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Woo! Digby’s being uncivil.
Lapfull of Dick
by digby
Richard Cohen got 2,000 mean e-mails and this signals the end of the Democratic party. I’ll leave you to figure out why that should follow. In case Cohen hasn’t noticed nobody on the fucking planet likes squishy faux liberal courtiers. There’s no political downside to hating Richard Cohen.
Well. This post is certainly insensitive. Instead of calling people names, Digby, I think we’d all make a better showing of our beliefs by engaging Richard Cobag in honest, civil debate.
Oh my, I seem to have… ‘Cohen’ — ‘Richard Cohen.’ Drat, someone might…Yeek! [slips on a banana peel]
Oh, the keyboard dropped and now how do I stop that blinking? [BOOM! Shower of confetti and cocktail onions, chair drops through trap door in floor] Aaaaaah!
[Footsteps up basement stairs]
Damn it, my confetti-and-cocktail-onion piñata exploded, activating the trap door into the basement chocolate fountain. What a bad day. At least I didn’t post that post by accide… [phone rings, marbles spill from closet, wall rotates taking computer desk and chair and replacing them with empty bookshelf]
Bradrocket adds: This is sure to be nominated for the Editors’ “Clutched Pearls” award:
The hatred is back. I know it’s only words now appearing on my computer screen, but the words are so angry, so roiled with rage, that they are the functional equivalent of rocks once so furiously hurled during antiwar demonstrations.
“Sticks and stones can break my bones, but words are just as scary.”
Mary Jones said,
May 9, 2006 at 15:18
The blink tag–it burns!
Mal de mer said,
May 9, 2006 at 16:21
Interesting, eh? I sent Mr. Cohen a civil (but direct) e-mail, under my real name, critiquing his lack of contextual understanding in this whole brouhaha…especially the apparent dismissal of the media’s role in shaping public opinion and his disingenuousness (or maybe total lack of self-awareness) about the quality of his own sense of humour.
Did he respond to me? Did he respond to anyone else who did the same thing?
Had I had been more of an attention-seeker, I should have called him a cum-guzzling monster-twat and might have gotten my name printed in Teh Washington P0stz. But, unlike semi-famous media personalities, I value my own credibility.
These kinds of liberals have got to go.
elendil said,
May 9, 2006 at 16:51
I should have called him a cum-guzzling monster-twat and might have gotten my name printed in Teh Washington P0stz. But … I value my own credibility.
Imagine if you had called him “cobag” and got that into the WaPo. You would have cred to last you three lifetimes.
RIghteous Bubba said,
May 9, 2006 at 16:54
The whole “cobag” thing is pretty lame. Who needs to explain a swear word? Why replace douchebag – which after all a proportion of males use – with something that calls attention to the disanaled. The way it reads is all wrong too – CObag to my eyes, which just isn’t that satisfying to hurl at people in the way that other fine swears are, like “cock-biting whore” (note: really gender neutral). The stresses should be equal on a line of invective and trochees wreck that.
If douchebag’s to go, why not something that refers to a depraved action instead of an unfortunate bodily circumstance? Some consonance or assonance (Ha! Ha!) would be nice. Something like pukelick or shitlick or pukesuck, which I think we’ll mostly agree picks on people who know they have it coming, the depraved fucks, and more than adequately describes douchebags who swallow right-wing propaganda with pleasure.
Mary Jones said,
May 9, 2006 at 17:31
which after all a proportion of males use
Wait–how do men use douches? Now, I didn’t fail biology–if anything I did really well–so you’ve got to explain this to me.
BTW–”puke” is something that makes me think of angry angry marines or something. Doesn’t quite work on a liberal blog–of course, I could be wrong. But it seems really oddly out of place.
Clif said,
May 9, 2006 at 17:33
I called Richard Cohen a “d!ck” in a comment to this post and it got eaten by the moderation machine. Is that because Ann B_rstow objects to using “d!ck” as an insult?
Gavin M. said,
May 9, 2006 at 17:38
It probably just got eaten by the Internet. I looked and nothing was stuck in the spam fiteroon.
Righteous Bubba said,
May 9, 2006 at 18:20
Wait–how do men use douches?
http://www.google.ca/search?sourceid=navclient-ff&ie=UTF-8&rls=GGGL,GGGL:2005-09,GGGL:en&q=male+douche
liberalsouth said,
May 9, 2006 at 18:53
Lord have mercy. Men + douche = the worst mental image I’ve had to contend with in quite some time.
Cohen can go screw. He’s just petulant that the DLC crew is falling out of favor with people.
Anonymous said,
May 9, 2006 at 18:57
This is all a misunderstanding.
At the end of the fourth paragraph, Mr. Cohen summarizes his quandary:
“I was — as was most of the press, I found out — George W. Bush’s lap dog. If this is the case, Bush had better check his lap.
Mr. Cohen should look into clutching scented disposable wipes with his pearls. A quick, friendly wipe afterward will mean our Decider won’t have to check his lap — he’s far too busy decidering.
cereal breath said,
May 9, 2006 at 19:06
listen up, in my spare time i am a highly recognized battle-mc. your quick and pithy dismissal of the physical havoc wreaked by nouns and verbs is done at your own peril. personally, i have destroyed a 7-11 and two fire hydrants with my verbiage. here is a sample, which i wouldn’t utter out loud, as it might destroy your precious keyboard or leave a crater in your lap:
sticks and stones are like
ice cream cones
compared to my lyrics
which have been know to crush bones
just ask dick cohen
and his coven of scribes
they are the lastest victims
to be hospitalized
by my two ton megatron
radioactive diatribes
Miss Emily said,
May 9, 2006 at 19:25
Umm, Righteous Bubba?
That link didn’t work.
I was just curious!
almostinfamous said,
May 9, 2006 at 19:32
yo bubba. this subject is done with. the FLP krew has made those points and annoyed everyone. please contact PP, doktor-in-chief of 3bulls for further treatment.
also the concept of male douches is fascinating, but might be discriminating towards them
Righteous Bubba said,
May 9, 2006 at 19:48
Miss Emily, it’s ass-douching, mostly, it seems, for a variety of pervy reasons.
Anyway, cobag just hasn’t got the immediacy or lilting sonorousness of even butt-munch or turd-burglar, which were on MTV for fuck’s sake. Thumbs down.
skippy said,
May 9, 2006 at 19:52
i thought of cobalt when i saw cobag. so i’m a science geek. so sue me.
the great thing about calling him a “dick” is that he is…just as he is a “richard” or a “cohen.” so you can call him that and claim plausible deniability when someone accuses you of swearing.
Mary Jones said,
May 9, 2006 at 21:06
But isn’t “ass-douching” just an enema?
Righteous Bubba said,
May 9, 2006 at 21:49
But isn’t “ass-douching” just an enema?
I hadn’t wanted to, uh, get into it all this far, but yeah, good question. Maybe the douchers are one-up on the enema freaks, because it’s like, French or something.
Miss Emily said,
May 10, 2006 at 0:06
RD,
Thanks…I think; for guys who want that Spring Fresh feeling, eh?
Definite thank you for reminding me of one of my all-time favorite swears, “cock-biting whore”.
Although, back home, we (editorial ‘we’, I would never…well, once) just called them “cock-biter”.
It was a simpler time, and a very small town. “Cock-biting whore” does, indeed, have a more pleasurable rhythm; it just bounces off the tongue, doesn’t it? But “cock-biter” seems damning all by itself; and it wouldn’t do to get carried away hurling invective at someone you were bound to run into the next day, and the next, etc.
*I just edited out a lovely example of how one could expand on the basic structure, ’cause I’m a big chicken.
Kathleen said,
May 10, 2006 at 0:07
Ann Bartow please just post under your own name, and stop the War on Cobag. for the children.
RIghteous Bubba said,
May 10, 2006 at 6:25
Accusing someone of duplicity is inherently somethingist.