13
You pick the wanker Day
Because sometimes even our finely tuned army of pigeons will miss a new wingnut, we have to rely on you, our readers, to alert us to up and coming hottest conservative writers on these interwebs. Ladies and Yosef, please say hello to Daniel Underwood:
At a time when Americans who died on 9/11 are being memorialized, some flagrantly insensitive peaceniks have chosen to use the tragedy of slaughtered Americans for their own cheap political gains.
Let’s be honest: aren’t all peaceniks insensitive, really?
Black umbrellas are scattered on the ground bearing the names of American soldiers and Iraqi civilians who lost their lives in the Iraq war.
If only they’d scattered colorful band aid or fingers dipped in ink.
Far from being badges of courage and bravery, these umbrellas are meant to convey a singular message: “The war in Iraq was wrong.”
Either that, or they’re trying to convey the message that the war in Iraq killed a lot of people.
If these protesters call themselves patriotic, then they don’t have a clue what sacrifice is really all about.
But at least they know what patriotic means! Good work, protesters!
they also brought along a rather impressively constructed five sided display — cleverly called the “peace pentagon.” If you can circumambulate this display without falling over in a crippling fit of laughter[.]
Sadly, we were unable to circumambulate that sentence without falling over in a crippling fit of laughter.
But the detainees were not tortured. They ought to have been, for the purpose of obtaining information that could spare the lives of countless civilians. But “discomforting” or “embarrassing” someone is drastically different from “torturing” someone.
How do you spell discomfort? It goes a little something like this:
Punching, slapping, and kicking detainees; jumping on their naked feet; Using military working dogs (without muzzles) to intimidate and frighten detainees, and in at least one case biting and severely injuring a detainee; Beating detainees with a broom handle and a chair; Sodomizing a detainee with a chemical light and perhaps a broom stick.
Have you experienced discomfort today?
Also, America is not changing for the worse. [...] But the threat of terrorism is growing.
Vote Bush: Because if you don’t, it will only reduce the threat of terrorism. You don’t want to hurt the threat of terrorism, do you?
Although this week may seem an intolerable deluge of “peace through self-destruction,” have no fear. They aren’t the majority.
Do you approve or disapprove of the way Bush is handling the situation in Iraq?
Disapprove 62%
Yosef said,
September 13, 2005 at 20:36
So I’m the only one who’s not a lady* here?
Seriously though, this guy isn’t fit to take the 2 ‘t’s from my thycwoti.
*Eat it GregH and Pinko!!
Chad said,
September 13, 2005 at 20:43
If these protesters call themselves patriotic, then they don’t have a clue what sacrifice is really all about.
If only someone could find that document those Iraqi civilians killed had signed that said, “I agree to forfeit my life and my future in order to turn my country from a secular dictatorship into a theocratic faux-republic and to have my nation’s infrastructure handled almost entirely by foreign contractors.”
Vladi G said,
September 13, 2005 at 20:52
Hmm. A Seb post that reads like a Brad R. post. Interesting.*
*Not interesting.
tg said,
September 13, 2005 at 21:03
Black umbrellas are scattered on the ground bearing the names of American soldiers and Iraqi civilians who lost their lives in the Iraq war.
Doesn’t he know that’s just an old flagrantly insensitive peacenik party game, in which we all throw umbrellas into a pile with the name of our favorite baby-killing murdering soldier, then pick one and locate the owner, with whom we run off to have flagrantly insensitive sexual encounters involving barnyard animals? You know, because we hate the troops AND America.
verplanck colvin said,
September 13, 2005 at 21:14
tg, see you Saturday at the next Amerikkkumbrella party. You bringing the goat again? That was great last weekend. I’m still sore!
Vladi G said,
September 13, 2005 at 22:06
That was great last weekend. I’m still sore!
How do you think the goat feels?
tg said,
September 13, 2005 at 22:18
How do you think the goat feels?
Used, disillusioned, a bit more cynical than before the party, with a hardened heart that will take a long time to find forgiveness, if it ever can. From the goat: “I trusted you, tg. I thought you were my friend. I’m not some plaything to be passed around like some common Eastern Idaho sheep. At least I didn’t think so.”
Lucianne's Vagina said,
September 13, 2005 at 22:27
“…then they don’t have a clue what sacrifice is really all about.”
But Jonah does!
Kathleen said,
September 13, 2005 at 22:31
ah, wingnut land, where caring about American troops dying makes one a “flagrantly insensitive peacenik”.
motto: where we care about the troops so much, we will never acknowledge their sacrifices (except in a very vague way in the course of smearing a Democrat).
GregH said,
September 13, 2005 at 22:37
I like this quote from Danny’s article “The Club Scene is Shallow and Highly Overrated:”If you’re in the mood for some cheap romantic encounter that could later drive you to doubt the existence of God, or if you’re hoping to raise your chances of finding someone special using the combination of alcohol-induced confidence and a dance floor full of drunken nubile college girls, writhing in fits of lust to a cacophony of hip-hop remixes that ought to be reserved by military interrogators as sensory overload tools, then be my guest. The club scene might just work for you.
Yosef said,
September 13, 2005 at 22:44
Thanks for the advice! I’m there!
GregH said,
September 13, 2005 at 22:46
Yeah, me too.
tg said,
September 13, 2005 at 22:49
some cheap romantic encounter that could later drive you to doubt the existence of God
On the contrary; it is just such encounters, and the religious experiences that can accompany them, that lead me to question my atheism.
Yosef said,
September 13, 2005 at 22:49
Crap, I just went over and checked this out, and you had to go and find another wacked out North Carolinian. I might need some of y’all to head to NC to help me deal with these folks.
Thankfully, however, there’s another display that actually pays tribute to people killed on 9/11. Not only does this reaffirm my suspicion that not all college students are incapable of rational thought, but this is perhaps the only thing preventing the Secret Service from placing N.C. State on lockdown.
Please. State is about the most conservative state school in NC.
Sadly, No! said,
September 13, 2005 at 22:53
I like this quote from Danny’s article “The Club Scene is Shallow and Highly Overrated:”Seems like Danny is a younger version of Carey Roberts. Wink wink, nudge nudge.
chb said,
September 13, 2005 at 22:55
wanker of the day: tie, W and Musharraf? http://cardcarryingmember.blogspot.com/2005/09/to-fence-or-defense-that-is-question.html
D. Sidhe said,
September 13, 2005 at 22:55
Wow. That made my head hurt. Can we have some kittens now? Please? I’ll be good.
Anne said,
September 14, 2005 at 0:49
“Peacenik”? Next is he going to tell all the hippies to get haircuts? Whatever, college student.
Chris Moorehead said,
September 14, 2005 at 2:15
NC State has a good radio station, though. I used it to teach my then three-year-old daughter (now six) an appreciation of the Pixies & Sleater-Kinney.
Anonymous said,
September 14, 2005 at 2:20
verplanck colvin and tg please note: you are not supposed to open the umbrella.
Dan Someone said,
September 14, 2005 at 3:04
Oh dear Flying Spaghetti Monster, this is an amazing find.
Many of the inscriptions tell with a certain flippancy the manner in which these people were killed: “Ambushed by Iraqi soldiers;” “Run over in his sleep by a U.S. military vehicle;” “Killed in helicopter collision.”
Yes, to be truly respectful, each umbrella should have been inscribed with a somber and detailed account of the full life and death of each soldier.
Imagine yourself a Marine killed in battle, now cozily perched on some golden rooftop in heaven, looking down at the affairs of this world. Someone is speaking of your life on the battlefield as helpless, weak, and even needlessly ended. Wouldn’t that tick you off? Would you not rather be remembered as a brave soldier who fought brutal battles against incalculable odds?
Well, sure, especially if I was run over in my sleep by a U.S. military vehicle.*
If we did what these peaceniks would suggest we do — disband our armed forces, encourage every country except the U.S. to develop and maintain a nuclear weapons program, ride bikes and eat grass — then things might really start swirling down the old toilet.
Oh, those wacky peaceniks, always seeking their own destruction.
And yes, I imagine that if people did start eating grass, “things” would indeed “start swirling down the toilet.” I’ve known some vegans and man, you do not want to use the bathroom right after they’ve been in there.
*No implication is intended that being run over in one’s sleep by a U.S. military vehicle is any less tragic or honorable a death than being shot by insurgents.
Dorothy said,
September 14, 2005 at 3:37
Oh, I always forget to encourage other countries to develop their nuclear weapons. That’s what I’ve been doing wrong!
Canadian Bystander said,
September 14, 2005 at 3:55
“Eat grass”?
Mom? Is that you?
No, I’m not “wigged out on magical mushrooms” – stop shining that flashlight in my eyes! Mom!
Canadian Bystander said,
September 14, 2005 at 3:57
BY the way, how did we all get 6 hours ahead? It’s still Tuesday where I’m sitting. Is this a Spanish blog or something?
Marq said,
September 14, 2005 at 5:39
Uh, Canadian Bystander, I was under the impression that the time stamp was Berlin time. As I am lazy, I never checked. In other news…
Oh, so it’s one of those kind of bars, eh? I nevah frequent those…
GregH said,
September 14, 2005 at 5:41
Yeah Marq, we’re proud and we’re loud!
D. Sidhe said,
September 14, 2005 at 5:44
In defense of vegans, those persons on the Atkins diet or some version of it should not be allowed to use indoor plumbing.
Actually, just don’t let them in your home. They leave greasy smears everywhere.
chimera said,
September 14, 2005 at 5:58
and, naturally, all we loose librul wimmin get preggers at these parties, just so we can abortions…
GregH said,
September 14, 2005 at 5:59
Nice.
Pinko Punko said,
September 14, 2005 at 7:17
I have never, not for lack of trying, evah been to a club like that. The only club even close to that lacked the writhing nubile women (insert abercrombie zombie shirtless buff dudes)- a Marq type place, if I remember correctly. *sigh* The other team knows how to have a fun club, save for the terrible terrible music. Three Bulls! left out in the rain again. Why do all these conservo anti-sex screeds actually read like Penthouse Forum?
mdhatter said,
September 14, 2005 at 17:55
“for their own cheap political gains.”
Or a ‘freedom’ rally, for that matter.
mdhatter said,
September 14, 2005 at 17:59
Dan Someone,
re: vegans.
They should definitely eat more grass, the fiber may shorten the residency of their personal fermentation experiments. Or whatever else they’ve been browsing on.
The worst? fruititarians, who have a couple beers and then try to sell nuclear secrets to oppressive dictators. stinky.
Cynthia said,
September 14, 2005 at 19:25
The “eat grass” reference was to tg’s goat, poor thing.
Ryan said,
September 14, 2005 at 19:40
Was trying to send you a trackback but I think Haloscan is messed up. Oh well. Great post! :)
Anonymous said,
September 14, 2005 at 21:18
“They also brought along a rather impressively constructed five sided display — cleverly called the “peace pentagon.”"
How wonderfully Discordian. On at least five levels.
Hoosier X said,
September 15, 2005 at 5:34
If we did what these peaceniks would suggest we do — disband our armed forces, encourage every country except the U.S. to develop and maintain a nuclear weapons program, ride bikes and eat grass — then things might really start swirling down the old toilet.
Someone wrote this with serious intent? This is much funnier than the stuff I make up when ridiculing the Repugs! This is for real? Are they really that STUPID?
Marq said,
September 16, 2005 at 5:44
Look, kids–it’s lame joke time! In which yours truly takes a snippet of someone else’s post and renders it void of all humor (S,N! guys-why doesn’t strike-thru text work in comments anymore–inquiring minds, etc., etc.). Yes, taking perfectly serviceable jokes and making them really lame! Hey, it’s what I do!
Gee, mdhatter, don’t you mean, “try to sell nectar secrets to oppressive dictators?”
Wah-wah-waaaahhhhhh….