Apr
15

Gary Ruppert Is Not a Real Troll, Part II




Posted at 22:01 by Brad

This is getting ridiculous (and funny too):

Yes. You see, the results of the reporting encourage more bombings to occur. If the media just didn’t report on bombings so much, then the terrorists wouldn’t think that they were succeeding, and then they would eventually give up.

By this logic, the media should have never reported about 9/11- that way, al Qaeda would never have been able to realize their own success. Keep up the great thinkin’, Gary!

604 Comments »

  1. Jillian said,

    April 15, 2006 at 22:15

    Where is the good Dr. Berube when we need him? Because the idea that people make sense of reality based upon what reality looks like on TV is so deliciously Beaudrillardian, I could imagine the professor dissolving into a mass of chewy, nougaty deliciousness at the sight of it.

  2. Mark said,

    April 15, 2006 at 22:26

    What is this 9/11 that you speak of?

  3. Mal de mer said,

    April 15, 2006 at 22:31

    I think it’s a little tragic that we even have to question whether the imbecile is genuine or not.

    It’s really gotten hard to tell, hasn’t it? Thanks a lot, PowerTools.

  4. F. M. Asshat said,

    April 15, 2006 at 22:32

    Oh where real all right and were fantastic!!! Eat it liberal nerd boy!!! LOL!!1!

  5. Gary Ruppert said,

    April 15, 2006 at 22:33

    There’s no comparison between terrorist bombings in Iraq and 9/11.

    9/11 was a huge event. It’s not equivilent to some bomber in Iraq

  6. Brad R., a.k.a. THE SLEDGEHAMMER OF JUSTICE!!!! said,

    April 15, 2006 at 22:34

    9/11 was a huge event. It’s not equivilent to some bomber in Iraq

    People who died on 9/11: 3,000.

    People who have died from violence in Iraq: At least 32,000. And counting.

  7. F. M. Asshat said,

    April 15, 2006 at 22:35

    You tell him GR my main man!!1! These commies need a dose of the truth! Why do they hate AMERICA?>

  8. F. M. Asshat said,

    April 15, 2006 at 22:36

    Yea but their not Americans Braid!!

  9. Mal de mer said,

    April 15, 2006 at 22:37

    We hate America because of its Fritos.

  10. Gary Ruppert said,

    April 15, 2006 at 22:38

    Brad would be better off comparing dropping an A-Bomb in Hiroshima with the number of people who die from heart attacks while having sex.

    Then Brad R, the Sledgehammer of Stupid, would claim that people dying of heart attacks during sex is bigger than the A-Bombing of Hiroshima.

    The fact is that you have to be on a mind-altering drug to think that 9/11 was better than the Iraq War

  11. Jillian said,

    April 15, 2006 at 22:40

    As someone who lived about thirty minutes from the WTC and could see the smoke in the air for days afterward with my own two eyes, I can personally attest to the fact that Manhattan was just as bad as this for years after September 11.

    Oh, wait…

  12. JK47 said,

    April 15, 2006 at 22:40

    Which would be worse:

    1. 9/11

    2. A NYC where dozens of people are killed every day for three years by terrorist bombings

    I’m sure asshat has an answer as to why #1 is worse.

  13. F. M. Asshat said,

    April 15, 2006 at 22:40

    Ha HA! Sledgehammer of the STUPID! \

    IRAQ ATTACKED US FIRST! Their is no comparison!

  14. KnightErrant said,

    April 15, 2006 at 22:41

    Reminds me of the “Ravenous Bugblatter Beast of Traal (a mind-bogglingly stupid animal, it assumes that if you can’t see it, it can’t see you)” from the Hitchhikers Guide To The Galaxy. All we have to do is cover our eyes and the boogeyman will go away.

  15. Gary Ruppert said,

    April 15, 2006 at 22:42

    the damage inflicted during 9/11 by Osama Bin Laden and his terrorist network is still worse than the damage inflicted by Osama bin Laden and al-Qaeda in Iraq.

    If it weren’t for Al-Qaeda terrorizing Iraq, we wouldn’t be there now. And when they are defeated, then the situation in Iraq will be better for every good person

  16. F. M. Asshat said,

    April 15, 2006 at 22:43

    JK47, because we attacked Iran in revenge for scenario Number 1 we stopped scenario Number 2 from happening.

  17. JK47 said,

    April 15, 2006 at 22:43

    Which place is more terrifying:

    1. NYC, 9/11/2004

    2. Bagdhad, 4/9/2006

  18. His Grace said,

    April 15, 2006 at 22:43

    Umm, Gary are you seriously comparing deaths as a result of sex versus deaths due to bombs and saying that’s the difference between 9/11 and Iraq.

    Man, it must rule to be you. These pesky things called numbers, logic and facts never get in your way of repeating your talking points. It must be great to be able to reject anything that doesn’t conform to what you believe.

  19. F. M. Asshat said,

    April 15, 2006 at 22:44

    Woopsie I meant “IRAQ”

  20. Gary Ruppert said,

    April 15, 2006 at 22:44

    “are you seriously comparing deaths as a result of sex versus deaths due to bombs and saying that’s the difference between 9/11 and Iraq.”

    no, but Brad is doing things like that

  21. JK47 said,

    April 15, 2006 at 22:45

    The fact is that you have to be on a mind-altering drug to think that 9/11 was better than the Iraq War

    Or one of the many newly minted Iraqi orphans.

  22. Jillian said,

    April 15, 2006 at 22:46

    I’ve never been on orphans before. What’s it like?

  23. JK47 said,

    April 15, 2006 at 22:46

    no, but Brad is doing things like that

    Strawman alert.

  24. Gary Ruppert said,

    April 15, 2006 at 22:47

    9/11:

    Terrorists attack civilians without warning, thousands die in one day

    Iraq:

    We liberate Iraq, and terrorists kill civilians over a few years

    clearly Iraq is worse!

    You should stand on Ground Zero and tell people that!

  25. F. M. Asshat said,

    April 15, 2006 at 22:48

    It’s called flypaper!! Its’ brilliant we lured all the all queda to Iraq were they all were and then we take it to them their! So we don’t have to fight them here? WHY CAN”T you understand that?

  26. JK47 said,

    April 15, 2006 at 22:49

    You should stand on Ground Zero and tell people that!

    Okay. The same day that you take your bedwetting ass to Bagdhad and tell the Iraqis that causing a bloody civil war in their country is no big deal compared to 9/11.

  27. Jillian said,

    April 15, 2006 at 22:51

    Gary, how many people do you personally know that died on September 11? When is the last time you were in downtown Manhattan?

    Did you ever have the experience of getting out of a subway and walking up the entrance to be greeted by an entire wall covered with photos of the missing taped to pieces of paper with contact information for the next of kin written on it?

    Have you helped anyone settle out their spouse’s financial affairs afterward? File the insurance claim on the car because the husband had decided to drive to work that day instead of take the train, and the car was somewhere under the rubble?

    Your attitude is pretty damn offensive to those of us who actually HAVE done these things, buster.

  28. Ianua Ditis said,

    April 15, 2006 at 22:55

    well, Jillian, Gary is a conservative internet wanker, so he has no problem invoking 9/11 and ground zero to ‘prove’ his points, even though all he knows about it is what he saw on Fox News.

  29. JK47 said,

    April 15, 2006 at 22:56

    Being a bitch troll at Eschaton wasn’t enough for Gary. He had to find a place where the level of snark was even higher in order to satisfy his self-loathing. It’s like progressing from smoking heroin to mainlining it.

  30. Brad R., a.k.a. THE SLEDGEHAMMER OF JUSTICE!!!! said,

    April 15, 2006 at 22:56

    The fact is that you have to be on a mind-altering drug to think that 9/11 was better than the Iraq War

    Because that’s exactly what I said, Gary.

    The actual point I was making was that terrorist attacks are in fact news. Really. They are. They’re news when they occur in Israel. They’re news when they occur in America. They’re news when they occur in Iraq. when they do happen- and in Iraq, they happen quite frequently- the media will in fact report on them.

  31. tigrismus said,

    April 15, 2006 at 23:03

    Every post of Gary’s is like a mind-altering drug. I can see time!

  32. gregor samsa said,

    April 15, 2006 at 23:05

    Here’s a snippet of a little song that I just made up* called Ad Hominem:

    We blogged along without care.
    Then we ran into a Gary bear!
    He was a hairy bear!
    He was a scary bear!
    We beat a hasty retreat from this liar,
    And described him with adjectives!

    *actually stole from Hannity

  33. Jillian said,

    April 15, 2006 at 23:07

    I will never forget the day my (now ex)fiance and I took the PATH from the Metuchen station to Penn Station on our way in for a day of browsing the sights – we hit the AMNH, the Strand bookstore, a few comics shops…and everywhere you went, there were reminders of that awful day. Penn Station was covered with homemade flyers – pictures of the missing, their loved ones begging for any information about where they were. The subway just felt different, in a way I can’t really put into words – everyone was so subdued.

    And this was in the spring, months later.

    People I knew died that day.

    So you’ll have to excuse me if I get a little testy about people pimping a tragedy that they weren’t even personally involved in for their own political ends. It sort of rubs one the wrong way.

  34. Gary Ruppert said,

    April 15, 2006 at 23:07

    “The same day that you take your bedwetting ass to Bagdhad and tell the Iraqis that causing a bloody civil war in their country is no big deal compared to 9/11.”

    We didn’t cause a civil war in Iraq. Iraqi terrorists caused a civil war in Iraq.

  35. Ianua Ditis said,

    April 15, 2006 at 23:11

    wait, Gary, I thought Iraq was already full of terrorists when Saddam was there.

    So howcome they didn’t have a civil war then?

  36. Gary Ruppert said,

    April 15, 2006 at 23:13

    Ianua Ditis, Iraq didn’t have a civil war when Saddam was there because Saddam supported the terrorists

  37. gregor samsa said,

    April 15, 2006 at 23:16

    so then by getting rid of Saddam we unleashed the terrorists?

    Good plan.

  38. gregor samsa said,

    April 15, 2006 at 23:19

    I think that our little scary bear just came full circle and is now staring at his own ass thinking maybe this wasn’t such a good idea after all.

  39. Brad R. said,

    April 15, 2006 at 23:20

    We didn’t cause a civil war in Iraq. Iraqi terrorists caused a civil war in Iraq.

    Gary, you’re off message. THERE IS NO CIVIL WAR IN IRAQ, REMEMBER??? THE MSM MADE IT ALL UP!!!!

  40. gregor samsa said,

    April 15, 2006 at 23:22

    Brad, you forgot about the key talking point about Clinton’s complicity in this whole mess.

  41. Gary Ruppert said,

    April 15, 2006 at 23:26

    so then by getting rid of Saddam we unleashed the terrorists? Good plan.

    It’s better to have free Iraqis instead of having Iraqis being ruled by Saddam.

    Gary, you’re off message. THERE IS NO CIVIL WAR IN IRAQ, REMEMBER??? THE MSM MADE IT ALL UP!!!!

    There’s a civil war by terrorist elements aiming to take over Iraq

  42. Hysterical Woman said,

    April 15, 2006 at 23:32

    Gary, by saying that there is a civil war, you are embolding the terrorist.

  43. gregor samsa said,

    April 15, 2006 at 23:33

    My diagnosis:

    1) Acute stupid berry poisoning

    2) Parody

    3) Wingeritis

    Sadly, 1 and 3 are uncurable.

  44. Jillian said,

    April 15, 2006 at 23:35

    The only thing worse than emboldening terrorists is embettering them.

    Has Gary engaged in the embetterment of terrorists?

  45. Gregor Samsa said,

    April 15, 2006 at 23:37

    Gary’s plan is to unleash terrorists on the Iraqi people so that they can be free. It’s all so simple.

    Flat tax anyone?

  46. tigrismus said,

    April 15, 2006 at 23:41

    I think you’ve forgotten the dreaded embiggening of terrorists, Jillian.

  47. Gregor Samsa said,

    April 15, 2006 at 23:42

    embiggiesizing?

  48. Marita said,

    April 15, 2006 at 23:44

    The only thing worse than emboldening terrorists is embettering them.

    Has Gary engaged in the embetterment of terrorists?

    What about embiggening the terrorists? That would be pretty awful too.

    BTW, Gary has really slowed down on his “The fact is…” usage. Unless I’ve missed some, he’s only managed one since his four-”fact is” flurry earlier.

  49. Marita said,

    April 15, 2006 at 23:45

    D’oh! tigrismus beat me to it!

  50. Jillian said,

    April 15, 2006 at 23:45

    Dear Lord, I had forgotten?

    Why does bad English love the terrorists so?

  51. Matt Weiner said,

    April 15, 2006 at 23:45

    He’s trying to throw the bet to you, Marita. I call foul!

  52. tigrismus said,

    April 15, 2006 at 23:47

    Woohoo! I win the internets! Or the gummy Venus de Milo. Mmmmm, gummy Venus…

  53. Gary Ruppert said,

    April 15, 2006 at 23:49

    the fact is that the Iraq War is a part of the War on Terror, and the War on Terror is a war for freedom for millions. Millions of Afghanis and Iraqis are now free.

    The left is not concerned about freedom, which is why they oppose the war on terror.

  54. Marita said,

    April 15, 2006 at 23:50

    He’s trying to throw the bet to you, Marita. I call foul!

    Don’t worry Matt, there’s still plenty of time. Gary may be on my side now, but I suspect his affections are short lived. For whatever reason, he just strikes me as the kind of guy who has a short attention span.

    Hmmm… wonder why that is…

  55. g said,

    April 15, 2006 at 23:50

    “It’s better to have free Iraqis instead of having Iraqis being ruled by Saddam.”

    So, Gary, you’re saying they were once terrorists ruled by Saddam but now they’re FREE terrorists! So that’s the good news the media is leaving out!

  56. Gary Ruppert said,

    April 15, 2006 at 23:55

    You’re the one stereotyping Iraqis as terrorists, not me

  57. Jillian said,

    April 15, 2006 at 23:55

    Yes. It is a war for the freedom of millions.

    Which can be somewhat difficult to reconcile with the current earth’s population.

    Reminds me of that joke about how you leave Las Vegas with ten thousand dollars….

  58. g said,

    April 15, 2006 at 23:56

    It’s offensive to compare deaths at 9/11 to civilian deaths in Iraq, or anywhere, for that matter. There’s no such thing as a “better” occurance of violent death.

    Can one compare what’s happening in Iraq to what happened in Bosnia? How about Rwanda? Which one is “better?”

  59. Drew Johnston said,

    April 16, 2006 at 0:00

    Maybe I’m not up-to-date on the Official Wingnut Stance on Iraq, but as of the beginning of this year describing the situation in Iraq as a “civil war” was playing into the hands of the Emm-Ess-Emm and implicitly pro-terrorist/anti-American.

    Of course, I’m still trying to figure out why a group of Shi’ite terrorists like al-Qaeda would support a Sunni who oppressed Shi’ites. The only explanation I could think of involved an Illuminati plot to replace the mayor of Innsmouth with John Dillinger’s clone, but then the acid wore off and I totally forgot it.

  60. Gavin M. said,

    April 16, 2006 at 0:03

    Iraq didn’t have a civil war when Saddam was there because Saddam supported the terrorists

    I just reached into my mouth and yanked out my skull, and now I’m beating myself on the head with it.

  61. Gregor Samsa said,

    April 16, 2006 at 0:03

    The fact is, dear little scary bear, that the Iraq war has resulted in the following:

    1) 3000+ American soldiers dead (and rising).
    2) Over 1 TRILLION dollars ultimate cost to the American taxpayer (and rising)
    3) Tens of thousands of American casualties (and rising)
    4) Tens of thousands of Iraqi civillian dead (and rising)
    5) Tens of thousands of Iraqi civilian casualties (and rising)
    6) Destabilization of the middle east
    7) Iraqi civil war
    8) The tying of American and Western hands when it comes to actually doing something constructive in lessening terrorism
    9) Fertile training and recruiting ground for new terrorists
    10) Increasing hatred of the US around the world
    11) ad naseum….

    So kindly, EAT IT COBAG!!!

  62. annieangel said,

    April 16, 2006 at 0:04

    Who’s Gary Ruppert and what’s a Cobag?

  63. His Grace said,

    April 16, 2006 at 0:07

    Gary, you totally rule:

    Saddam led a terrorist government (according to you). So the brilliant War in Iraq deposed Saddam to free the Iraqi people and, um, for some reason the terrorists (who weren’t blowing up Iraqis before the US invaded, nor, unless you could kindly point out to me where they did this, attack the US) weren’t removed and despite three years of US military operations are still killing Americans and Iraqis.

    Gee, if only the media would stop reporting these ongoing attacks, then they would stop. Because, you know, if the Terrorist Saddamites (see commie-nazis) invaded your home town and the terrorist loving EMM ESS EMM didn’t report it, since they wouldn’t because they hate America right, you’d just pack up your gun, sign of LGF and go, I guess the terrorists have won. I know that I, as a weak terrorist loving liberal sure would.

  64. Gregor Samsa said,

    April 16, 2006 at 0:09

    Annieangel, I’ll use gary’s logic to give you the definition of a Cobag

    …Gary=Cobag=Gary=Cobag=Gary=Cobag=Gary…to and from infinity

    Gary…Cobag

  65. JK47 said,

    April 16, 2006 at 0:11

    In the whippet-addled brain of Gary, Saddam and Osama were best buddies with the same exact ends– establishing a Muslim theocracy across the world. Never mind that they hated each other, and that Saddam is a secularist while Osama is a fundamentalist Muslim. Never mind that, because those facts don’t add up the way Gary’s pea brain needs them to. No, the way Gary sees it is much simpler, because he starts with a conclusion then works backwards to that conclusion. This is how you end up with such inanities as “Iraq didn’t have a civil war when Saddam was there because Saddam supported the terrorists.” Your logic and reasoning has to be truly broken to believe something like that.

  66. Carpbasman said,

    April 16, 2006 at 0:12

    In re Gary Ruppert, classical troll or wingnut blowhard (parody troll’s wrong because you aren’t supposd to be in on the joke) see this comment I left at the Poorman earlier this year.

    I see that he’s actually started responding to people, though. Good job Gary!

    The consensus over at the Poorman is that he was probably a wingnut testing out what talking points would fly.

    BTW, Gary has really slowed down on his “The fact is…” usage. Unless I’ve missed some, he’s only managed one since his four-”fact is” flurry earlier.

    Posted by: Marita | April 15, 2006 11:44 PM

    One thing about Gary, he does respond to critcism.

  67. Pinko Punko said,

    April 16, 2006 at 0:14

    They are one and the sme, annieangel.

    As for stupid-juice berry juice, which GR is freakin guzzling like a no ice Super Big Gulp refilling trucker, he might be better off with methanol at this point.

    Let me explain it to Gavin. In Iraq there was a huge build up terrorist potential and that potential was locked up in like this humongous terrorist capacitor. And the fact is that everyone knows that freedom particles and terror particles are oppositely charged. So sadly, as freedom flowed into Iraq, the oppositely charged terror particles flowed out. It’s just physics.

  68. Carpbasman said,

    April 16, 2006 at 0:17

    Posted by: annieangel | April 16, 2006 12:04 AM

    You’ll probably have more fun with this one

    AnnieAngel on being a goodly Christian wife:
    1. Always be up before your Husband in the morning so you can have his paper and his breakfast ready for him when he wakes. Although it is the morning, there is no need to be slovenly, always make sure you are showered and dressed with your hair fixed and your make-up on. ALWAYS serve fresh orange juice. Only whores use frozen

    See generally here

  69. JK47 said,

    April 16, 2006 at 0:18

    Gary can bloviate all he wants. 60% of America and 90% of the rest of the world knows he is full of shit. And he is a loser who spent his Friday night, and is about to spend his Saturday night, trolling on left-wing blogs. His datelessness is more pathetic then his wingnuttiness.

  70. Gregor Samsa said,

    April 16, 2006 at 0:19

    Break out the adjectives!

  71. Jillian said,

    April 16, 2006 at 0:22

    Now, now…..you can’t call *all* the dateless “pathetic”

    (says Jillian, who hasn’t been on a date since before certain people decided it was reasonable to declare war on amorphous emotions like “terror”.)

  72. Timmah420 said,

    April 16, 2006 at 0:25

    Millions of Afghanis and Iraqis are now free.

    Yes indeedy, the Iraqi\’s are free to have thier shit blown to smithereens and the Afghans are free to live under harsh Shiara law.

    I\’m creaming in my pants here for all that success.

  73. Gregor Samsa said,

    April 16, 2006 at 0:26

    Oh Jillian, we know that you’re a hottie. You just have one character flaw, which men find so degrading: discernment.

  74. Timmah420 said,

    April 16, 2006 at 0:28

    PS: Please do read Annie Angels\’s \”How to be a good christian wife\”, I posted it in one of the other threads but it really needs to have attention called to it.

    I haven\’t seen a piece of work like her since Marie Jon\’, it\’s almost as if she\’s a parody of herself.

  75. Ianua Ditis said,

    April 16, 2006 at 0:28

    Hey – I spent my friday night reading blogs about the Mets. Is that much better?

    (in my defense, I was still hung over from my thursday night escapades.)

  76. Jim said,

    April 16, 2006 at 0:30

    I wish to repeat my complaint about the non-standard use of “troll” and “trolling” on S,N! from #36 in the previous thread. Please stop. It doesn’t mean what you seem to think.

    See for example:
    http://www.urban75.com/Mag/troll.html

  77. Gavin M. said,

    April 16, 2006 at 0:34

    And he is a loser who spent his Friday night, and is about to spend his Saturday night, trolling on left-wing blogs. His datelessness is more pathetic then his wingnuttiness.

    I know — I’m totally on a romantic gondola ride right now, enjoying the fine weather with a fascinating, uh, date.

  78. Jillian said,

    April 16, 2006 at 0:35

    Ah, Gregor, why aren’t there more men like you around?

  79. Pinko Punko said,

    April 16, 2006 at 0:36

    I nominate Jim for a ‘Baggie.

    Because he just trolled with a definition of trolling.

    And I’m not using his definition of trolling to define his trolling.

    Therefor I nominate myself for a ‘baggie. And a Golden Onion Wiener.

  80. Gavin M. said,

    April 16, 2006 at 0:42

    Oh, speaking of no dates on Saturday night, there’s a Ben Shapiro alert in progress.

    Travis can tell for sure if it’s him. Hey Travis, you there?

  81. Thorlac said,

    April 16, 2006 at 0:44

    The fact is…someone should call the ASPCA about how Gary is torturing the hamster that powers his brain wheel. Gary’s had that poor little sucker sprinting all weekend. Squeakity squeakity squeakity…

  82. JK47 said,

    April 16, 2006 at 0:52

    Hey – I spent my friday night reading blogs about the Mets. Is that much better?

    I’m a regular at MetsGeek and Metsblog myself. But I do occasionally scrounge together a date. And it’s one thing to spend a weekend night reading blogs, quite another thing altogether to spend your weekend annoying people. Such antisocial behavior mixed with grade-A wingnuttery, truly hateful homophobia and a love of all things Jeebus makes me think Gary desperately needs to get himself laid.

  83. g said,

    April 16, 2006 at 0:53

    Remember, if you serve frozen orange juice AND initiate sex, you are a WHORE!

  84. JK47 said,

    April 16, 2006 at 0:55

    Hey, Gary is gone now. Maybe he’s out on a hot date with Marie Jon”s sweater.

  85. Anonymous said,

    April 16, 2006 at 0:58


    I nominate Jim for a ‘Baggie.

    Because he just trolled with a definition of trolling.

    And I’m not using his definition of trolling to define his trolling.

    Pinko Punto: Then would you please stop using your own made up meaning of trolling?

    It’s really annoying!

  86. Capt. Trollypants said,

    April 16, 2006 at 0:58

    What, he’s laying some piping?

  87. Jim said,

    April 16, 2006 at 0:59

    Oh. Screwed that one up. Insert italics and moniker where appropriate. :)

  88. g said,

    April 16, 2006 at 0:59

    Oh, Christ. I just read the comments on annieangel’s Whoreish Frozen Orange Juice thread.

    It makes my head hurt.

  89. annieangel said,

    April 16, 2006 at 1:00

    Tell me about it, g. Those trolls were whacked.

  90. g said,

    April 16, 2006 at 1:04

    Uh, actually, annie, it’s you that I thought was fucking crazy.

    Let me ask you, are you married?

    What kind of orange juice do you serve?

  91. Timmah420 said,

    April 16, 2006 at 1:04

    Yeah, I seriously didn\’t believe a word of it was serious until I saw the back and forth of the comments.

    I mean, only whores use frozen? Don\’t sit down at the breakfast table? Don\’t talk to your husband about your plans and *other* trivial things?

    That kind of madness surpasses even Gary for it\’s sheer numbskullery. They both also seem to think their unsupported opinions are somehow automatically \”fact\”.

  92. JK47 said,

    April 16, 2006 at 1:05

    Okay, I took the bait and read the “how to be a good Christian wife” bit. I feel like I just huffed a case of whippets.

  93. Worst. President. Ever. said,

    April 16, 2006 at 1:11

    Hey, Gary— don’t you think the terrorists have noticed that NOT A SINGLE OF THESE FUCKING COWARDS has signed up for a tour of duty in Iraq?

    Military Service Eligible Children of George W. Bush
    Jenna Bush
    Barbara Bush

    Military Service Eligible Children of Jeb Bush
    George P. Bush
    Noelle Bush
    John Ellis Bush Jr.

    Military Service Eligible Children of Neil Bush
    Lauren Bush
    Pierce Bush

    Military Service Eligible Children of Marvin Bush
    Marshall Bush

    Military Service Eligible Children of Dorothy Bush Koch
    Samuel LeBlond
    Ellie LeBlond

  94. Mal de mer said,

    April 16, 2006 at 1:11

    Jesus Christ…Concubines use frozen. Whores use Sunny D.

    …Catamites use Grenadine and sparkling mineral water.

  95. Gavin M. said,

    April 16, 2006 at 1:14

    What are you if you serve mimosas?

  96. annieangel said,

    April 16, 2006 at 1:14

    I’m in a relationship. I always serve fresh hand squeezed orange juice.

    I think my man is special enough for me to go out of my way to please him. I’m sorry your woman, if you have one, doesn’t feel that way about you.

  97. annieangel said,

    April 16, 2006 at 1:16

    Mimosa is acceptable on Christmas morning.

  98. Marita said,

    April 16, 2006 at 1:20

    What are you if you serve mimosas?

    Wouldn’t that depend on the quality of the orange juice?

  99. g said,

    April 16, 2006 at 1:20

    “I’m in a relationship. I always serve fresh hand squeezed orange juice”

    Young lady, if you’re not married, you shouldn’t even be making breakfast for your gentleman friend. Otherwise, you’re a WHORE.

  100. JK47 said,

    April 16, 2006 at 1:20

    I’m in a relationship. I always serve fresh hand squeezed orange juice.

    Do you really do all that other shit too, like not talking to him about your day and not sitting down at the table with him and all that? Because that is really the mindblowing part. Aren’t you special enough so he should give a shit about you too?

  101. annieangel said,

    April 16, 2006 at 1:25

    He cares about me! But if he’s thinking I don’t act like a Jerry Springer wannabe and interrupt him with trivial bullshit. I create a calm atmosphere in the mornings so he can start his day in a positive way, not distracted about what I’m cooking for dinner or how I’m going to Walmart after lunch.

    Sheesh!

  102. Timmah420 said,

    April 16, 2006 at 1:26

    I\’m in a relationship. I always serve fresh hand squeezed orange juice.

    Optimimus Prime Rules. I had cottage cheese for lunch.

    Those two sentences have more to do with each other than your two annie.

  103. Mal de mer said,

    April 16, 2006 at 1:26

    What are you if you serve mimosas?

    A lush.

  104. g said,

    April 16, 2006 at 1:27

    “I don’t act like a Jerry Springer wannabe and interrupt him with trivial bullshit. I create a calm atmosphere ”

    Got it. And you bring your crazed nut-cake repressed rage elsewhere. Like here.

  105. annieangel said,

    April 16, 2006 at 1:29

    What rage?

  106. Worst. President. Ever. said,

    April 16, 2006 at 1:30

    Great minds think alike!

    In 2004, George Mason University polled 415 presidential historians and found 80 per cent considered Bush’s first term a failure. More than half considered it the worst presidency since the Great Depression. More than a third called it the worst in 100 years. Eleven per cent said it was the worst ever. Robert McElvaine, a professor of history at Millsaps College in Mississippi, says scores would likely be worse if the poll were repeated today. “When I filled out that survey I said Bush was the worst since Buchanan [1857-61], but things have gotten worse and now I’d have to consider him the worst ever,” McElvaine says.

  107. annieangel said,

    April 16, 2006 at 1:31

    Those two sentences have more to do with each other than your two annie.

    My two Annie what?

  108. Mal de mer said,

    April 16, 2006 at 1:31

    I’m sorry…I’m not continuing this conversation until Annie clears something up…am I to understand that you are in an intimate relationship with a man who is not your legally betrothed?

  109. annieangel said,

    April 16, 2006 at 1:32

    There is a higher law than that of man, idiot.

  110. Mal de mer said,

    April 16, 2006 at 1:33

    There is a higher law than that of man, idiot.

    Harlot!

  111. g said,

    April 16, 2006 at 1:34

    “There is a higher law than that of man, idiot”

    Rage, exhibit One.

    So, Annie is cohabiting with a man without the benefit of marriage, yet it is the serving of Minute Maid products that is whoreish, not living in sin.

    Annie, just curious. Do you have children? Do you work outside the home?

  112. annieangel said,

    April 16, 2006 at 1:35

    But yes, I’m betrothed. But what do you mean by legally? I’m a bit confused, do you know what betrothed means?

  113. Timmah420 said,

    April 16, 2006 at 1:37

    Your two sentences, here\’s two more.

    I work with morons. I only eat chips with french onion dip.

    Let\’s skip past that bit anyway, what about the \”If the man wakes you up for sex (remember you\’re supposed to be in bed before him as per your rules) you must \”give in graciously\” which sounds like nutjob code for \”lie there like a dead fish while he violates you\” and no enjoying it right? Because only whores initiate sex, everyone knows women don\’t want to have sex, it\’s just the men that force them.

  114. annieangel said,

    April 16, 2006 at 1:38

    Do you have a job? How much money do you make? Do you have children? Are you sexually active? Do you have any STD’s? When is the last time you kicked your dog? How old were you the first time you masturbated? Did you feel guilty? If so, why? How many brothers and sisters do you have? Did you father ever cheat on yo mama? Was your mother addicted to Seconal? Did you ever have a homosexual experience? Were you abused as a child? How many fingers am I holding up? Do you like cake?

  115. annieangel said,

    April 16, 2006 at 1:40

    Women enjoy sex. Duh. You must not be doing it right.

    Give in graciously means don’t push him away just because you were asleep. It means to not be selfish.

  116. Timmah420 said,

    April 16, 2006 at 1:42

    Yes, Not nearly enough, no, yes, no, never, 12, no, didn\’t, 1 brother, no (that i know of), no, no, no, the middle one probably, and finally Yes.

  117. Mal de mer said,

    April 16, 2006 at 1:44

    do you know what betrothed means?

    Apparently, I don’t. But I blame your wantoness for temporarily discombobulating me.

    I don’t think I can continue making prayerful contributions and witnessing and…whatnot…if your licentiousnesss here remains unmoderated.

  118. g said,

    April 16, 2006 at 1:44

    yes, 70K, yes, yes, no, never, don’t remember, no, 3,don’t know, no no no, one (how juvenile), yes.

    Your turn.

    annie, let me point something out. you posted a list as “advice” for women telling them how to live, and told your critics that their negative feedback meant they were going to burn in Hell.

    My personal life isn’t relevant; I’m not telling people how to live.

    Now you’ve revealed that, at least in part, you’ve granted yourself an exception for taking that advice.

    So I think it’s relevant to know whether you work out of the home, whether you have children. Since you are passing judgement upon women based on their behavior in these areas.

  119. Mal de mer said,

    April 16, 2006 at 1:50

    Trollop! Round heels! A veritable belle de joie!

    …where’s that scarlet letter?

  120. annieangel said,

    April 16, 2006 at 1:52

    I passed no judgement on people following my advice. I made it VERY clear it was only advice and not law. And I made it clear it was advice solicited by Christian women.

    I do not pass judgement, Jesus does. And His judgement is that if you don’t believe in Him, you go to Hell. Which is what I also made very clear.

  121. Mal de mer said,

    April 16, 2006 at 1:56

    I do not pass judgement, Jesus does.

    …says the shacked-up Jezebel.

  122. GuinnessGuy said,

    April 16, 2006 at 1:58

    betrothed, transitive verb, orig: Middle English: 1. “To promise to give in marraige”.
    That is to say “not married” and therefore, still premarital in all regards. Everything pre-wedding, is solid harlotry there, I’m afraid. But since you are apparently unaware of that, we’ll refrain from stoning you on the spot, and simply scourge you of your sins and send you to cloister before your wedding day.

  123. g said,

    April 16, 2006 at 2:00

    “Only whores use frozen.”

    “There is no excuse for anything other than a spotless house. Filth is for pigs”

    “DO NOT POUT, it’s your fault.”

    “DO NOT PIG OUT.”

    Yup, just straight, non-judgemental sweet loving Christian advice. And if you don’t take it, you’re going to burn in Hell.

    Yow. The scarey thing is, there are probably major projection and self-esteeem issues going on there.

    I think I’m beginning to get a picture of what annieangel’s relationship wtih “her man” is like.

  124. GuinnessGuy said,

    April 16, 2006 at 2:03

    No (fulltime student), so none, no, no, no, never, can’t recall, yes, I’m Catholic- I feel guilty about everything, two, no, no, no, no, one (quite puerile of you, really), and generally yes.

  125. annieangel said,

    April 16, 2006 at 2:06

    You don’t go to Hell for not taking my advice, you go to Hell for not being saved.

    Why is it so hard for you to comprehend?

  126. g said,

    April 16, 2006 at 2:11

    More loving, sweet, non-judgemental Christian advice from annieangel (in her comments section).

    “it’s even more obvious that none of you care about making a happy home”

    “I hope you stop self hating.”

    “I figured you were just trying to be PC with your bullshit ”

    “Typical of your type ”

    “I’m sick and tired of the feminists who think that only they are true women because they go out and steal jobs from men and ignore their children.”

    “What is wrong with you?”

    “Are you just bored or are you insane?”

    “I think you’re paranoid.”

    “Or you can keep posting over and over to feed your self inflated ego.”

    “You are nothing but a great big looser [sic]”

    Is this the kind of treatment you give “your man” when you’re trying to create a calm atmosphere for him to start his day?

  127. His Grace said,

    April 16, 2006 at 2:12

    Hey, assuming neither are parodies, which I would like to believe, but I’ve had the sadness to read Jeff Goldstein and ’nuff said there, who do you think is nuttier?

    Gary or Annie?

    See, while I think that only Whores use frozen orange juice makes a magnificent slogan for wingnuttery, the fantasy that if NBC showed a few schools being painted that Al Qaeda (who are the only real troublemakers in Iraq) would like give up and democracy would flourish is so gleefully retarded that I think it earns my vote.

    Anyone else?

    Oh and Annie

    Yes, enough for now, no, no , no, never, 15, no, N/A, 1, no he’s a devoted husband, no, no, no, I’m guessing twenty seven, not particularly.

  128. annieangel said,

    April 16, 2006 at 2:15

    Wow, responses to troll posts with no context!

    Cool!

  129. Gregor Samsa said,

    April 16, 2006 at 2:17

    Don’t you know that Gary=Annie?

  130. annieangel said,

    April 16, 2006 at 2:19

    I didn’t know that!

  131. shystee said,

    April 16, 2006 at 2:19

    Don’t you go to hell for lying, stealing and killing, also?

    If so, Bush’s ass is going to get poked by demons’ pitchforks for sho’.

    Or does all that get cancelled out because he’s “saved”?

    If that is so, born-again christian fundamentalism seems to me like an incentive for immoral behavior.

  132. g said,

    April 16, 2006 at 2:19

    Why thanks! It’s just a little snapshot, annie, of the gracious Christian godliness of you!

    I left out the one where you said “Fuck Dear Abby,” because you were goaded into it. Anyone can get upset like that.

  133. g said,

    April 16, 2006 at 2:22

    It’s been fun, but Ta-Ta! gotta run, go cook dinner for hubby before he gets home!

    Must put that cocktail glass in the freezer for his drinkie-winkie!

    Check in with you later!

  134. annieangel said,

    April 16, 2006 at 2:27

    Once you are baptized you are saved, but you must repent your sins and ask Jesus to enter into your heart. Then you get to be with God in Heaven for eternity after you die.

    Christians aren’t perfect, just forgiven.

    I wasn’t goaded into anything. Dear Abby is a fucking skank-ho who tells women to piss on Christ.

  135. His Grace said,

    April 16, 2006 at 2:30

    I see, if I go and kill, oh say a few billion people in a vengeful genocide because I hate pants or something but recant on my deathbed I get into heaven but Mahatma Ghandi doesn’t. Glad that’s cleared up. Thanks Annie, you make me so proud of my Christianity.

  136. GuinnessGuy said,

    April 16, 2006 at 2:30

    Jesus :hearts: curse words- and there’s nothing I like more than watching wingnuts using that Sola Fide nonsense to justify their actions.

  137. annieangel said,

    April 16, 2006 at 2:32

    Sorry, Ghandi wasn’t saved. Jesus doesn’t know him and he wasn’t a law following Jew so God hates him.

  138. His Grace said,

    April 16, 2006 at 2:33

    Yup. Ghandi’s burning in Hell for all of Eternity.

    But me and my genocidal ways are forgiven, all I had to do is let Jesus into my heart and I am forgiven.

  139. annieangel said,

    April 16, 2006 at 2:35

    For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son so that whoever believeth in Him shall not perish but have everlasting life.

    AMEN!

  140. His Grace said,

    April 16, 2006 at 2:38

    Yup, we agree on that Annie. I’m just asking you, if I went out and killed, say, 2 billion people in cold blood. Women, Children. Include fetuses and zygotes. All because I hated pants (or thought I was the second coming) whatever. If I repented and accepted Jesus into my heart, by your logic, I would get into heaven, no?

  141. Mal de mer said,

    April 16, 2006 at 2:41

    If you play Annie’s comments backwards you can hear “Kiss the Devil! Kiss the Devil! *blearg*”

    It’s chilling.

  142. Timmah420 said,

    April 16, 2006 at 2:43

    Women enjoy sex. Duh. You must not be doing it right.

    Hey! I was making a joke about you not enjoying it, I never expected that to get turned around on me-Whoop! (slips on banana peel)

    Why is it so hard for you to comprehend?

    Seriously though, I think it’s time you differentiated between a fact and a belief. It’s your *belief* that people that don’t go to a certain church all go to hell. It might be a “fact” to you but that still makes it a belief. Insisting that beliefs are facts aren’t helping you make your point.

    Let’s see what else is there to discuss… Well there is the time someone came to make a small point about grammar, being careful to stay out of the conversation between me and you and you called him/her an idiot.

  143. Jillian said,

    April 16, 2006 at 2:45

    Annie knows way too much about sex for a virgin.

    I think she made the baby Jesus cry.

  144. Mal de mer said,

    April 16, 2006 at 2:48

    I think we’ve established that Annie, the brazen, co-habitating hussy, is no virgin.

    …oh, the sins. The SINS!

  145. Timmah420 said,

    April 16, 2006 at 2:49

    Oh and also, the comment you made about my writing being poor, was a rock thrown thrrough a paper window in a glass house, lady.

    A house with the word “looser” scrawled on the door.

  146. Jillian said,

    April 16, 2006 at 2:51

    Forgive her, Father, for she knows not what she does.

  147. Modern Major-General said,

    April 16, 2006 at 2:51

    Your God is insecure little weenie who demands that everybody kiss his ass 24/7 under the threat of eternal torture. Why should I worship this guy, again?

    I’d rather burn in an everlasting lake of fire, with maggots chewing the last scraps of meat from my broken bones, and Shaquille O’Neil anally fisting me, than hang out with YHWH and his obsequious little minions.

  148. annieangel said,

    April 16, 2006 at 2:52

    You don’t need to go to any Church to be saved. Any church or no church is fine if you have Jesus. Only Papists will not enter into Heaven as they aren’t really Christians and worship the Pope. And Mormons and JW’s will go to Hell too.

    If you sincerely repent your sins and let Jesus in your heart, you will not be the same person who did the bad things before you were saved. Even Muslims can be saved and enter Heaven if they repent and accept Christ.

  149. Jillian said,

    April 16, 2006 at 2:54

    Have you repented of your harlotry, annie?

    As a sister in Christ, I fear for your soul. It grieves me to think of the dogs lapping at your blood as they did Jezebel.

    If you repent, the Lord will forgive you, annie – as long as you are truly convicted in the spirit.

  150. annieangel said,

    April 16, 2006 at 2:56

    My relationship with Jesus is personal and perfect.

    Worry about your own, you are disrespecting the Lord and the time of reckoning is near. True Christians do not mock each other as you are mocking me, God sees all and waits.

  151. Mal de mer said,

    April 16, 2006 at 2:57

    Only Papists will not enter into Heaven as they aren’t really Christians and worship the Pope.

    Where does it say that in the Bible? And for once, answer a question, will you? I realise, with all the sex outside of the convenant of marriage, you are rather distracted, but at least try.

  152. Jillian said,

    April 16, 2006 at 3:01

    I’m sorry if you think I’m mocking. I just hate the thought of your soul perishing for all eternity because of your refusal to acknowledge what a grievous sin premarital sexual relations are.

    But it’s not too late, annie. Jesus is waiting to forgive you. All you need to do is make it possible for him.

  153. annieangel said,

    April 16, 2006 at 3:01

    23 Then said one unto him, Lord, are there few that be saved? And he said unto them,
    24 Strive to enter in at the strait gate: for many, I say unto you, will seek to enter in, and shall not be able.
    25 When once the master of the house is risen up, and hath shut to the door, and ye begin to stand without, and to knock at the door, saying, Lord, Lord, open unto us; and he shall answer and say unto you, I know you not, whence ye are:
    26 Then shall ye begin to say, We have eaten and drunk in thy presence, and thou hast taught in our streets.
    27 But he shall say, I tell you, I know you not whence ye are; depart from me, all ye workers of iniquity.
    28 There shall be weeping and gnashing of teeth, when ye shall see Abraham, and Isaac, and Jacob, and all the prophets, in the kingdom of God, and you yourselves thrust out.
    29 And they shall come from the east, and from the west, and from the north, and from the south, and shall sit down in the kingdom of God. [Luke 13:23-29..KJ]

  154. GuinnessGuy said,

    April 16, 2006 at 3:04

    Two can play at that game:

    Matthew 7:21
    Not every one that saith to me, Lord, Lord, shall enter into the kingdom of heaven: but he that doth the will of my Father who is in heaven, he shall enter into the kingdom of heaven.

    Matthew 12:36,37
    I tell you, on the day of judgment you will have to give an account for every careless word you utter;
    For by your words you will be justified, and by your words you will be condemned.

    Matthew 12:50.
    For whosoever shall do the will of my Father, that is in heaven, he is my brother, and sister, and mother.

    Luke 8:21
    [He} said to them: My mother and my brethren are they who hear the word of God and do it.

    John 5:29
    And they that have done good things shall come forth unto the resurrection of life: but they that have done evil, unto the resurrection of judgment.

    Romans 2:6,7; 13
    Who will render to every man according to his works
    To them indeed who, according to patience in good work, seek glory and honour and incorruption, eternal life
    For not the hearers of the law are just before God: but the doers of the law shall be justified.

    And my favorite:

    James 2:24-26. Do you see that by works a man is justified, and not by faith only?
    And in like manner also Rahab the harlot, was not she justified by works, receiving the messengers and sending them out another way?
    For even as the body without the spirit is dead: so also faith without works is dead.

    But then, I’m a Pope and Mary worshiping Papist- and what do we know… we’ve only had 2000 years of time to deliberate theological issues.

  155. Jillian said,

    April 16, 2006 at 3:06

    Matthew 10:

    11 And into whatsoever city or town ye shall enter, enquire who in it is worthy; and there abide till ye go thence.
    12 And when ye come into an house, salute it.
    13 And if the house be worthy, let your peace come upon it: but if it be not worthy, let your peace return to you.
    14 And whosoever shall not receive you, nor hear your words, when ye depart out of that house or city, shake off the dust of your feet.

    Lord knows I’ve tried. I’ll pray for you, annie.

  156. Anonymous said,

    April 16, 2006 at 3:07

    19 And if a woman have an issue, and her issue in her flesh be blood, she shall be put apart seven days: and whosoever toucheth her shall be unclean until the even.

    20 And every thing that she lieth upon in her separation shall be unclean: every thing also that she sitteth upon shall be unclean.

    21 And whosoever toucheth her bed shall wash his clothes, and bathe himself in water, and be unclean until the even.

    22 And whosoever toucheth any thing that she sat upon shall wash his clothes, and bathe himself in water, and be unclean until the even.

    23 And if it be on her bed, or on any thing whereon she sitteth, when he toucheth it, he shall be unclean until the even.

    24 And if any man lie with her at all, and her flowers be upon him, he shall be unclean seven days; and all the bed whereon he lieth shall be unclean.

    25 And if a woman have an issue of her blood many days out of the time of her separation, or if it run beyond the time of her separation; all the days of the issue of her uncleanness shall be as the days of her separation: she shall be unclean.

    26 Every bed whereon she lieth all the days of her issue shall be unto her as the bed of her separation: and whatsoever she sitteth upon shall be unclean, as the uncleanness of her separation.

    27 And whosoever toucheth those things shall be unclean, and shall wash his clothes, and bathe himself in water, and be unclean until the even.

    28 But if she be cleansed of her issue, then she shall number to herself seven days, and after that she shall be clean.

    29 And on the eighth day she shall take unto her two turtles, or two young pigeons, and bring them unto the priest, to the door of the tabernacle of the congregation.

    30 And the priest shall offer the one for a sin offering, and the other for a burnt offering; and the priest shall make an atonement for her before the LORD for the issue of her uncleanness.
    [Leviticus 15: 19-30..KJ]

  157. Marita said,

    April 16, 2006 at 3:08

    I wasn’t goaded into anything. Dear Abby is a fucking skank-ho who tells women to piss on Christ.

    I think I remember that column!

    Wasn’t it in response to a woman whose husband was leaving her because she was constantly serving orange juice made from concentrate?

  158. His Grace said,

    April 16, 2006 at 3:10

    Annie, Annie, Annie… Why can’t you answer a single question directly.

    I keep asking you if I went and murdered a bunch of people (doesn’t even have to be a mass genocide of a billion or so people, just a few hundred) and repented and believed as you do, would I not by your logic, get into heaven?

    By everything you say, I would. And I would go, hmmm and Mahatma would burn eternally in the Lake of Fire. Gotcha. What a sweet religion.

    Makes me wonder if God even is the same person to each of us. Probably not, she’s much too tasteful to let a genocidal madman into heaven no strings attached.

    Plus, if I believed as you do, I could say fornicate a lot and be forgiven. Maybe I should have a labotomy…

  159. annieangel said,

    April 16, 2006 at 3:11

    The OT is nothing to me.

    Why do you assume I have done no good works? Because I don’t brag? Good works are nothing if you aren’t saved. It’s the saving that is important to God. Good works are part of being saved because Jesus wants us to spread the word and feed the poor. That goes hand in hand.

    Look to your own house. It seems to be in need of cleaning in more ways than one.

  160. annieangel said,

    April 16, 2006 at 3:12

    I answered you, Grace.

  161. Marq said,

    April 16, 2006 at 3:13

    Then you get to be with God in Heaven for eternity after you die.

    Eeew! No, thanx!

  162. Mal de mer said,

    April 16, 2006 at 3:17

    The OT is nothing to me.

    I could (barely) handle Annie’s harlotry, but I can’t put up with this heresy.

    Burn her.

  163. His Grace said,

    April 16, 2006 at 3:18

    Ok Annie, you may feel you’ve answered me or not, but I feel that you’ve been a little obscure. I’m sorry, I’m a retarded liberal. Please do not take my attempts to question you as a evil trick to try and get you pinned down on some sort of weird contradiction or moral quandry. I’m just stupid and need things explained to me in slow simple terms.

    So (for the thousandth time)

    Does the Genocidal Madman who recants on his deathbad get into heaven? Yes or No?

  164. annieangel said,

    April 16, 2006 at 3:23

    Anyone who sincerely repents their sins and calls on Jesus to enter into their hearts and who believes in Him will enter into the Kingdom of Heaven. This is because they are now born again in the Spirit of God.

  165. Lee said,

    April 16, 2006 at 3:26

    But the people he killed won’t “enter into the Kingdom of Heaven,” because they wear pants and never let Jesus into their hearts (or pants).

    Seems fair to me.

  166. Anonymous said,

    April 16, 2006 at 3:27

    The OT is nothing to me.

    Not even Genesis?! I’ve misjudged you.

    Hey, can an omnipotent being make a being more powerful than He is? ‘Cause if He can’t, then He can’t do everything so He can be omnipotent, and if he can, then it’s possible to be more powerful than He is so He can’t be omnipotent.

    If said omnipotent being works outside the laws of logic, then how am I supposed to understand Him at all? It would be like trying to carry on a conversation with Bizarro.

    Speaking of Bizarro, how is it possible to have a cube-shaped planet? The gravitational pull would be all wonky. I guess that would be a problem when so much of the population is composed of clones of Bizarro (who can fly), but what are Bizarro Jimmy and Bizarro Lois to do? What, I ask you!?

  167. annieangel said,

    April 16, 2006 at 3:27

    Each person is responsible for their own personal salvation.

    There’s no other way.

  168. cranky said,

    April 16, 2006 at 3:27

    Annie — I really want to know the answer to this question: Why are you here at this site?

    And Atrios. And others (IIRC). Really, I read your stuff everywhere it seems these days, and for the life of me I just don’t get what your purpose is here.

    Are you trying to save all of us? Do you really think your arguments will sway any of the readers here? Do you just want the attention? Seriously, WTF is it?

    (I apologize for engaging the resident wingnut is such a fashion. I’m just truly baffled. I hope the bible verses posts continue. I enjoy them imensely.)

  169. His Grace said,

    April 16, 2006 at 3:28

    Ok. Alright. I’ve done it, killed a few billion people and now have been reborn again in the Spirit of God. I’m getting into heaven, right? So should I be punished for my war crimes if I am a true believer? What if I slip up and kill a few million more because I had a bad day? Do I just repent again?

  170. Lee said,

    April 16, 2006 at 3:29

    Yeah, that damned (literally) four month old who went to the fire was just an irresponsible little shit. Don’t like it? You shoulda thought of that before you decided to be too young to accept Jesus!

  171. annieangel said,

    April 16, 2006 at 3:30

    I don’t post here much or at Atrios. I thought it was a free internet, but I guess now I need to report why I post where I do to you???

  172. Anonymous said,

    April 16, 2006 at 3:30

    …so He can‘t be omnipotent…

    …I guess that wouldn’t be a problem…

    I blame Satan for my typos.

  173. annieangel said,

    April 16, 2006 at 3:30

    Children are saved if they are too young to make personal choices.

  174. Timmah420 said,

    April 16, 2006 at 3:31

    Keep trying buster, check tout her blog, she doesen’t do the whole “answering questions” thing.
    I mean, I told the woman the first time I masturbated and she still didn’t even answer the question, that’s gotta be worth somethin’.
    She actually is kinda starting to remind me of Scott Mclennan
    Scott: Uhhh, I think if you’ll check the record, i’ve stated my beliefs on that.

  175. annieangel said,

    April 16, 2006 at 3:32

    Yeah, you told the woman, big guy.

    Fucking men.

  176. Timmah420 said,

    April 16, 2006 at 3:32

    Hey annie, question, what about remote tribes and such. You know, people who have no idea anyone named Jesus existed?
    All burning in a lake of fire or what?

  177. annieangel said,

    April 16, 2006 at 3:33

    By this day and age all have heard of Christ.

  178. Jillian said,

    April 16, 2006 at 3:35

    Cranky, annie is a troll. Her purpose for being here is to try to get us upset and encourage us to say hateful things toward her because of the fact that we are upset. The purpose of this is to provide justfication for her silly view that liberals are hateful people.

    There’s no good reason to conclude that she’s Christian, or in a relationship, or conservative, or even female. The only thing we can be sure of is that she is very bored, and very lonely.

    Luckily, I’m a heartless human being, so picking on someone like that when they’ve brought it on themselves doesn’t bother me much. Fish in a barrel, perhaps, but I work hard, and a little easy entertainment is nice every now and then.

  179. His Grace said,

    April 16, 2006 at 3:35

    It’s ’cause our women don’t bring us fresh squeezed I guess sweetheart.

  180. annieangel said,

    April 16, 2006 at 3:36

    Actually, I come here because I think this blog is funny.

  181. kathleen said,

    April 16, 2006 at 3:36

    177 comments! nice work Brad. you might break the internets at this rate.

  182. Timmah420 said,

    April 16, 2006 at 3:37

    Excuse me, but I didn’t mean “woman” in any sort of derogatory sense, and I’m not exactly sure how you even came to that conclusion. I was talking to another person about you, what words should I have used?

    Besides of course harlot that is. Living in sin like that…

  183. JIllian said,

    April 16, 2006 at 3:38

    If Brad breaks it, Gavin will fix it.

    They’re the Wonder Twins of the interwebs.

  184. kathleen said,

    April 16, 2006 at 3:38

    that is beautiful. it’s like they’re soul mates.

  185. Lee said,

    April 16, 2006 at 3:39

    Yeah, there probably aren’t that many people in the world who haven’t heard of Christ. There are also relatively few people in the world who haven’t heard of whiskey.

    Therefore: Accept whiskey into your heart, or you shall be cast out of the kingdom of heaven.

    What are YOU looking at?

  186. Marita said,

    April 16, 2006 at 3:41

    Children are saved if they are too young to make personal choices.

    Whoa. Now this is getting complicated. Can you just give us a flow chart or something so that the whole saved/damned thing is a little easier to sort out?

  187. Marq said,

    April 16, 2006 at 3:41

    By this day and age all have heard of Christ.

    Boy, I cannot state how much I wish II never had!
    And, what, exactly, is annie’s problem with the OT? It seemed to have significant meaning to ol’ Jeebus hisself, so you’d think… Hmm.

  188. Lee said,

    April 16, 2006 at 3:42

    That got screwed up. It was supposed to be “the kingdom of heav(hic)en.” But used arrows, so it mistook it for an html command. Doh.

  189. Timmah420 said,

    April 16, 2006 at 3:43

    Actually there are plenty of groups of people that outside of contact from the civilized world.

    If not them, what about all the past souls? All those countless immortal souls burning in a lake of maggots and fire because of cruel fate?

    Oh what a world, what a world.

    Let’s break this stupid internets, goin on 200 posts.

  190. annieangel said,

    April 16, 2006 at 3:44

    Jesus is the fulfillment of the Old Testament. A testament is a covenant or contract. When Jesus came he fulfilled the promise of the old contract and began the New Testament, which is Jesus.

    Becuase Christians are not Jews, we are not bound to the laws of the old covenant.

    The OT is important only in a historical way and to see the prophesy of the coming of Jesus.

  191. Dan Someone said,

    April 16, 2006 at 3:46

    Being a bitch troll at Eschaton wasn’t enough for Gary. He had to find a place where the level of snark was even higher in order to satisfy his self-loathing. It’s like progressing from smoking heroin to mainlining it.

    Well, I realize Annie has managed to turn this into a comment thread about her, the wanton harlot, but I had to respond to this bit about Gary. Because if I read it right, we need to inform Atrios that he is a gateway drug to Sadly, No! Guess he can eat that, the cobag!

  192. Anonymous said,

    April 16, 2006 at 3:46

    Actually, I come here because I think this blog is funny.

    And to show to the rest of us, by object example, of what funny isn’t, right?

    Fundies, motivated by a core of hate and anger, need constant confrontation to establish the semblance of a faith, since real faith escapes them. It explains the easy lapse into the dogmatic primitivism we see in annie here.

  193. Marq said,

    April 16, 2006 at 3:47

    Wow–since I logged onto this site, this thread has gained 66 comments. That’s just… madness. I realize that’s not all that impressive if your blog’s name is “Eschaton” or “Americablog”, but it’s freaky ’round these parts.

  194. GuinnessGuy said,

    April 16, 2006 at 3:48

    Whatever this thread might end up as, I hope she thinks of us the next time she submits to her not-husband’s desire for not-married sex (is the fact that it’s sinful make it more kinky, I wonder?).

  195. Jillian said,

    April 16, 2006 at 3:48

    If we break the internet on Easter eve, will it be miraculously restored tomorrow morning?

  196. Timmah420 said,

    April 16, 2006 at 3:50

    No, but our computer’s monitor will be replaced with a delicious chocolate version.

  197. Anonymous said,

    April 16, 2006 at 3:51

    By this day and age all have heard of Christ.

    All except my cousin Merv. That guy doesn’t know what’s what. To be honest, we’re all a little worried about him.

    You have a backlog of questions that we’re all dying to see answered*. Come now, that fate of the world (specifically, Bizarro World**) literally *** hangs in the balance.

    * Not really.

    ** Fictional, as far as I know.

    *** Incorrect use of the word “literally”.****

    **** Sentence fragment. *****

    ***** Ironically, this two****** is a sentence fragment.

    ****** That should be “too”.

    PS: Sorry for spamming. I have nothing better to do with my free time.

  198. annieangel said,

    April 16, 2006 at 3:51

    Nope. I usually only read the posts, the comments aren’t usually of the same quality.

    Although whoever said the smack about how their are no liberal leftist powerhouses to protest and then stated, “also, fuck hillary clinton” made me laugh alot.

  199. Patrick Phelan said,

    April 16, 2006 at 3:53

    You know, I don’t actually like trolls. I didn’t even like the Doctor, and he was part of the family. But I don’t know, there’s something about that Gary. I don’t know why at all, but my word he’s amusing.

    I think it’s the fact that he doesn’t engage with anyone, so – without having to engage with him – I can see him in a completely inoffensive light, and just appreciate what he brings to the table. Don’t ever change, Gary. Don’t ever change.

    (As regards the Jesus, can we mention Matthew 5:17-18?)

  200. Jillian said,

    April 16, 2006 at 3:53

    Yeah….I know why *I* don’t have a date on Saturday night, but what’s up with the rest of y’all?

    We aren’t holding up our fair share of the liberal gay abortion agenda.

  201. Marita said,

    April 16, 2006 at 3:53

    A testament is a covenant or contract.

    And here was I, thinking that it was a crappy ’80s metal band. I have so much to learn about religion.

  202. Anonymous said,

    April 16, 2006 at 3:54

    Luckily, I’m a heartless human being, so picking on someone like that when they’ve brought it on themselves doesn’t bother me much. Fish in a barrel…

    Jillian, you and I should get together and have a beer some time.

    The internets just ate my eloquent and brilliant response to Annie, but here’s the short version:

    Annie – I didn’t ask for a report on where you posted. I was sincerely interested in knowing WHY you post at blogs that obviously have such a different view of the world than you do. Are you hoping to save us?

  203. Marq said,

    April 16, 2006 at 3:55

    If we break the internet on Easter eve, will it be miraculously restored tomorrow morning?

    Hmm, that’s a bit off, isn’t it? If we wanted things to analogue that particular little story, wouldn’t we have had to break the interwebs on Friday? Or, if we broke it tonight, in going for a looser interpretation, shouldn’t it take three days to be fixed? ‘Course, everything happens faster with computers, but that shouldn’t count.

  204. Jillian said,

    April 16, 2006 at 3:56

    Well, you’re all invited to get cervesas with me the next time you’re around Miami Beach.

    Except for annie. I don’t want her loose morals rubbing off on me.

  205. annieangel said,

    April 16, 2006 at 3:56

    I told you why I read this blog. It seems you don’t like my answer….I don’t know how to help you.

  206. cranky said,

    April 16, 2006 at 3:57

    Damn! I love this thread. Even more than the D-Ho’s crack den thread.

    (Ack, the anonymous comment above in response to Jillian and Annie is me.)

  207. Jillian said,

    April 16, 2006 at 3:58

    It’s Moore’s Law, Marq.

    The next next time either we break the internets or Jesus comes back, they’ll be restored in a mere eighteen hours.

  208. Thess said,

    April 16, 2006 at 3:58

    “You don’t go to Hell for not taking my advice, you go to Hell for not being saved.

    Why is it so hard for you to comprehend?”

    Because some brazen harlot keeps giving all this advice! If all it takes to be a good Christian wife is to accept Christ, then where does all this orange juice nonsense even come from? My bet: sexual fetishism.

    Soooo. . . hey annieangel, you’re a harlot, I’m a whoremonger, you’re a bottom, I’m a top. I think I have some Barry White albums around here somewhere. Wink, wink, nudge, nudge.

  209. annieangel said,

    April 16, 2006 at 4:00

    No problem Jillian, to me Miami would be slumming and I don’t do that.

    I’ll be at Eschacon II though if anyone is planning on going. I’m helping Vicki and Tena plan it this year.

  210. His Grace said,

    April 16, 2006 at 4:01

    Jillian, I’m having fun watching this thread. I’ve always wondered if I could commit mass genocide and get into heaven.

    See, it’s one of the crazier things that the fundies talk about and I as a non born again type christian have a bit of a problem with.

    See, if I commited mass genocide and really truly repented, how could I allow myself to go into eternal paradise? Should I not feel guilty for all the suffering I have caused? Should I not attone for such crimes, even if it means (not that I truly believe in this) eternal damnation?

    I’d really like to ferment the liberal homo agenda, but I wouldn’t no where to begin.

  211. g said,

    April 16, 2006 at 4:01

    Hi, all, I’m back. My man has plans out after dinner, and I wouldn’t dream of questioning him or checking up on him. Just let me check on the cake and how the laundry’s doing before I get back to posting.

    I wanted to ask annieangel about the Not Sitting Down to Breakfast With Him thing.

    Because in my experience, I have never met anyone who did this, or heard of anyone asking for this. The idea that one shouldnt’ sit down for breakfast with another person because the sound of one’s chair-legs scraping against the floor while one gets up and down to do personal errands for him sounds very specific, llike something that would come from direct experience.

    annieangel, did you actually have a relationship with someone who complained about the noise your chair-legs made while you fetched things for him? Or did you witness such a thing in your childhood with your parents?

    Did your man rebuke you for discussing the dinner menu with him, and call your talk trivial?

    Did he chide you for pouting when he didn’t kiss you goodbye?

    Or is this stuff your dad did to your mom, and it shaped your views of marital relations?

    Just wondering.

    You know, Jesus forgives scraping chair legs on the floor. Really.

  212. cranky said,

    April 16, 2006 at 4:09

    Annie — You come here because you think the site is funny? Well, I guess that’s an answer. Although it still doesn’t address why you come here and pick fights, which I suppose was the real point of my question.

    I hope I get to meet you at Ecshacon II. Until then, I’ll be studying up on my Freud.

  213. annieangel said,

    April 16, 2006 at 4:11

    The WHOLE POINT of JESUS DYING FOR US is that HE HAS ATONED for ALL OF OUR SINS!

  214. Marq said,

    April 16, 2006 at 4:11

    It’s Moore’s Law, Marq.

    Aha! Ably explained! Well, I must bid this thread adieu and get me some vittles. Keep it up, kids, and it’ll be in the 300-400 range by the time I return. Or, even threaten the high-comment score set by the legendary Long Thread (currently at 519!).

  215. Jillian said,

    April 16, 2006 at 4:11

    I thought the point was the Peeps.

    I do so love Peeps.

  216. g said,

    April 16, 2006 at 4:13

    “Always be up before your Husband in the morning so you can have his paper and his breakfast ready”

    Hee. Just re-read this.

    “Prance to him with his paper in your mouth, wagging your tail. If he pats your head, show gratitude. If he forgets, DON’T POUT!”

  217. annieangel said,

    April 16, 2006 at 4:13

    I didn’t pick a fight. Timmah is the instigator here, also carpbasman. And someone else too, I dunno who but people are linking to me all over the place here today.

    I’m just defending myself which I don’t think I should have to do here.

    I’m sorry, Gavin, Brad and the other guy. I believe that Gary whoever isn’t a troll he’s a Cobag.

  218. Marita said,

    April 16, 2006 at 4:16

    I thought the point was the Peeps.

    I do so love Peeps.

    The point of Jesus dying was for us to have Peeps?

    Yeah, it’s as good an explanation as any…

  219. F. M. Asshat said,

    April 16, 2006 at 4:22

    YOU NO WHAT WOULD BE REALLY HAWT?!!1! A CAGE MATCH between ANNieAnGEL and ANN BARTOW. Rowr11111> LOL!!!

  220. Anonymous said,

    April 16, 2006 at 4:23

    Cindy Sheehan is armed and dangerous to Iraqi civilians?

  221. Jillian said,

    April 16, 2006 at 4:36

    Did we break it yet?

  222. annieangel said,

    April 16, 2006 at 4:37

    What are you talking about, did we break it yet?

  223. Some Guy said,

    April 16, 2006 at 4:38

    Thank you Jesus! That’s what I’ll say tomorrow.

    I might even slip the guy an extra ten, because he did a great job on the hedges in the front yard.

  224. Gregor Samsa said,

    April 16, 2006 at 4:39

    The interwebs.

  225. His Grace said,

    April 16, 2006 at 4:39

    Nuts. Still not broken. Maybe if I use the words Homosexual, Conspiracy, Osama and Saddam in a sentence.

  226. annieangel said,

    April 16, 2006 at 4:40

    Are we trying to break it? If so, how?

  227. Gregor Samsa said,

    April 16, 2006 at 4:44

    By cobagitation.

  228. annieangel said,

    April 16, 2006 at 4:45

    Oh, i get it. It’s some lame inside thing right?

    Like, Frist!?

  229. Gregor Samsa said,

    April 16, 2006 at 4:46

    Yeah, just like Frist.

  230. Ianua Ditis said,

    April 16, 2006 at 4:47

    Wow. 226 comments. That is crazy.

    Good thing I got home early, I know these threads usually peter out around 300….

  231. His Grace said,

    April 16, 2006 at 4:47

    I was thinking we could use the power of caring, but cobagitation works nicely too.

  232. annieangel said,

    April 16, 2006 at 4:47

    These motherfucking snakes are cobagitating on my motherfucking Frist!

    Owls.

  233. Jillian said,

    April 16, 2006 at 4:48

    If only I had some Peeps, this would be perfect.

  234. Jillian said,

    April 16, 2006 at 4:50

    Do you eat the body and blood of Our Saviour with that mouth, annie?

    I hope you wash it out with soap first.

  235. annieangel said,

    April 16, 2006 at 4:52

    Stop flirting, Jillian.

  236. Matt T. said,

    April 16, 2006 at 4:54

    How early does one have to get up to make one’s man fresh, hand-squeezed orange juice? If one uses a juice squeezer to make one’s man’s orange juice, does one go to hell? Or just Purgatory? What about orange juice that comes from a jug? Does one go to hell then, too? What about canned biscuits? Personally, I think eternal damnation should be reserved for them that serve their men whomp biscuits? My momma never hand-squeezed orange juice for my Old Man, does that make Momma a whore? She always made cathead biscuits, though, so maybe she’s just a jezabel.

  237. Ianua Ditis said,

    April 16, 2006 at 4:56

    Your Grace – I’m under the impression that because you are saved, it doesn’t matter what you do, because having accepted Jesus as your savior, you have (ipso facto?) recieved his grace, which is the only thing that leads to salvation. Works are not important, only faith.

    I’m not sure why He couldn’t decide to take it away, but that is probably a question for one more theologically sophisiticated than I. To the best of my recollection this is based on one certain verse in the Bible.

    (the more pressing question is that old chestnut: Could Jesus microwave a burrito so hot that He Himself could not eat it? Think about that one.)

  238. Matt T. said,

    April 16, 2006 at 4:58

    Man, I had no idea the breakfast table was such a theological minefield. What if one’s man doesn’t even like orange juice? Should a truly virtuous Christian woman go out and, like, milk the cow by hand or roast his coffee beans, too? What if all he wants is toast? Or cereal. My brother’s never eaten anything but cereal (and cathead biscuits) for breakfast and never made his girlfriends hand-squeeze fresh orange juice for him. What’s that make him?

  239. Gary Ruppert said,

    April 16, 2006 at 4:58

    If my mission was to cause the largest S,N! thread ever, it would be an accomplished mission.

  240. annieangel said,

    April 16, 2006 at 5:00

    If he doesn’t like orange juice you serve what he does like. If you can’t figure that out you really need help!

  241. annieangel said,

    April 16, 2006 at 5:02

    Accomplished by me. :)

  242. Jillian said,

    April 16, 2006 at 5:02

    If my mission was to cause the largest S,N! thread ever, it would be an accomplished mission.

    No it wouldn’t.

  243. Matt T. said,

    April 16, 2006 at 5:04

    I’m not serving my brother a damn thing. He’s 29, he can pour his own cereal. He does it all the time.

    Hey, that’s another question. What if, and just run with me here, the man doesn’t particularly want the special woman in his life to hand-squeeze him fresh orange juice, or in any other manner wait on him hand and foot? Is that okay?

  244. GuinnessGuy said,

    April 16, 2006 at 5:05

    Half way there…

  245. Dan Someone said,

    April 16, 2006 at 5:05

    The WHOLE POINT of JESUS DYING FOR US is that HE HAS ATONED for ALL OF OUR SINS!

    So…uh…we can do anything, and it doesn’t make a difference? And if this is true, I shouldn’t even have to accept Jesus as my savior, because he has atoned for all of humanity’s sins, including the sin of not accepting Jesus as my savior. That is a sin, isn’t it? How about apostasy, or heresy? Those are definitely sins, I’m sure, and dissing Jesus would have to be at least one of those… but it’s all cool, because they’re pre-atoned!

    By the way, annie, how exactly did people get into heaven between the time Jesus died and (as reported) ascended to heaven and the time the Gospels were actually, you know, written?

    And finally, who the FUCK wants to go to a “heaven” that (a) you can get into even if you’re a genocidal mass murderer, as long as you have accepted Jesus as your savior; (b) you can’t get into if you’re a saintly person but you don’t accept Jesus as your savior; and (c) has someone like you in it gloating over the eternal torment and suffering of all the people who didn’t get in? Sounds like an unbearable shithole to me.

  246. annieangel said,

    April 16, 2006 at 5:06

    Halfway where?

  247. annieangel said,

    April 16, 2006 at 5:08

    God lets you into Heaven. Through Jesus. If you don’t believe in Jesus and want to get into Heaven, you better be a law following Jew.

    If you don’t want to go to Heaven, Dan, no one is going to force you.

  248. His Grace said,

    April 16, 2006 at 5:08

    Ianua, that is my understanding of fundamentalist theology. I just found it wacked out weird. I found this tract
    in a washroom one day and thought, hey, this doesn’t conform with my beliefs in God and dare I say it, personal responsibility.

    This is not to say that I don’t believe that people can’t be forgiven for sin… I just don’t think that repenting on your death bed = heaven while a guy who worked his entire life for the freedom of his people gets cast into the lake of fire because his name isn’t in the book of life.

  249. g said,

    April 16, 2006 at 5:09

    “What if all he wants is toast? Or cereal”

    What if he’s a lucky charms kind of guy?

    “If he doesn’t like orange juice you serve what he does like.”

    But, annie, you just SAID that if we served frozen OJ we were WHORES!!!

    What if he likes Tang?

    I say, goddammit, if Jesus says I gotta hand-squeeze oranges, he better fuckin’ like it!

  250. Marita said,

    April 16, 2006 at 5:10

    If only I had some Peeps, this would be perfect.

    I don’t know about this whole Peeps thing, Jillian. I found some disturbing Peeps research elsewhere on the internets. Those things may be more dangerous than Twinkies.

  251. annieangel said,

    April 16, 2006 at 5:10

    It doesn’t matter when you repent as long as it’s sincere and you accept Christ.

  252. Brad R. said,

    April 16, 2006 at 5:11

    Sounds like an unbearable shithole to me.

    C’mon, Dan, don’t you want to spend an eternity with Pat Robertson, Jerry Falwell and Phyllis Schlafly?

  253. annieangel said,

    April 16, 2006 at 5:11

    I say, goddammit, if Jesus says I gotta hand-squeeze oranges, he better fuckin’ like it!

    Are you on drugs?

  254. Matt T. said,

    April 16, 2006 at 5:12

    Man, I like orange juice, I wouldn’t want to wait on someone to squeeze it for me by hand. Say, if I want orange juice at, like, midnight – which is an often occurrance because, as I said, I dig orange juice – would I need to go wake up my woman to have her squeeze it freshly for me, or should she already have a jugfull squeezed up for me? Or is this just a breakfast thing? How should I wake her up, bucket of water or something?

  255. Jillian said,

    April 16, 2006 at 5:12

    God lets you into Heaven. Through Jesus.

    But you have to pay the toll. Jesus is like the Holland Tunnel.

    I’d imagine he gets driven through a lot.

  256. Matt T. said,

    April 16, 2006 at 5:13

    What if he’s a lucky charms kind of guy?

    Dude, I love Lucky Charms. Get strange looks sometimes at the grocery store when folks see it in my cart but I figure, goddamnit, I’m 31 years old, so I can eat marshmallow cereal anytime I want. The Man will not hold me down.

  257. annieangel said,

    April 16, 2006 at 5:14

    It’s not the Lucky Charms getting you the funny looks.

  258. His Grace said,

    April 16, 2006 at 5:15

    If I end up in the same place as Pat Robertson, I don’t care what God calls it, it’ll be hell…

  259. Demogenes Aristophanes said,

    April 16, 2006 at 5:15

    annieangel, you rock my world. I think you have the best legs on any Christian woman I have ever seen, and I bet you will be a big hit with the fellas up in Heaven. I too am recently saved and I plan to look you up when we are in Heaven, in a gentlemanly way, of course.

  260. Some Guy said,

    April 16, 2006 at 5:15

    Jesus was the one who said, “Set my peeps free!” Right?

    Or was that the OT dude?

  261. Marita said,

    April 16, 2006 at 5:17

    Jesus was the one who said, “Set my peeps free!” Right?

    Or was that the OT dude?

    Wasn’t that Charlton Heston? Right before he shot up the place?

  262. Jillian said,

    April 16, 2006 at 5:17

    It was Charlton Heston.

    We had to pry his Peeps from his cold, dead hand.

  263. Jillian said,

    April 16, 2006 at 5:19

    I see I’m not the only one whose brain is on Peeps.

  264. Matt T. said,

    April 16, 2006 at 5:20

    I’ve talked to God, on peyote*. He said everyone gets into heaven, even the really bad people. He told me that whole bit about “eternal damnation for non-believers” was ’cause some jackass way back when who didn’t anything to do with the decision making progress took some bad mushrooms and saw a way to make a buck. He said the idea that a truly loving creator would never be so cruel and caprecious as to damn the vast majority of his creation to eternal torture because they misread the rules is simply insane and a prime example of human cruelty.

    Way it works, the really bad people in the world have to spend a certain amount of eternity doing the service industry work in heaven, for there is no greater torture on this planet than to work in the service industry. In other words, Hitler hand squeezes fresh orange juice for Ghandi in heaven.

    There is, of course, the chance that God was pulling my leg, but Buddha, Elvis and Albert Einstein backed him up, so I’m inclined to believe this is how it works.

    * I was on acid, by the by, not God.**

    ** Course, he could’ve been on peyote, too. It would explain a lot about this world, wouldn’t it.

  265. STH said,

    April 16, 2006 at 5:21

    You know, we seem to have let an itty bitty little bombshell slip by us. Annie, this may not have occurred to you, but if you throw out the Old Testament, there is not a damn thing in the rest of the Bible forbidding homosexuality. Not. one. single. thing. And you’re a good God-fearing Christian who goes by the letter of the law in the New Testament, right? So gay sex is okey-dokey, right?

    My question is: Am I still a whore if I serve frozen orange juice to my lesbian lover? I’m guessing I can serve her whatever I want, since she’s not a man, so she doesn’t matter. Oh, and Annie, even if you accept the Old Testament as law, there’s nothing in there about lesbians, so women sleeping with women is okay either way. And we are supposed to take the Bible literally, right?

  266. Matt T. said,

    April 16, 2006 at 5:21

    It’s not the Lucky Charms getting you the funny looks.

    You’re probably right. Maybe it’s the Twinkies. Twinkies rule!

  267. annieangel said,

    April 16, 2006 at 5:22

    How long did that take you to write, Matt? However long it was, was too long. And boring.

  268. Anonymous said,

    April 16, 2006 at 5:22

    “Are you on drugs?”

    Tsk, tsk, tsk. Annie.

    Don’t you get it?

    It’s a performance piece. It’s a piece of blogging theatre. I thought you’d get it, since you yourself are a performance piece.

    Sigh. I just don’t know what to do.

    OK, I’ll keep playing along. But why won’t you answer my question about whether the chair-scraping thing comes specifically from your own experience? Because it’s just too nutty not to have been something that some guy actually complained about in your presence.

  269. annieangel said,

    April 16, 2006 at 5:24

    Gay sex falls under free will. Jesus was silent on homosexuality. I don’t know how God will feel about it, that’s not my concern.

    But I don’t care what people do in their bedrooms. Why do you?

  270. Matt T. said,

    April 16, 2006 at 5:24

    How long did that take you to write, Matt?

    I dunno, three or four minutes. Maybe five. Didn’t time it. What an odd question.

    However long it was, was too long. And boring.

    Hey, don’t get shirty with me just because you’ll still be squeezing oranges unto eternity. You’re just jealous because me and God are like this.

  271. Teh Fact Is... said,

    April 16, 2006 at 5:24

    “Gary Ruppert” is an anagram for something dodgy…

  272. Demogenes Aristophanes said,

    April 16, 2006 at 5:24

    annieangel is wiping the floor with all of you. Plus she has the best legs in Christendom. You should just give up now. Me, I’m going to ask her out for a malted when we get to heaven. I heart annieangel!

  273. g said,

    April 16, 2006 at 5:25

    Whoops, sorry, that was me, g.

  274. Matt T. said,

    April 16, 2006 at 5:25

    But I don’t care what people do in their bedrooms.

    What about the orange juice question in the bedroom? How far does this rule of law extend? Is a woman who gives her man frozen orange juice in the bedroom a whore even if she doesn’t put out?

  275. Demogenes Aristophanes said,

    April 16, 2006 at 5:26

    Also, the coolest thing about being saved is that I can totally perv on annieangel all night long and it doesn’t count against me, because I’ve accepted Jesus into my heart, and that’s all that counts.

  276. His Grace said,

    April 16, 2006 at 5:28

    Yeah I’ll admit when I’ve been bested. Definitely. Problem is right about now all I’ve learned from Annie is that according to her Pat Robertson and my hypothetical mass murderer/repenter will both go to “heaven.”

    ‘Course I’ve already stated what I think of a place like that.

  277. Marita said,

    April 16, 2006 at 5:29

    But I don’t care what people do in their bedrooms.

    Outside of women initiating sex, of course. Honestly, that’s just whorish.

  278. Demogenes Aristophanes said,

    April 16, 2006 at 5:29

    Matt T. and His Grace, here is the answer to the game of Clue we’ve all been playing with annieangel’s superhot body:

    Me, in the bedroom, with the orange juice.

  279. g said,

    April 16, 2006 at 5:30

    You know, annie’s not a very gracious troll. She switches her position on all her arguments, and even though she wastes our time by posting a bunch of scripture, she’s a nasty bitch when someone like matt wants to tell his peyote story.

    “But I don’t care what people do in their bedrooms.”

    See? This is a good example. She does this whole thing about how women should behave int he bedroom and then she says shit like this.

    I don’t think those are really her legs, Demogenes.

    I say we quit wasting our time with her.

  280. annieangel said,

    April 16, 2006 at 5:31

    I never said Pat Robertson is going to Heaven. I don’t know his relationship with Christ, he says he is Christian but not all who say that will get into Heaven.

  281. STH said,

    April 16, 2006 at 5:31

    Wait, wait, wait a minute there. You don’t care what people do in their bedrooms? Is that why you said women can’t refuse sex, but they’re whores if they initiate it?

    And do the fundies in your church know that you’re advocating gay sex? Frozen orange juice makes you a whore, but gay sex is free will?? And since when do fundies believe in free will anyway? As far as I can tell, it’s all about rules with them.

  282. Jillian said,

    April 16, 2006 at 5:32

    I know what hell is like, though.

    Hell is a ski lounge, circa 1974, complete with the orange formica and shag carpeting. And the lounge act is Amy Grant, doing covers of Led Zepplin tunes for all eternity. And no matter how many drinks you order from the glacially slow waitress, you can’t get drunk enough to drown out the sound.

    And just when you think it can’t get any worse – she’s joined for a duet by Celine Dion.

    This is why I never, ever sin.

  283. Anonymous said,

    April 16, 2006 at 5:32

    “I can totally perv on annieangel all night long and it doesn’t count against me, because I’ve accepted Jesus into my heart, and that’s all that counts.”

    Hell, Demogenes, you can totally perv on annie all night even BEFORE accepting Jesus! YOu can put off accepting Jesus till the very end, and it still works out for you!

  284. Matt T. said,

    April 16, 2006 at 5:34

    g,
    It’s okay. Not everyone appreciates hearing received true wisdom, especially when it comes from God’s own Earth and sometimes involves the munchies.

    And of course Pat Robertson will be going to heaven. He’ll be a cabanna boy for a steam bath in heaven when he isn’t hand squeezing orange juice for Victor Chavez.

  285. annieangel said,

    April 16, 2006 at 5:34

    They’re my legs. I’m teh hot.

    Let me clarify, I don’t care if two men or women want to have gay sex. It’s nothing to me. I wouldn’t call them Christian though, even if they claimed it because Paul said it’s pagan.

  286. Demogenes Aristophanes said,

    April 16, 2006 at 5:35

    I don’t think those are really her legs, Demogenes.

    Au contraire, mon frere. annieangel will easily prove you wrong when she posts a picture of her legs in a pose we all agree on … say with hand-squeezed orange juice dripping suggestively down her inner thigh.

    When annieangel posts that picture, it will prove that all you Doubting Thomases have been wrong to question whether she is who she says she is.

  287. annieangel said,

    April 16, 2006 at 5:37

    LOL!

  288. Demogenes Aristophanes said,

    April 16, 2006 at 5:37

    Hell, Demogenes, you can totally perv on annie all night even BEFORE accepting Jesus! YOu can put off accepting Jesus till the very end, and it still works out for you!

    Yes, that is why Jesus is the best. I can’t wait to go to heaven. I bet annieangel’s legs will be a tourist attraction there.

  289. Matt T. said,

    April 16, 2006 at 5:41

    Don’t your thighs get all sticky with that orange juice on it? Doesn’t sound very sanitary to me.

  290. Some Guy said,

    April 16, 2006 at 5:42

    In a steel cage death match, who would win: Jesus armed only with Twinkies, or Ghandi with a basket of Peeps? Neither has any OJ to wash them down, and Jesus can’t infinitely divide the Twinkies.

    It’s a theological stumper.

  291. Demogenes Aristophanes said,

    April 16, 2006 at 5:43

    It’s fine, Matt T., just as long as the oranges weren’t picked by … *gasp* … ILLEGALS!

    LOL!!!!11!!!!four!

  292. annieangel said,

    April 16, 2006 at 5:46

    Jesus would win because He is fully God now and therefore can’t be killed. Ghandi would just be a normal zombie and Jesus could actually bring him back to life and kill him over and over if He wanted.

  293. Demogenes Aristophanes said,

    April 16, 2006 at 5:51

    Actually, Jesus would simply save Ghandi. That would be a “win” to Jesus. Because Jesus only enters “win-win” situations. If you could imagine the best professional wrestler ever, just times that by infinity and that would be Jesus.

  294. Marita said,

    April 16, 2006 at 5:51

    Jesus would win because He is fully God now and therefore can’t be killed. Ghandi would just be a normal zombie and Jesus could actually bring him back to life and kill him over and over if He wanted.

    Oh, please. We all know Jesus couldn’t even finish off Santa Claus. Plus, Ghandi has all that pent up aggression. I think Ghandi could totally take him.

  295. JK47 said,

    April 16, 2006 at 5:58

    Fuuuuuuck! I can’t believe I missed all of this! This is fucking comedy gold! Goddamnit. I am really upset that I missed out on all the snark potential of this thread. Those of you who have been batting Annieangel around like a pinata are so fucking lucky. I am so jealous.

  296. Matt T. said,

    April 16, 2006 at 5:59

    No, no, no. God told me no one fights in heaven unless it’s something they liked to do in the first place. So all those Vikings got one helluva shindig going on in Valhalla. Jesus and Ghandi would never fight, ’cause they’d be too busy being cool to people. They do like bowling, though, and apparently Jesus is a wicked bowler. Ghandi, however, is an excellent Texas Hold ‘Em player and cleans up at the regular poker nights with J.C. (everyone calls him “J.C.” or “Junior” if they know him well), Carl Sagan, Frances Farmer, Jack Kirby, Father Damien, Marie Curie, Jackie Wilson and Sputnik Monroe.

    Sometimes Elvis comes by, too, which is cool, because he brings fried peanut-butter-and-bannana sandwhiches for everyone.

  297. annieangel said,

    April 16, 2006 at 5:59

    Santa Claus is based on a pagan ritual of the shaman climbing in through the smoke opening in the tenttop and climbing down the tent pole.

    He then passed out magic mushrooms. The poor people couldn’t afford the mushrooms (which grew wild) so they purchaed the urine or reindeer who had eaten the shrooms. This was a potent shroom which made the deer all crazy, jumping around like they thought it could fly.

    The mushroom has been used until recently on Christmas cards, I think it’s called the Fly Adricsomething.

    It’s red with white pom poms.

    Santa is burning in Hell.

  298. celticgirl said,

    April 16, 2006 at 5:59

    Aw man, see this is the problem with living in Scotland – I checked this before I went to bed and there were about 25 comments, with Gary making most of them. And then all hell breaks loose.

    Am I too late to play? And Jillian, you can keep your Peeps. I want a full figure chocolate Jesus on a stick for Oestre – ‘Cuz I’m a pagan WHORE (yes, I’ve been known to use frozen orange juice concentrate).

    Anyway, is it broken yet?

  299. Some Guy said,

    April 16, 2006 at 6:00

    But Ghandi has hundreds of gods backing him up, while Jesus only has the one.

    Don’t you think Ganesh and Pravathi could hold down Yahweh, while Shiva kicked him in the head? All this would be happening outside the ring, which would make it totally believable.

  300. annieangel said,

    April 16, 2006 at 6:02

    Ghandi could always sacrifice a child to Kali or whatever bitchgoddess they sacrifice kids to in Hinduism.

    Jesus loves children. He’d be pissed.

  301. JK47 said,

    April 16, 2006 at 6:03

    I dated a “Christian” girl once. I dated her despite her Christianity because she was:

    1. 22 years old
    2. Really fucking hot.

    So, this girl let me fuck her on the first date, and was really, really into cocaine. I mean, she really loved that shit. And every time we would huff a big, fat rail, she would talk about how it’s okay since she goes to church every Sunday and repents. And I thought, “Wow, cool! This chick is rad!”

    Until she got bored with me and started fucking some dude from some third-rate emo band. This is when I learned that fundie Christianity is really just an excuse for complete depravity. In her mind, I’m burning in hell, while she will be reunited with all of her dead pets on a cloud somewhere up in heaven with Jeebus.

    Oh, well. It was a good ride while it lasted. Oh, BTW, she was also into really violent sex, like being choked and slapped around. At first, I was like “Really?” Then I went with it. Good times.

  302. Marita said,

    April 16, 2006 at 6:04

    Don’t you think Ganesh and Pravathi could hold down Yahweh, while Shiva kicked him in the head? All this would be happening outside the ring, which would make it totally believable.

    Yes! And just think of the nasty full nelson that Vishnu could execute.

  303. STH said,

    April 16, 2006 at 6:04

    Yes, Annie, from your last comment we can all see how much you know about “magic” mushrooms.

    [backs away slowly]

  304. annieangel said,

    April 16, 2006 at 6:05

    Google it, STH. Then come back and apologize.

  305. JK47 said,

    April 16, 2006 at 6:06

    I gotta give mad props to Annieangel. She’s still here posting, hours later. I’m on tour right now in Philly, and played a show at World Cafe, drank about a sixer and a half of Yuengling, smoked an entire dime bad, and Annie is still here talking about freshly squeezed orange juice and Jeebus. It’s been hours since I bailed on this thread, and she’s still here. Impressive.

  306. JK47 said,

    April 16, 2006 at 6:07

    Damn. Dime bad=dime bag. Forgive me, I’m wasted.

  307. annieangel said,

    April 16, 2006 at 6:07

    Goonies was on tonight. :)

  308. Pinko Punko said,

    April 16, 2006 at 6:07

    Where did Jim go? I’m still ready to argue that he should EAT IT, because only old usenet dorks use the original definition of troll, whereas everyone else in this thread uses “disruptive commenter” as the definition of troll.

    He’s dead meat.

    Also, annieangel is welcome at Three Bulls! anytime she wants to come over. Three Bulls is a nurturing place and we are not insulting. We will however wait until you fall asleep and then write on you with a Sharpieâ„¢. And by Sharpie I mean VWR marker. I think the cognosecenti know what I am talking about.

  309. Marita said,

    April 16, 2006 at 6:09

    Google it, STH. Then come back and apologize.

    Found it!

    Annieangel, I’ll never doubt you again.

  310. annieangel said,

    April 16, 2006 at 6:09

    Wow, you smoked an entire less than a gram of pot by yourself???

    Shit. Color me impressed.

  311. celticgirl said,

    April 16, 2006 at 6:11

    Hmmmmm…no comment from annie on my desire for a chocolate Jesus. No fun at all. I would never piss on Christ, but if I have to eat his body, why shouldn’t it be chocolatey good?

  312. JK47 said,

    April 16, 2006 at 6:11

    Wow, you smoked an entire less than a gram of pot by yourself???

    Shit. Color me impressed.

    It was the best I could do. I’m on tour, and we were just in Canada, so we couldn’t carry a big sack across the border. Tomorrow in NYC though, my delivery guy will be around, so I’m in business.

  313. annieangel said,

    April 16, 2006 at 6:12

    So you smoked a joint. Why are you bragging? How stoned could you possibly be??

    You must be on a poker tour.

  314. JK47 said,

    April 16, 2006 at 6:13

    How does Annie find time for all the Jeebus posts with all the orange juice squeezing and man-pleasing? I call bullshit.

  315. annieangel said,

    April 16, 2006 at 6:14

    Are you really Wil Wheaton?

  316. Matt T. said,

    April 16, 2006 at 6:14

    Jesus and Ghandi are buds, seriously. They hang out all the time, usually with Mohammed, Mary Magdelene, Issac Newton, Sister Rosette Tharpe, and, oddly enough, Alexander The Great (apparently he’s really mellowed out). Buddha usually runs with him, but he’s on Earth right now being cool to people and bringing them love and joy and happiness, which is what God and Jesus dig on, instead of being a sour-faced, judgemental ol’ poop.

    Which is something of a bummer, cause Buddha’s got the best pot hook-up in Heaven. Junior gets that sweet Gallilee stuff, though, and it’s pretty dank.

  317. annieangel said,

    April 16, 2006 at 6:15

    Matt: Stop.

  318. STH said,

    April 16, 2006 at 6:16

    Don’t hold your breath waiting for that apology, Annie. I’m one of those people that you’ve labelled a whore because I don’t act like a slave. How very Christian of you. Oh, but I forgot for a minute there, if you’re “saved,” you can do whatever you want and you still get the “Get Out of Hell Free” card. Any deity with values like that isn’t one that deserves my respect, much less my “worship.”

  319. anon said,

    April 16, 2006 at 6:16

    Isn’t it time for some snarky comment about Fred Durst?

  320. Matt T. said,

    April 16, 2006 at 6:16

    Why? Will you hand squeeze me some orange juice?

  321. annieangel said,

    April 16, 2006 at 6:17

    No.

  322. Matt T. said,

    April 16, 2006 at 6:18

    Isn’t it time for some snarky comment about Fred Durst?

    Nobody in heaven likes Limp Bizkit and they all think Fred Durst is a tool, but they know he can’t help it. Everyone in heaven likes Willie Nelson and Funkadelic, though. Apparently, Beethoven lit right up first time he heard “Maggot Brain”.

  323. JK47 said,

    April 16, 2006 at 6:18

    It’s more about the Yuengling than the dime bag. That was just like dessert. I tell you, those Yuenglings are like a beer and a half each. Very heavy.

    Poker tour? Nah. I would say that I play with some artists whose discs you probably have in your CD collection, but you seem to be a woman of quite poor taste.

  324. Demogenes Aristophanes said,

    April 16, 2006 at 6:18

    Jesus could just make Ganesh’s magic feather blow away, and then he couldn’t use his ears to fly anymore. By the end of the fight, Shiva would be begging Jesus to scratch her back with one of her eight arms He had ripped off her torso. Yahweh would then suplex Pravathi through the Spanish announcers’ table.

    Santa is based on the Neandertal ritual of the ‘Feast of the Dead Fat Man’. In this ritual, carcasses of reindeer were used to build forts for the Neandertal children on a deep winter’s eve. Nobody ever thought the reindeer were flying. That is just a mistranslation of the Neandertal glyph ‘grk tkkt ogg’, which has been wrongly rendered as ‘reindeer night flyer’. But it has been shown to have really meant ‘reindeer meat fort’. ‘Santa’ was similarly a mistranslation of the Neandertal world for ‘Fanta’, a carbonated orange drink popular popular with pagan whores in neolithic times. It was consumed with the bone marrow of the ‘Fat Man’ of the Neandertal ‘Feast of the Dead Fat Man’, who was a wandering Cro Magnon prophet who had been captured while preaching of the coming of Jesus in 150,000 years. Over time the ‘Fanta’ of the feast became ‘Santa’, which word then came to be mistakenly attributed to the Cro Magnon prophet.

    Thus, ‘Santa’ (or ‘Fanta’) is most assuredly in Heaven at the knee of the Savior, despite what annieangel says (even though her legs are teh hottest evar).

  325. annieangel said,

    April 16, 2006 at 6:19

    Try me. I call bullshit.

  326. annieangel said,

    April 16, 2006 at 6:22

    Artisto,

    You saved yourself with the last set of parenthesis.

  327. JK47 said,

    April 16, 2006 at 6:23

    Try me. I call bullshit.

    Wouldn’t want to give up my anonymity. Suffice it to say my life involves a lot more than squeezing fucking orange juice.

  328. annieangel said,

    April 16, 2006 at 6:24

    Yeah it invloves pretending to smoke pot.

  329. Matt T. said,

    April 16, 2006 at 6:24

    JK47,
    What do you play? I’m a recovering bass player, myself.

  330. JK47 said,

    April 16, 2006 at 6:26

    JK47,
    What do you play? I’m a recovering bass player, myself.

    I play keys and guitar. I’m on tour right now with Sia of Zero 7 and Six Feet Under fame. I also play with Macy Gray and Pete Yorn. Annie thinks I don’t smoke weed, though, as if that would be something worth lying about.

  331. annieangel said,

    April 16, 2006 at 6:29

    JK,

    A dimebag is less than a gram. That’s a joint. You said you smoked an entire dimebag. That makes me think you have no idea what a dimebag is. It’s not worth lying about which is what makes it so pathetic.

    Macy Gray plays poker?

  332. Ianua Ditis said,

    April 16, 2006 at 6:33

    Matt – I’m also a bass player, and my name is also Matt (in real life, anyway.) Recovery never ends.

    JK47 – Did that Christian girl you mentioned a few posts above happen to be from Fairfield County?

  333. Matt T. said,

    April 16, 2006 at 6:34

    Don’t ever lie about weed, mind. It’s from the earth, and should be appreciated, cherished and partook of frequently.

    I must admit, none of the artists you mention are in my music collection – the vast majority of people I listen to are dead, anyway – but it’s always cool to hear that someone’s making a living out of music. I’ve pretty much given up the ghost, as it never really was my first love, but my brother’s still banging away. He’s a guitar player, too, though he’s pretty disgusted with the whole club scene. I’m inclinded to agree, for whatever that’s worth.

    This Sia woman’s got one of those Nelly Furtado/Lauryn Hill acid-jazz/R&B things going, right?

    Hey, annie…if I squeezed you some orange juice, would you smoke a bowl with me? Your boyfriend can come, too, if he wants.

  334. JK47 said,

    April 16, 2006 at 6:34

    Whatever, Annie. You’re the expert on weed. Maybe it was a twenty-sack, I don’t fucking know. The local radio guy smoked us out. It got me baked enough to down room service chicken fajitas in about two minutes, so it’s all good.

    God, I can’t believe someone’s calling me out on my weed smoking. You have no idea, Annie. I’ll smoke you under the table any day.

  335. JK47 said,

    April 16, 2006 at 6:35

    JK47 – Did that Christian girl you mentioned a few posts above happen to be from Fairfield County?

    Orlando, Florida.

  336. Matt T. said,

    April 16, 2006 at 6:37

    Ianua,
    That’s what I’ve been told. I’m probably not broke from playing; just broke from playing with other people. Especially drummers. God assures me drummers get into heaven, but apart from Earl Palmer or Al Jackson Jr. and maybe Billy Warren, I don’t really see the point.

  337. Demogenes Aristophanes said,

    April 16, 2006 at 6:39

    I think this thread just turned into the 6 Parnassuss turnaround on the hill above my junior high school, with all the talk about who’s the bigger druggie. All it needs is the scent of clove cigarette smoke in the air and some morons huffing White Out.

  338. Demogenes Aristophanes said,

    April 16, 2006 at 6:41

    Matt T., what about Art Blakey, Max Roach and Keith Moon?

  339. JK47 said,

    April 16, 2006 at 6:42

    I think this thread just turned into the 6 Parnassuss turnaround on the hill above my junior high school, with all the talk about who’s the bigger druggie.

    I have to admit, I’m not proud of having to “defend” my drug use against a woman who fully acknowledges she is an orange-juice squeezing concubine. Not one of my prouder moments.

  340. annieangel said,

    April 16, 2006 at 6:44

    I don’t smoke pot. I’ve worked street mission, so I’ve seen my share of addicts. It’s not too hard to pick up on the lingo.

    So now you’re saying that the radio guy gave you a dimebag and you rolled it and smoked the entire thing? Or did the DJ roll three dime sized joints and pass them around evenly?

    Please explain!

  341. Ianua Ditis said,

    April 16, 2006 at 6:45

    JK47 – aha. It was the cocaine thing that made me think of a girl my friend used to date (until she started ‘dating’ various other guys…)

    She was always good for self-righteous ‘you’re all going to hell’ sermons.

    As far as the weed goes, one of my favorite places to smoke is in the top row of Shea Stadium.

  342. annieangel said,

    April 16, 2006 at 6:46

    I just think it’s a sad way to be if you are pretending to be a pot smoker to be seen as cool on the internet.

    It might make some teenager on here think pot is “cool.”

    To any lurking teens, it’s not cool. Neither is fronting.

  343. Matt T. said,

    April 16, 2006 at 6:47

    Demogenes Aristophanes,
    Oh, everyone gets in. I just don’t like drummers. But they were waiting on Kieth Moon, believe you me. Apparently, they had a position in the Prankster God department that he was perfect for. The current “South Park” imbroglio, I’m sure, is his handiwork.

  344. JK47 said,

    April 16, 2006 at 6:48

    So now you’re saying that the radio guy gave you a dimebag and you rolled it and smoked the entire thing? Or did the DJ roll three dime sized joints and pass them around evenly?

    Actually, we smoked bowls. There are other ways to smoke weed besides joints, you fucking square.

  345. Matt T. said,

    April 16, 2006 at 6:49

    But squeezing fresh orange juice for your man is extremely cool. Madonna does it all the time. Seriously, teens, I would not make such a thing up.

  346. annieangel said,

    April 16, 2006 at 6:50

    What radiostation?

  347. Demogenes Aristophanes said,

    April 16, 2006 at 6:51

    Matt T., I like it … Moony as Loki.

    JK47 – you just reminded me of the days of converting beer cans into pipes … or if you were feeling artistic, apples.

    Lurking teens – apple pipes are not “cool”.

  348. Marita said,

    April 16, 2006 at 6:53

    It’s not too hard to pick up on the lingo.

    Yeah, maybe not, but the metric system can sure be a bitch. A dime bag is meant to be 1/8 ounce, which is roughly 4 grams. Of course, it’s really just meant to be a $10 bag, right? So depending on the quality, it could be less than that. But stating authoritatively that it’s less than a gram, well… that makes Jesus cry.

    Anyway, the drug argument is wearing thin. Can we please return to snark?

  349. Demogenes Aristophanes said,

    April 16, 2006 at 6:54

    Uh, converting apples into pipes, not beer cans into apples. (Only Jesus could do that.)

  350. Matt T. said,

    April 16, 2006 at 6:54

    Man, I can’t even roll a joint. My brother can, though, but he doesn’t do it all that often. Say, read a story on AlterNet about this kid – who had no priors or anything – getting two years for a joint’s worth of weed. And Rush Limbaugh gets to walk around loose and be unpleasent, figure that out.

    Bongs are prefered, but alas, they don’t travel well. I know a guy in Portland that has a humidifier, and those things are cool. Hell to clean out, though, as I understand.

  351. JK47 said,

    April 16, 2006 at 6:55

    I just think it’s a sad way to be if you are pretending to be a pot smoker to be seen as cool on the internet.

    I totally agree with you there, Annie. That would indeed be a sad thing. It’s sad enough that I’m having this back-and-forth with a fundie nutcase who says, without a hint of irony, that only whores initiate sex and that Santa Claus and Ghandi are in hell. Parse my words however you want. The readers of Sadly, No! will be the final arbiters of who is full of shit.

  352. annieangel said,

    April 16, 2006 at 6:55

    No. An 8th is an 8th, it’s 1.8. Then you move up to a half quarter, which is 3.5. A quarter is 7 grams and so on.

    An 8th will cost you 20, a dime will cost you 10.

  353. JK47 said,

    April 16, 2006 at 6:57

    When I get back to L.A., I’m getting the prescription. The prescription means you can carry up to an ounce legally. You can even fly with it. Well worth the $150.

  354. Matt T. said,

    April 16, 2006 at 6:58

    An 8th will cost you 20, a dime will cost you 10

    Jesus God, woman, where!?!? Are we talking the ickiest of the sticky here, or just ditchweed. I do know a guy that’ll sell a quarter for $35, but it’s all dry and seedy and crappy.

    If you know where I can get the dank for twenty bucks an eighth, it’s not very Christian to not tell me where it is.

  355. Demogenes Aristophanes said,

    April 16, 2006 at 6:59

    I’m kinda warming up to the drug talk, Marita, even though I haven’t smoked the dank in like 10 years for reasons of increasing paranoia. Strictly a whisky and beer man now. It’s like my friend Jon would say, ‘I don’t get high anymore … I just smoke a spliff, eat a bunch of crap and wonder why I’m such a cunt.’

  356. JK47 said,

    April 16, 2006 at 6:59

    an 8th will cost you 20,

    And you’re the expert on weed? Where I come from (the big city) an 8th is a solid $50. Maybe in Jesustan or wherever the fuck you live an eighth is $20, but not anywhere where the humans outnumber the livestock.

  357. annieangel said,

    April 16, 2006 at 7:01

    Sorry, a quarter of a quarter is a 16th, 1.8, it’s 20 bucks.

    An 8th is a half quarter will cost you 40. Or about that.

    A dime is still only 0.8 of a gram, costs about 10 bucks.

  358. Marita said,

    April 16, 2006 at 7:01

    I’m kinda warming up to the drug talk, Marita, even though I haven’t smoked the dank in like 10 years for reasons of increasing paranoia.

    Fair enough DA. I don’t particularly need any drugs just at the moment, myself; my head is spinning fairly nicely from Angelannie’s Adventures in Arithmetic. WTF?

  359. Pinko Punko said,

    April 16, 2006 at 7:02

    Why is my mind being totally blown right now?

  360. Pinko Punko said,

    April 16, 2006 at 7:02

    oh double a, you should check out our HNT, if you can handle CHEESECAKE! Er, I mean BEEFCAKE!

  361. JK47 said,

    April 16, 2006 at 7:04

    In all seriousness, Annie is way more fun than Gary Poopchute. Can we keep her, please?

  362. Demogenes Aristophanes said,

    April 16, 2006 at 7:07

    No kidding, Marita. Like, an eighth is 1.8? What does that even mean?

    Anyway, back in the day, the chronic went for as high as $90 to $100 a quarter, at times, in San Francisco. The premise annieangel seems to be working from is that there is a fixed price for marijuana all across the country.

    Which leads me to believe that while she might be telling the truth about not smoking weed, the same does not hold true for crack.

  363. annieangel said,

    April 16, 2006 at 7:09

    I corrected my mistake.

    The prices are fairly fixed. But you are getting ripped off. :)

  364. Demogenes Aristophanes said,

    April 16, 2006 at 7:09

    PP wants him some annieangel love at 3B! so bad he can taste it.

  365. Matt T. said,

    April 16, 2006 at 7:10

    orry, a quarter of a quarter is a 16th, 1.8, it’s 20 bucks.

    An 8th is a half quarter will cost you 40. Or about that.

    A dime is still only 0.8 of a gram, costs about 10 bucks.

    That all actually makes sense, though I really don’t know anyone who sells quality weed for $40. I did know a guy, but he was a big source and cut me a deal. Friend of mine says an eighth of good smoke will run you around $60 in NYC and on the coast; and it’s $50 here in the heart of Redstate America. Kid I buy from now will sell a sixteenth for $25, but it’s honestly not worth the effort.

    Offer’s still open, by the way. Y’all come. We’ll smoke up and watch some cartoons.

  366. Demogenes Aristophanes said,

    April 16, 2006 at 7:10

    PP wants him some annieangel love at 3B! so bad he can taste it.

  367. annieangel said,

    April 16, 2006 at 7:10

    The only pinko site I post on is RevLeft and it’s full blown red.

  368. Matt T. said,

    April 16, 2006 at 7:12

    I got some mushrooms, too. My brother wants to wait until we can get ourselves into some sort of nature setting and do the Big Commune, but I think getting into a serious shroom-induced head-rap with a Bible-thumping yay-hoo would be a hoot.

    Come on down. You wouldn’t even have to think of orange juice and I don’t give a damn about your legs.

  369. Some Guy said,

    April 16, 2006 at 7:12

    If Jesus split a lid with all the disciples (except for Andrew who had to piss-test for his job down at the docks), how much would each get? Calculate in ounces, grams, and talents. Show your work.

  370. Demogenes Aristophanes said,

    April 16, 2006 at 7:14

    Who’s getting ripped off?

  371. annieangel said,

    April 16, 2006 at 7:14

    Well I’m quoting for people woh are like on the street selling to addicts, maybe they get a break. They sure would go to the cheapest, so maybe that’s why the prices are pretty fixed around the parts where I mission.

    Although of course the prices do go down at times for whatever reason, the lowest for 8th is around 25 bucks at harvest time. Though of course it gets cheaper the more you buy.

    That’s how they hook the addicts.

  372. JK47 said,

    April 16, 2006 at 7:14

    Annie is truly an amazing woman. In between all the orange juice squeezing, silently refreshing her man’s beverage and enjoying missionary-position sex, she still manages to be an expert on marijuana prices because of her “street mission” work. All this, and she still manages to post 1,237 messages a day to Eschaton and Sadly, No!

    A true renaissance woman.

  373. annieangel said,

    April 16, 2006 at 7:15

    I’m every woman.

  374. JK47 said,

    April 16, 2006 at 7:16

    That’s how they hook the addicts.

    You are so full of shit. Riiight, they hook the “pot addicts” with cheap pot prices. God, what a crock of horseshit.

  375. Demogenes Aristophanes said,

    April 16, 2006 at 7:19

    What we really need to know is what’s the gowing rate for a tug from orange-squeezing hands down on annieangel’s street?

  376. annieangel said,

    April 16, 2006 at 7:19

    It starts with pot. Most crackheads sell pot to finance their habit. They sell dime bags to maximize profit……ummm, what “radiostation” was it again???

  377. Demogenes Aristophanes said,

    April 16, 2006 at 7:24

    Ah, the old ‘it starts with pot’ canard. That’s like saying morbid obesity starts with bacon.

  378. Matt T. said,

    April 16, 2006 at 7:25

    It starts with pot. Most crackheads sell pot to finance their habit. They sell dime bags to maximize profit.

    I’ve known a lot of crackheads, but I’ve never known ‘em to sell pot. Only pot dealers I’ve ever known are yuppies. Most of the crack users I know, if they sell anything, they sell crack, though I wouldn’t doubt if some sold weed, too. Crack’s an extremely nasty drug and takes over pretty quickly.

    That being said, I don’t know anyone in their right mind who’d buy weed from a crackhead. It’s just common sense, ya know. They might be selling grass clippings or something. Plenty of white, upper-middle-class children of privilege to score smoke from.

  379. Marita said,

    April 16, 2006 at 7:26

    Oooh. I found a umm… definitive source for pricing. I am sooo out of touch. It’s been quite a while since my youth in the Pacific NW.

    Even better though, check out this site: 420 Dating Service. Their motto – Why toke alone?

  380. JK47 said,

    April 16, 2006 at 7:27

    It starts with pot.

    The “pot is a gateway drug” argument is so 1985, Annie. Really, you can do better.

    ummm, what “radiostation” was it again???

    Nice try at a “gotcha,” but I don’t really think the person involved would be too thrilled if I disclosed the name of the radio station, since that would basically be disclosing this individual’s name, and for what, to prove a point to a lunatic wingnut? Come down to Bowery Ballroom in NYC Monday night, Annie, and I will demonstrate my stoner bona fides. I’ll meet you in the alley out back before and/or after the show.

  381. annieangel said,

    April 16, 2006 at 7:28

    Crackheads don’t travel far from their dealers. If they sell clippings they get beat for it pretty quickly. I’ve seen some nasty shit. People buy from crackheads in city centers because the crackheads are always there, they always have pot cuz they only do crack and they don’t have to worry about having “connections” to buy from a crackhead.

  382. JK47 said,

    April 16, 2006 at 7:32

    Wait a minute, Annie. A minute ago, you were saying that pot prices are low because they use the low prices to entice the addicts. Now you’re saying that it’s the addicts who sell pot at artificially high prices to maximize profits.

    What the fuck exactly are you talking about? I think you have caught your own tail.

  383. annieangel said,

    April 16, 2006 at 7:37

    Pot prices get lower the more you buy. Dimebags cost the most, well 20 bags equal out, no one really sells dimes anymore. But mostly you can get a half quarter for around 30-40 and a quarter from around 60-70. But addicts like small bags to hide in their clothes, it’s easier to sell because they already have it measured out and it will always be short.

    They buy a 60 quarter bag and sell it in 20′s for 80 bucks total. A 20 dollar profit, 40 if they can make it look bigger and squeeze out an extra 20 bag. That to a crackhead, is maximized.

  384. Dan Someone said,

    April 16, 2006 at 7:39

    Now this is priceless: JK47 ends a post with

    Come down to Bowery Ballroom in NYC Monday night, Annie, and I will demonstrate my stoner bona fides. I’ll meet you in the alley out back before and/or after the show.

    And annie begins the very next post with

    Crackheads don’t travel far from their dealers.

    Seriously, you can’t buy precision timing like that.

  385. annieangel said,

    April 16, 2006 at 7:42

    Well, I think we must have broke “it” by now, whatever “it” is.

    I hope it was fun.

    Goodnight and Happy Easter.

    It’s been pretty boring, but I still think that “also, fuck Hilary Clinton” remark was priceless.

    Dream about me.

  386. JK47 said,

    April 16, 2006 at 7:48

    Annie, I understand the price structure of marijuana, but you seem to be distancing yourself from your original “It starts with pot” argument because it is so ridiculous. You said this:

    Although of course the prices do go down at times for whatever reason, the lowest for 8th is around 25 bucks at harvest time. Though of course it gets cheaper the more you buy.

    That’s how they hook the addicts.

    You’re implying that the low pot prices somehow hook the “pot addicts,” or by some circumlocution of logic you’re suggesting that low pot prices hook crack addicts. Either way, there’s a disconnect in logic that you seem to be trying to patch with weed economics 101.

    Annie, I don’t really know what you’re getting at, and I don’t care whether or not you believe I smoked a few bowls and downed a bunch of Yuenglings at World Cafe. I’m sleepy now, and I have a nice day off tomorrow in NYC. Tomorrow is the day when Jesus comes out of his hole, and depending on whether or not he sees his shadow, we know if it’s going to be a long winter. I gotta get some rest. Keep the OJ flowing, homegirl. I’ve had a lotta laughs.

  387. GuinnessGuy said,

    April 16, 2006 at 7:58

    Sweet mother of God- I take a nappnap from th e cap’n Morgan and here annie is talkling about weed costs.
    My mind is blown…

  388. Ianua Ditis said,

    April 16, 2006 at 8:01

    GG- yes, I stepped aside as well, and look where the conversation went…

    At any rate, that all sounds far too expensive. Shit should be free, it’s a friggin plant. But I remember when a dime bag cost a dime, you know what I mean?

    (You know how much condoms used to cost back in them days?)

  389. PantherWill said,

    April 16, 2006 at 8:02

    So now that it’s Easter, is this the time where Jesus comes out of his cave to decide whether or not we’re getting six more weeks of winter?

  390. g said,

    April 16, 2006 at 8:13

    Annie sure seems to know alot about the drug trade.

    I guess that must be her out-of the home-job.

  391. The Devil's Advocate said,

    April 16, 2006 at 8:22

    “She openeth her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of kindness” (Prov. 31:26). Annie, despite all that Bowers-esque advice she has for others, seems to lack a major prerequisite for being a godly woman: kindness. And the way she flaunts her form – it’s scandalous. That should be for her husband alone.

    She should be draped in modest apparel and wearing a covering on her head as an outward manifestation of inward submission to God’s headship order.

    Despite all this pretension to piety, Annie has demonstrated neither wisdom nor tact. This suggests to me that she is nothing more than a troll.

  392. Marq said,

    April 16, 2006 at 8:30

    Drug talk. Bored now.

  393. Marq said,

    April 16, 2006 at 8:32

    Though the “Jeebus as groundhog” comment” was teh funny.

  394. The Cynic said,

    April 16, 2006 at 8:38

    It’s kinda like the whole Jesus General schtick taken to the really committed next level. The sensibility of the types of responses that come out of people like Gary Ruppert is what those comments are designed to sound like.

  395. Marq said,

    April 16, 2006 at 8:40

    Oh, and Brahd, was the title of this post some obscure reference to Gary Glitter’s Rock ‘n Roll Part 2, or am I high? If so, pedophile!!1 one three !!

  396. GuinnessGuy said,

    April 16, 2006 at 8:42

    But Advocate, dind’t you hear: Annie does nt care about the OT…

  397. Marsupial said,

    April 16, 2006 at 9:05

    397th!!!11!!8675309!

    Seriously — is this post breaking the S,N! record for most comments in a single run (without some weird trackback months after-the-fact, or psychotic ramblings about pre-teen Aryan girls)??

  398. Witchsmeller Pursuivant said,

    April 16, 2006 at 9:05

    I’m coming in a bit late here, but as a lurking teen I wanted to say how touched I was by the concern for my welfare. If you happen to be reading, annieangel, I just wanted to let you know that there’s no need to worry. I think I speak for all adolescents when I say that any teenager who spends their Sunday afternoons reading ‘Sadly, No!’ (in my case, while doing maths homework) knows that he or she is so far from cool that all the drugs in the world wouldn’t change a thing, and plans to spend their money on something more suited to their lifestyle than marijuana. A T1-84 graphics calculator, for example (TI-83s think the gradient of x^(1/3) at x=0 is 100 – waste of $200), or perhaps one of those “There are 10 types of people in the world…” T-shirts.

    Okay, who’s going to argue with me about the cost and/or accuracy of calculators?

  399. Marsupial said,

    April 16, 2006 at 9:08

    Okay, who’s going to argue with me about the cost and/or accuracy of calculators?

    My three-year-old drew all over my 10-key with a green sharpie. Other than that, I have a Lexapro calculator that I got from my doctor’s office. Best I can do. I think everyone else went home.

  400. Gregor Samsa said,

    April 16, 2006 at 9:13

    400 COBWEBS!!!1!

  401. Witchsmeller Pursuivant said,

    April 16, 2006 at 9:30

    Okay, I think I can work with that. Ahem: 10-key? What kind of calculator has a 10 key? If you actually had a calculator, you’d know that they only have keys for the numbers zero to nine. If you want to put in ten, you have to press two different keys.

    I just think that it’s sad you’d spend your spare time pretending to have a calculator to people on the internet, as though that would impress anyone. Not to mention your glorification of drawing on things with sharpies. Lurking toddlers: sharpies are not cool.

    How was that?

  402. Pinko Punko said,

    April 16, 2006 at 9:35

    Thanks for helping me get double a over to 3Bs, cobagz. What did Gregor go the the bar for 4 hours?

    Oh yeah 402 ZIBATCHES! THIS THREAD AIN’T SHEEYOTZ TO THE LONG THREAD!!!!!!!11!

    100 comments of pot talk? Kill me now. That was almost as bad as Jim.

  403. GuinnessGuy said,

    April 16, 2006 at 9:42

    Y’know, if Gary comes back to this one, I guarentee we’ll break the record. He’s a goddamn posting machine and magnet (magnotron?).

  404. Gregor Samsa said,

    April 16, 2006 at 9:42

    Actually I was only at the bar for 1 or 1.5 hours tops!

    Long thread still rules!

  405. The Devil's Advocate said,

    April 16, 2006 at 9:43

    But Advocate, dind’t you hear: Annie does nt care about the OT…

    Oh my, yes Guinness! Hers is a fine excuse for ignoring the traditions upon which her beliefs are based. To that, I’ll merely say the following:

    1 Timothy 2:9 commands that women wear modest apparel and conduct themselves with meekness. (Psst, Annie! That’s in the “New Testament.�) 1 Corinthians 11:3-7 commands that women be veiled when they pray or prophesy – and god’s beasts are exhorted to pray without ceasing.

    Now I will say that women can be saved from us, the destructors, regardless of what they wear – unless they should measure other harshly by standards they won’t meet themselves. Forgiveness is extended to those who forgive; such will find their names writ in the Book of Life. Those who don’t forgive can not recognize any good thing from the hand of God.

    It’s deliciously ironic that I, the dread lord’s minion and a sworn enemy of the human race, should know more about the Bible than many avowed believers.

    Only whores use frozen? LOL. And that, ladies and gentlemen, is why there are no orange trees in Hell. Frozen is plenty good.

  406. Pinko Punko said,

    April 16, 2006 at 9:49

    Gregor, I think your commenting all over the godz greenz internets and not at 3B is akin to spilling your seed.

    -Pinkopians 3:16

  407. Pinko Punko said,

    April 16, 2006 at 9:51

    Also, the 700 pot comments don’t count toward the totalz. Gavin said so. He swore on the precious.

  408. Ianua Ditis said,

    April 16, 2006 at 9:56

    yeah, wow, this thread was originally about Gary, wasn’t it?

    I was reading another blog, and I came to the conclusion that Gary is actually a leftist operative whose mission is to make Republicans look dumb on the internets.

    And unless someone posts something early Easter morning, that long thread might yet be in trouble, especially if he shows up again. The fact is there is a lot of BS on here for him to respond to.

  409. Marsupial said,

    April 16, 2006 at 10:08

    Ahem: 10-key? What kind of calculator has a 10 key?

    Actually, if I can get her to clean up her coloring a little bit, she might color the 0 and 00 keys green. Then I can pretend it is a roulette wheel.

  410. Gregor Samsa said,

    April 16, 2006 at 10:34

    The problem with Gary, Annie and BLT is that they troll too much. They don’t leave enough time for us to develop our own narrative. There’s no mystery and no anticipation. MJ’ could create as much havoc and passion in a thread as those three with just a few of her clasically incoherent comments.

  411. GuinnessGuy said,

    April 16, 2006 at 10:35

    You know, upon further examination, we shouldn’t be shocked our little annie is so familiar with weed culture: her Blogger profile notes that Bob Marley is among her favorite musical artists.
    The signs are everywhere!

  412. D. Sidhe said,

    April 16, 2006 at 11:14

    Wow, you guys are still up? Annieangel is clearly the ultimate troll.
    My theory? She’s three performance artists working in shifts.

  413. Pinko Punko said,

    April 16, 2006 at 11:46

    We have met annieangel, and she is us.

  414. Oaktown Girl said,

    April 16, 2006 at 12:09

    What about embiggening the terrorists? That would be pretty awful too.

    Ha! What timing! I just watched the Simpsons “Embiggening” episode today!

    BTW, Gary has really slowed down on his “The fact is…” usage. Unless I’ve missed some, he’s only managed one since his four-”fact is” flurry earlier.

    Yeah, Marita. I think you really messed up the over/under on Gary’s The fact is… by mentioning it. But there’s probably no way to get around that unless we build a secret Gary-free clubhouse where we can place bets on troll-talk without actual trolls reading it and altering the outcome.

  415. suezboo said,

    April 16, 2006 at 15:02

    OK. Pedant checking in to embiggen the thread.It’s Gandhi, folks, not Ghandi.Please reset your mental apparatus.

    A PSA from RSA.

  416. Marita said,

    April 16, 2006 at 15:26

    I think you really messed up the over/under on Gary’s The fact is… by mentioning it.

    The act of observing Gary changes Gary’s responses; that’s true. You have to factor that in when you guess. Really, I’m not sure the game would be as much fun if Gary couldn’t read what was being said about him. He’d be waaaay too predictable.

    I do like the idea of a secret clubhouse though. Can it be a treehouse?

  417. Jillian said,

    April 16, 2006 at 15:39

    You’re all going to hell.

    And so am I….but first I’m going to go pig out on Peeps and chocolate Jesii.

    And I begin to suspect that “fresh squeezed orange juice” is a metaphor for something else.

  418. Oaktown Girl said,

    April 16, 2006 at 15:53

    Really, I’m not sure the game would be as much fun if Gary couldn’t read what was being said about him. He’d be waaaay too predictable.

    True, true. It just means we can’t have any real money/goods/services involved unless the “secret” line is in effect!

    I do like the idea of a secret clubhouse though. Can it be a treehouse?

    Mais oui! That’s exactly what I had in mind. I wouldn’t want it any other way! Any volunteers to paint the “No Trolls Allowed” sign?

  419. Demogenes Aristophanes said,

    April 16, 2006 at 16:18

    This thread is a victory for annieangel and her best guy-pal, Jesus.

  420. Nabakov said,

    April 16, 2006 at 16:29

    And the punchline is that, as we’ve just seen from this 400+ comments thread, the most attention annieangel ever gets about her existance is from complete strangers making fun of her.

    Even carny geeks I reckon would take more pride in how they win attention from others.

  421. Some Guy said,

    April 16, 2006 at 16:30

    I demand a recount!! All exit polls indicate Gandhi is the clear victor. (Thanks suezboo.)

  422. Anonymous said,

    April 16, 2006 at 16:51

    1. Dr. Doom’s real name is Victor Von Doom, so even if he just became a dentist instead of a supervillain, he’d still be called Dr. Doom.

    2. Chipmunks were genetically engineered by the Antichrist in 1976, and records were subsequently changed to make us think they were around longer. Chipmunks aren’t actually animals, they’re cyborgs with powerful photon cannons in their teeth. They’re part of Project: Endtime.

    3. Future generations will mistake the television show Happy Days for a religious text. They will think of The Fonz as the emarikiN* “god of cool”

    4. This thread is GOD!

    * How the future generations will spell “American”.

  423. Anonymous said,

    April 16, 2006 at 16:58

    5. On his deathbed, Einstein found Jesus and rejected the theory of relativity. Now, Einstein is playing golf with Jesus while Darwin is being physically assaulted by monkeys in Hell.

  424. Anonymous said,

    April 16, 2006 at 17:02

    6. Chuck Norris once tried to arm wrestle himself. It’s a law of the universe that Chuck Norris can’t loose and also can’t be beaten, so this single act caused the universe to collapse into nothingness. Then Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked nothingness in the side of the head, and the universe started up again.

  425. Marita said,

    April 16, 2006 at 17:08

    Mais oui! That’s exactly what I had in mind. I wouldn’t want it any other way!

    Great! It’ll be just like the Swiss Family Robinson, only with more cursing!

    This thread is a victory for annieangel and her best guy-pal, Jesus.

    Do you think annieangel squeezes Jesus’ orange juice?

  426. Anonymous said,

    April 16, 2006 at 17:09

    7. Chuck Norris facts are hard.

    8. Sam Malone from Cheers slept with your mother. Same Malone from Cheers slept with everybody’s mother.

    9. Composite Superman

  427. Pinko Punko said,

    April 16, 2006 at 17:17

    Why can’t Anonymous make up a fake name?

  428. Modern Major-General said,

    April 16, 2006 at 17:44

    10. Because it was a pain in the ass to write it out every time, and I just noticed the “remember person info” option.

    11. I have the I.Q of a two week old foetus, which is to say, not all that high. The only reason anything I type comes out remotely legible is the “thousand monkeys working for a thousand years” principle.

    12. I know all the words to the song that my screen name comes from. That’s not that impressive. A lot of people know that song. Still, there are a lot of words in it.

  429. Modern Major-General said,

    April 16, 2006 at 17:51

    13. Superman’s sperm can fly and move so fast they travel back in time. He doesn’t know it yet, but all super-powered beinsg in the DC Universe are his children.

    14. I have no life.

    15. None at all.

    16. These random thoughts are getting quite self-critical as of late.

  430. Michael said,

    April 16, 2006 at 17:52

    Who is “Baudrillard”? I’m so confused.

    I wish people would stop talking about nougat, though, because every time Jillian brings it up, the terrorists are ensweetened.

  431. Jillian said,

    April 16, 2006 at 18:08

    Terrorists, like liberals, are bitter people. They need all the ensweetening they can get.

  432. Some Guy said,

    April 16, 2006 at 18:20

    OK, so I finally went to that annieangel site, and I don’t get that game at all. I couldn’t shoot down a single rose!!! Do I have the wrong controller?

  433. g said,

    April 16, 2006 at 18:21

    Mmm…fresh-squeezed nougat.

  434. Dan Someone said,

    April 16, 2006 at 18:39

    To all our Christian friends, Happy Holiday!

  435. Marq said,

    April 16, 2006 at 20:18

    Seriously — is this post breaking the S,N! record for most comments in a single run (without some weird trackback months after-the-fact, or psychotic ramblings about pre-teen Aryan girls)??
    Posted by: Marsupial

    Actually, the legendary “Long Thread” has never quite died, since it first went up last summer, thanks largely to Gregor Samsa, Pinko Punko, and yours truly. What can I say, we’re idiots.
    Yes, I know where it is. No, I’m not telling. Badger Pinko.

  436. Marq said,

    April 16, 2006 at 20:23

    I couldn’t shoot down a single rose!!!

    Yeah, those were… odd. I couldn’t tell what they were at first–they’re small, and I’m running my monitor at 1280×1024, plus my vision isn’t the greatest. But, at least she doesn’t have an irritating MIDI file playing loudly with no way to shut it off–I hate those!

  437. g said,

    April 16, 2006 at 21:03

    I read some of her blog. She’s psychotic.

  438. Rebbe Punko said,

    April 16, 2006 at 21:21

    The long thread remains kosher for PAssover. I shall not reveal its secrets.

    Weasel it out of Marq.

  439. celticgirl said,

    April 16, 2006 at 21:37

    I know where it is…

  440. Timmah420 said,

    April 16, 2006 at 23:06

    It might make some teenager on here think pot is “cool.”

    To any lurking teens, it’s not cool. Neither is fronting.

    You know, Annie, I started out the day hating you for that advice (because I’ve seen what it can do to impressionable young christian girls) and now I just want to hug you for being so cute.

    And for all the weed commenters, you guys need to come down to Vancouver Island. Email me and Look me up because we smoke unheard of amounts here. I’m not gonna drop numbers because it’s not “cool” but you’d be flabbergasted if the dime bag comments are anything to go by.

    One last note, you might be horrified to know that I was the one who made the hillary clinton crack Annie.

  441. Akka's husband said,

    April 16, 2006 at 23:07

    Someone’s handing out corndogs in the long thread.

  442. Terry C said,

    April 16, 2006 at 23:12

    Gary Ruppert also calls himself Fred Eper.

    He IS that stupid!

  443. ahem said,

    April 16, 2006 at 23:59

    Can we agree on this tripartite definition?

    (New) Troll – ignorant disruptive blowhard
    Parody Troll – pretend disruptive blowhard who lets everyone in on the joke, and doesn’t spark flame wars.
    Classic Troll – disruptive blowhard who doesn’t believe a word of what it’s saying, but knows how to pull other people’s string (see USENET passim).

    Ruppert? Annie Anal? Classic Troll.

  444. Rebbe Punko said,

    April 17, 2006 at 0:03

    ahem is Kosher.

  445. Rebbe Punko said,

    April 17, 2006 at 0:04

    Corndogs are not kosher. They must be brought to me at once. At once I say.

    *snicker*

  446. annieangel said,

    April 17, 2006 at 1:02

    I’m not a troll. I’m a person with an extremely strong personality who draws others to me like a moth to a flame.

    Those who call me a troll are envious that I’m so cool.

    It’s like high school. Grow up!!

  447. Godwin's brother said,

    April 17, 2006 at 2:36

    I call Godwin’s Law, corollary 42: the thread ends when someone says they are cool.

  448. annieangel said,

    April 17, 2006 at 2:44

    The kill is mine.

    How freaking cool is that?

  449. The Devil's Advocate said,

    April 17, 2006 at 2:52

    I’m not a troll. I’m a person with an extremely strong personality who draws others to me like a moth to a flame.

    …or flies to a pile of shit.

    The kill is mine.

    How freaking cool is that?

    You’re a better troll than Gary, I’ll grant. :)

  450. GuinnessGuy said,

    April 17, 2006 at 3:04

    Not conceited at all, that one…

  451. Anie's employee said,

    April 17, 2006 at 3:08

    Boss,

    They’re dissing you in the long-thread, but I’m covering for you. You gotta come stand up for yourself tho… They’re getting to be a little more than I can handle.

  452. annieangel said,

    April 17, 2006 at 3:32

    As long as they’re talking about me, you’re doing a good job. ;)

  453. Modern Major-General said,

    April 17, 2006 at 4:11

    17. This thread is getting very close to 500.

    18. Why do I care?

    19. Annieangel had an affair with Richard Nixon in the 80′s. Rumour has it, he was hung like a horse.

  454. annieangel said,

    April 17, 2006 at 4:15

    Get off my thread! This is my thread I killed it. Go back to the long thread that no one reads anymore.

    UNDERSTAND??

  455. Timmah420 said,

    April 17, 2006 at 4:30

    Got ego issues?

  456. Modern Major-General said,

    April 17, 2006 at 4:36

    No, she just misses Nixon’s sweet embraces. He was surprisingly tender.

  457. GuinnessGuy said,

    April 17, 2006 at 4:44

    (The obligatory…) They didn’t call him “Tricky Dick” for nothing, in’t that right annie?

  458. annieangel said,

    April 17, 2006 at 4:58

    Listen up, I own this board. Stop driving this thread count up or I will NEVER go away.

  459. GuinnessGuy said,

    April 17, 2006 at 5:14

    And then the megalomania sets in…

  460. annieangel said,

    April 17, 2006 at 5:17

    It’s just a simple fact that this thread is the biggest thread ever in the history of the internets.

    And I intend to get the kill post.

    Now, go away.

  461. GuinnessGuy said,

    April 17, 2006 at 5:21

    Last I checked, darlin’, this was our playground- so nyah!

  462. annieangel said,

    April 17, 2006 at 5:23

    I think you should check again, Guinea. I’m so in your domes.

    Now just let this thread die a dignified death.

  463. Admiral Santa said,

    April 17, 2006 at 5:41

    No, I get the last word.

    PS: I am typing from Hell. (AKA upstate NY)

  464. annieangel said,

    April 17, 2006 at 5:44

    I don’t think so. I drove the thread count up, I bragged aobut being cool, I get to kill the thread.

    Back off.

  465. Jesus Sucks said,

    April 17, 2006 at 6:53

    Just put the keyboard down, Annie, and nobody gets hurt.

  466. annieangel said,

    April 17, 2006 at 7:25

    I’m going to bed now.

    I trust you are all mature enough to let this thread go. I understand it’s a big thing, you know, since it’s the biggest thread ever.

    But remember the lurking teens and remember the endless September.

    All good things must come to an end.

    This thread is now officially dead.

    RIP, biggest thread ever, RIP.

  467. Anon said,

    April 17, 2006 at 8:07

    Actually, your still almost forty off (plus the weed ones don’t count).

  468. Admiral Santa said,

    April 17, 2006 at 8:36

    I’ve seen people elbow each other to post FIRST!!1, but this is the first time I’ve seen people fighting to decide who gets the last word.

    This is Brad R, or my mom’s, cue to yell “I don’t care who started it! I’m ending it!” and everyone goes to thier rooms.

  469. GuinnessGuy said,

    April 17, 2006 at 8:53

    As long as it’s Brad, because he’s everyone’s favorite, after all.

  470. Jefe said,

    April 17, 2006 at 8:56

    I’m more of Gavin fan myself.

    Naw, I’m just kidding. Brad’s my fave, too.

  471. GuinnessGuy said,

    April 17, 2006 at 10:17

    Even Gavin likes Brad more than Gavin… :snark:

  472. First time poster said,

    April 17, 2006 at 11:32

    Anyone who posts after me is a poopyhead.

  473. annieangel said,

    April 17, 2006 at 13:03

    Am not! Am not!

  474. First time poster said,

    April 17, 2006 at 13:05

    Are so! Are so!

  475. Modern Major-General said,

    April 17, 2006 at 13:56

    With a hey-nonny-nonny and a haw-cha-cha.

  476. Ben said,

    April 17, 2006 at 15:56

    Sweet fancy Moses – I can’t leave y’all alone for one weekend without everything going straight to hell.

  477. Laser Potato said,

    April 17, 2006 at 16:03

    *blood shoots out ears*

  478. Modern Major-General said,

    April 17, 2006 at 16:53

    Sweet fancy Moses – I can’t leave y’all alone for one weekend without everything going straight to hell.

    I blame frozen orange juice.

  479. annieangel said,

    April 17, 2006 at 17:08

    THAT’S IT.

    Now I’m never leaving.

  480. ACG said,

    April 17, 2006 at 17:13

    Serious, sincere question here – Annie, how does your relationship with your boyfriend square with Jesus’s command to save sexual intimacy for the hallowed state of matrimony? I mean, if frozen orange juice is enough to make a married woman a whore, what does that say for women who aren’t even married?

  481. annieangel said,

    April 17, 2006 at 17:22

    Umarried women who serve frozen orange juice are sluts.

  482. Yosef said,

    April 17, 2006 at 17:41

    Man, I just read through all of the comments here and it was like “A Very Bataan Death March Reunion.”

    Actually, the legendary “Long Thread” has never quite died, since it first went up last summer, thanks largely to Gregor Samsa, Pinko Punko, and yours truly.

    What, just because I misplaced it for a couple of months, I don’t get any credit?

    Annie is just some kind of nazi*

    *Calling someone a nazi effectively ends a thread therefore I win.

  483. Modern Major-General said,

    April 17, 2006 at 17:44

    Who could win in a fight between a heterosexual with a nail gun, a homosexual with a crowbar, or an asexual with a picture of Annieangel’s legs?

  484. annieangel said,

    April 17, 2006 at 17:50

    Never really died and got huge all at once are two different things. I win.

    Also, I started the pot talk and I bragged about being cool. I wounded and then killed this thread before anyone else even thought of it.

    Now bugger off.

  485. GuinnessGuy said,

    April 17, 2006 at 18:01

    Women who don’t squeeze the damn juice each morning at five a.m!
    Women who cohabitate while not under the holy bond of matrimony, however, are perfectly legitimate…
    Makes perfect sense if you read the Bible (upside-down and on crack…).
    After all, it was the prophet Elod who said:
    “And woe unto the woman who doest not please her husband(1) with freshly wrung juice of the orange each dawn(2)- for she is as a harlot. All those who use the false juice, that of frozen concentrate, are condemned by THE LORD to eternal damnation, for they have broken The Covenant(3).
    Cursed also is the woman who neglects her wedded(1) duty to accept the fruit of her husband’s(1) loins each evening(4), even if she is already gone unto sleep, for she is as a whore. Blessed is she who opens her loins to the sky upon her husband’s(1) command, so that she might please THE LORD through the frequency of her husband’s(1) ungentle nighttime(4) ministrations(5).”
    Book of Elod, 13:7-10

    Translational/Doctrinal Notes:
    1: also “unwedded co-habitating conjugal partner”
    2: also “whenever he feels like getting up”
    3: Ref: 11th Commandment “Thou Shalt Not Use Frozen Juice Concentrate”
    4: also “whenever he feels like it”
    5: poss. connotation of “drunken” and/or “unwelcome”

  486. annieangel said,

    April 17, 2006 at 18:21

    Once there was a board called SadlyNo!. It was a funny little board, with interesting articles and brightly colored pictures.

    Princess Annie decided one day to take a jouney from the Land of Peace over to see this SadlyNo! for herself. She liked brightly colored things.

    Upon her arrival she marveled at the hilarity, she gazed with silent awe upon the pictures and she felt very happy.

    However, she noticed one thing missing, a thread that was truly long, with many comments to delight the lurker and poster alike.

    She felt sad in her heart and a small tear escaped her eye to trickle poetically down her alabaster cheek.

    This is wrong, she thought. In a place of such funniness, there should be a tribute thread of many posts, to be remembered by all as the apex of all threads, an epic comment free for all, structured with love and fellowship.

    I’ll sacrifice my Saturday night, she thought to herself. And she did. And she created a garden of comments where there had only been desert before. And people came from far and wide to marvel at the thread she had made long. Princess Annie was very happy.

    And then she took a big rock and bashed the thread on it’s head, killing it in it’s state of total perfection.

    The thread died and was buried under the tree near the river, next to Pablo Escobar Jr.

    May they both rest in peace. (even though we all know Pablo is burning in Hell for his sins)

  487. annieangel said,

    April 17, 2006 at 18:21

    THE END.

  488. Modern Major-General said,

    April 17, 2006 at 18:30

    Or is it?

  489. GuinnessGuy said,

    April 17, 2006 at 19:02

    dun Dun DUNNNNNN!!!!

  490. First time poster said,

    April 17, 2006 at 19:09

    Hey, guys! I had to go do some actual work.

    So, what’s happenin’ now on this thread?

  491. annieangel said,

    April 17, 2006 at 19:16

    Nothing. The thread is dead.

  492. Marita said,

    April 17, 2006 at 19:31

    Nah. How could we let it die when we’re so close to 500?

  493. Thorlac said,

    April 17, 2006 at 19:33

    Yeah, it is now. And about damn time, too.

  494. MCH said,

    April 17, 2006 at 19:34

    Should I be glad I missed this?

  495. annieangel said,

    April 17, 2006 at 19:38

    Be glad to be part of history, MCH. Even if it’s just the footnotes.

    By letting it die we show restraint and control. We are not animals.

    I will get the kill. It will only get longer and longer if people keep posting after me.

    So let it die.

  496. Thorlac said,

    April 17, 2006 at 19:41

    Since Brad R. wrote the post about Gary, either one of them should get the coveted last post. I think it would be pretty funny if Gary got it. Better him than Annie the Attention Whore.

  497. The Rev. Schmitt. said,

    April 17, 2006 at 19:46

    Then Brad R, the Sledgehammer of Stupid, would claim that people dying of heart attacks during sex is bigger than the A-Bombing of Hiroshima.

    If he won’t I will. Access to and the cost of healthcare and the causes of cardiac arrest – such as obesity – are two absolutely critical problems in Britain and America.

    500 or bust!

  498. Ben said,

    April 17, 2006 at 19:48

    What y’all fail to realize is that I have already (un)declared this thread (un)dead. You see, I (un)declared it oppositely since it’s (not) opposite day; that’s why you didn’t (un)hear me.

    No backsies!

  499. Yosef said,

    April 17, 2006 at 19:52

    499 Cobagarooniz!!!1!!!eleven!

  500. El Major Shortssniffer said,

    April 17, 2006 at 19:53

    Quinientos cabronagos!!!!1!!!!11

    Comelo!!1!!!

  501. Marita said,

    April 17, 2006 at 19:54

    I’m just astonished that someone posing as annieangel just appealed to restraint and control. Yep, good strategy.

  502. Yosef said,

    April 17, 2006 at 19:54

    And Annie, if this thread is in fact dead, then it will never reach the length of the secret thread.

  503. Modern Major-General said,

    April 17, 2006 at 20:01

    20. I am the Lizard Queen.

  504. annieangel said,

    April 17, 2006 at 20:07

    There is no secret thread. If there was you’d post a link. ;)

    I hope the moderators kill this thread. That still makes the kill mine.

  505. GuinnessGuy said,

    April 17, 2006 at 20:07

    If this thread dies, then the terrorists win!

  506. I-RUPPERT-I said,

    April 17, 2006 at 20:11

    Party of Pedophiles, cobagzes!!11!1!twelve!!1!

  507. Modern Major-General said,

    April 17, 2006 at 20:22

    You know what would have been funny? If Hitler died from auto-erotic asphyxiation.

    Not even modern dumbass skinheads would follow him. They’d be forced to become decent human beings out of shame alone. On second thought, skinheads are completely incapable of feeling shame. They think, say, and do some pretty horrible things without even stopping to examine how stupid their ideas truly are. Skinheads are morons.

    I’m not particularly fond of skinheads. Goddamn Nazis.

  508. Jesus Christ said,

    April 17, 2006 at 20:28

    Sorry, Annie, God the Father and the Holy Ghost and I have now discussed this and the three of us have decided that WE are gonna close down this thread.

    Now get the hell out of here and go to your fitness class.

  509. Jillian said,

    April 17, 2006 at 20:28

    I miss the Dead Kennedys

  510. annieangel said,

    April 17, 2006 at 20:41

    I thought White Punks On Dope would fit more with the personalities who are ruining my thread.

    Go smoke a dimebag and get wasted.

  511. annieangel said,

    April 17, 2006 at 20:42

    That should have lead to a wiki article on the Tubes.

    Vile demons, begone!

  512. Modern Major-General said,

    April 17, 2006 at 20:42

    Hey, the J-Man’s here. If I refuse to stop posting, will I go to Hell? Is posting here a worse sin than making frozen orange juice?

    Who’s hotter, Mary Magdalene or the Whore of Babylon?

  513. Worst. President. Ever. said,

    April 17, 2006 at 20:43

    You know what would have been funny? If Hitler died from auto-erotic asphyxiation.Not even modern dumbass skinheads would follow him. They’d be forced to become decent human beings out of shame alone.

    MMJ, you should check out “The Hidden Hitler” by University of Bremen historian Lothar Machtan. Thesis: Hitler was a closet gay.

    Very convincing, and an excellent gift for anybody who likes to read about Hitler.

  514. Modern Major-General said,

    April 17, 2006 at 20:51

    Yeah, that’s all the gay rights movement needs right now; Hitler. Oh well.

    Hey, did Hitler like frozen orange juice? I bet he did.

  515. Worst. President. Ever. said,

    April 17, 2006 at 21:00

    This is the song that never ends,
    It just goes on and on my friends!
    Some people started singing it, not knowing what it was
    And they’ll continue singing it forever just because…

    (EVERYBODY!)

  516. Modern Major-General said,

    April 17, 2006 at 21:18

    What do you think will last longer: Vandal Savage, the Energizer Bunny, or this thread?

  517. annieangel said,

    April 17, 2006 at 21:21

    So, who’s Ukko?

  518. Pinko Punko said,

    April 17, 2006 at 21:21

    [Executive summary: Entire blog reposted. -the mgmt]

  519. Capt. Trollypants said,

    April 17, 2006 at 21:22

    I will post the entire internets here to kill this thread if I have to!

  520. Modern Major-General said,

    April 17, 2006 at 21:23

    Your mom.

  521. Modern Major-General said,

    April 17, 2006 at 21:26

    [Executive Summary: Nice try, MMG! Entire blog posted again. -the mgmt]

  522. Modern Major-General said,

    April 17, 2006 at 21:27

    I meant to italicize the quotation. It didn’t work. I blame the gremlins.

  523. Yosef said,

    April 17, 2006 at 21:28

    I blame the gremlins. Stupid combustible gas tanks.

  524. ACG said,

    April 17, 2006 at 21:32

    Annie, you still haven’t explained why you can have sex with your boyfriend out of wedlock but justify calling married women whores for using frozen orange juice.

  525. annieangel said,

    April 17, 2006 at 21:39

    I’m still waiting to find out who Ukko is.

  526. Modern Major-General said,

    April 17, 2006 at 21:41

    This thread is getting too long.

    And I prefer frozen orange juice. There, I said it. I am now officially out of the orange juice closet.

  527. Yosef said,

    April 17, 2006 at 21:42

    Annie, you can find out about Ukko in the ecretsay aceplay.

  528. madjoey said,

    April 17, 2006 at 21:42

    Hey, I’m a big fan of orange juice. Any recommendations on fresh squeezed vs. frozen?

  529. Modern Major-General said,

    April 17, 2006 at 21:43

    I’m still waiting to find out who Ukko is.

    A better question would be “who isn’t Ukko”.

  530. Marita said,

    April 17, 2006 at 21:46

    And I prefer frozen orange juice. There, I said it. I am now officially out of the orange juice closet.

    Is this just your way of telling us you’re into whores?

  531. Modern Major-General said,

    April 17, 2006 at 21:49

    Is this just your way of telling us you’re into whores?

    Only if they come with free frozen orange juice.

  532. Capt. Trollypants said,

    April 17, 2006 at 21:53

    [Executive summary: Entire blog reposted twicely. -the mgmt]

  533. Modern Major-General said,

    April 17, 2006 at 21:56

    That does it.

  534. Modern Major-General said,

    April 17, 2006 at 21:56

    Does what?

  535. Modern Major-General said,

    April 17, 2006 at 21:57

    It!

  536. Modern Major-General said,

    April 17, 2006 at 21:57

    What’s it?

  537. Modern Major-General said,

    April 17, 2006 at 21:58

    You’re an idiot.

  538. Capt. Trollypants said,

    April 17, 2006 at 21:58

    [Executive Summary: entire thread reposted causing Moebius condition. -the mgmt]

  539. Modern Major-General said,

    April 17, 2006 at 21:59

    You’re an idiot.

    At least I’m not talking to myself.

  540. Modern Major-General said,

    April 17, 2006 at 22:00

    At least I’m not talking to myself.

    Yes you are.

  541. Modern Major-General said,

    April 17, 2006 at 22:00

    Yes you are.

    I know you are, but what am I?

  542. annieangel said,

    April 17, 2006 at 22:01

    Stop.

  543. Modern Major-General said,

    April 17, 2006 at 22:01

    I know you are, but what am I?

    Now come on, that’s just childish!

  544. Modern Major-General said,

    April 17, 2006 at 22:04

    Stop.

    You’re the boss.

  545. Capt. Trollypants said,

    April 17, 2006 at 22:11

    [Scrolly-poly defeated with spear and magic hammer. -the mgmt]

  546. annieangel said,

    April 17, 2006 at 22:27

    Ntodd is in love with me.

  547. Ipecac said,

    April 17, 2006 at 22:30


    Ntodd is in love with me.
    Posted by: annieangel | April 17, 2006 10:27 PM

    I don’t think NTodd goes for other dudes.

  548. annieangel said,

    April 17, 2006 at 22:42

    Ntodd said he wanted to “hit” me. He loves me. But JeffCo loves me the most. Oh, Al loves me too.

    (and i think marcia has a crush on me)

  549. Thorlac said,

    April 17, 2006 at 22:46

    I don’t think NTodd goes for other dudes.You mean it’s actually andrewangel? Explains quite a bit.

  550. annieangel said,

    April 17, 2006 at 22:51

    Ah, gender smack. It means you have no game. :D

    I win again, in yet another way. :)

  551. ACG said,

    April 17, 2006 at 22:53

    As opposed to Annie’s game, where she boinks her boyfriend out of wedlock in the name of Jesus.

    Must go buy some frozen orange juice now…

  552. annieangel said,

    April 17, 2006 at 23:00

    Why are you posting Atriot comments, btw? Are you jealous of our community? Do you wish you could join in the chat over there?

    You can! We love new posters! Just remember, “owls” means Atrios is online, with his big everwatchful eyes, “turtles” means namestealers are onboard, “sheets” means racists are onboard and anything with “get”, “snakes”, “plane” and “off” is considered flirting.

    Also, if you get the first post and don’t say “frist” Atrios shoots you in the fucking face.

    Now go troll over there and let this thread die.

    If you don’t I’ll never leave.

  553. Capt. Trollypants said,

    April 17, 2006 at 23:24

    [Magic: The Shortening! -the mgmt]

  554. Capt. Trollypants said,

    April 17, 2006 at 23:25

    [Executive Summary: 300 million pages of LGF comments pasted into thread. -the mgmt]

  555. Capt. Trollypants said,

    April 17, 2006 at 23:27

    [Executive Summary: Nice try, Scrollypants. 500 trillion, zillion screens of LGF comments. -the mgmt]

  556. annieangel said,

    April 17, 2006 at 23:34

    NO FLIRTING!

  557. Anon said,

    April 17, 2006 at 23:39

    Huh?

  558. annieangel said,

    April 17, 2006 at 23:40

    If people are talking about me on the second longest thread, shouldn’t those posts count on this, the longest thread?

    I think so.

    Now stop talking about me behind my back or I’ll never leave.

  559. wilhelm said,

    April 18, 2006 at 0:04

    Annieangel, are those your real legs on your website?

    Follow up: Are you really Christian?

  560. Modern Major-General said,

    April 18, 2006 at 0:08

    Follow up to the follow up: What’s the deal with your orange juice fetish?

  561. annieangel said,

    April 18, 2006 at 1:05

    They are my legs, I am a Christian.

    Modern Major General,

    I have no respect for those who scroll-spam. Do not speak to me again, please.

    This thread is over now.

    Go home, folks.

  562. Fulsome said,

    April 18, 2006 at 1:07

    Comment Recursion, FMA gets a 20 minute time-out

  563. Modern Major-General said,

    April 18, 2006 at 1:43

    I only did it once! That’s no excuse to ignore a perfectly reasonable question.

    If you tell me the root causes of your orange juice fetish, I’ll tell you mine. I don’t want to give too much away right now, but it features childhood trauma inflicted by a sack of oranges. That much is a little trite, but it gets more interesting.

    Besides, I’m not speaking to you, I’m typing. There’s a subtle difference.

  564. wilhelm said,

    April 18, 2006 at 2:03

    Annieangel, one more question and I’ll drop it.

    Is that really the way you want your website to look like when baby jesus comes back? I mean, curse words all over the place when referring to a “stolen” frozen orange juice idea? Showing skin everywhere? That doesn’t impress baby jesus.

  565. Pinko Punko said,

    April 18, 2006 at 2:08

    WHo posted all the LGF stuff?

  566. MCH said,

    April 18, 2006 at 2:16

    Enough with the gosh-durned orange-squeezing!! Everybody knows that Plant was singing about squeezing LEMONS (til the juice runs down his leg).

  567. GuinnessGuy said,

    April 18, 2006 at 2:34

    I second PP’s question- that crap makes my brain (and, likely, Jesus as well) cry.

  568. jeff said,

    April 18, 2006 at 2:37

    “This thread is over now.
    Go home, folks.”
    Posted by: annieangel

    Fuck that, I just got here and have no idea what’s going on. Not that I care, really, but I don’t see how we can defeat Iran with comment threads like this.

  569. Modern Major-General said,

    April 18, 2006 at 2:46

    but I don’t see how we can defeat Iran with comment threads like this.

    It’s apparently very simple, but it’s sadly beyond comprehension for us frozen orange juice drinkers who haven’t truly accepted Jesus into our hearts.

  570. annieangel said,

    April 18, 2006 at 4:27

    Iran will never be defeated by Liberals.

    Liberals want to make friends with the chanters of “Death to America!”

    They don’t have a clue.

    All Liberals do is scroll-spam and post useless comments about how we shouldn’t nuke Iran.

    I mean, really.

    Now I’ve said to Nuke Iran. This thread is past dead, it’s buried.

  571. Random Guy said,

    April 18, 2006 at 4:41

    …And here’s me, entering stage left with a shovel, a gurney and a hunchbacked assistant with a speech impediment.

  572. Random Guy said,

    April 18, 2006 at 4:42

    IT’S ALIIIVE!

  573. Modern Major-General said,

    April 18, 2006 at 4:47

    This thread is past dead, it’s buried.

    Yeah, but it seems to have come back as a zombie.

    Normally, I’d say that if a country absolutely had to be bombed (and I don’t think this applies to Iran, but that’s another matter), I’d rather nukes not be involved. But all this talk about zombies has got me thinking. Zombies are reanimated corpses, so nuking the Iranians instead of just killing them would stop those specific people we killed from retaliating, because their corpses would be vapourized.

    Then again, it wouldn’t stop the people we don’t kill from retaliating, in fact, it might make them want to retaliate more. Also, if they don’t come back as zombies, they’ll come back as ghosts, which are smarter and more powerful than zombies.

    No, I’m going to have to stick with my anti-nuke stance. For now, anyway.

  574. annieangel said,

    April 18, 2006 at 4:47

    Nope. It was just a bunch of rats that burrowed into the grave and chewed their way into the corpse. It may look animated, but it’s not, it’s just a bunch of scavengers picking the bones.

  575. g said,

    April 18, 2006 at 4:48

    An expert in international studies, are we now, Annie?

    It’s kind of cute how she’s bottled up here, like a wasp in a trap.

    Bzzz

  576. annieangel said,

    April 18, 2006 at 5:06

    Then get out of my bottle, g!

    Let this post be the bung in your wasp trap hole!

  577. g said,

    April 18, 2006 at 6:25

    Sigh.

  578. Pinko Punko said,

    April 18, 2006 at 6:26

    Let’s start over.

    I love annie and I want her to whip me into shape.

  579. Lee said,

    April 18, 2006 at 7:04

    Iran will never be defeated by Liberals.

    And you know what else? Luxembourg will never be defeated by [l]iberals.

    Stop nuking yourself annie.

  580. GuinnessGuy said,

    April 18, 2006 at 7:19

    I love annie and I want her to whip me into shape.
    With a riding crop, and on the parts exposed by your assless leather chaps.

  581. annieangel said,

    April 18, 2006 at 8:01

    As long as trolls do post And eyes can see
    I’ll never leave
    And this thread shall die With me.

  582. Worst. President. Ever. said,

    April 18, 2006 at 8:23

    There once was an angel named Annie
    With nice legs and a wonderful fanny
    Her orange juice squeezes
    Endeared her to Jesus
    And her ‘Sadly, No’ comments were many.

  583. GuinnessGuy said,

    April 18, 2006 at 8:39

    There once was the longest thread eva.
    Just like the old one but much bettah.
    There’s rantings and raves,
    Plus post spammings for days,
    All thanks to some ‘Gary Rup’ crittah

  584. Lee said,

    April 18, 2006 at 9:32

    This is the way the world ends
    This is the way the world ends
    This is the way the world ends
    Not with Iran but a whimper.

  585. Taube said,

    April 18, 2006 at 9:59

    Wow, that was a long thread, works well for homework avoidance – thanks guys! PS, Cheney was in my town today. Reportedly he hasn’t shot anybody yet.

  586. M.Sphinx said,

    April 18, 2006 at 11:41

    I bring nothing to the table.

  587. Worst. President. Ever. said,

    April 18, 2006 at 13:21

    A movie Annie should see!

  588. annieangel said,

    April 18, 2006 at 17:58

    This is boring now.

  589. MCH said,

    April 18, 2006 at 18:39

    As long as trolls do post
    And eyes can see
    I’ll never leave
    And this thread shall die
    With me.

    Being that this was posted by a troll, who promises to keep posting——thereby ensuring that she never leaves and keeps posting——I’m afraid this thread may well be immortal.

    Can a troll troll themselves? If a troll left a comment in a forest, would anyone read it?

  590. Lee said,

    April 18, 2006 at 20:51

    This is boring now.

    Hey! You’re catching on. Eventually you will begin, like the rest of us, to find it soo boring that it bores all the way to other side of the planet where it’s actually fun, because everything there is upside down. Antipodean ennui, if you like.

  591. GuinnessGuy said,

    April 18, 2006 at 23:19

    Can a troll troll themselves? If a troll left a comment in a forest, would anyone read it?

    That, my friend, is the new question for the Internet Age.

  592. Worst. President. Ever. said,

    April 18, 2006 at 23:20

    a troll, who promises to keep posting

    … didn’t they used to call that an “iron butt”?

  593. windy said,

    April 19, 2006 at 1:17

    I’m still waiting to find out who Ukko is.

    You blasphemers need to stop taking Ukk*’s name in vain. This thread is surely long enough to attract thunderbolts! Don’t say you weren’t warned!

  594. Worst. President. Ever. said,

    April 19, 2006 at 7:58

    Turn out the lights
    The party’s over
    They say that
    All good things must end
    Call it tonight
    The party’s over
    And tomorrow starts
    The same old thing again

    But the crazy crazy party
    Never seen so many people
    Laughing dancing
    Look at you you’re having fun
    But look at me
    I’m almost cryin’
    That don’t keep her love from dyin’
    Misery cause for me the party’s over
    Turn out the lights…

    Once I had a love undyin’
    I didn’t keep it but I tried
    Life for me was just one party
    And then another
    I broke her heart so many times
    I had to have my parting wife
    I had to have my party
    Why broke her heart so many times
    But one day she said
    Sweetheart the party’s over
    Turn out the lights…

  595. Freshly Squeezed Cynic said,

    April 19, 2006 at 16:52

    George Romero is thinking of including this thread in his next movie.

    BRAAAAAAAAAINS.

  596. Freshly Squeezed Cynic said,

    April 19, 2006 at 16:53

    I would just like to point out for legal reasons that I have never accepted any orange juice from Christian strangers.

  597. Sjofn said,

    April 20, 2006 at 13:32

    To any lurking teens, it’s not cool. Neither is fronting.

    I’m so glad I’m an insomniac and decided to finally read this comment thread.

    Sometimes fronting is cool though: http://www.frontalot.com/

  598. Worst. President. Ever. said,

    April 20, 2006 at 20:15

    #598! What do I win?

  599. nobody said,

    April 20, 2006 at 20:16

    An AABJ!

  600. ACG said,

    April 21, 2006 at 0:12

    Does that make me #600?

  601. AnnieAngel's Legs: WOO HOO! said,

    April 21, 2006 at 13:51

    No, I”M number 600!

    The comment counter isn’t working quite right.

    But you’ll have to count all the postings yourself if you don’t believe me.

  602. annieangel said,

    April 21, 2006 at 22:09

    Jillian just got BUSTED for screwing up her handle as she trolled!! :)

    Jillian is Gary Ruppert!!

    BUSTED!

  603. Thorlac said,

    April 25, 2006 at 18:24

    And Annie is Daffy Abs Huge. Not at all surprising.

  604. tattoo kit said,

    June 25, 2013 at 20:02

    It’s going to be end of mine day, however before end I am reading this fantastic post to improve my know-how.

Leave a Comment

  • Things of Interest

  • Meta Goodness

  • Clunkers

  • httpbl_stats()