13
So many tempting choices!
In order to serve you, the reading public, we registered for Jennifer Roback Morse’s newsletter some time back. Having never received an email from Jennifer, we feared she might have heard about us and canceled our subscription. The answer, however, is much simpler:
You are on my mailing list because you heard one of my talks or workshops on marriage, family and human sexuality. Or, you may have signed up from my website, www.jointhemarriagerevolution.com. You have not received many messages from me lately, because I have been having problems with my e-mail system. I have remedied this problem by signing up with a service which will facilitate my mailing process.
Well, that’s a relief! In order to confirm one’s subscription however, Jennifer would like you to answer a a very important question:
Which of these best describes you, and your interest in Dr. Morse?
It’s multiple choice though, so there is no chance to answer lust. Still, some of the choices are pretty good:
1. I have responsibility for a large organization, and we’re looking for help dealing with political correctness.
2. I have responsibility for a large organization, and we need a coach for the culture wars.
3. I have been cohabiting too long.
4. I am a member of the clergy looking for ways to help my congregation live a pro-life life.
5. I am a mental health professional, looking for ways to help my clients build happier marriages and families.
6. I’m a journalist, looking for interesting material.
7. I am reluctantly divorced, and I’m looking for someone who understands my situation.
8. I am a family law profession, looking for resources to help my clients slow down before they divorce.
9. I’m a stay at home mom, looking for encouragement.
10. I am worried about my adult children and grandchildren.
11. I am worried about the moral decay of our society.
That Jennifer — she truly is the Stone Phillips of counseling.
FWIW, we picked 6 — was that wrong? Oh, and our name is now Ronald Reagan. Maybe that was wrong, because this was the message that greeted us afterwards:
Uh, what are our other options?
VKW said,
October 13, 2005 at 22:51
13. I am a snarky commie atheistic blogger, and I want you to send me sincere material that I can mock!
Jillian said,
October 13, 2005 at 22:57
14.) Isn’t this the list where you send me those secret tips on how to treat women like crap but still want to get in my sansabelt slacks?
Oh, damn. Never mind, then.
djangone said,
October 13, 2005 at 23:02
#39 of her 101 marriage tips: “Remove all forms of sarcasm from your vocabulary. The word sarcasm comes from a Greek word meaning, “to tear flesh like dogs.” There is never a good time or good reason to tear your spouse?s flesh.”
Shit, there goes my sex life.
agrippa_cash said,
October 13, 2005 at 23:03
Apparantly they couldn’t wait until AFTER her mime routine to take her dustjacket photo.
I think 13 should be “I am working counter-intelligence for the homosexual agenda.”
Brian O'c said,
October 13, 2005 at 23:38
Hey! Aren’t you supposed to warn us when you link to a site with scary photos.
boc
tigrismus said,
October 13, 2005 at 23:46
Lordy, that website design, some people should *not* be allowed on the intarweb.
Cynthia said,
October 14, 2005 at 0:02
Well, I would recommend choosing #2. There are usually over 100 readers of S,N! at any time (or at least when I look) so you qualify as having responsibility for a large organization. You are our snark coaches.
OTOH, #13 would be “I have two penises and I love Amber Pawlik’s cooking.”
Big Worm said,
October 14, 2005 at 0:16
Is this that lady who thinks that since the Supreme Court can’t go around giving people babies, it therefore can’t prohibit states from telling people that they must have babies? That theory rules.
Karl said,
October 14, 2005 at 0:29
Apparantly they couldn’t wait until AFTER her mime routine to take her dustjacket photo.
Yeah, and the little vixen is miming the scene from “Ecstasy” (the hottest movie of 1933) where Hedy Lamarr is discovered skinny dipping by the studly construction worker. Woo-hoo! THERE’S a woman who knows how to keep the spice in a marriage!
I also like the not-so-subtle message of the header picture: “Make sure you’ve got an engagement ring before you let him hold hands!”
Hysterical Woman said,
October 14, 2005 at 0:51
I like number 3. I have been cohabiting too long. What’s with that? How is joining this group poing to help? Stop whining and get married then! Unless you’re the gay.
The tECHIDNA said,
October 14, 2005 at 1:03
15. I am 35 years old, I am divorced, and I live…in a van down by the river.
Brad R. said,
October 14, 2005 at 1:07
Seb, I’m totally sending you a copy of Smart Sex for Christmas…
Timmah420 said,
October 14, 2005 at 17:31
I think it’s totally awesome that she’s hocking all these books abouttegetherness, and finding your perfect soulmate, yet when you see her picture, she’s embracing her best and only friend. Herself.
Bit of an ego problem there jennifer?
Yosef said,
October 14, 2005 at 22:20
Damn, it’s time to leave work. I just read #3 as “I have been a cobag too long.”
Mrs. Tarquin Biscuitbarrel said,
October 17, 2005 at 17:14
How about “I am an at-home housewife who laughs loudly at other at-home housewives who write at great length about how perfect they are”?