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Kaye’s Latest Column- A Real Thanksgiving Turkey
Read it and weep, folks… and then weep a whole lot more. Here’s Kaye Grogan’s latest column:
Bah-humbug . . . retailers!
Kaye Grogan
November 23, 2005The anti-Christmas groups are gearing up again to oppose the display of nativity scenes in public and the singing of Christmas Carols.
Tell me about it. I have a whole bag of rocks sitting on my windowsill, just waiting to be hurled at unsuspecting wassailers.
And not to be outdone - there are several retailers who have joined the fight against Christmas, and in the process have become somewhat anomic.
You can tell that Kaye’s been waiting for just the right time to show off her vocabulary by using “anomic” in a sentence. To her credit, she actually uses it correctly.
Evidently, some retailers in the country must be suffering from Amnesia or taking some really bad advice. I suspect the latter is right on the money.
When will corporate America realize that they are way off base, when they concentrate solely on trying to appease 20 percent of the population - expecting 85 percent to just sit idly by, while they play their little “inclusive” games?
Yeah, you’ll never be able to please 105% of the people 100% of the time, so why bother?
Many foreigners find it offensive to hear somebody say: “MERRY CHRISTMAS!” Well, there is an easy solution to that - they can go back to their own country and celebrate whatever they celebrate over there.
Yes, people who don’t celebrate Christmas should be deported, just as the Founding Fathers intended.
I am sure they won’t be missed. I would like to see how far Americans would get, if they migrated to other countries and tried to interfere with their traditions. This is AMERICA! ? not Mexico, China, Japan or the middle east, etc.
And as I’m sure you all know, there is no Christmas in Mexico.
If you want to be inclusive then get on the American band wagon and accept our traditions.
In other words, convert to Christianity.
Americans are getting fed up with being treated like sojourners in their own country, and I see an uprising brewing.
Yes, I too see a populist backlash whereby the little people rebel against their elitist migrant laborer masters.
The misguided people who came up with the notion that we must be politically correct, really messed the system up.
I, agree Kaye.
Besides, it’s hard to be politically correct considering how many unqualified politicians are being sent to Washington.
Oooooo, zing!
There are many Americans, (especially Christians) poised to boycott the anti-Christmas retail stores during the Christmas season. I can’t say I’ll feel sorry for their declining profits, because they put the noose around their own neck.
Big retailers like Wal-Mart and Target, should know by now ? it’s suicide to alienate the Christians. And when they summate their after Thanksgiving sales ? they will be BAH-HUMBUGS for sure!
That’s right! Don’t mess with the Christians! Because when you do, they will FUCK YOU like you’ve NEVER BEEN FUCKED BEFORE (really, they will… it’s in Job 3:25 or something…).
Like it or not: Jesus is the Reason for the Season!
You betta believe it, muthafucka! Wiggedy, wiggedy, wiggedy WACK!
Without His birth, there would have never been a first Christmas.
And if it weren’t for the Winter Solstice, Christmas wouldn’t have been celebrated in December. So really, the pagans deserve some credit too.
Every single tradition related to Christmas represents something to do with Christ. Before St. Nicholas became Santa Claus ? he was a jolly fellow who went about doing good, giving to the poor and he was considered to be a real saint. The lights on Christmas trees represent Jesus “the light of the world.” Wreaths represent Christ’s never ending love. A garland wrapped around a tree represents Mary wrapping her arms around Baby Jesus. Every decoration is symbolic of Christ’s birth.
I could point out that Christmas trees were originally co-opted from the pagans, but that’d make Kaye (and baby Jesus) cry.
To expect a country to give up its heritage is not only selfish ? it is also evil.
Just the mentioned of Christ’s name to anti-God groups is like sticking garlic in the face of a vampire to repel it. Yeah, I know that vampires don’t really exist, so don’t get bent out-of-shape!
Hey, it makes about as much sense as believing in a virgin birth!
Many people wonder what our forefathers would do, if they were alive today ? seeing the “ungodly” pathway our nation has been forced to walk down lately.
These great men and women would have never allowed the country to get into this “godless” mess in the first place. And those in opposition of Christmas in favor of Happy Holidays would probably be forced into exile.
Yeah, the Founding Fathers were really into persecuting people for their lack of religious beliefs.
The writing on the wall was easy to read several years ago, as a big X replaced Christ in Christmas on many advertising boards. Usually, most things happen gradually, oftentimes
covering up real motives until they make it from the back door to the front. But it was obvious the big X was an attempt to start the ball rolling to eliminate Christ and make Christmas more secular.
I concur. It’s almost as bad as the time Marvel Comics cancelled the final 12 issues of Jesus and His Amazing Freinds so they could produce the X-Men.
This year I will spend my money purchasing Christmas gifts in retail stores that observe Christmas by the old traditional standards. And to the others all I can say is: Bah ? Humbugs!
And all I can say is: You’re - Fuckin’ Crazy!
Seb said,
November 23, 2005 at 23:34
Merry fucking Christmas everybody!
Woodrowfan said,
November 23, 2005 at 23:36
How did she come to the conclusion that it’s foreigners that object to Christmas somehow?!?!?!! Does she really think other countries don’t celebrate Christmas? I had a Japanese roommate in school and they love celebrating Christmas. Of course, for them it IS a non-religious holiday, but still they celebrated it.
The scary thing to consider is that Kaye was probably picked as a writer by renewamerica over LESS qualified applicants!
mdh?tter said,
November 23, 2005 at 23:36
I’ve installed huge gas and some massive brimstone pots on my front lawn.
I also have an altar with bits of wool stuck to it.
That should do the trick.
mdh?tter said,
November 23, 2005 at 23:37
huge gas blowtorches, that is
Jim Donahue said,
November 23, 2005 at 23:42
This has probably been mentioned before, but what is up with that photo of hers? Kaye, it’s a bad idea to be dressed like a tiger before you go into the ring with one.
Mark said,
November 23, 2005 at 23:53
Jesus, where to begin? Seriously Jesus, where should I begin?
Okay, okay, just settle on two:
The “X” in Christmas is for the Greek letter Chi, the first letter in the word “Christ” The abriviation has been around since long before the PC/anti-Christian/liberal conspiracy stole the country.
Secondly, in colonial Mass and several other of the colonies the celebration of Christmas was actually banned until well after the Revolution. Violators could be heavily fined. Christmas was considered “Popish” Those who opposed Christmas (Washington, Jefferson, Adams, etc) were obviously vile and Pagan and should have been forced to leave once they established the Christian United States which was part of their goal of furthering Christianity which obviously they hated since they opposed Christmas…um…
amblongus said,
November 24, 2005 at 0:01
Sweet. Pure 100% Yuletide wack like that deserves the official BBC swannee whistle. (Which represents Jesus, you know.)
Anne said,
November 24, 2005 at 0:20
Mark, Kaye’s not one to let facts spoil her fun. I am amused every year by how the Christmas warriors reveal their ignorance of Christmas. For one, I do believe the cutting down of trees and/or placing them in the home is prohibited in the Bible (someone at WOC knew more about this and cited chapter and verse).
Fun: Try reading this column while imagining Native Americans glaring at Kaye.
verplanck colvin said,
November 24, 2005 at 0:21
Hmm, Kaye thinks the “X” in “Xmas” was put there by the pagan heathens to subvert Christianity? Sadly, No!
The abbreviation of Xmas for Christmas is not irreligious. The first letter of the word Christ in Greek is chi, which is identical to our X. Xmas was originally an ecclesiastical abbreviation that was used in tables and charts. In the early days of printing, when font sizes were limited and type was set by hand, abbreviations and ditto marks were used liberally. Xmas came into general use from the church!
Bistroist said,
November 24, 2005 at 0:23
There are many Americans, (especially Christians) poised to boycott [...]
Bu-bu-but I thought all real Americans were Christians? If not, how come it’s all the swarthy foreigners’ fault, as it most assuredly must be?
A garland wrapped around a tree represents Mary wrapping her arms around Baby Jesus.
Well, that’s one possibility, but I’ve always seen the tree more as representing that most sacred instrument of GOD, the Holy Ghost’s Mighty Rod, and the garlands as Mary embracing him, the receptacle for His GOD juice, which is symbolized by eithen an angel or star on top of the tree, depending on the kinkyness of your household.
verplanck colvin said,
November 24, 2005 at 0:23
oh. sorry Mark, raining on your parade. But I have links! And used the phrase most often found in conservative humor!
tigrismus said,
November 24, 2005 at 0:40
God juice? Man, I’m really going to look askance at the wassail bowl this year.
Scaramouche said,
November 24, 2005 at 2:13
I don’t see how they can blame liberals for merchants trying not to alienate some customers. They should blame the free market, mammon, or the invisible hand that moves in mysterious ways.
mary said,
November 24, 2005 at 3:07
I am SO sick and tired of these Right Wing JERKS and THEIR attempt to hijack Christmas and make it a “liberal vs. conservative” thing. I LOVE christmas. I’m a liberal. And the only time you hear me saying “Merry Christmas!” is on the eve of and on the DAY of Christmas, exactly the days I hear store employees wishing people “Merry Christmas”! Why can’t they wrap their tiny little minds around the fact that Christmas is one day of the year, and to say “Merry Christmas” from the day after Thanksgiving until Dec.23 just sounds stupid? ARGH.
Oh, Brad, I emailed you a pic of my undead zombie Michelle Malkin. It’s from my email addy, so don’t delete. I think you’ll like it!
tigrismus said,
November 24, 2005 at 3:18
Mary, hush! Don’t spill the beans, you’ll ruin our reps! We’re all atheists, atheists I tell you! Aaaaatheeeeists! Here, have a latte.
Brad R. said,
November 24, 2005 at 3:28
I LOVE christmas. I’m a liberal.
Well, that’s good for you. I, on the other hand, have to decided to take a firmly anti-Christmas stance. Christmas has gone entirely too far in this country, and someone (i.e., me) has to show the balls to stand up to it.
In closing, I’d just like to note that Christmas can suck it. That is all.
s.z. said,
November 24, 2005 at 3:53
Wow, that was one of Kaye’s best efforts ever! I look forward to her appearance on Bill O’Reilly’s celebrity special (you know, the one where he entertains the the War on Christmas troops). I hope she wears that leopard dress,
Brad R. said,
November 24, 2005 at 4:02
Wow, that was one of Kaye’s best efforts ever! I look forward to her appearance on Bill O’Reilly’s celebrity special (you know, the one where he entertains the the War on Christmas troops). I hope she wears that leopard dress,
SZ- I’m actually posting all this anti-Christmas stuff in the hope that FOX News will ask me to come on O’Reilly as the world’s first “anti-Christmas activist.” It’s my ticket to fame, baby!
Oh, and Pastor Swank has a column called “CRAZY SEX” posted. I dared not click it.
Scaramouche said,
November 24, 2005 at 4:05
Does anyone remember when Xmas decorations were not sold before Thanksgiving ended?
If so, you’re old…
Timmah420 said,
November 24, 2005 at 4:33
I kinda like christmas too. I have to admit.
Brad R. said,
November 24, 2005 at 4:37
I kinda like christmas too. I have to admit.
Fine! I guess I’m the only one with the balls big enough to take on Big Santa and the Christmas industry!
g said,
November 24, 2005 at 4:53
Errrmm… why is it a celebration of Christian values to get angry at people who wish you well for the holidays, even though they don’t use the words “Merry Christmas”?
Brad R. said,
November 24, 2005 at 5:04
g- because it’s ALL ABOUT JESUS!!!!1!
Meg said,
November 24, 2005 at 5:07
Oh, and Pastor Swank has a column called “CRAZY SEX” posted. I dared not click it.
Well, then you’re missing out because it’s incredibly … kinky? In a bdsm kind of way, of course.
[S]ex will be thoroughly enjoyed within the bonds of commitment . . . God gives the body. Give provides the sex gift. God then makes the rules.
Dorothy said,
November 24, 2005 at 5:17
Last week, one of the local radio stations started its 24/7 Christmas music. And, of course, the stores here in Texas had their Christmas displays out before Halloween.
So yeah, Brad, add me to your anti-Christmas warrior list.
Reclaim Solstice for Mithras! Jul Logs for Odin (or Thor, Baldur, or Freyr, depending on your denomination)! And all winter season liquor-besotted family feasts for Dionysus!
(Rural Dionysia was a Greek festival in the lun ar-calendar vicinity of Winter Soltice. The ritual action was–no kidding–eat yourself sick, get plastered on wine, and tell bawdy jokes all night.)
Timmah420 said,
November 24, 2005 at 5:31
Fine! I guess I’m the only one with the balls big enough to take on Big Santa and the Christmas industry!
generic “you owe me a monitor because I spat [insert drinkable liquid here] all over it” Yer post was t3h funny.
Schmitt. said,
November 24, 2005 at 5:31
Many people wonder what our forefathers would do, if they were alive today … These great men and women would have never allowed the country to get into this “godless” mess in the first place.
Ah yes, zealous and proud were the founding fathers when they made Christmas a federal holiday in 1870.
Yeah, you’ll never be able to please 105% of the people 100% of the time, so why bother?
I almost cried when I read this. She just can’t put two and two together.
-Schmitt.
Red and Black said,
November 24, 2005 at 5:32
Kaye’s been listening to Beck. “Everyone’s out to get you, mother fucker!”
Timmah420 said,
November 24, 2005 at 5:41
Hey come on, Math is hard work!
It really makes one wonder what they’re paid for their “columns”, it really only takes one proofread to realize half of it is nonsense.
Timmah420 said,
November 24, 2005 at 5:44
Also, doesen’t this phrase look like it was randomly generated by a Christmas crusade machine?
Big retailers like Wal-Mart and Target, should know by now ? it’s suicide to alienate the Christians. And when they summate their after Thanksgiving sales ? they will be BAH-HUMBUGS for sure!
If I didn’t see that not trashy at all headshot of her kayeness, I would think she was one of those damn foreigners she keeps venting about.
Dan Someone said,
November 24, 2005 at 6:04
Kaye absolutely can put two and two together. She just comes out with seven.
And what the hell does “summate” mean?
Major Woody said,
November 24, 2005 at 6:38
What a ho-ho-ho.
Dr. BLT, The Song Blogger said,
November 24, 2005 at 8:03
Welcome to the jungle! If any cat can recapture Christmas, it’s Kaye.
YOU GO GIRL!
Kaye, you can be sure you’ll be getting something much bigger and better than a lump of coal in your Christmas stocking this year, even if I have to climb down that chimney of yours and deliver it personally on Santa’s behalf!
Taube said,
November 24, 2005 at 9:09
“Kaye, you can be sure you’ll be getting something much bigger and better than a lump of coal in your Christmas stocking this year, even if I have to climb down that chimney of yours and deliver it personally on Santa’s behalf! “
*Gag*
Gross . . . Methinks the good doctor has been working on his Freudian side.
merlallen said,
November 24, 2005 at 9:28
When I was growing up, we only said “Merry Christmas” on Christmas eve and day. If anyone said it on any other day I would remind the person that it wasn’t Christmas, yet.
chimera said,
November 24, 2005 at 9:33
Doc Sammich posted! Damn. That means there’s no Santa, and I’m not gonna get that Silver Jag. *booo hoooo*
Bill S said,
November 24, 2005 at 12:58
I’m impressed Kaye is able to pull so much out of her ass, considering how tight it must be.
Dr. BLT, The Song Blogger said,
November 24, 2005 at 16:25
chimera, as your aka suggests, reality sucks! It’s for those who can’t handle drugs. Bill S, you’re on a roll, don’t stop now.
Taube, what can I say? Taking one look at that picture makes me Freudian slip and slide all over the place. Ho Ho Ho!
I was wondering who I could dedicate my most popular Christmas song to, now I know. Kaye, this one’s for you:
You’re Not the Kind of Ho That Santa Had in Mind
words and music by Dr. BLT (c) 2005
http://www.drblt.com/music/hosong.mp3
What am I doing, dissing a fellow right-winger? I think I’ve had too much turkey.
We haven’t even put it in the oven yet, and it’s almost all gone.
Ginger Yellow said,
November 24, 2005 at 18:30
It’s hard to get angry at Kaye, unlike most wingers. She is so nutty that she’s broken the wingnut barrier and entered the pure nuttiness zone. Either that or she’s a plant. There’s so much that she writes that a five year old could tell is wrong. The percentages. The bizarre assumption that it’s foreigners who find “Merry Christmas” offensive, including Catholic foreigners. I could go on, but you can all read for yourselves. If it wasn’t so funny, you’d almost feel pity for her.
celticgirl said,
November 25, 2005 at 16:12
Brad, I may not have the, uh *balls* but I’ll join the crusade (oops-poor choice words!) I’m sick and tired of these freaking jesus-on-a-stick zombies that chant the same mantra every year -I’m just sure that in ye olden times back in Jerusalem they cut down trees (trees, what trees? Olive trees?) and put them in their houses with garlands representing Mary hugging the baby Jesus…(excuse me, I just threw up in my mouth a little). I want my solstice celebration back, with all, and I mean ALL the trappings that the F**KING XTIANS ripped off from us(i.e. heathens and pagans like moi)!Oh, and don’t even get me started on that fish…
celticgirl said,
November 25, 2005 at 16:21
…and another thing: Unless Kaye Grogan is Native American, her ancestors *gasp* CAME HERE FROM ANOTHER FUCKING COUNTRY!!!! So Kaye, honey - SHUT THE FUCK UP ALREADY!
g said,
November 27, 2005 at 0:18
“Every decoration is symbolic of Christ’s birth.”
And the snowman is a symbol of….?
celticgirl said,
November 27, 2005 at 10:32
…and let’s not forget the reindeer!
morgan said,
December 2, 2005 at 18:05
i cannot stand christmas