Oct
18

O’Reilly to Retire? Oh Please, Lord, Make It So!




Posted at 21:23 by Brad

NewsMax has the scoop:

Bill O’Reilly Hires Bodyguards, May Retire

Jim Meyers, NewsMax.com
Tuesday, Oct. 18, 2005

“Now it’s so bad that I spend an enormous amount of money protecting myself against evil,” declares Fox News Channel’s Bill O’Reilly, who says his enemies have become so vicious that he’s mulling retiring from his top-rated TV show.

Note to O’Reilly’s evil enemies: you’re doing a great job. Please keep up the good work.

He has also hired bodyguards to protect himself.

Ooooh, so that’s what they’re calling it nowadays:

musclefoxes.jpg
Above: O’Reilly’s bodyguards provide him with extra protection, falafel.

The liberal media establishment is mostly behind the rising tide of hatred because “it can’t marginalize me,” O’Reilly told Newsday’s Verne Gay in a rare interview published Tuesday.

Gay writes: “Almost exactly a year since he settled a sexual harassment lawsuit with former Fox News producer Andrea Mackris, the embattled life of O’Reilly has become an increasingly strange and scary one.”

Wasn’t it strange and scary back when he was soliciting his coworkers for phone sex?

O’Reilly told Newsday that he receives death threats and has to hire bodyguards. He can’t check into hotels with his family. People on the street take his picture with their cell phones and then post it on the Web.

Aaaah, so that’s where Max got this picture from:

ducklove.jpg

“Who wants to live like that?” he complains.

As a result of the lawsuit settlement, O’Reilly must have a third person present whenever he conducts an interview or speaks to someone on the phone.

“I can’t even strap on my anal beads without some pervert looking on!”


Gay writes: “So little wonder that when Bill O’Reilly is asked about his future after his current contract ends a little more than two years from now, he blurts out one word even as the question is asked: ?Retirement.’”

But then O’Reilly backpedaled somewhat: “I might. I might. There’s only so much aggression you can absorb.”

And we here at Sadly, No! are damn proud to provide it.

31 Comments »

  1. Matt said,

    October 18, 2005 at 21:57

    “O’Reilly must have a third person present whenever he conducts an interview or speaks to someone on the phone.”

    Good Lord. What’s third person supposed to do over the phone? Retort loudly?

  2. melior in France said,

    October 18, 2005 at 22:01

    He can’t check into hotels with his family.

    He doesn’t really want to bring his family anyway if he’s gonna have to sneak out to go amazing Filipino women with his enormous 3-incher.

    It’s reached a level of almost comical proportions and it does affect people around me and they do get upset.

    Oh, it’s comical all right!

  3. Tom Allen said,

    October 18, 2005 at 22:05

    No, no. The third person brings out the loofah, right? And diligently describes its uses.

    Y’know, I’d feel worse about mocking this guy if he weren’t such an unremittant, hypocritical azalea. (No, wait, sounds like azalea….Help me, Lenny Bruce! Or Steve Martin even!)

  4. res publica said,

    October 18, 2005 at 22:52

    What a big baby. You can’t be a big, puffy, angry red-faced public bully for years, and then run crying to momma when people hate you.

  5. Woodrowfan said,

    October 18, 2005 at 22:54

    I’d thank you to not ever mention the words “anal beads” and “Bill O’Reilly” on the same page again. thank you.

  6. Capt. Trollypants said,

    October 18, 2005 at 23:21

    HEy O”Reilly, Art Bell called, he wants his “I’m in perpetual danger” schtick back.

  7. Brad R. said,

    October 18, 2005 at 23:30

    HEy O”Reilly, Art Bell called, he wants his “I’m in perpetual danger” schtick back.

    Yeah, ‘cept Art hangs out with grade-A lunatics all the time- he probably IS in perpetual danger.

  8. D. Sidhe said,

    October 18, 2005 at 23:39

    Oh, Christ. Is he still whining that Media Matters’ David Brock is trying to kill him?
    Man, what a wussy.

  9. tigrismus said,

    October 18, 2005 at 23:44

    He’s just a quivering mass of courage about those wimpy, sissy liberals. What an ass clown.

  10. The tECHIDNA said,

    October 19, 2005 at 0:00

    Two words: publicity stunt.

  11. Capt. Trollypants said,

    October 19, 2005 at 0:04

    Is Art still on? I LOVE THAT GUY

  12. Brad R. said,

    October 19, 2005 at 0:07

    Yeah, I was listening to Art the other week and he had this guy on who’d claimed to have captured a sasquatch. It was pretty fucking funny.

  13. GoatBoy said,

    October 19, 2005 at 0:28

    When I tune in I only ever hear George. When is Art Hisownself on?

    The liberal media establishment is mostly behind the rising tide of hatred because “it can’t marginalize me,”

    He’s right. Prime time cable news network ratings do that. Ba-da-PSSSSHH!

  14. mdh?tter said,

    October 19, 2005 at 1:20

    ‘vicious’ is to ‘accurate and well sourced’

    as

    ‘fair and balanced’ is to ‘jingoistic clap-trap’

  15. mdh?tter said,

    October 19, 2005 at 1:22

    Must be those Media Matters for America ‘assassins’?

    or Micahel Moore’s McNinja’s?

    or maybe it’s Rhandi Rhodes’ biker gang?

    at any rate, it seems we’re keeping him up at night, calling him on his lies.

    i feel just terrible.

  16. Onetrue said,

    October 19, 2005 at 1:31

    Art’s on only once and a while now. Ian Punnet is now the Weekend guy, or so I’ve heard. ;)

  17. Harry Cheddar said,

    October 19, 2005 at 2:21

    “I spend an enormous amount of money protecting myself against evil”. And that means less money for O’Vilely to groom and accessorize his withered mansack.

  18. chimera said,

    October 19, 2005 at 3:43

    “O’Reilly must have a third person present whenever he conducts an interview or speaks to someone on the phone.”

    That’s called a “witness” — FOX is probably requiring it, y’know, for the next sexual harassment lawsuit.

  19. Dorothy said,

    October 19, 2005 at 3:44

    “The liberal media establishment is mostly behind the rising tide of hatred because “it can’t marginalize me,”

    Question:

    How does one “marginalize” an idiotic, inexperienced, inarticulate, unimportant (s)pundit who can’t keep his own lies straight?

  20. DeeDump said,

    October 19, 2005 at 5:14

    How much coke does this dude sniffle per day? (Only to the nearest kilo.)

    Hellooooooooooo! Earth to Deep Space Probe O’Reilly. Come in please. This is Reality calling.

  21. GuinnessGuy said,

    October 19, 2005 at 8:01

    O’Reilly graced the Daily Show tonight… Stewart, in his usual polite way, wiped the floor with him.
    O’Reilly kind of showed the “cookoo cookoo” side, which is something that isn’t very pretty.
    “We saved France’s ass in WWII!” yeah… that was 3 and a half generations (65 years) ago, and they’re a couple constitutions removed from that period, aren’t they?
    Plus, there’s the whole “they facillitated out creation as a nation” thing and the “Napoleon probably kept Britan too busy to launch a follow up invasion” thing that seems to be ignored a lot.

  22. Sean said,

    October 19, 2005 at 18:44

    Two words:

    Attention whore

  23. D. Sidhe said,

    October 19, 2005 at 18:46

    Hey, Mr Falafel?
    Fuck you.

  24. bulbul said,

    October 19, 2005 at 20:10

    Damn straight, GG. But the dude was never very good at history – take the whole 82nd airborne story. And he said to Stewart “Read a book”. Now it that isn’t a perfect definition of the word khutzpa, I don’t know what is.
    To me, “Abu Falafel” O’Reilly seems to be finally loosing it: no WMDs found in Iraq is “left wing lie”, France is “our enemies over there” and the whole thing with Colbert… Is it just me or the guy has some serious anger issues? Calling Stewart a “pin-head”, asking him repeatedly “what’s the matter with you?”… At one point he even pointed to one of the booers in the audience and said “And you, I’m coming up there.” I prayed for some 7″ black guy/french guy/smart guy/(add group of people O’Lielly hates of your choice here) to come down and go New Orleans police on his sick ass. God dammit, I would pay good money to see that!

  25. Cynthia said,

    October 19, 2005 at 22:13

    bulbul, I too would pay to see a 7″ guy to whip O’Lielly. Just don’t include a falafel dinner with the package.

  26. yagi said,

    October 19, 2005 at 22:40

    What’s wong Biwwy? Are the bads peoples out to gwet you? Poor wittle Biwwy.

  27. Timmah420 said,

    October 20, 2005 at 1:54

    Dammit i was going to bring up the daily show spot! It was awesome, after he started in on france, the booing erupted.
    I have to give them credit, the audience didn’t start booing until he really strated to get belligerent, i’d have been tossing shit at him the second he walked out. I’m one of the reasons this guy needs body guards, and i’m damn proud of it.
    O’reilly getting booed via C&L

  28. Dan Someone said,

    October 20, 2005 at 14:15

    Just as a clarification: O’Reilly did not say that finding no WMDs is a “left wing lie.” I watched the show last night and the sequence appears to be as follows: Jon says something about no WMDs, then says “Why don’t you go after those guys?” To which O’Reilly responds, in part, “I see you’re following the left wing line.” The interpretation I gave that was that the “left wing line” is that O’Reilly attacks the left and not the right, which he was denying.

    Also, after watching that show, I have finally figured him out: It’s an act. It’s a persona. He was playing “Bill O’Reilly the Angry Conservative Nutbag” on the Daily Show. He has embraced the image and made it his reality. He is the Andrew Dice Clay of punditry.

  29. Dan Someone said,

    October 20, 2005 at 14:16

    Note: O’Reilly is still a complete kneebiter, of course.

  30. Quasimodo said,

    October 26, 2005 at 17:37

    Haha!! It WOULD be funny to see O’Reilly get tussled and beat down by a 7 inch tall person! Bahaha! It wouldn’t even require that tall person!
    You’re right about this schmuck playing a part… he has no choice but to keep his act up. He’s so transparent I don’t HOW anyone can take his rantings seriously.

  31. SHAWNA said,

    April 8, 2006 at 4:12

    Daisy and George Bush are great cupuls!!!!!

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