of long-range missiles and nuclear warheads. “There is no place for such things in the discourse of civilised nations”, he said, or words to that effect, and I was pleasantly surprised by the rationality of the statement, until I realised that it applied only to North Korea. So I guess the amount of irony he was using to denounce these concepts was LAVISH .

  20. Colonel Cathcart said,

    June 22, 2006 at 5:22

    Wasn’t “Resa Laru Kirkland” the name of a John Candy character in SCTV?

  21. FlipYrWhig said,

    June 22, 2006 at 6:57

    perhaps you don’t see the distinction – that the banana HAD IT COMING, since you are a banana-worshipping moonbat, you hate America, and you are destroying the world by your willful blindness to the threat posed by that banana.

    Bananas *are* crescent-shaped.

  22. justin said,

    June 22, 2006 at 8:30

    Hmm.. I’d hit that Resa chick. She looks like she would listen to KMFDM and not see the irony.
    Ok.. I looked at one of her rants and it has a link to something published by Crunk Publishing. I figured it would be Lil Jon, but it was some lame white guy who claims to have been a Communist.
    And, wtf is with an Aryan chick who loves Jews? I s’pose it has to do with the enemy of my enemy is my friend school of thought. But, once the Bushies kill off all the ragheads, won’t the Aryans whip the Nazi flags back out of their closets?

  23. merlallen said,

    June 22, 2006 at 9:34

    I’ve seen a picture of Yoshida. I think maybe he’d get away with kicking a 9 year old girl. Maybe.

  24. celticgirl said,

    June 22, 2006 at 9:56

    Somebody please for the love of Christ take this man’s laptop away before he hurts himself.

    So, let me get this straight: The NATIVE American’s had it coming to them? WTF?!!!! And he thinks it’s just dandy to pick up the idea of Manifest Destiny and move it to the Middle East?

    I stand corrected. Somebody please for the love of Christ put this man in a nice backwards-jacket and lock him up in a rubber room and throw away the key. Seriously.

  25. celticgirl said,

    June 22, 2006 at 9:58

    ummmmm- *Americans* (d’oh – stray apostrophe – Just like our sweet Marie’…)

  26. flawedplan said,

    June 22, 2006 at 13:19

    This was great. Scary as fuck but Retardo delivered. I read the FDL thesis linked to and it does make sense, Yoshida echoes the gist of what the A-listers say, once you make the connection. These people must be watched, they’re as loopy as the day is long.

  27. Christopher said,

    June 22, 2006 at 14:19

    Okay, let’s ignore the fact that his understanding of the history of Native Americans is so completely wrong that it can be shot down by even cursory reading of American history (It’s so hard to do, but I’ve been talking about this kind of thing a lot, and I’d just be repeating things you all know).

    Total War is simply not feasible.

    Thanks to modern technology, distance is MUCH less of a factor in waging war. In the old days, the tribes we were batling on the frontier weren’t likely to be able to mount an attack on New York city. There is no frontier on the war on terror; guerilla tactics can hit us anywhere.

    Second, the technology differential is much smaller then it was back in the day. We’re better armed, but their soldiers can still inflict serious damage. Actually, this was mostly true with the Native Americans too. Which brings me to my third point:

    Disease won us this country. ESPECIALLY in the early days, disease severely limited the manpower that Native Americans could muster, and often disrupted plans by striking down important leaders.

    Unfortunately, we don’t have bad enough hygiene to spread smallpox to Iraqi villages. Which leads me to my fifth point:

    In order to copy the Indian Wars, we’d have to sink lower then most people want to go. Even Yoshida himself underestimates what it would take: We’d need to break out the bio-weapons and start infecting our enemies. We’d have to specifically target civilian areas in order to reduce the enemies ability to recruit.

    And there’s just no way the rest of the world would tolerate us as we devolved into, essentially, the Nazis.

    It’d be World War 3.

    And, uh, call me optimistic, but I think we can manage to beat the terrorist without destroying 90% of human civilisation.

  28. Ginger Yellow said,

    June 22, 2006 at 14:22

    Do you think he even realises that putting the entirety of an ethnic/religious minority in “specialist prison camps” in preparation for incinerating them in “macrowave” ovens has a rather obvious precedent? I have a feeling that what Yoshida has written is actually illegal in Canada.

  29. tigrismus said,

    June 22, 2006 at 16:12

    In re: what Christopher said on disease and indigenous peoples, I just finished reading “Language Death,” in which the author writes that it is thought that within 200 of first contact with Europeans over 90% of the indigenous population had died by new diseases alone. Some island peoples completely died out. You have to laugh, grimly, at Yoshida’s claiming the intellectual and moral high ground while painting all indigenous civilizations as the same across the entire western hemisphere, “primitive” and deserving of that decimation.

  30. Gus said,

    June 22, 2006 at 16:45

    At least no one takes him seriously. He doesn’t collect wingnut welfare (as far as I know), and I don’t think I’ve ever seen a wingnut cite him as a source. He’s just a loony standing on a street corner babbling. The few times I’ve felt up to actually going to his site, all the comments were mocking.

  31. Nancy in Detroit said,

    June 22, 2006 at 17:51

    Unfortunately, we don’t have bad enough hygiene to spread smallpox to Iraqi villages.

    Unfortunately?????

  32. Lo Ping Wong said,

    June 22, 2006 at 18:38

    “Unfortunately?????”

    An ironic ‘unfortunately,’ to be sure.

  33. nashtbrutusandshort said,

    June 22, 2006 at 18:49

    “Elsa Lanchester to your Boris Karloff”

    That made me laugh uproariously — until I remembered that no decent human being deserves to be compared to Adam Yoshida. Karloff just played a monster, but a guy who publicly fantasizes about unleashing a nuclear holocaust IS a monster.

  34. MrWonderful said,

    June 22, 2006 at 20:23

    MUFFLEY: Can they get through, General?
    TURGIDSON: Can they get through? Hell, ye….

    My theory–and it is a theory, and is mine–is that looonacy like this has the additional, touching, sicko purpose of confirming the loon’s self-pity. He “bravely” writes the “unpopular” things no one else has the courage (or the “honesty”) to write, knowing that “no one will listen,” no matter how courageous, etc., he is. He wants to be ignored or villified: it’s what he knows best, it’s what makes him HIM. The cycle continues: I’m ignored or mocked or sneered at by the kool kids? I’ll show them; I’ll write what no one else has the nerve to write. There. I wrote it. What? I’m ignored (etc. Repeat until adult sends you to room and withdraws computer privileges.)

  35. Shorter Rightwing Arseholes said,

    June 22, 2006 at 23:55

    batshit insane.

    yep. stupid, and, batshit insane.

  36. Gentlewoman said,

    June 23, 2006 at 1:23

    Jeebus H. Christ on a cheese sammich! Does this person have a family? Do they know how deranged he is? Gaaaaaah, I feel as though I ought to go hunting through Canadian phone books, calling all the Yoshidas to beg them to get their son some help. You’re right, Retardo, it’s the tone that really denotes the lunacy. He writes as though he believes he is some sort of policy advisor. Staggering. This boy should be in therapy. Preferably in-patient therapy. The sort that involves a lot of meds. Honestly, I cannot imagine how he can function in the real world, but then, I feel that way about a lot of wingnuts.

  37. Marq said,

    June 23, 2006 at 10:26

    A massive nuclear attack because the conventional kind would be too dangerous to the South Koreans, who have, while no one was looking, enshrouded their country in a lead Dyson sphere to shield themselves against all the fucking fallout your moronic scheme would cause.

    Actually, wouldn’t prevailing winds blow a lot of the fallout from any American nuclear strike on North Korea onto… Japan? I’m sure they’d appreciate that. Cancerrific!

  38. Marq said,

    June 23, 2006 at 10:59

    Not to mention that a certain amount of fallout would end up falling out in Western… (wait for it!!) Canada. Then Yoshi will have that special “glow” about him!

  39. Chris Lepore said,

    June 23, 2006 at 14:20

    What can I say that hasn’t already been said better? Yoshida and his fellow travelers in Right Blogistan may not directly handle the levers of power, but those who do seem to be awfully sensitive to their wishes and desires. Scary, scary times.

    On the brighter side, nice Floyd callout. I had to take Animals out of my car last night, as it kept sneaking back into my CD player.

  40. Morbo said,

    June 23, 2006 at 14:27

    Note that in his rant about nuking Korea he discounts long- and medium-range missiles as a threat to the US or Japan–not true, but it’s his arguement.
    The concern here isn’t so much of a strike against the United States.
    Intermediate range missiles are more of a problem. …[but] they are probably a manageable problem as well.

    No, he doesn’t want to nuke N. Korea because of their nuclear or missile threats but because they might use artillery!!

    This brilliant piece of nuttiness allows a doctrine of nuking anyone with a mortar. I’m sure the creators of the MAD Doctrine are jealous they didn’t think of it first.
    Possibly the most paranoid internet rant I’ve ever read.

  41. Tom Allen said,

    June 23, 2006 at 18:21

    And, as I hold back from retching, a couple points. “The three greatest and most decisive wars fought by the United States – the Civil War, the Second World War, and the Indian Wars.”

    During the Indian Wars the United States, with a relatively minimal expenditure, accomplished a feat which has never been enduringly accomplished anywhere else in the world – they conquered and held most of a continent.

  42. Tom Allen said,

    June 23, 2006 at 18:24

    OK, I had a response to the previous post, but most of it seems to have disappeared. I’ll wait a while to see if my comments reappear.

  43. JABbering Stooge :: Bradrocket, Gavin, Seb, eat your hearts out! :: June :: 2006 said,

    June 25, 2006 at 10:53

    [...] Here in Austin, we’ve got a wingnut regular in the Letters to the Editor section of the local fishwrap: one Rev. James A. Andrews. Usually, he limits himself to the usual wingnut theocrat masturbatory sessions (OMG! T3h g4ys R cumming to rape UR kidzz and give them t3h g4y!!!!1!!! OMG! Chixx0rz get to control their bodies?! NOOOOOOOO!!!!!111!!!11!). This time, however, he’s channeling Adam Yoshida’s Glennocidal Tendencies and calling for the nuking of not just North Korea, but Iran, as well. Check it out: Just detonate some nukes [...]

  44. Sadly, No! » Oh Yeah, Media Matters? Well, Have Some of This said,

    June 28, 2006 at 4:55

    [...] So sure, you have Glenn Beck. Well, we have Adam Yoshida. You have “Libertarian” Neal Boortz. Ahh, but we have self-described “classical liberal” Jeff Goldstein (And does Boortz threaten to slap people with his cock? Disadvantage, Media Matters!) You have Laura Ingraham? We have Marie Jon’, who’s ten times hotter and at least three times as goofy.* [...]

  45. Sadly, No! » The Collective Guilt “Continuum” said,

    July 26, 2006 at 4:23

    [...] Dershowitz used to have a fine mind but now, if Israel does it — no matter how depraved it is — he feels obliged to justify it. Torture, murdering civilians — if Israel set up Adam Yoshida’s precious “human-sized microwaves” and melted Palis wholesale (basically Zyklon B updated as a fine Kenmore with stainless steel appliques and also no doubt handy for cooking those extra-large bags of butcher-porn> popcorn), Dershowitz would find a way to make that legal and moral, too. And what’s good for Israel is, of course, good for the U.S. Or, put another way, what one country/in-group has done in monstrous abuse of the filthy wogs/out-group, might be fun for another country to try. [...]

  46. Sadly, No! » Get Your Glennocidal Tendencies Here! said,

    August 9, 2006 at 19:54

    [...] You aren’t sure? Maybe? C’mon, they’re cheap and everybody who is anybody among wingnuts is getting his own. [...]

  47. elkay said,

    September 14, 2006 at 0:08

    elkay elkay

  48. Sadly, No! » ‘The Surge Won’t Work, But Concentration Camps Might Do The Trick’ said,

    January 11, 2007 at 11:54

    [...] Great, Tacky: You’ve just equalled Adam “Put them in human-sized microwaves” Yoshida in the great ‘Flagrant Displays of Psychopathy’ contest so many wingnuts have entered. [...]

  49. Sadly, No! » Yoshi on the Demographic Crisis said,

    June 16, 2008 at 5:13

    [...] often unstated) extreme — then Yoshi’s one of the guys you read. Because Adam “Human-sized microwaves” Yoshida never minces [...]

  50. Sadly, No! » The Key To Everything said,

    October 4, 2008 at 9:44

    [...] congratulate him for hitting the big time. Betcha can’t guess from whom Mr. “Human-sized Microwaves” scored an approving [...]

  51. Boko999 said,

    January 10, 2010 at 19:44

    As a self satisfied lefty I object to your disparaging use of onanistic.

  52. Sadly, No! » Samurai Slash Fiction said,

    February 4, 2013 at 6:00

    [...] I’m gone for a couple of years and look what I miss: crown jewels of wingnuttery! Our old pal Adam “Shove them into human-sized microwaves” Yoshida has become an author of military science fiction or, as he likes to call it, future history. [...]

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