Mar
25

Who is “Mr. Smith?”




Posted at 17:38 by Brad

I think we’ve found Stanton Carlisle’s heir apparent, and his name is “Mr. Smith.”

Here are some highlights from his latest piece:

Psycho Ward Churchill Would Be Proud

Mr. Smith

Brace yourselves for the national socialist Democrat disinformation campaign that will inevitably follow the school murders in Minnesota. And check the facts. Indian reservations vote overwhelmingly for Democrats. Ask Tom Daschle. And Nazi is just an abbreviation for National Socialism, the doctrine of the leftist Democrat party…

Democrats prefer that their victims be defenseless. After all, if Juanita Broddrick had shot a rapist in Arkansas, history might have been changed. And if Vince Foster had actually owned that firearm found by his body, he might be alive today…

If no voting machines were placed on this Chippewa reservation, you’d hear lots of screaming about how having the right to vote was a vacuous promise to people who were denied the means to vote. Democrats don’t come right out and deny Americans the right to self defense, but they sure are hell bent on denying us all the means to defend ourselves…

Now: I’ve seen plenty of wingnuts rant about gun control. I’ve seen them make weirdly nasty remarks about Native Americans. I’ve seen them rave about Vince Foster being “murdered.” I’ve even seen them equate Democrats with Nazism.

But I’ll be darned if I’ve ever seen all four of those things in the same goddamn article.

This is just too wingnutty to be real. Come on, guys, game over: which one of you is “Mr. Smith?” I’ve already grilled Seb about it and he swears it isn’t him (not that Seb would ever submit loony columns to The Rant under a pseudonym or anything).

I know it has to be one of you guys. The Rant gets half of its traffic from Sadly, No! and World O’ Crap anyway. So fess up! Which one of you is Mr. Smith? Yosef, I’m looking at you

14 Comments »

  1. Hemlock Echo said,

    March 25, 2005 at 18:35

    C’mon, Brad. Don’t ruin it for us. Whats next, telling kids that Santa isn’t real?

    The Rant is like professional wrestling or voting in Ohio: Its more fun if you think its real. ;-)

  2. Meteor Blades said,

    March 25, 2005 at 18:39

    I remember well when we were barricaded at Wounded Knee just how much the “Mr. Smiths” believed in self-defense. Among other things, they complained that we actually had a couple of “assault rifles,” which I suppose is the reason for deploying that photograph of Churchill, weapon in hand. Wasted electrons, I know, but WTF is with these guys?

  3. B.R. said,

    March 25, 2005 at 20:28

    Something else I just noticed- the title of the article references Ward Churchill, yet Churchill IS NOT ACTUALLY MENTIONED IN THE ARTICLE.

    Like I said, this can’t possibly be real.

    And Hemlock, don’t worry- like leprechauns and elves, there are plenty of real wingnuts out there. JB Williams is definitely legit.

  4. Yosef said,

    March 25, 2005 at 20:55

    Nope, not me. I’ve thought about doing something like this before, but I never can make up a clever enough name, so I just go out drinking.

    Besides, I’m gonna hold out and try to get a correspondent position with The North Carolina Conservative. Maybe they’ll send me to the White House.

  5. Anonymous said,

    March 25, 2005 at 21:28

    But I’ll be darned if I’ve ever seen all four of those things in the same goddamn article.

    Don’t sell the author short — Bill Clinton raping Juanita Broddrick was in there too.

  6. Frederick said,

    March 25, 2005 at 21:29

    Sorry, that was me.

  7. Scaramouche said,

    March 26, 2005 at 1:36

    Has anybody seen Pete M. from the Dark Window lately? I’m just saying…

  8. s.z. said,

    March 26, 2005 at 3:38

    Scaramouche may be on to something — Pete may indeed have given up liberal blogging for the more lucrative field of wingnut performance art. (Hey, Ann Coulter reportedly got an advance of over a million for her last book, so being certifiable is where the money’s at, baby!)

  9. Gordo said,

    March 28, 2005 at 6:30

    Ward Churchill isn’t the only right-wing bogeyman who gets a non-sequitor mention. Peter Jennings and the Washington Post are also criticized but not quoted. “Mr. Smith” manages to mention Juanita Broddrick and a terrorist attack from 1974.

    The whole rant is only 3 paragraphs long, and I can count only 4 wingnut talking points/demons that didn’t get a mention: Hillary Clinton (she’s tied in through Foster, though), Dan Rather, abortion, and Terri Shaivo.

    I’d say this qualifies as a masterpiece of wingnuttery, but I’m not entirely sure it’s a hoax. The giggling you hear in the background could be Seb, but it could also be Hindrocket, feeling the liberating rush of an anonymous post.

  10. Sour Kraut said,

    March 28, 2005 at 23:00

    That was very big of you, Yosef…

    You could have easily claimed it as your own. Such a masterpiece of wingnuttery would surely solidify your reputation as The Hottest Young Conservative Writer on the Internets. How would we ever prove–to wingnut standards–that you didn’t write it?

    Instead, you chose the Path of Righteousness. There may be hope for you yet.

  11. parsec said,

    March 29, 2005 at 5:57

    Just visited the Rant. What a treasure trove of nuttiness. An ever-flowing fount of material for you and World O’ Crap.

  12. Ghost of Joe Liebling's Dog said,

    March 30, 2005 at 22:37

    “Stanton Carlisle”? “Stanton Carlisle”?!

    Fascinating choice of pseudonym … Oh, my blessed.

    Someone needs to go read Nightmare Alley.

    Now.

  13. matthew said,

    March 31, 2005 at 7:00

    wow.
    you have to be right; this mr. smith cannot be ‘for real.’

    as a student of history, international relations, politics, and anthropology i have to wonder where he’s gotten this documentation to support his…uh…groundbreaking conclusions.

    i’d always learned that fascism (democratic nationalism) fell on the far right end of the political spectrum, but i guess that was before the days where ‘if you say it enough it becomes true.’

  14. pill said,

    October 18, 2005 at 15:30

    You can also visit the pages dedicated to buy cod diet online pill

Leave a Comment

  • Things of Interest

  • Meta Goodness

  • Clunkers

  • httpbl_stats()