Mar
13

The Gays Have Hatched a Gay Secret Gay Plot to Make Everyone Gay




Posted at 22:11 by Brad

Yes, it turns out that those wacky homosexuals are trying to convert everyone to gayness again. Lucky for us, the American Familiy Association is on the case:

Activist: Gay Straight Clubs About Promotion, Not Protection

By Jim Brown
March 13, 2006

(AgapePress) – A pro-family advocate says leaders of Gay Straight Alliance clubs in schools falsely claim their main focus is fighting discrimination. She contends those clubs are more concerned about getting young people involved in homosexuality.

Goddammit, now I really regret not joining the gay-straight alliance when I was in high school. I coulda totally scoped out all the hot chicks macking it at the meetings.

lesbianparty.bmp
Above: A typical scene from a gay-straight alliance meeting.

Last week a private high school in Santa Monica, California, held a “Free Queer Movie Night” that was sponsored by its Gay Straight Alliance club. At the event, the GSA screened a sexually explicit film about a lesbian relationship involving a German Jew and a Nazi sympathizer during World War II.

Wait, and this film is supposed to be promoting homosexuality? It sounds freaking terrifying! You’d have better luck using Friday the 13th to encourage horny teens to go camping.

According to Linda Harvey of the Ohio-based pro-family group Mission America, such events are standard fare for GSA clubs in both private and public schools.

Indeed. I can’t tell you how many times I was subjected to the whims of lesbian Nazis in high school (and I’m not even talking about the gym teachers).

The pro-family activist contends it is extremely dishonest for GSAs to claim they exist merely to promote tolerance and diversity when, in fact, they are promoting homosexuality immorality to young people. She notes that a brief search of websites like GSANetwork.org or SafeSchoolsCoalition.org supports her contention.

Y’know, if teens really wanted to scour the Internets to find all kinds of filthy sex, they could go to about a billion other websites out there that are a heckuva lot more exciting than the Gay-Straight Alliance page (for the record, my Gavin’s personal favorite is UnlubedAnalFisting.Net).

In other wingnutty news, it seems that several parents in Ohio are worried that their children might actually learn about sex some day:

Ohio Parents Demand Schools Drop Inappropriate Sex-Ed Booklet

By Mary Rettig
March 13, 2006

(AgapePress) – The director of an Ohio pro-family group says people taking action in their schools really can make a difference.

I love how these groups call themselves label themselves “pro-family,” even though they want to stop gay people from starting families of their own.

Theresa Fleming, who heads up the political action committee Moms for Ohio, points to one local victory for an example.

This past November, Fleming recalls, students in Cuyahoga County brought home a disturbing book from the United Way called Youth Pages. The booklet contained sex education as well as information on how to obtain free contraceptives and contact information for abortion clinics, she notes, and they were handed out to students as young as 11 years of age.

11 year olds are typically in 6th grade, which is around the time that most people start getting sex education. Also, do you know where else children can find contact information for abortion clinics? That’s right- the Yellow Pages. I guess you’ll have to start censoring the phone book too.

The last thing conscientious mother and fathers need is schools handing out literature “telling our children that they don’t need our consent for birth control [and that] here’s a place you can go to get it,” Fleming asserts. “Now, for us, we’re definitely working, as many parents are who love their kids, on teaching our kids certain values,” she says, “and part of those values is abstaining from sex until marriage.”

You can download the entire booklet here. There’s honestly nothing controversial about it- most of it is just the usual “Drugs’r'bad, mmmmm-kay?” stuff that you learned in health class. The section about sex begins by saying, “Decisions about sex are not easy to make. Having sex can bring about life-changing consequences such as pregnancy or sexually transmitted diseases (STDs).” Further down the page, it says that “The only sure way to prevent pregnancy and STDs is by abstinence, which means not having sex.” Not exactly encouraging kids to boink the night away, is it? Of course, the wingnuts want their kids to wait until marriage before learning that babies don’t come from the stork, so I can see why they’d be pretty upset.

The parents’ advocate feels Youth Pages undermines those values by pointing young people toward organizations that provide free birth control and abortions or that promote “alternate lifestyles,” including homosexuality.

Hey, Ohio law says they can have access to birth control without parental consent. If you really don’t want your teens using contraception, then change the law (or on second thought, please don’t- we don’t need anymore pregnant teens in this country).

One website to which the sex education booklet referred belonged to “a lesbian and gay community center, and … that also is completely inappropriate,” Fleming insists. “Parents have different views on that; but, at a minimum, I don’t understand why any school would give kids access to a website with that type of information on it — especially 11-year-olds.”

Lady, how sheltered do you think most children are? Do you know when I first learned what homosexuality was? When I was attending summer camp as a seven-year-old, and all the kids there called me a “fag.” If kids have never heard of homosexuals by the time they’re eleven… well, they’re probably living in your house.

Also, I hate to tell you this- really, I do- but there are lots of gay teens out there who are terrified and confused of having their friends and parents learn about their sexuality, and they literally have no one to talk to. So unless you want them to be depressed and/or suicidal, it’s probably good for them to have a support network somewhere, don’t you think?

Unfortunately, the Moms for Ohio director contends, as information materials like Youth Pages direct children to contraception and abortion providers and make casual reference to premarital and homosexual sex, one message young people are getting is that “there’s nothing wrong with those choices.”

What the hell are you talking about? They have a whole section devoted to all the nasty diseases you can get from doin’ it.

That is why many mothers in her school district contacted the superintendent of schools to complain, she says.

School officials responded promptly to the Cuyahoga County parents’ complaint. Fleming says the superintendent let the mothers know that the distribution of Youth Pages to their youngsters would cease and that the booklet would no longer be given to any student in the district.

And I’m sure the gay teens who kill themselves because they have no one to talk to will thank them for it.

Moms for Ohio is also pursuing the matter at the legislative level, Fleming adds. She says her group is working with state lawmakers to give parents the opportunity to opt out of the distribution of any materials that might conflict with their values.

Which means that kids will be able to opt out of biology class if their parents believe the earth was created in a week.

This country just keeps getting smarterer by the minute!

37 Comments »

  1. Ken Houghton said,

    March 13, 2006 at 23:29

    Uh, can someone explain how an OH-based “pro-family group” can definitively speak about GSAs throughout the country, and specifically that the one in Santa Monica,CA (rather a hike away) was presenting “standard fare”?

    Did she go on a road trip to the GSAs? Where does one sign up?

  2. sexual harrassment panda said,

    March 13, 2006 at 23:40

    So unless you want them to be depressed and/or suicidal

    Yeah, but that’s just it – that’s exactly what she wants those dirty little fag kids to feel like. It is, after all, what Jesus would undoubtedly want.

  3. J. A. Baker said,

    March 13, 2006 at 23:57

    Agape Press needs to fire their copy editor. I caught no less than three grammatical/spelling errors in those reports:

    1)This past November, Fleming recalls, students in Cuyahoga County brought home a disturbing book from the United Way called Youth Pages.

    I’m pretty sure I learned this in elementary school, but when referring to a published piece of work, you’re supposed to put it in quotes if it’s a short story underline/italicize it if it’s a book, magazine or other large body of work or a pamphlet.

    2)The last thing conscientious mother and fathers need is schools handing out literature “telling our children that they don’t need our consent for birth control [and that] here’s a place you can go to get it,” Fleming asserts.

    “mother and fathers” should be “mothers and fathers.”

    3)Last week a private high school in Santa Monica, California, held a “Free Queer Movie Night” that was sponsored by its Gay Straight Alliance club.

    The comma after California is extraneous.

    Yep, they’ve cribbed from the “writing” style, of — Kaye … Grogan.

  4. Brad R. said,

    March 14, 2006 at 0:01

    Agape Press needs to fire their copy editor.

    What makes you think they have a copy editor in the first place?

  5. Daryl McCullough said,

    March 14, 2006 at 0:15

    A gay plot to make everyone gay? How could anyone fall for that? It’s a horny, heterosexual male plot! It works like this: once all the gullible males have been converted to homosexuality, the secretly heterosexual cabal members will get all the girls!

    It’s a variant of the plan hatched by Woody Allen’s character in the first Casino Royale movie. (Go here and search for “Jimmy’s plan”.)

  6. JiuNoon said,

    March 14, 2006 at 0:15

    Of course young homosexuals shouldn’t have someone to talk to about their feelings. Many husbands of the members of the Moms for Ohio learned to bottle up their natural desires and, eventually, to channel them into good, Christian, angry drunken marital sex. That’s how the women became Moms for Ohio – from the opening of the overflowing floodgates of precious DNA from men who must be protected from Brokeback Mountain, lest they find a more depraved (if spiritually fulfilling) alternative to their repressed, soul-crushing marriages.

  7. a cranny mint said,

    March 14, 2006 at 0:32

    I guess talking to their kids about the pamphlet is too much to ask.

  8. Brad R. said,

    March 14, 2006 at 1:14

    I guess talking to their kids about the pamphlet is too much to ask.

    Yes! You don’t expect them to do any actual parenting, do you?!

  9. Big Worm said,

    March 14, 2006 at 1:14

    Agape Press needs to fire their copy editor. I caught no less than three grammatical/spelling errors in those reports:

    Really? I caught no fewer than three.

  10. teh l4m3 said,

    March 14, 2006 at 1:16

    “…telling our children that they don’t need our consent for birth control…”

    Father: “You’re the one who said don’t give her rubbers.”

    Mother: “Well the filthy little slut had it coming. She deserves what she gets!”

  11. madjoey said,

    March 14, 2006 at 1:25

    J.A.Baker writes:
    The comma after California is extraneous.

    Sadly, No.

    Here’s the proper usage:

    That woman from Cuyahoga, Ohio, is dumber than a box of hair.

  12. Jack of None said,

    March 14, 2006 at 2:01

    So unless you want them to be depressed and/or suicidal

    Wasn’t there some troglodyte who was going around saying that he’d rather kids commit suicide than be gay?

  13. Andrew A. Gill, SLS said,

    March 14, 2006 at 2:17

    Gotta say–I’m not sure if I’d want my kids getting pamphlets referring to abortion providers by name and number.

    Yes, I know it’s in the book, but this is different. It’s like how I know that Westboro Baptist is in the book, but it’s different when someone hands my kid a flyer.

    Now, giving my kids information about homosexuality is OK by me. In fact, try to convert them! It’ll wind up like that episode od Spin City.

    So unless you want them to be depressed and/or suicidal

    A-Yup. I’m pretty sure that they want them to kill themselves. It’ll make the world a better place!

    “mother and fathers” should be “mothers and fathers.”

    Viva le polygamy!

  14. erquirk said,

    March 14, 2006 at 2:48

    Thank you, madjoey, for your grammatical, and utterly appropriate, Sadly, No.

  15. Jeff said,

    March 14, 2006 at 2:57

    I’m not kidding, for once, when I say how seriously I take this issue. I felt certain that I HAD to kill myself because I was gay for so long…until I was 22, to be precise. When I was a teenager, I saw Jerry Falwell say on Larry King to me and my parents that it would be better for a gay kid to kill himself than to live. This shit has consequences, and I worry every day about what little southern boy is blowing his brains out.

  16. tigrismus said,

    March 14, 2006 at 3:10

    You make a great point, Jeff. It’s odd that these Falwell types, while outright advising suicide, lambaste elements of pop culture they claim cause kids to commit suicide.

  17. ACG said,

    March 14, 2006 at 3:57

    Couldn’t read the article. Couldn’t read the commentary, couldn’t read the responses, ’cause I was blind. That lady (“lady”?) on the right – are those her thighs? Like, her actual thighs? Or did I miss something in the momentary flash before my Peril Sensitive Sunglasses graciously made it all go away?

  18. punkinsmom said,

    March 14, 2006 at 5:04

    Thank you madjoey. That non-extraneous comma was bugging me too!
    As the parent of a 13-year-old girl, I welcome any and all literature that will open a dialog on something as important as sexuality and sex. Why these idiotic “Moms for Ohio” don’t is clear from their inherent fear that Jimmy might “turn” gay and have to kill himself. Or Ashley might actually consider having sex because she read about it in a science textbook.
    I can’t believe the largest school district in the State would bow to the pressure of some warped housewives. Okay I can believe it, but I don’t like it.

  19. g said,

    March 14, 2006 at 5:22

    “Last week a private high school in Santa Monica, California, held a “Free Queer Movie Night” that was sponsored by its Gay Straight Alliance club.”

    Well, those Crossroads kids are pretty wild, aren’t they.

  20. cowalker said,

    March 14, 2006 at 5:42

    Sadly, typical. I live in Ohio and it’s bad sometimes.

    That 222 page book has approximately 34 pages about sex and teen pregnancy. At least 10 of them are lists of resources for teen parents. Does this fairly represent the percentage of time teens spend thinking about sex and relationships? If anything it falls short.

    Heaven forbid anyone tell teens true facts, such as the fact that teens can get birth control without parental consent in Ohio, and that there are abortion providers within a hundred miles. The book also tells them that the consent of a parent or guardian, or a court order is required for a teenager to have an abortion in Ohio.

    Facts. Such terrifying things.

  21. Thlayli said,

    March 14, 2006 at 9:54

    The movie shown in Santa Monica.

  22. Marq said,

    March 14, 2006 at 13:06

    It’s a horny, heterosexual male plot! It works like this: once all the gullible males have been converted to homosexuality, the secretly heterosexual cabal members will get all the girls!

    So, it’s a win-win, then?

  23. Anne said,

    March 14, 2006 at 16:09

    So unless you want them to be depressed and/or suicidal, it’s probably good for them to have a support network somewhere, don’t you think?

    Now now, let’s be fair: Some of these folks want to execute the gay kids.

  24. mikey said,

    March 14, 2006 at 17:59

    one message young people are getting is that “there’s nothing wrong with those choices.

    And BY GOD it’s up to us to instill all the guilt and frustration in them that we so enjoyed as teens!!

    mikey

  25. Anonymous said,

    March 14, 2006 at 18:54

    You guys should read Ralf Königs comic book version of the old Greek play “Lysistrate”…

    When the women goes on sex strike to end the war with Sparta, another part of the Greek society sees its chance…(the gay community!)
    I dont know if ive ever read something as funny as that… :-)

  26. The Green Knight said,

    March 14, 2006 at 19:05

    I guess you’ll have to start censoring the phone book too.

    Don’t give ‘em any ideas!

  27. disgruntled said,

    March 14, 2006 at 20:24

    im so sick of people who are for/against ANYTHING because they are “pro-family.” please, less than 25% of americans live in a traditional nuclear family, noone cares about the fucking family, enough with the god damn family for the love of god.

    p.s. stop being shitty parents.

  28. defenestrati said,

    March 14, 2006 at 21:18

    Just one quibble regarding your favorite website: it’s unlubedanalfisting.ORG

    It’s a registered non-profit. Because it’s about the fisting.

  29. Cheryl said,

    March 14, 2006 at 21:42

    Pro-family? I wouldn’t want them to have access to any child.
    The “Crotch Watch Squad” is just creepy, and people are just tired of these closet perverts.

  30. Groovymarlin said,

    March 14, 2006 at 22:13

    How many of these wingnuts who want to promote abstinence, and only abstinence, were actually still virgins when THEY got married? Har.

  31. Lemur said,

    March 15, 2006 at 1:32

    I can’t believe you folks are nitpicking about grammatical errors. Seriously, get a LIFE. If that’s the best you can do, then you’re obviously not serious about discussing the matter, you merely want to obfuscate it with your stupidity.

    What’s really important: Children are being denied their right to both birth control and information regarding it. Gay children are being denied access to information which can help keep them sane. So if you want your kids pregnant or suicidal, go for it, but don’t restrict the rights of sane people who want their kids to live to the age of majority without getting horrific diseases, burdening themselves and their parents with unwanted children or killing themselves because they don’t have a peer group to communicate with.

  32. Some Guy said,

    March 15, 2006 at 4:25

    Life is a big bowl of angry flakes, best eaten with a spork.

  33. Darwinita said,

    March 15, 2006 at 4:43

    I love sporks. That pamphlet stresses the GSA as strenuously as it does Poison Control. Tempest in a chamberpot. Feh.

  34. Timmah420 said,

    March 15, 2006 at 18:24

    Lesbian sex between a German jew and a Nazi sympathizer during WW2??? How come I never got to watch kickass movies like that when I was in high school?

  35. johnny said,

    March 15, 2006 at 20:15

    Someone above said that it should be “motherS and fathers,” but I disagree — they’re referring to gay parents as “mother and fathers.”

    It’s a dig.

    (j/k) :P

  36. theo said,

    March 16, 2006 at 1:28

    Moms for ohio are also promoting a special licence plate that has an american flag on it with “one nation under god” written at the bottom. The flag is especially useful to let the world know what fucking country Ohio is in. http://www.momsforohio.com/images/stories/license_plate_1.jpg
    They claim to be non-partisan, but endorse only republicans. I smell astroturf.

  37. db from the nw said,

    March 17, 2006 at 4:00

    I’d like to know where on earth they got that picture from. I’m wishing I had some peril-sensitive sunglasses right now. How anyone could call that “typical” of anything escapes me.

    Sounds like they were watching Aimee & Jaguar, which was actually loosely based on a true story. It’s an interesting movie, I watched it in a German studies Sex and Gender in Film class last term.
    As far as I can tell it’s not rated in the US, but it’d probably earn no more than an R. At least, I’m sure it wouldn’t if it featured straight folk.
    It’s definitely not a movie to make kids think, “hey, it’d be swell to be attracted to the same sex.”

    ignorance≠innocence
    Kids know more than their parents give them credit for. Teachers, at least good ones, recognize this. If kids are going to think they know everything, we might as well give them the facts.

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