May
5

Trapped in the Closet Pt. XXIX




Posted at 19:49 by Gavin M.

Newsflash: The administration has announced the resignation of CIA director Porter Gannon. Uh, Gay — Porter Gay. …I mean “Goss.”

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Update: This is quite possibly unfair. Just because rumors have long swirled about Austin gay bar habitué Scott McClellan, and also the dapper Andrew Card, both recently resigned from White House employ, and just because Randy “Duke” Cunningham has admitted to homosexual liaisons, and despite the fact that former White House sleepover guest Jeff Gannon has suddenly begun appearing in public and in fact only this week admitted to his homosexuality, it does not necessarily mean that the hookers in question were male.

…Nor does the fact that Ken Mehlman is in a bit of hot soup at the moment, nor the fact that Condi Rice is a lesbian.

It is irresponsible to speculate too boldly in this regard. On the plus side, however, there are supposed to be photographs.

46 Comments »

  1. annieangel said,

    May 5, 2006 at 20:04

    SHEESH! You’re really trying to outdo Brad!

  2. verplanck colvin said,

    May 5, 2006 at 20:09

    why is the number 35 eminating from the former CIA director’s crotch?

  3. annieangel said,

    May 5, 2006 at 20:39

    Brad’s post is kicking your post’s ass Gavin! You need to give yours some trendy flashy thingies, or maybe a few updates to make it look bigger.

  4. phleabo said,

    May 5, 2006 at 20:39

    why is the number 35 eminating from the former CIA director’s crotch?

    That’s the number of hookers he banged with that crotch.

  5. shingles said,

    May 5, 2006 at 20:41

    Is that a tri-folded flag under his left arm or is he just glad to see me?

  6. Gavin M. said,

    May 5, 2006 at 20:41

    They’re my trendy flashy things, Annie. I stole ‘em from the Immmm-ternet.

  7. Gary Ruppert said,

    May 5, 2006 at 20:42

    Just more shameful smearing by the left.

    Goss is a married man. He is also 67 years old.

    Clearly he did the job he came to do, and he is stepping aside to let a younger man command the CIA back to it’s former glory.

    Anyways, the left supports prostitution, so they have no ground to condemn others for it.

  8. annieangel said,

    May 5, 2006 at 20:44

    Oh they’re yours. Well in that case, forgive my insolence, your post ROCKS. I don’t like Brad very much anyway.

  9. fish said,

    May 5, 2006 at 20:47

    Ah, the first victim of Watergate um, -gate.

  10. Dan Someone said,

    May 5, 2006 at 20:49

    Goss is a married man. He is also 67 years old.

    He also has eyeballs. And Des Moines is the capital of Iowa. And I like ice cream.

  11. foggo said,

    May 5, 2006 at 20:50

    Clearly he did the job he came to do, and he is stepping aside to let a younger man command the CIA back to it’s former glory.

    ie, he was hoggin’ all the hookers.

  12. BillyD said,

    May 5, 2006 at 20:50

    This is too good to pass up. A little Bolton fan fiction from free republic.

  13. Luther said,

    May 5, 2006 at 20:52

    Porter Goss.

    In the Watergate.

    With the hookers.

    Do I win the “Friday DC Info Dump” version of Clue?

  14. blogenfreude said,

    May 5, 2006 at 20:56

    Blame the Ambien Porter … blame the Ambien!

  15. BrooklynRaider said,

    May 5, 2006 at 21:00

    From another post in the Freeper thread BillD linked:

    just a hunch, but I would say 1/2 of the employees would need to be fired to be to being cleaned out. The left has that agency in its pocket. The left realized decades ago the power in the CIA and been planting seeds all along. Wilson, Plame, etc, is just the tip of the iceberg.

    Drat! They’re on to us!

  16. annieangel said,

    May 5, 2006 at 21:22

    I like your update.

  17. Rary Guppert said,

    May 5, 2006 at 21:33

    Anyone seen a timeline of when Goss was appointed head of CIA, when Gannon/Guckert was at the White House, and when Cunningham’s shady dealings were going on?

  18. Luther said,

    May 5, 2006 at 21:38

    Yes, as soon as the Left shoved GHW Bush out of the CIA and into the White House for 12 years, we started a seedling project, growing icebergs.

  19. Gavin M. said,

    May 5, 2006 at 21:38

    The timeline doesn’t rule anything out, although a direct connection between Gannon and Goss seems unlikely to me.

    Goss took over the CIA in August ’04; Gannon was at the White House until early ’05. Cunningham was busy throughout.

  20. Ken Houghton said,

    May 5, 2006 at 21:43

    Goss to CIA – 21 April 2005 per CNN.

    Gannon out months before that (not “out” out, but out of the WH) per Wolf interview as cited by gay rights activist.

    Duke out effective 1 Dec 2005, per press release.

    So Gannon would appear to be an outlier, but Goss was a long-time Washingtonian long before he was CIA director. (Wonder if he has a “gentleman’s-C” son?)

  21. JK47 said,

    May 5, 2006 at 21:44

    Clearly he did the job he came to do, and he is stepping aside to let a younger man command the CIA back to it’s former glory.

    Yeah, that’s why he resigned effective immediately, on a news dump Friday, with no successor announced.

    Gary, we know that even you don’t believe the horeshit you write.

  22. Ken Houghton said,

    May 5, 2006 at 21:44

    That’s “former lawmaker[s] on Defense and Intelligence comittees” Porter Goss to you.

  23. Gavin M. said,

    May 5, 2006 at 21:46

    Goss was confirmed in September ’04, so I don’t know where CNN’s April ’05 date comes from.

  24. Gary Ruppert said,

    May 5, 2006 at 21:46

    The fact is, Porter Goss likes a little man-on-man action on the side. You liberals love Brokeback Mountain, but when it’s a Bush appointee having buttsex you’re all up in arms. The American people are fed up with your hypocrisy.

  25. Ken Houghton said,

    May 5, 2006 at 21:47

    Gee, if I instituted “a five-year plan to increase the number of analysts and operatives, which is going to help make this country a safer place and help us win the war on terror” in 2005, I might at least stick around until 2007 or so to see if it was going to work.

    Guess not in Garyworld.

  26. The Velvet Blog said,

    May 5, 2006 at 21:47

    Did you notice that “Porter Goss” is an anagram for “I love hookers”?

  27. celticgirl said,

    May 5, 2006 at 21:58

    addresses invisible sky deity: *thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you*

  28. Jillian said,

    May 5, 2006 at 22:04

    When did Jeff Gannon actually admit that he’s gay?

  29. BrooklynRaider said,

    May 5, 2006 at 22:06

    Did you notice that “Porter Goss” is an anagram for “I love hookers”?

    Heh. Actually, it really is an anagram for “groper toss,” which describes his firing.

    It also works out to “gropes rots,” but that’s just gross.

  30. Ken Houghton said,

    May 5, 2006 at 22:11

    when it’s a Bush appointee having buttsex

    All right, that just proves that Gary’s trying to rival annieangel as a parodist.

    Republicans having “buttsex” is the default. It’s the gay wing of the Party (Richard Viguerie et al.) who re-invigorated the direct mail and fundraising campaigns on the grass roots level in the post-WGate bugging era. It’s the gay Republicans in the administration (esp. Mehlman) who keep them on message, if not on budget. And it’s the gay Republicans who put forward the ballot initiatives against gay marriage–they don’t want to pay alimony by default–that got out the votes of all of those soon-to-be Gold Star families in the Midwest and the Gulf Coast of Florida in the last election.

    It’s the gays who pay for it–or, worse, who have to give quid (in the form of defence contracts) for quotidian sex who are the problem.

  31. Ken Houghton said,

    May 5, 2006 at 22:12

    Jillian – at the Equality Forum in Philadelphia a couple of nights ago.

  32. Lucy said,

    May 5, 2006 at 22:13

    Actually, I think that was one of the parody Gary Rupperts. The first line is kind of a giveaway, IMO.

  33. Henry Holland said,

    May 5, 2006 at 22:17

    [checking roster, to see who's on my team]

    Porter Goss? No, don’t want him.

    Scotty McLiar? Fat tub of goo (tm David Letterman), no way.

    Ken Mehlman? No way, that face would *sink* a 1,000 ships.

    Dukestir? No fucking way, not even when he was allegedly hot in his flyboy days.

    Richard Viguerie? Ewww, and I like older men.

    Shrub? Rove? Satan, get thee behind me. Heh heh heh heh the fudgepacker said “Behind” heh heh heh heh

    Nope, it’s Dan Bartlett or nothing for us ‘mo’s.

  34. g said,

    May 5, 2006 at 22:22

    The Freepers really think the CIA has been infiltrated by the Left?

    Why don’t their heads explode?

  35. fish said,

    May 5, 2006 at 22:23

    Actually, I think that was one of the parody Gary Rupperts. The first line is kind of a giveaway, IMO.

    Parodies of parodies of wingnuts. Getting a little meta in here…

  36. dAVE said,

    May 5, 2006 at 22:32

    g – I know! When the CIA started being labeled as an organization taken over by liberals, I was like “huh??”

  37. BrooklynRaider said,

    May 5, 2006 at 22:34

    The Freepers really think the CIA has been infiltrated by the Left?

    Why don’t their heads explode?

    Beats me. But it’s probably related to the mentality that allows conservatives to consider themselves “anti-big-government” all while supporting a massive expansion of governmental powers.

    I guess it’s all about who gets to control the black helicopters.

  38. dAVE said,

    May 5, 2006 at 22:36

    I guess it goes with the whole CIA – fact gathering, and modifying one’s actions based on information, and checking out information to see if it’s, y’know, true n’ shit.

    Typical liberal MO. Real men just go with their guts, and never, ever, ever, admit that they might have made a mistake.

  39. Thorlac said,

    May 5, 2006 at 22:42

    Why don’t their heads explode?

    The intense gravitational pull of the tiny black hole in each of their heads counteracts the explosive dissonance. Simple really. Like them.

  40. Gary's "Good Friend" said,

    May 5, 2006 at 23:05

    Goss is a married man. He is also 67 years old.

    Gary, remember that little bottle of viagra you keep by the night stand for our little trysts? You know, the one’s Mrs. R doesn’t know about? I’m thinking Goss is also enjoying it’s benefits..hm-hm.

  41. Lucy said,

    May 6, 2006 at 0:23

    can I just go off-topic and say, since someone mentioned Freie Republik, I went over there to look around, and I came across this column on Freud’s 150th birthday. http://www.freerepublic.com/focus/f-news/1627527/posts
    I knew there would be some very enjoyable reactions.

    In the comments, someone wrote (and received an endorsement from another reader shortly thereafter): Freud was a fraud, who glommed onto the success and mystique Einstein and other european scientists (that is, real scientists) had earned in physics, and appropriated their prestige for misuse by psychiatry (and, by extension, other soft sciences).

    EINSTEIN? As in, the same Einstein who published his general theory of relativity in 1916, 17 years after Freud published The Interpretation of Dreams? Clearly we are in the presence of someone who knows all about Freud and his place in the history of modern thought. And how exactly would he have coattailed his theories of personality, etc., on the basis of work in physics??

    OK, to get back on topic, Porter Goss is an anagram for Toes Pro Grrs.

  42. jpj said,

    May 6, 2006 at 0:49

    Lucy, you just prove that liberals don’t understand the hard sciences. Einsteinan spacetime means that you approach the speed of light, like Einstein did, time slows down and that means that Freud could ride Einstein’s FUTURE coattails.

    Anyway, the Freepers should be complimented becauase current conservatives seldom acknowledge ANY science as legitimate (global warming? Evolution? Liberal LIES!).

    And Freepers in 1930s Germany would’ve derided both Einstein and Freud as “Jewish Science” anyway.

    Oh yeah, um… Yes that Porter Goss is certainly in a bit of a pickle, and an anagram of Porter Goss Pickle is… Ah, I got nothin’.

  43. Lucy said,

    May 6, 2006 at 0:56

    Well played, jpj. Yes, it did cross my mind that he didn’t denigrate the sciences, with the exception of Freud’s curious and celebrated psycho-physics hybrid, of course. But you do run across the occasional Freeper who knows something about something … and makes it yet another occasion for vitriolic chauvinism.

  44. Lucy said,

    May 6, 2006 at 1:01

    “Porter Goss Pickle” = Gross Lick Peter*

    *sort of

  45. Marq said,

    May 6, 2006 at 6:13

    Goss is a married man. He is also 67 years old.

    And, boy, I tell you, I’ve never run into any of those in gay bars or anything….
    Hey, wait!!

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    May 19, 2006 at 11:48

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