(Extremely) Shorter Dafydd ab Hugh, BigLizards.net
Through a Lens Darkly
ABOVE: Caleb Howe (right), Caleb’s Best Friend (left)
Caleb “The Drunk Tweeter”1 Howe, Irky Irksome’s Halfway House for Lonely White Guys with Drinking Problems
The Rhetoric of Violence
1 For those of you who miss the “Drunk Tweeter” reference, Caleb Howe made fun of Roger Ebert’s terminal thyroid cancer and then blamed his having done so on drinking too much vodka when he was tweeting.
2 For the record, I think both ThinkProgress and Caleb Howe are wrong. The gunman singled out the Discovery Network program Jon & Kate Plus 8 as the main source of his anger. Although, of course, I vigorously and unequivocally condemn the gunman’s method of expressing his disapproval, it is still, nevertheless, hard to disagree with his critical assessment of that show. The immediate fallout from the incident has been that security has been stepped up at the Culver City set where Cougar Town is taped. Bravo is also reportedly on lockdown in anticipation of similar critical outbursts against Project Runway and Real Housewives of [insert city].
Poor Debbie Schlussel. In classic ‘Two Stars, One Slot’ fashion, Pamela Geller has won the ‘Battle of the Shrieking Anti-Muslim Grating-Voiced Paranoid Jewisher-Than-Thou Prowling Cougar Drama Queens’ — leaving Debs in the dust and hurting for audience share amongst the in-with-a-chance mouth-breathing career hatist demographic.
So what’s an aging peroxide blonde Dhimmi basher to do? Why, take out her rage on proxy Pams, of course! Pointing to a video of tween Jonas Brothers fans, Debbie sneers:
When I was a teen, none of the girls I knew (including myself) were this crazy and unhinged, especially over something sooooo stupid.
Clearly, such weepy adolescent reactions to pop stars has never occurred before. Oh, wait:
Not to mention:
Pam Geller issues a stern warning to attendees of her next big she-man-Muslim-hating club gathering:
We will be confiscating signs. It is a solemn day. No signs. FLAGS. Tens of thousands of flags.
ABOVE: Anita the Crane and Anita the Ostrich
Anita Crane, Wingnut Daily
Glenn Beck crowd: Not so white as advertised
Tim Graham, who is Brent Bozell’s butt boy and assistant searcher of “fuck” at Dirtywordburster.org, did not like my post on “Fuck You” one bit, so he took a few moments from stuffing his cheeks to send me this tweet defending the honor of his wingnut welfare sugar daddy Brent Bozell:
I mean, what’s up with that, other than being a lame attempt at a homophobic swipe? For the record, Tintin doesn’t wear capri pants. He wears plus fours. But if Tintin did wear capri pants he’d still be butcher in them than Tim Graham in his butchest outfit, which probably consists of — (horrifying image alert) — size forty-six jeans and a pizza-stained wife-beater. And if Tim Graham were a real man and if he had any balls, he’d simply call me a “cocksucking faggot” and dispense with the little school-girl jibe about capri pants.
The real howler in Timmy’s little whiny-ass, titty-baby Tweet is that Bozell was just “asking for a little decency.” Ha! The fucknozzles at Fuckbusters wouldn’t know decency if it walked up to them and whacked them upside the head with a two-by-four. Decency isn’t about who says “fuck” and who doesn’t say “fuck.” No, it’s about unemployment benefits, health care, adequate nutrition for poor kids, equal rigts for all (including the right for us cocksucking faggots to get married), and all the other things that twist up Brent’s and Tim’s titties each time they see a newspaper article that treats any of these things favorably.
So, to paraphrase what I said in my last post: “Fuck You, Tim, and the sugar daddy douchebag you rode in on.”
Naughty word count: fuck(8), butt(2), cocksucking(3), titty(3), ass(2), douchebag(2).
Gay-bashing born-again glam rock Broadway poofters are a dime a dozen, but Bradlee Dean may just be something special. After all, how many GBBAGRBP’s can say they’re the guiding force behind such a rolls-off-the-tongue Christian ‘hard rock ministry’ as YCRBYCHI?
And how many have been forced to walk back their public praise of African nations that execute homosexuals? Your garden variety GBBAGRBP probably doesn’t even have the stones to side with any African on anything in the first place.
Fortunately for us, Bradlee has a blog that he sporadically updates. There’s nothing terribly exciting about his most recent updates beyond the de rigueur quoting of scripture to punctuate a point, but this post from several months ago deserves another look:
Atheist vs. Godly
Bradlee Dean’s Blog : May 29 2010
Max Jukes, an atheist, lived a godless life. He married an ungodly girl, and from their union there were 310 who died as paupers, 150 criminals, 7 murderers, 100 drunkards, and more than half of the women were prostitutes! His 567 descendants cost the state one and a quarter million dollars (please keep in mind that this was a LOT of money in the 1700’s).
But, praise God, it works both ways! There was also a great American man of God named Jonathan Edwards. He lived at the same times as Max Jukes, but he married a godly girl. An investigation was made of 1,394 known descendants of Jonathan Edwards of which 13 became college presidents, 65 college professors, 3 United States senators, 30 judges, 100 lawyers, 60 physicians, 75 army and navy officers, 100 preachers and missionaries, 60 authors of prominence, one vice president of the United States, 80 became public officials in various capacities, and 295 college graduates, among whom were governors of states and ministers to foreign countries. Jonathan Edwards’ descendants did not cost the state a single penny.
Told you Bradlee was special — it takes a rare mind to conclude that several hundred government salaries and pensions ‘did not cost the state a single penny’. (And that’s assuming that none of the dozens of college presidents and professors toiled at any public institutions.)
Of course, Bradlee isn’t so much concluding here as cutting-and-pasting a thoroughly debunked bit of 19th-century eugenicist claptrap.
So maybe he’s not so special after all.
Glenn Beck’s ‘Restoring Honor’ schtick is reminiscent of the last time wingnuts danced to this particular beat — when another Democrat was in the White House supposedly staining the majesty of the office by getting his schlong waxed by the world’s most famous intern.
Interesting, because back then, the movement to ‘restore honor’ to the presidency and the country itself wasn’t nearly so cryptic. Clinton was actually getting blowjobs in the Oval Office after all — you may feel the outrage over that was ginned up and ultimately a massive distraction, but it was in fact happening.
In contrast, what has Barack Obama done that requires America’s honor to be restored? No one has thus far shown that he’s broken his vows with Michelle or otherwise been up to anything we might loosely find inappropriate during his presidency.
It’s a good question, because one might be forced to conclude that for rightwingers, an idle black cock kept faithfully in its owner’s pants is equivalent (or even worse) in its perfidy to a throbbing white one physically poking its way into all manner of extra-marital receptacles.
It’s all about the nature of the threat, you see. A white guy literally shoving his package down people’s throats is bad enough — what’s really scary is a black guy doing it metaphorically.
I caught Glenn Beck on the tube today — not the Million Moron March thing, but a Fox show in front of a studio audience in which Beck and some other crackpot tried to wrestle out how George Washington could have possibly been a Freemason (long story short, they concluded that Washington was a Mason before Masons became the embodiment of evil, so he was still pure of heart, and then Beck joked about how the Illuminati was going to kill them for saying that, only he wasn’t really joking).
In other words, a real history lesson.
Then Beck took questions from the audience, and one young woman pointed out that America’s founders risked their lives for liberty and she wondered if Beck knew any modern-day politicians who had done or would do the same.
Beck’s answer: Michelle Bachmann. I shit you not. He could have said Max Cleland or John Kerry — hell, he could have just mentioned John McCain if he wanted to stick to one side of the aisle. And you could tell even he knew his answer was really, really bad even as he was explaining his reasoning (Bachmann’s super brave because she says her stupid shit even though there’s a slim chance that some lefty out there is plotting to to teepee her house or something).
It’s like Roy’s commenter Kia Penso wisely said: ‘It’s not even that what he peddles is shit to sane people, it’s shit to his people too. But Beck’s audience can’t even recognize that, they think shit is what they are supposed to get…’
Here at Sadly, No! we’ve long documented1 Brent Bozell’s crusade against “jungle” music over at the whiter-than-white Newsblusterer’s website. (Try to find a black blogger there, okay?). Equally, Bozell (and his fellow Newsblusterers) are obsessed with appearances of naughty words like shit, bullshit, douche, and fuck2, and even some words like “$#*!” that aren’t even naughty but which might make some people think of an actual naughty word. (One wonders whether fudge can ever be on the menu over at the Bozell household. And does the euphemism “white meat” solve the “breast” problem? I mean who can hear “white meat” without thinking “breast” or “nipples” or, best of all, “titties”? And let’s not even get started on “coq au vin.”)
So you can just imagine how a perpetual scold like Bozell got his own titties in a twist when he learned that a Negro “soul singer” had written a song titled “Fuck You.”
The soul singer Cee-Lo Green has a new album coming out. How’s this for art: His first desperate single is titled “F—- You.”
I don’t think a song with 3 million hits on YouTube is “desperate.” I’ll tell you what’s desperate, Brent. Desperate is a desiccated old prude whose only job apparently is to sniff out naughty words and blog about how awful they are. Here’s a new project for you, Brent: Canterbury Tales. We can talk about how desperate Chaucer was. And you can add “fart” to your repertoire of words to blog about.
The entire song is obscene. It’s stuffed with 16 uses of the F-bomb in under four minutes, erupting on average once every 14 seconds. It also has 10 uses of the S-word, and even two uses of “nigga.”
You really have to admire Bozell imperiling his immortal soul by poring over the lyrics of the song to count how often “fuck” and “shit” appear. (The concern-trolling by Bozell over “nigga” is also a nice touch). To save Brent the trouble, here is the naughty word count for this post: fuck (8), shit (5), titties (2), bullshit (2), $#*! (2), a@@ (2), douche (2), fudge (2), breast (2), nipples (2), tender muffins (2), fart (2), Astroglide (2).
The fact that the song is catchy and bright only heightens the offense.
Apparently the catchy “fuck you” chorus drilled itself into Bozell’s brain and for the rest of the day he kept hearing it over and over. Teehee. Probably even humming “fuck you” every now and then. Then taking more of the meds that had been prescribed for him to deal with intrusive thoughts. That’s reason enough to download the song.
But, as usual, the Wanna Be Hip critics love it, even with that manure attached. The Wall Street Journal cooed it “may be the best rock and pop single of the year.”
You just imagine how the praise from Rupert Murdoch’s right-wing paper must have toasted Bozell’s tender muffins.
Team Cee-Lo claims they’re going to prepare a radio edit called “Forget You” to avoid alienating too many station managers. How thoughtful. But that only raises the obvious question: Why not call it “Forget You” from the very beginning?
Uh, Brent, maybe because “fuck you” is funnier? Speaking of which, fuck you, Brent. Really. Without Astroglide. Or a reach around.
Shorter Peter Wehner, Neo-contentious
On Ken Mehlman
Shorter Assrocket, Power Line
Who’s Stupid?
ShorterVerbatim James Taranto, The Wall Street Journal
Who Is Michael Enright?
ABOVE: Dan Blatt (left) and Ken Mehlman (right)
The Internet home of B. Daniel Blatt, America’s Dumbest Homosexual™, has been, since sometime yesterday afternoon, all Ken Mehlman, all the time. Dan has been littering his own site with school-girl mash notes to Ken and has been practicing signing his name “Mrs. B. Daniel Mehlman” on every scrap of paper he could find.
Even better for Dan than finding out that a gay person he has a crush on is Republican is for Dan to find out that a Republican he has a crush on is GAY! As far as Dan is concerned, Mehlman’s conversion on the road to Targé is as close to the homocon rapture as it gets, with the good homocons being whisked away to a paradise of tax cuts and no gay marriage, while us evil homolibs are left behind spluttering and fuming and wondering where all five homocons on earth went.
Of course, it doesn’t take a rocket scientist to see the spin that Danny will put on the Great Revelation (more accurately described as the “Great Yawn-Worthy Confirmation Of What Everyone But Dan And Ken’s Mother Knew”). We’ll hear that this is proof that there’s no contradiction between being gay and Republican. We’ll also hear that Ken will find more acceptance from the five other homocons on the planet than from all the mean homolibs. And we’ll hear that there are more important things than gay marriage (a distant hope for Dan) including huge tax cuts (again a rather moot point for the jobless Blatt).
Dan’s first response to learning that Mehlman is just like Dan (except that Mehlman has worked most of his life and Dan never has) was “BREAKING: Ken Mehlman Comes Out” in which Dan wonders whether he might get a tug of the ol’ pud from Ken:
Let’s see, he’s Jewish, he’s a Republican, he’s good-looking in a nerdy kind of way. So, my only question is, is he single?
Sadly, Dan, he is “single” because he’s gay, and both he and you have done what you can to support the people fighting gay marriage. Ken was even Bush’s campaign manager when the campaign cooked up, with Karl Rove, the idea of putting gay-marriage referendums on state ballots to bring out the neanderthal evangelical vote to vote against gay marriage and for George Bush. So, yes, Dan, Ken is “single,” but I doubt that even he is either so single or so desperate that he would entertain the idea of sex with you.
And what Dan post would be complete without yet another fuckup caused Dan’s trademarked inability to edit the stuff that he writes. Dan quotes Ken saying that he wondered why gays worried about stupid shit like equal rights rather than the War on Terror, and then Dan blarts out this hilarious Freudian slip (now corrected):
“Ken Mehlman & the Politicization of Gay Identity” was Dan’s next post on all things Ken. Here our homocon Aristotle muses about how poorly Ken Mehlman will be mistreated by the homolibs because of his political beliefs. Dan backs this up, in yet another unintentionally comic gaffe, with a link to a post by White Supremacist John Stacey McCain. In the linked post, McCain calls Mehlman a “drama queen,” refers to Mehlman as “she,” and says that gay Republicans annoy him because they are bossy, narcissistic “drama queens” who do nothing but embarrass the manly men in the GOP. Now that is what I call a warm welcome from the right! I suppose in defense of McCain, at least he didn’t call Mehlman a fag or make any Hershey Highway jokes, which means, in GOP terms, that McCain is totally down with the gays.
And that brings us to Dan’s third post on Mehlman: “W: ‘Incredibly Supportive’ when learning Mehlman was gay.” Did I miss something here? Did George Bush make a public announcement of support for Mehlman’s long-delayed confession that he actually liked to play hide the sausage with other guys? I suppose that “incredibly supportive” here means “incredibly supportive for a Republican,” which, in turn, means Bush waited until Ken left the room before calling Mehlman “Helium Heels” and doing an imitation of his lisp.
I had sworn that I was going to write nothing further on the triumphalist Ground Zero Mega-Mosque, basketball court, culinary institute, bomb-making factory and Christian interrogation and torture center slated to be built four inches away from where the base of the North Tower of the World Trade Center once stood. Then I stumbled across Jonah’s latest word jumble and hog-call transcription in the Los Angeles Times.
Jonah’s column was apparently written by an iPhone app that can take the “blacks are the real racists” meme, create suitable variations for disfavored groups of choice and then string all the resulting sentences together until they reach the 750 words required for an op-ed.
Here’s a thought: The 70% of Americans who oppose what amounts to an Islamic Niketown two blocks from ground zero are the real victims of a climate of hate.
Well, calling it a “thought” is perhaps a bit of an exaggeration. Brain fart, too, seems generous.
[A]nd anti-Muslim backlash is mostly a myth. … Regardless, 2001 was the zenith or, looked at through the prism of our national shame, the nadir of the much-discussed anti-Muslim backlash in the United States. The following year, the number of anti-Islamic hate-crime incidents (overwhelmingly, nonviolent vandalism and nasty words) dropped to 155. In 2003, there were 149 such incidents. And the number has hovered around the mid-100s or lower ever since.
Because, you see, only violence and vandalism counts. Koran-burning, mosque protests, calls for banning all mosque construction, and claims that Islam is a religion of violence are just, you know, a little bit of joshing and teasing all meant as good clean fun and nothing more. Certainly not “Islamophobia.”
In 2001, there were twice as many anti-Jewish incidents as there were anti-Muslim, again according to the FBI. In 2002 and pretty much every year since, anti-Jewish incidents have outstripped anti-Muslim ones by at least 6 to 1.
Since Jews outnumber Muslims by about 3 to 1, which Jonah somehow neglects to mention, I’m not quite clear that these figures mean anything, particularly given the relatively small number of incidents involved for both groups. And these figures don’t mean anything at all if there are, and there likely are, any differences between the willingness of the two groups to report hate crimes.
But here’s the inevitable spin we’ve been waiting for since the first sentence of Goldberg’s column
But if you watch TV or movies or read, say, the op-ed page of the New York Times — never mind left-wing blogs — you’ll hear much more open bigotry toward evangelical Christians (in blogspeak, the “Taliban wing of the Republican Party”) than you will toward Muslims.
As a result there has been a groundswell in a campaign to end the building of megachurches in the United States. And the New York Times has been calling for evangelicals to be subject to broader screening at airports. Many evangelicals are so intimidated by this open bigotry against them that they are afraid to go shopping or leave their homes. Just yesterday, a taxicab passenger asked the driver if he was Christian, and when the driver said that he was, the passenger stabbed him. CNN reports that Christians at the anti-Mosque demonstration in New York were severely beaten by a mob of Muslims.
And what wingnut meditation on prejudice and intolerance would be complete without the complaint that liberals are intolerant of intolerance?
And now, thanks to the “ground zero mosque” story, we are again discussing America’s Islamophobia, which, according to Time magazine, is just another chapter in America’s history of intolerance. When, pray tell, will Time magazine devote an issue to its, and this administration’s, intolerance of the American people?
Of course, the inevitable question here is when, pray tell, will Jonah devote a column to his intolerance of intolerance of intolerance?
Jean-David Ruisseaux, Self Portrait with Pretty Hat
(c. 1776) (crayola on white drywall)
Shorter David Brooks, New York Times
A Case of Mental Courage
ABOVE: Dennis Prager’s NAMBLA profile pic.
Shorter Dennis Prager, Clown Hall
For the Left, Opponents Cannot Have Decent Motives
Shorter Tim Graham, Newsblusterers
‘So-called Gay Mafia’ Adding Bias to the New York Times
*Yes, this multi-layered pun is a sly homage to the fact that Tim Graham bears a striking resemblance to Fred Flintstone, even if way less hot than Fred. It would be irresponsible for me not to speculate that Tim’s idea of foreplay is to run around the bedroom in leopardskin-patterned boxer shorts yelling “Yabba-dabba-do!”
ABOVE: Erick Erickson demonstrates his true expertise
Shorter Irky Irksome, Red
StateScare
By Faith: I Am Proud of Franklin Graham
Shorter Peter Wehner, Kommentar Zeitschrift
Time Magazine’s Slander of America
