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Maybe they’re brothers or something…
Last year, we wrote about an eBay user who had a habit of leaving interesting feedback:
Sadly, he doesn’t leave interesting feedback anymore:
Fortunately, thanks to reader dbeach, we have an Amazon reviewer who is just as interesting:
HOOAH! Energy Bar, Apple Cinnamon, 15 Pack
Price: $20.99HOOAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!, September 20, 2005
Just ate one of these mean mothers and word of God can’t stop typing or doing anything it’s worse than when I thought my youngest kid’s Adderol was the Advil took three of those couldn’t stop talking called everyone did you just hear that pigeon across the street cause I sure did oh crap oh crap oh crap oh crap I think I’m starting to crash and now sleepy gonna go sle
Fortunately, plenty more where those came from:
Celestron Dissecting Microscope
25 things I looked at underneath the microscope last night:
1. Flake of my scalp
2. Drop of blood
3. Stomach lint
4. Grain of salt
5. Grain of sugar
6. Dollop of ketchup
7. Salt w/kethcup
8. Mustard
9. Ranch
10-17. Most of the condiments on the second level of the fridge. [...]Things I didn’t look at underneath the microscope last night:
1. My crushing loneliness.
Vladi G said,
September 26, 2005 at 20:44
Thee Bulls recently linked to a guy (via blue girl) who does this sort of thing. His reviews are hilarious. The review of Orrin Hatch’s CD is my personaly favorite.
My Bible Coloring Book
Ampco Monkey Wrench
Vladi G said,
September 26, 2005 at 20:45
Hey, what’s up with this “holding your post” thing? I ain’t not first time poster, dammit!
Matt said,
September 26, 2005 at 20:46
Floyd Alvis Cooper strikes again!
Vladi G said,
September 26, 2005 at 20:49
OK, figured it out. Too many hyperlinks. Anyway, depending on if the other post ever shows up, just go here and read what Pinko had to say on a similar subject. Then follow his links. You’ll be glad you did.
And please read the Amazon review of Orin Hatch’s CD. Pretty please.
Timmah420 said,
September 26, 2005 at 20:52
This is perfect for stalking prey in the forest, but perhaps a few more colors would be great, for other enviroments. I think a taupe would be great for blending in with vinyl siding, a deep red for pressing up against brick walls, or a pale blue and white combo, for remaining undetected while peering in through a window as the pale flickerings of a family (used to be your family but now just a family, any family, no more connection to you than to any of the other thousands of faces you pass by everyday and oh Jesus) watching television.
This one had me laughing so hard everyone in the office heard, and asked me what the hell I was doing, then they found links to santorum style man on dog sites in my IE history. Long story short I’m unemployed and homeless since my girlfriend locked me out for looking at beastiality at work. Thanks alot sadly, no!
Vladi G said,
September 26, 2005 at 20:56
Or better yet, just go here and read them.
tg said,
September 26, 2005 at 21:01
These shoes are working out great for our youngest son, Branathyn, but I found, after he was wearing them for a while, that I had to make some changes. First of all, we put some new laces in, because the old ones we’re a little “raggedy.” Secondly I cut the tongue out to keep the shoes from whispering lies in the dark of the night and poisoning my son against me.
That’s top-shelf humor right there.
spencer said,
September 26, 2005 at 21:04
Back in the day, people used to do something similar, writing reviews for Bil Keane’s “Family Circus” books as if they were, well, actual books or something. Then Amazon took them all down and ruined all our fun.
Pity - I spent a lot of time crafting some of those reviews . . .
Sadly, No! said,
September 26, 2005 at 21:04
Yes, too many hyperlinks. But it’s fixed now, so it looks like you complained over nothing! Ha ha!
Gavin M. said,
September 26, 2005 at 21:07
Hey, what’s up with this “holding your post” thing? I ain’t not first time poster, dammit!
It’s so automatic that it happens to us some days.
Sadly, No! said,
September 26, 2005 at 21:12
It’s so automatic that it happens to us some days.
On most days we even manage to block Brad.
tg said,
September 26, 2005 at 21:13
Back in the day, people used to do something similar, writing reviews for Bil Keane’s “Family Circus” books as if they were, well, actual books or something.
There also used to be a “Dysfunctional Family Circus” site (I think legal action was taken), on which readers could submit their own captions to FC panels. There was some genuinely sick stuff posted. I still have a binder of hardcopies around somewhere.
Gavin M. said,
September 26, 2005 at 21:24
Shockingly, Bil Keane has a sense of humor. If you go to his official site, he links to some raw parodies….
Gavin M. said,
September 26, 2005 at 21:26
http://www.familycircus.com/
Go to ‘files’ and ‘take-offs’
tg said,
September 26, 2005 at 21:40
From the Ted Rall takeoff:
My husband and I met Bil at a swinger’s party in Fort Wayne. He’s a sexual dynamo for a man in his 90s!
I guess Bil does have a sense of humor, though I don’t see the recent “Pearls Before Swine” strips in which Osama was hiding in Family Circus-land.
Rowan Berkeley said,
September 26, 2005 at 21:59
I had my attention drawn to a really dead-pan parody of a right-wing blog. I THINK it’s a parody … Where’s Your Brain?
mdh?tter said,
September 26, 2005 at 22:30
there is a ‘poster’ over at crooks and liars witha similar style, “MP”. He annoys me, but who am I to yah?
mdh?tter said,
September 26, 2005 at 22:31
“to yak”, as in talk, speak, complain.
damnit.
Yosef said,
September 26, 2005 at 22:37
The Care Bears book review was the most awesomest thing I’ve ever read in my life!
mdh?tter said,
September 26, 2005 at 22:57
aw, spencer, BIG fan here re: Family Circus reviews. I’m quite certain I read one of those.
Hysterical Woman said,
September 27, 2005 at 0:10
I’ve done some fake reviews for Family Circus books. Probably all deleted by now, though.
EnragedPhilosopher said,
September 27, 2005 at 0:35
I highly recommend this gentleman’s stellar Amazon reviews:
http://www.amazon.com/gp/cdp/member-reviews/A2752XIGJY2YH6/ref=cm_pdp_reviews_see_all/103-7723744-4985439
They’re lovely.
transzorp said,
September 27, 2005 at 4:34
This is pretty good at amazon too. Check out the comments / reviews
http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/0879383186/qid=1127788423/sr=8-1/ref=sr_8_xs_ap_i1_xgl14/102-7530497-3823350?v=glance&s=books&n=507846
Pinko Punko said,
September 27, 2005 at 8:15
The General’s reviews are hilarious. The most funny was the Santorum book, and the Freepers called him out on it, but a bunch of the Freeper’s were like “that dude’s pretty funny.”
Pinko Punko said,
September 27, 2005 at 8:17
That Orrin Hatch CD cover could seriously be a lost Talk Talk album. I’m not joking. So Gavin, which totally underrated Talk Talk album is like way cool and only totally tasteful Euro dudes own?
Nabakov said,
September 28, 2005 at 8:21
And make sure you check out Henry Raddick’s stylings at Amazon reviews too.
http://www.amazon.com/gp/cdp/member-reviews/AA9IP6AYACFK5/102-4839606-5525727
DAD said,
September 29, 2005 at 20:48
Try out this guy, VERY funny and TONS of reviews too.
http://www.amazon.com/gp/cdp/member-reviews/A1SLANQAIQWU21/002-5322515-0345635?%5Fencoding=UTF8&display=public&page=2
Rowan Berkeley said,
September 29, 2005 at 23:06
yes, dad, but let’s start at page one, with the auto fellation routine.