22
I Know I’m Being Mean, But…
OK, I hate to point this out, but this is not Jesus:
For Christ’s sake (pun intended), it’s a piece of drywall that got warped during the flooding of Katrina. If anything, it resembles the face of a giant hideous bug creature from Jupiter. But it’s definitely not Jesus.
Also, here’s a great quote from the article I linked to:
“It’s like God is trying to show people he’s real,” said Marlette Holt, a minister at the Triumph Learning and Worship Center for Life. “I feel he’s trying to open even the simplest minds.”
Oh, He’s doing something to the simplest minds, all right. Up here in Blue America, we call it “fucking with them.”
Bradrocket adds to his own post: Incidentally, I’m not being serious with the whole “up here in Blue America” tribalist bullshit. I’ve gotten so effing sick and tired of pundits talking about the vast cultural differences between the elitist sodomite blue-staters and the God-fearin’ salt-of-the-earth red-staters. What a bunch of silly BS. While there are certainly some cultural differences between people living in the South and people living in the Northeast, the typical family in Massachusetts isn’t substantially different from the typical family in Georgia. People like Ben Domenech (and, to be fair, those jack-offs who started that “Fuck-the-South” website) perpetuate this kind of crap when they drone on endlessly about the supposed moral superiority of “their people” over “those other folks” who live in different parts of the country.
That being said, I still fucking hate NASCAR. But in my defense, I’ve never drunk a latte in my life. Hell, I fucking hate Starbucks. When I want a good cup of coffee (which is admittedly very rare), I go to DUNKIES’, baby!
Yosef said,
March 22, 2006 at 22:35
Kinda looks like Ghost Rider to me.
Brad R. said,
March 22, 2006 at 22:36
I can see that. I really can.
But.
It’s still not Jesus.
Vladi G said,
March 22, 2006 at 22:38
Those look more like really big devil horns. I think Satan is trying to tell these people something.
Pastor Maker said,
March 22, 2006 at 22:38
Revelations does mention satan’s attempt to spackle the eyes of the innocent so they cannot see.
Demogenes Aristophanes said,
March 22, 2006 at 22:43
One time I discovered a picture of Jesus that had the image of a grilled cheese sandwich on it. I sold it on eBay for a billion dollars to Sebastian Bach.
Gavin M. said,
March 22, 2006 at 22:43
It’s…Bullwinkle?
Res Publica said,
March 22, 2006 at 22:51
Words can’t say how much I heart it when someone finds the face of Jesus in a rust stain or (as I live in south Texas) the burn-marks on a tortilla. Also, any church that has the words “Worship Center” in its name is full of snake-handling, aisle-rolling mouth breathers.
Josh said,
March 22, 2006 at 22:55
Jupiter’s made of gas. It doesn’t have giant hideous bug creatures. You’re thinking of Uranus.
Ba-dum…ching!
Ianua Ditis said,
March 22, 2006 at 23:10
I thought that ‘fuck the south’ was hilarious. (although not as much as ‘fuck the police.’)
I read it as a reaction to a campaign season where those of us who live on the coasts were constantly bombarded by the assertion that we are immoral and decadent traitors by a bunch of corrupt racists and warmongers.
I thought it was a neccessary blowing off of steam.
But I don’t think it’s true either that everyone who lives in those vast regions is as benighted as those who still vote for Republicans. Those Southerners who don’t fit the bill can read that and know that it doesn’t apply to them.
tg said,
March 22, 2006 at 23:10
That is inarguably a woman in a toga with her arms tied to the bedposts.
Meri said,
March 22, 2006 at 23:19
Clearly Bullwinkle wearing a dress.
windy said,
March 22, 2006 at 23:48
Hate to state the obvious, but that’s nothing but a huge wrinkly cock.
Some Guy said,
March 23, 2006 at 0:14
God is everywhere, even moldy sheetrock.
And God is love.
Therefore, love is moldy sheetrock.
(Remember, it’s 10% before taxes, and if your check doesn’t clear the bank before the apocalypse, you are doomed!)
mdhatter said,
March 23, 2006 at 0:46
no, but morons with an e-bay account can be a miricle.
Steve M. said,
March 23, 2006 at 0:48
Flip it upside down. It looks like Cynthia Plaster Caster switched media.
mdhatter said,
March 23, 2006 at 0:50
Oh, and BradR., ‘Dunkies’ is now largely owned by the Carlisle Group, which means the president and his people get a couple pennies everytime you get one with cream-and-sugar.
fiver said,
March 23, 2006 at 1:41
Dude, that is totally a kickass dragon. See the wings and the tail? God is a lot cooler than I thought!
imag said,
March 23, 2006 at 2:05
I swear that’s a penis.
Woodrowfan said,
March 23, 2006 at 2:10
nope, Bullwinkle. clearly.
mdhatter said,
March 23, 2006 at 2:23
it also looks like a uterus, with ovaries.
tg said,
March 23, 2006 at 2:26
It’s my stupid demoness ex-girlfriend with her new boyfriend, laughing, doing the things we never did, bubbling over with the love she could never find for me, oh god, look how she’s holding his hand, oh jeez, I see her everywhere, I hate her, I hate her, I hate her, I … I … I love her so much …
BillyD said,
March 23, 2006 at 2:27
It’s Xenu, you fools!
Some Guy said,
March 23, 2006 at 2:33
Even the second coming leaves me exhausted. I can’t imagine finding the energy to fuck the South.
Anne said,
March 23, 2006 at 2:37
In regard to the redstate-bluestate divide: Rednecks are everywhere, dude. The last time I heard a white guy say the n-word was in Maine.
I get a little tired of people from the NE or elsewhere in the non-South like my ex getting all horrified at the South like the rest of the country is so much better (and patting themselves on the back for an accident of birthplace — if you moved there, that’s one thing, and congrats on living the dream). I mean, y’all don’t have billboards in a lot of places up there, so that’s pretty cool, but we have better food.
I think we can all agree that Florida sucks, though.
bellatrys said,
March 23, 2006 at 2:40
the typical family in Massachusetts isn’t substantially different from the typical family in Georgia.
You said it, Bradrocket. Lived in New England most of my life, part of my family comes from the South, and the Red/Blue drivel drives me bonkers. Particularly when more people voted for Bushco in MA in 2004 than *live* in all of South Dakota, and this is in the category of “easily checked facts” that there is no conceivable excuse for neglecting, unless there’s some “Liberals Try To Compete With Winger Bloggers for Factless Crown” prize I never heard of.
People like Ben Domenech (and, to be fair, those jack-offs who started that “Fuck-the-South” website) perpetuate this kind of crap when they drone on endlessly about the supposed moral superiority of “their people” over “those other folks” who live in different parts of the country.
The best part of it is that many if not most of them, like Grover Norquist, are damnyankees IRL, faux-Midwesterners or Southerner wannabes getting “back to their roots” who flip out when the real Texas isn’t like their daydreams, cough*RodDreher*cough–
Matt O. said,
March 23, 2006 at 2:43
Haha, that was awesome.
Anne said,
March 23, 2006 at 2:46
This is a good time to mention that Larry the Cable Guy is from Nebraska and went to private school.
Dorothy said,
March 23, 2006 at 3:02
I add my vote for flaccid penis.
punkinsmom said,
March 23, 2006 at 3:08
Alright, say you’re God. Omniscient, Omnipotent, Omnipresent. Would you choose moldy drywall as a vehicle to show people you’re real?? C’mon.
Jason said,
March 23, 2006 at 3:38
Just to add to the red/blue argument. The “blue” areas are cities, not states. I live in Pennsylvania, a so-called “blue state”, but that’s only because of Pittsburgh and Philadelphia. From East Pitt to West Philly, it’s mullets, Skoal, NASCAR, Jesus, guns and pickup trucks adorned with confederate flags and Bush/Cheney ‘04 stickers. I saw a bumper sticker the other day that read “George W. Bush - American by birth, President by the grace of God.” Pretty much sums up the attitude of these “liberal elite” folks.
teh l4m3 said,
March 23, 2006 at 3:38
Really? It looks like X-Men’s Storm, to me.
Only minus the rack.
Res Publica said,
March 23, 2006 at 3:50
Jason makes an excellent point. There aren’t many uniformly “blue” states at all, but America’s cities are almost uniformly blue, even in the reddest states. I seem to recall Dan Savage writing a column to that effect after the 04 election.
Kyso K said,
March 23, 2006 at 5:19
Hate to state the obvious, but that’s nothing but a huge wrinkly cock.
Thank you, windy. I didn’t want to be the only one who thought that. In fact, the cock interpretation was so strong that i had to read the original article before I could see the Rosarch crucifix. Before that, I was trying to figure out how you could argue that a cock looked like the face of Jesus.
Marq said,
March 23, 2006 at 5:30
I have to second mdhatter’s uterus interpretation, but I can see the dick if I squint at it.
Some Guy said,
March 23, 2006 at 5:47
“…but I can see the dick if I squint at it.”
So many Gannon/Rove jokes come to mind. But I won’t. I won’t. This is a high class blog.
tom said,
March 23, 2006 at 5:48
As I recall, Han Solo received a similar treatment.
.
.
Major Woody said,
March 23, 2006 at 5:49
How can anyone not see that this is an image of our Lord and Savior? And that He is without argument a Huge Wrinkly Cock? Praise Him in all his glory! Fear Him in His tumescent wrath!
cowalker said,
March 23, 2006 at 6:07
C’mon, that picture is clear proof that feminists are correct to pray to God the Mother.
http://www.drnorthrup.com/womens-health-ovaries.php
Or, wait. Is it a lobster?
http://www.greatbay.org/kids_corner/quest/exploration/images/lobster.jpg
shelly said,
March 23, 2006 at 6:18
Nope. Totally not the image of Christ.
Christopher said,
March 23, 2006 at 7:52
Oh, wait, it’s supposed to be crucified Christ? I still don’t really see it, unless Christ’s head was a fleshless skull with bitching devil horns.
JK47 said,
March 23, 2006 at 8:34
“It’s like God is trying to show people he’s real,” said Marlette Holt, a minister at the Triumph Learning and Worship Center for Life. “I feel he’s trying to open even the simplest minds.”
Nah, Jeebus already has the simplest minds convinced. It’s the people with a goddamn shred of intelligence that are a little harder to convert. And if appearing in a fucking slab of drywall in a Alabama is his idea of how to reach people, he needs to hire a new marketing team.
TravisG said,
March 23, 2006 at 13:46
It looks like Han Solo shaking out a used condom, for reasons that shall remain unclear.
Woodrowfan said,
March 23, 2006 at 14:18
maybe it’s the CLENIS!
Yosef said,
March 23, 2006 at 14:58
I think we can all agree that Florida sucks, though.
Amen!
And Brad, everyone knows, even the people in Boston, that Krispy Kreme is vastly superior to DD. Except for the coffee. But, you can always go to the Pantry to get good coffee.
Yosef said,
March 23, 2006 at 14:59
Oh, and teh, I could see where you would think that’s Storm, but it’s totally Ghost Rider. Don’t you see the flames around the skull and the leather jacket? Given, his motorcycle isn’t there, but it’s him.
teh l4m3 said,
March 23, 2006 at 16:25
Okay, I concede.
Gratis said,
March 23, 2006 at 16:41
Looks like one of those Redwing ads- a sneaker with wings.
Major Woody said,
March 23, 2006 at 18:23
Yosef said: “everyone knows, even the people in Boston, that Krispy Kreme is vastly superior to DD.”
Yosef.
I hope you are aware that, as far as we Massachusetts natives are concerned, you just produced the written equivalent of the Danish Mohammed cartoons and the Iraq Shiite Mosque bombing all wrapped up together in one inflammatory masterstroke.
I am taking it upon myself to issue a fatwah to all my brothers and sisters who hail from the Commonwealth, wherever you may be. In the language of our ancestors, if you come across this bastahd, tampah with the brakes of his cah, scald him with hot chowdah, drive him to Shrewsbury and dump him in Spag’s pahkin’ lot, whatevah.
Strange Forces said,
March 23, 2006 at 18:41
I have to side with Yosef.
While I spent far too many nights at the local DD’s in high school, mine eyes have been opened to the glory that is Krispy Kreme.
That hot light is a Pavlovian _masterpiece_.
Gavin M. said,
March 23, 2006 at 19:22
I’m going to come down for Tim Horton’s. When we all have to flee for Canada, it’ll be something to look forward to.
King Spirula said,
March 23, 2006 at 19:24
Of course that is Jesus… after falling off a ten story building.
Or it is Jesus plastered.
What?!
Somebody has to say it.
Marcus said,
March 23, 2006 at 19:31
I was sure it was an sculpture of a uterus. Ah, well.
Oh, FTLOG! said,
March 23, 2006 at 20:01
It’s definitely Bullwinkle in a uterus…with ovaries.
Oh, FTLOG! said,
March 23, 2006 at 20:02
Welcome to Drywall Clue!
Yosef said,
March 23, 2006 at 21:39
Major Woody, I think the Panthers and the Patriots should play every year and have the game sponsored by the 2 Doughnut Giants.
That said, I will stand by my view of Krispy Kreme as the superior until my death. I’m not even going to take the coward’s way out and call it free speech, because it’s a fact that when that ‘Hot Doughnuts Now’ sign is on, even God makes the trip to a Krispy Kreme.
Tim Leary said,
March 23, 2006 at 21:45
It will look like Jesus, after 400 micrograms of LSD…
Vercingetorix said,
March 23, 2006 at 21:46
I’ve tried every visualization trick I can think of to see it, short of ingesting psilocybin or a fifth of Old Overcoat, but damn me if I can find Waldo (I mean, Jeebus!) in there. What the f*@k are these folks on?
Anne said,
March 23, 2006 at 21:49
Sadly, last I heard both KK and DD donate all political donations to Republicans.
losing feeling in my toes said,
March 23, 2006 at 22:22
DD ROCKS…..please dont tell me their republican…
anyways, i dont see how that thing looks like jeesus. it looks like someone got their dirty sock drywalled.
if god was trying to show people he was real, youd think hed be a bit more specific in his warped drywall….hell, he’d probably at least warp solid oak, or maybe even marble..now that would be impressive…
simplist minds? because only the simplest minds would actually believe that drywalled sock thing was the big JC
Losing feeling in my toes. said,
March 23, 2006 at 22:31
i will concede florida pretty much sux, at least cause of celebration town.
(but there are some good parts.)
anyways, yeah you have good food, but if i ate all the best food stuff down there i would die of a heart attack and im only 27. ill grant you its rockin food, but how does the high cholestoral combat the insufferable heat of summer?
gimme some new england clam chowda, grilled swordfish, and a breezy fall day for late season sailing any time! sorry, its my roots!
but rednecks are everywhere and so are assholes.
you really need to work on the religious billboard though.
bellatrys said,
March 23, 2006 at 23:20
Res Publica, Jason, you guys need to do a little more homework - or on a more detailed level.
More people voted for Bush in NYC than *live* in some southern states.
More people voted for the Right-to-Life party in NYC than you’d expect, too.
The Right-To-Life Party is *based* in NYC, for that matter.
Urban/Rural only works if you don’t look at neighborhoods…iow, ignore the evidence! Reality bow down to our ideology! Long Island and the Boroughs aren’t *really* urban, aren’t really part of NYC!
mdhatter said,
March 25, 2006 at 15:50
Major Woody, I too decry the presene of KK, but their travel mugs and donut (singular) are superior, even if their coffee is not.
their coffee, in my opinion, is not good.
Unfortunatley the Carlyle group now owns a bunch of Dunkin’… what’s a caffeine monkey to do?
Marq said,
March 29, 2006 at 7:59
Eeugghh! Lumpy-plaster wrinkly cock/crucified Jeebus. Yecch and ick!
Marq said,
March 29, 2006 at 8:01
Does anyone think there might be a resurgent market for vomitoriums, like in imperial Roman times?